Lost Heaven, Part One: Awakening
by Kolie
Summary: Do you believe in angels? What about demons? And the kingdoms of Akari and Kurai? You were raised to believe that they were nothing more than mere fairy tales, but a rude awakening proved to me that they were much more. [RikuxSora, AxelxRoxas, LeonxCloud]
1. Prologue: To Whom It May Concern

This is part one of a three part series titled _Lost Heaven_.

WARNINGS: This will eventually become a yaoi…just so you're warned. This part of the series will contain some vivid descriptions of child abuse and SI in the first few chapters...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters or worlds from _Kingdom Hearts_, they belong to Square Enix and Disney…

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_There is only one thing that I want more than life itself, and that is peace. I've only been involved in this ongoing war between what is known as "good" and "evil" for a year now, a meaningless span of time compared to those who have spent their entire lives immersed in this battle for redemption and salvation._

_Yet, people who have grown old knowing nothing but war, pain, and destruction know how to do nothing else. They don't know what peace feels like. They don't know how amazing it feels to wake up in the morning and take a deep breath of air, ready to get out and make new discoveries. New discoveries could be what kill their entire race. They wake up in the morning and thank the gods above that they and their families are alive and able to breathe for at least one more day._

_It's a never-ending vicious cycle._

_I _will_ end it._

_That is my promise to them._

_I was never given the chance to pick a side in this war. I was shoved into the side of "good" because of a prophecy that had been stored in a book for hundreds of years; a prophecy that my mates sought to make false. After seventeen years of knowing nothing but a pain filled mortal life, I was made into an almost immortal creature that defied all laws of nature. I was the only one who could wield the blade of an ancient angel who shared my name, the angel who had been put to death by his own court for treason and betrayal._

_Yet, before I tell you my story, I have a few questions to ask._

_Do you believe in angels?_

_Well, what about demons?_

_A funny concept I know, and probably something you've asked yourself or been asked a hundred times in the past._

_But, really._

Angels?

Demons?

_They can't possibly exist…_

_Can they?_

_I never would have believed it if my life hadn't have been thrown right into the center of the war between the sides. The angels of Akari versus the demons of Kurai, or was it the other way around? I had no idea. I was thrown headlong into the war on the side of the angels, my last name ripped away from me, and because of the stupid prophecy, damned to fight against someone I loved._

_It all started with a poor, pitiful suicide attempt, and the pain that followed; building up until thge memories could hold themselves back no longer._

_With your affirmative reply will come a generous supply of knowledge from what seems to be a never-ending supply of pain and suffering._

_My greatest regards,  
__**Sora Leonheart  
**__Angelic Prince of Akari, Seraph, and, above all else, __Human_

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I have up to chapter seven of this story done and if you want more I'll try to post one chapter per week. I'm hoping that will give me enough time to work on the rest of the story so I always have something done when it's time to post. I'm _hoping_...

Thank you for reading and please review and tell me what you think. It'll be very much appreciated, especially since I've been working on this story pretty much non-stop for the past couple of months now..._::hugs::_...


	2. Chapter One: Never Seems to End

WARNINGS: naughty language…angst…SI…(yes, this story will contain self-injury, but not even close to the same extent as "ILaH" did, trust me)…

**Disclaimer:** The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Disney and Square Enix…not me…

"_I wish I had what it takes  
I wish someone would give me a break  
Why does everything have to be so complicated?_

_If everything would go my way  
When the hurt inside would go away  
I could not give my life again  
But it never seems  
Seems to end  
No, it never seems to end…"_

—"_Never Seems to End" MxPx…_

**Chapter One:  
Never Seems to End…**

It fell from the sky. A brilliant mass of pure white light that spread across the entire city, flashing into every dark street corner and dilapidated apartment in the city. It was so perfect—so immaculate—that it could have only been something sent from Heaven…

But, like yesterday and the day before, I seemed to be the only one to notice it, this beautiful ball of innocence. The busy people who passed me on the street went on with their hectic days as if nothing had ever happened. They talked into their cell phones in quick hushed voices and cursed at me for standing in the middle of the sidewalk and blocking their ways. I was nothing but an annoyance to them, but their words barely registered in my mind. I stood with a look of amazement on my face as my eyes watched the comet-like light streak across the sky.

In less than two minutes, it was gone. The light didn't flicker or fade away; it just disappeared without a trace, like it had ever existed. Maybe it really didn't exist. Those who passed me on the street never noticed or acknowledged the light… Maybe I was finally beginning to go crazy like everyone had predicted that I would. I couldn't be sure, but somewhere in my gut I knew that the light was real. I wasn't crazy.

Sighing, I tore my eyes from the sky and returned them to the sidewalk where they had started and restarted my walk home. I didn't have to walk with my head up anymore to know when the comet was coming. It came on the same time everyday. I didn't even need to check my watch for the time anymore. Almost as if it were on instinct, my head would lift and my eyes would watch the bright light dance across the sky before it disappeared.

The rest of my walk passed with no excitement. My feet led the way while I wandered through a different world, one that was far away from the planet Earth and all of its inhabitants. And when I slept at night, I dreamt of a world where I was free to do as I wished. A beautiful silver-haired angel was always there to keep me company, pain shining in their brilliant sea green eyes.

"I'm home," I muttered as I walked through the front door.

My mother looked around the corner from the kitchen with a broad smile on her face. "Sora, honey! How was your day?" She walked out into the entryway of our home with her arms held before her and embraced me.

I didn't make the effort to hug her back. I kept my arms limp at my sides and stared ahead at the wall as she squeezed me to her. She sensed my standoffishness and let me go, giving me a small half-hearted smile.

"Well. I hope that your day was good, sweetie. Supper's on the stove so I'll call you when it's done, alright?"

"Sure." I stepped out of my shoes and walked past her with the barest of glances as I made my way up the staircase with my backpack thrown haphazardly over my shoulder.

I collapsed onto my bed the second I was alone in my bedroom and buried my face into my pillow, my thoughts circling around everything and nothing all at the same time.

I was beginning to grow tired with everyday life. Each day I was forced to wander the world was Hell. Each day I was forced to watch the people around me live in happiness was Hell. There was only one person who I could ever trust and he was increasingly harder and harder to find, spending almost every waking moment with his girlfriend.

Roxas was my best friend and had been since I could remember. It had always just been the two of us until Naminé had come along, not that I really minded blonde girl. It was just that I missed the private conversations Roxas and I used to have about everything that was happening around us. The only time we were ever alone anymore was on our walks to and from school. But I knew that Naminé wasn't making Roxas spend every second with him. That was just the way that Roxas was: quiet, full of angst…and completely devoted to those he cared about the most.

I sighed and rolled onto my back so I could stare at the ceiling and breathe a little easier. Life was just too troublesome. There were many days when I thought about suicide as an escape from the things I constantly had to deal with, but I was too weak to go through with my plans. Sometime while I was gathering the balls to go through with it, there was always the smallest flicker of my mom's smile and Roxas' sad face when he found out what I had done. I couldn't do it to them. It would be the epitome of unfairness, no matter how much pain I was in.

So, I went along with life and the things that were deemed necessary to throw at me, waiting until the moment when no one would care. When that time came—when I was finally alone—I would do what needed to be done and erase my existence from the world.

But, until that day came I was happy with the minor relief from my pain that I got by hurting myself. It had first happened as an accident, a skinned knee on the sidewalk after tripping over my own feet, but had quickly escalated to something more. As I'd watched the blood well up in the wound and spill over, I was filled with a sense of freedom that I had never felt before. It was empty, pure, numb…_bliss_… I couldn't get enough of it. My secret addiction had almost spun out of control two months later, but I had somehow managed to regain the control before I was found out. It had been a close call and I'd been careful with it ever since then. Nothing good would come out of being caught.

I sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day and pushed myself up from my bed. I dug around in my closet for a clean pair of pajamas and grabbed my CD case from my desk on the way out the door. I debated on shouting to my mom that I was taking a shower but decided against it. She would hear the water running.

I closed myself in the bathroom and started a lukewarm shower. I dropped my clean clothes on the side of the sink and threw a towel from under the sink on top of the toilet. Before I shed my clothes, I unzipped my CDs and flipped the case open to the middle where I hid my blades, bandages, and antiseptic cream from prying eyes. I pulled a particularly sharp Exact-O knife from the plastic and set it on the edge of the bathtub. Only then did I pull off my clothes and climb into the tub.

The spray of water felt good against my tensed muscles. I sighed as I stuck my head beneath the water and washed my hair thoroughly. I washed the rest of myself quickly, making sure to get all those special places a mom listed off before their child took their first bath or shower alone. When I was finished, I slid down the back wall of the shower and quickly found my favorite spot. The water kept me warm and wet but it didn't get in my eyes and blind me.

I rested the back of my head against the wall and let my eyes drift closed, my hand reaching out blindly to the side of the bathtub until it closed around the cold handle of the Exact-O knife. I pulled it into the shower and, without bothering to open my eyes, pressed the cool tip of the blade against the skin at the inside of my arm. With a deep outtake of air, I pressed down and drug it across my arm, the barest of hisses slipping past my lips.

The relief came almost immediately, stealing over my senses and leaving me in an almost incapacitated state. For the first time that day my breathing evened out and the muscles the water hadn't worked on loosened. I was calm, but I wouldn't say that I was collected.

My eyes opened and I watched the small stream of red tinged water as it ran down my arm and to the drain. It hadn't been a very deep cut so the blood flow under the water didn't last for very long. I wanted oh-so-badly to do it again, but I knew that there would be no turning back if I did it. One cut was never enough. I _always_ wanted more. But I was so afraid of losing control after my last incident that I fought the urge to give into my masochistic addiction.

I turned the water off with my foot and sat in the bottom of the bathtub until I felt like an ice cube. I dried myself with the towel and pulled on my clean boxers, pajama pants, and T-shirt before drying the Exact-O knife and stuffing it back into my CD case. When I made sure that everything was decent I left the bathroom, flicking the light switch off when I left.

"Supper's ready, Sora!" I heard my mom shout from the kitchen.

I groaned as I dropped my things off in my room, but went straight downstairs. Though I knew she really didn't care for me, I had never been able to deny my mother anything since my father's death three years before. Someone in this house deserved to have at least a shred of happiness, and it wasn't me.

I trudged into the kitchen and took my place at the table, giving my mom a bare hint of a smile when she looked up at me. I took a long, deep drink from my glass of water before diving into my spaghetti. The way I saw it, the sooner this dinner was over, the better. That light was shining in Mom's eyes again and I wanted to get away before it exploded.

**o-o-o-o-o**

I stared angrily at my reflection, the water I had splashed on my face dripping from my chin to splash across the faux marble countertop. My eyes were still slightly bloodshot from crying and my hair was still mused from falling asleep. I fingered the small cut on my right cheek with gentle fingers, using my eyes to take notice of every new bruise. I sighed when I was done counting. Thirteen. Well, it definitely hadn't been her worst night.

As I had predicted she would, my mom lashed out at me when dinner was finished. She was at the sink and I was feeding our black Lab, Mister Bojangles, when a glass had smashed against the wall not six inches from my head. I jumped and turned just in time to have her hands clamp around my throat, but I didn't flinch. I stared her straight in the eye, daring her to go further. She'd released her hands and slapped me so hard I fell over. The side of my face hit the corner of the kitchen counter, cutting me and sending me into a half unconscious state.

I don't know what had happened after that, just that I'd woken a while later and somehow managed to make it back to my room. I'd collapsed on to my bed and cried myself to sleep.

Shaking my head to rid it of the memory, I splashed another handful of water on my face and patted it dry. I dug around in the drawer until I found my other stash of blades. I unzipped the small, faux leather manicure pouch and pulled out an industrial razor blade. I smiled at my fuzzy reflection on the blade before closing my eyes and taking it to my arm fifteen times; one for every bruise, two for every cut.

I quickly cleaned the wounds with cold water, not bothering to cover them with bandages, and replaced the blade in the pouch and shoved it back into its hiding spot at the back of the drawer. I cast one last glance back at my reflection before flicking off the light and leaving the bathroom in darkness and returning to my bedroom.

I was greeted Mister Bojangles, his tail wagging a hundred miles a minute like it always did. I smiled at him and patted his head gently as I closed and locked the door behind me, the only way to keep my mother away from me for just a little while.

I flopped backwards on to my bed, staring at the rays of light from passing cars that managed to sneak past my shades and pulled curtains. Bo jumped on to the bed and curled into a small ball at my side, taking up more than half of my bed with his size. The loud sound of the chorus to The Used's "Blue and Yellow" violently pulled me out of my small moment of peace. I sighed and grabbed the phone from its place on my bedside table. I groaned when I checked the caller ID but answered anyway.

"What, Roxas?"

"Am I not allowed to call my best friend anymore?" His voice was like mine—dry and stoic—yet he had more going for him than I could ever dream.

I sighed and checked the clock. "Not at two-thirty in the morning, you're not. I need my beauty sleep, remember?"

He laughed quietly. Yes, we were so alike it was scary. We had the same interests in everything, had the same personality, had the same birthday… Hell, we looked like twins for godssakes. There was only one difference between us and it was something only I could point out. His happiness was genuine. Mine was a façade, a wall built up to keep him and other from worrying about me or turning me into the school counselor.

"I was just worried," he muttered. "You said that you'd call me when you got home but you never did."

"I'm a big boy, Roxas. I can walk home from work by myself," I said with a heavy sigh. "One day without you there to hold my hand wasn't going to kill me."

"Could you stop being an ass and take me seriously?" he growled. "Geez, Sora. You're acting like I asked you to kill someone or something."

"Could you stop being a mother hen and live a day without worrying about me?" I muttered.

He laughed. "When you prove to me that I don't have to worry, that's the day that I'll stop."

"I'm going back to sleep now. I'll see you in the morning, and I'll make sure to wait so you can hold my hand when we cross the street, Mommy."

"Asshole," I heard him growl before I snapped my phone closed and turned it off so he couldn't call back. I had learned all of his tricks by now, as I was sure he had learned most of mine, and I wasn't going to let him wake me up.

Sighing, I snuggled down into my blankets and closed my eyes, letting sleep overcome me and carry me off to the one place I felt I belonged.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Morning was the same old routine. I grumbled curses under my breath as I climbed out of bed five minutes after my alarm had woken me up and gathered some clean clothes so I could take a quick shower. I pulled my clothes on slowly when I was finished, not leaving the bathroom until I heard the front door close as my mom left for work. Then, I snuck back to my bedroom and dropped off my clothes, grabbing my backpack, before begrudgingly making my way downstairs.

I let Bo out the back door so he could play while I was at school, then grabbed a bottle of orange juice from the fridge and headed for the front door. Roxas would be here any minute. I slipped into my shoes and shrugged on my jacket just as he knocked on the door. I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair and pulled open the door.

Roxas stood there with a half-frown, half-smile on his face, like usual. His blonde hair was in messy spikes, though it would never be as spikey as mine, and his blue eyes were cold but soft, as they always were when he looked at me.

"G'Morning, Sunshine."

I rolled my eyes and pulled the door closed behind me. He watched me in silence as I locked the door and kept his silence as we started our daily walk to school, but it didn't last for long.

"Sorry I called you so late," he muttered.

I shrugged. "Whatever. It's cool. I wasn't asleep anyway."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Did you sleep after I called? You don't look too good."

I shrugged again. "Off and on. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a while, you know that."

"I never hurts to ask."

I rolled my eyes and shoved my hands deep into my pockets, searching my mind for a change of topic. I seized the change when it came to me. "How's Maho doing? I haven't been over in a while."

"She's the same as always. Loud and obnoxious, but she's been working a lot lately so I haven't seen her much."

"…and you've been spending your every waking moment with Naminé." He glared at me and I smiled. "Tell me something. How did you convince her to give you the freedom to walk with me in the mornings and afternoons?"

"She doesn't have control over what I do, Sora. Naminé's not that kind of person. You should know that."

I shrugged. "Sometimes it seems like she does."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes and got serious. "Forget that. How have things been with you lately? Have you…you know…seen anything lately?"

I laughed. Another thing I couldn't help but love about Roxas. Though the things that I saw and the things that tended to happen around me were completely unbelievable, he had found a place in his heart to not judge me because of it. He may not believe in what happened, but he never told me to shut up and let it go like everyone else had, either.

Among many other things, I had confided in Roxas about the comet I saw in the sky at twilight everyday on my way home from work. I swore that I saw something flash in his eyes when I had brought it up, but I never mentioned it to him, blaming the sight on a trick of the light or something instead. But he had never denied nor admitted that he'd seen the comet. It made me wonder sometimes.

"People around us die everyday, Roxas. Of course I've seen things."

He rolled his eyes. "I meant out of the ordinary."

"Nothing's out of the ordinary for me anymore." I sighed. "What's it matter to you anyway? Are you bored and looking for some action? Don't come to me if that's the case 'cause I won't help you."

"I was just wondering," he grumbled under his breath.

I shook my head and released a deep sigh as we stepped onto school grounds. _3…2…1…_

"Roxas!" Seemingly out of nowhere, Naminé latched onto my friend's arm and planted a kiss on his cheek.

He sighed and grumbled something under his breath, giving me a look of desperation. I shrugged and offered him a small smile in return to his glare as she dragged him away.

"See you in English, Sora!" he shouted, and then he was gone. And I was alone again.

I ran a hand back through my hair and wove my way through the crowd of people who were unloading from the school buses until I was inside. The hallways weren't quite deserted but they were quieter than the world beyond the school walls where the kids gathered until the bell rang that forced them inside. Those who wandered the halls around me complained to one another about having to get up so early to go to school, as if it they would enjoy school more if they were able to go at a later time. I tried my hardest to ignore them.

I was the kind of person who didn't like school, but didn't hate it either. It aggravated me that I had to get up so early, but I would much rather be in school than home alone. When I was alone, I started to think, so I liked the constant bustle of school because it kept my mind busy. A constant distraction… And being able to spend time with Roxas was a plus. I never would have met him if it hadn't been for school.

I sighed as I reached my locker and put in my combination. I pulled open the door and threw in my backpack, dropping my books into the bottom in any order. I was usually a more organized person but today I didn't care. When the hall around me started to fill with loud people, I grabbed my books for the my first hour class and left. I may have liked the distraction, but I didn't enjoy the noise one bit. It annoyed me… People annoyed me.

I was in a different world when I walked to class, my mind reeling around things that were more important than the world around me. Before I knew it, I was in my seat at the back of the classroom with my book open in front of me. No matter how many times it happened, things like that made me jump and set my heart racing. It was almost like I had had no control over the situation. I could have killed someone! Alright, overexaggeration, but it still scared me a bit.

"G'Morning, Sora!"

I mentally groaned at the sound of that voice. That oh-so-annoying voice that seemed to follow me everywhere. I put on my best fake smile and looked up.

"Hey, Kairi. Good morning."

The redhead giggled and plopped down into the seat in front of me. She kept her smile on her lips and faced me.

"How was your night? Anything interesting happen?"

"All I did was work and you go to spend that joyous time with me."

"Oh yeah!" she giggled.

I groaned. Yes, I go to school and work everyday with _that_. But that was an overexaggeration too. She usually wasn't quite that bad. She was a girl. Girls giggled, smiled all the time, and pestered you to date them, even after you had kindly turned them down three times. Okay, maybe not _all_ girls were like that, but this one was. Unfortunately, she had never told me where she worked before I got a job at the restaurant I had now worked at for two years.

Kairi really was a nice girl; too nice sometimes. But I had also had the joy of witnessing her angry side. Thankfully, I hadn't been on the receiving end of that bout of anger because it had been ugly. She had made the poor guy break down and run away. To be honest, I had laughed at him and been the one to calm Kairi down. It had been quite comical.

The classroom around us gradually began to fill with students, shattering the semi-silence that had settled around me. They slouched down into their seats and pulled out their books before breaking into loud chatter.

"Have you seen the new seniors yet, Sora?"

I blinked and turned my attention back onto Kairi. "Hm…?"

"The new seniors. Have you seen them yet?"

"Uh-uh," I said, shaking my head. "Should I have?"

She giggled quietly and a pretty pink blush bloomed across her cheeks. "I dunno. I just figured I would ask since it's what everyone's talking about. But you never pay attention to everyone else, do you?"

I shook my head. "They bore me."

"Well these new kids seem rather interesting," she said with a frown, turning in the Kairi I managed to like most of the time.

"If you think pretty and creepy is interesting…"

I looked to my right just as Hayner settled into his seat, Pence settling down into the desk in front of him. The blonde smirked at me and waved.

"Top of the mornin' to ya, Sora."

I rolled my eyes. "What do you mean by 'pretty and creepy'? Are they really?"

He shrugged and slouched down in his chair. "They're both pretty. One has long, spikey red hair and a catlike face. The other's hair is silver and long and he looks like a girl. And the way that they carry themselves is just creepy. It'll send a shiver down your spine when you see 'em, trust me."

Kairi made a small scoffing noise and pulled my attention back to her. "They're not _that_ creepy looking, Hayner. Overdramtic, much?"

He snorted. "Overbearing much?"

The girl growled under her breath and turned away from Hayner haughtily. I would say that the two hated each other, but I think there was something more to it. At least I hoped that there was something more to it, especially if it would get Kairi off my back for a while.

I laughed. "So you think they're creepy because of their hair?" I laughed again. "Oookay. I guess it makes sense coming from someone with such plain hair as you, right?"

The blonde scowled at me and turned to face the board as the teacher came strolling into the classroom fifteen minutes late, as usual. The class came to a screeching quiet. It happened so fast that I could hear it ringing in my ears.

"Good morning, guys! Ready for another grand day at Twilight Town High?!"

Everyone around me groaned. I laughed and received several incredulous looks in the process. The teacher chuckled and clapped to draw the attention back onto him.

"At least I know that someone in here has a sense of humor." He laughed and winked jokingly at me. "Anyway, if you all have your papers on the social myth you picked, please pass them forward so I can collect them. If not, then don't give me excuses and bring it tomorrow for a dropped letter grade."

I groaned as the rest of the class started to dig through their folders for their papers. I had completely forgotten about the assignment…again. Great. I was already failing the class. Kairi turned to me with her paper in her hand, holding her free one out for my paper.

"Forget about it," I said with a small smile.

She frowned and shook her head, giving me her "We'll talk about this later" look. I sighed when she turned back to face the front of the room. I didn't want to sit through yet another speech from Kairi about how important it was for me to get through school with good grades so I could get into a good college when next year came around. I really didn't care about it either way.

I sighed again and flipped open to the first clean page in my notebook as the teacher began to talk again. It wasn't long before my concentration waned and I was doodling in the margins of the page. If I came up with a good enough excuse, Kairi would make me a copy of her notes on our way to lunch, anyway, so why pay attention?

I traced over my drawing for the third time. It was a face…the angel from my dreams with long silver hair and beautiful green eyes. The one person who understood and didn't judge me because of the things I did and saw. I only wished they were real…

**o-o-o-o-o**

Lunch. For most kids in school, the sound of the bell ringing that set them free for that glorious half an hour was like hearing a hundred angels singing in Paradise. For those of you who haven't learned it yet, I wasn't like most kids in school. I hated lunch. I hated standing in the line for twenty of those thirty minutes of freedom. I hated being asked questions for five minutes after I finally got my food and sat down at the table. I hated having to shovel my food down in breakneck speed before the bell rang. I hated pushing my way through the crowd that rushed to the trash cans to dump their trays. I hated having to go back to class. I hated lunch…in high school, anyway.

But today, by some random miracle, Roxas and I had made it to the cafeteria before the rush came in. We were only in line for ten minutes before we got our food and settled down at our table, shoveling down our French fries bathed in ketchup and cheese pizza that tasted exactly the way that it looked, like a piece of cardboard with glue slathered across the top.

I was done before Roxas, like usual. I never had to eat much before I was full. I built a Lincoln Log-esque house out of my French fries while I waited for him to take that last bite of pizza and wash it down with a mouth full of Mountain Dew. He sighed when he was finished and wiped stray pizza sauce from the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

"How can you eat that shit?" I muttered, barely glancing at him out of the corner of my eye as I continued building my cabin.

He chuckled. "All I have to do is imagine that it's a piece of Papa John's pizza and it's all good. But the aftertaste gives it away." He licked the roof of his mouth and frowned in disgust, taking a long drink from his Mountain Dew.

I shook my head. "You're insane, you know that, right?"

He shrugged and smiled. "You wouldn't like me if I wasn't. Normal people bore you, remember?"

"People in general bore me, you know that."

He chuckled. "You're a piece of work."

I shrugged and continued building my house. It was going rather well and I was almost to the point of attempting a roof when someone rammed into the table and sent the fries spilling across the table. I growled and looked up to see who I was going to have to kill and immediately froze when our eyes made contact.

It was _him_…the angel from my dreams. He was here. He was…_real_. I shook my head and blinked a couple of times to clear my head, but no…he was still there. Long, shining silver hair and brilliant green eyes that were the color of the ocean. There was no denying the resemblance. But something was off. Something about this person was different than the kind person I saw in my dreams. Something in their eyes was different. They were colder, darker…meaner. His gaze made me shiver.

My dream friend's doppelganger smirked and continued on his way past the table. I watched his back as he walked, my eyes slowly narrowing to slits as my anger increased. He sat down at a table with another guy with fire engine red hair. The redhead glanced in my direction and smirked before turning to the silver-haired guy and talking to him.

Hatred surged through my veins, and it scared me a little bit. I hated these two people and I didn't even know their names? It wasn't like me to be so irrational. Maybe he had just run into the table on accident. And it wasn't like I had been building something important, really… But, no. Whether I was building a French fry cabin or scale model of the Eiffel Tower, he had run into the table on purpose. That smirk he'd given me was proof enough of that.

"Asshole," I muttered under my breath.

"His name is Riku Himura, and the guy with him is Axel Himura. They're in my English class."

I blinked and turned my attention back to Roxas. "They're…brothers?"

He shrugged and took a sip from his Mountain Dew. "Who knows? One of them is probably adopted, but it's not like we can just ask, right? That would be just a little rude."

"Like him running into the table and knocking over my cabin wasn't rude…"

Roxas laughed. "So _that's_ what you were building."

I growled quietly and glared at him. "What the hell did you think I was building? The Tahj Mahal or something? I mean God…"

I let my sentence trail off and my eyes roamed back across the cafeteria to where Riku and Axel sat in conversation. Axel was gesturing wildly about something while Riku just shook his head. I swear I saw Riku's eyes flick over to me in the briefest of gestures—felt my muscles stiffen like I had been shocked—but I can't be sure. All I knew was that I hated them both. But I hated Riku and his pretty hair more.

"Do you know Riku? You looked like you recognized him at first," Roxas asked.

I shrugged. "He just looks like someone I used to know," I muttered. "But I was wrong. It's not him. They're completely different people."

Roxas sighed and nodded and we fell into silence. I blinked and checked the clock that hung between the entrances to the two separate lunch lines. Five minutes were left to go and there was still a line of people who were waiting to eat. I felt sorry for their poor souls, though eating nothing was probably better than stomaching the nasty dough and cheese concoction the school considered pizza.

Just then, I noticed that something was missing. I could have smacked myself for not noticing the absence of the annoyance sooner.

"Where's Naminé? Did she skip lunch today or something?"

Roxas shrugged. "She left during English. Said something about not feeling well or something." He shrugged again. "I'll call her later tonight. She's probably just having female problems or something like that."

I snorted and shook my head. "Yeah…hopefully…"

I set to the task of picking up the scattered fries, munching on a few here and there as I gathered them. The bell signaling the end of lunch rang soon after I was finished. Roxas and I gathered our trays and pushed and shoved our ways to the trash cans to dump them off. We then managed to squeeze out of the crowd and push through the double doors to the lobby without a scratch.

The hallways were crowded with people rushing to their lockers to get their books and to their fourth hour class before the second bell rang and they would be late. I didn't care, and neither did Roxas. We took our sweet time getting to our lockers and gathering our books, and didn't spend any time worrying about being late on our walk to class. The bell rang while we were still in the hall, but we didn't run. It didn't matter.

We slipped into our fourth hour AP chemistry class five minutes late, but the teacher wasn't even there yet. I groaned as I noticed the lab stations around the room were set up with beakers, flasks and test tubes. I had forgotten that we were going to be doing a lab. I hated labs. I understood the mathematical work we had to do in class, but when it came to labs I always drew a blank. That's where I relied on Roxas as the brains. And thankfully he seemed to have plenty to go around.

Roxas elbowed me in the side and directed my attention toward our seats with a nod of his head. My eyes almost fell out of my head when I saw Riku and Axel sitting in the back row of the class, in the seats right beside where Roxas and I sat. And, of course, Riku had to be in the seat next to mine. And, of course again, our lab partners were always broken into rows, which meant that Riku and Axel would be joining Roxas and me in our magical chemistry experience for the day…and every day that followed for the rest of the school year.

I wanted to beat my head against a wall.

Instead, I obeyed Roxas' nudge in my back and led the way to our seats, doing my best to ignore Riku as I settled down into my seat. Even after I was sitting, I kept my eyes locked on the board and refused to talk to Roxas, which annoyed the blonde quite a bit. My day hadn't really been that great to begin with, but now it was officially dead.

The teacher waltzed into the room five minutes later with a Diet Coke in his hand and a smile on his face. I couldn't help but to glare at him. Bastard. Not really, though. My AP chemistry teacher was one of three teachers that I actually liked out of the seven I had daily. He was lenient and had a dry sense of humor. He also liked to play video games and didn't care about who knew it. That was a total plus in my book.

"'Afternoon, guys," he said as he settled into his chair in the front of the class. "For those of you who didn't remember because you didn't do your lab write-up, you have a lab to do today. All the chemicals are in the usual places. I've already set out the materials you'll need."

Everyone started to get up from their seats so they could start their work. Roxas and I froze when he called our names.. "Sora, Roxas…you'll be working with Riku and Axel. Be nice." He looked at me in particular. "Now go… And don't forget to wear your goggles."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my lab book and notebook from my desk before trudging over to our lab station, Roxas following me closely behind. I was thoroughly annoyed. No. I was beyond annoyed. This was bullshit! It was like the gods were rebelling against me for something I didn't do. What could I have possibly done to deserve this?

"Let's get this over with," Roxas muttered and flipped his lab book open to the page with the instructions for what we were supposed to do.

Someone in the vicinity of Riku and Axel chuckled, and Roxas glared at them, his eyes like ice.

"You two could do something useful instead of acting like complete assholes," he spat.

"Watch your language, Roxas!" the teacher muttered.

Axel chuckled and smirked at the blonde. I saw something flash behind Roxas' eyes, but it was covered up with hatred too quickly for me to name it.

"Come on, Sora. I'll get the chemicals if you clean the flasks out." Roxas grabbed a couple of beakers and a pair of goggles and headed toward the station laden with chemicals.

I checked the book and grabbed the three Erlenmeyer flasks we would be needing so I could clean them out. The water from the faucet was ice cold, but the soap smelled good, if that means anything. I swirled the water around in the flasks until I was sure they were clean. Then, I dumped the water and filled them with distilled water to rinse the soap and any other impurities out.

"You know your stuff…"

I growled under my breath at the sound of that damned voice. There was a quiet laugh and a hot gust of air brushed past my ear. I jumped and dropped the flask I had been holding in my hand. It shattered across the table.

"Sora!" the teacher shouted. "Watch what you're doing!"

"Sorry," I muttered under my breath and glared at Riku.

He smiled at me and shrugged. "Having some problems? You should let me handle that before you break anything else."

"Fuck you!" I growled.

"Sora…" the teacher warned.

I turned on my heel and stormed out of the classroom, ignoring Roxas' pleas for me to stay. I couldn't stay. I couldn't work with someone who pissed me off so badly. But that wasn't the only reason. There was something about him that made my knees weak and my breathing difficult. It could have been his resemblance to the angel in my dreams, but I couldn't be too sure. He was more like the angel from my nightmares than anything else.

Riku and Axel… They were just too cool. The way they carried themselves and how they looked down upon others caused them to radiate a sort of authority, and everyone else seemed to listen. They wouldn't be so freakin' pompous of they didn't listen to them.

But that wasn't it either. It wasn't because Riku was cool or the fact that he looked like my dream angel. No… It was something completely different, and somewhere deep down inside, I knew what it was, but something else in me kept it hidden.

'_Fuck you, Riku. Fuck you and your pretty silver hair and pale turquoise eyes.'_ I stormed into the bathroom and kicked the nearest wall. _'Fuck you and…'_ I growled loudly. _'I'll never forgive you for what you did to me!'_

I slid down the wall and buried my head in my hands. For some reason, I was crying. Painful sobs were ripped from my chest as I slid sideways down the wall to lie on the floor, my cheek pressing against the cold linoleum.

"Sora!"

Quick footsteps tapped across the floor and I was lifted into someone's arms. I opened my eyes to see Roxas above me, a concerned look on his face.

"Sora…are you okay? You don't remember, do you?"

I choked on a sob when I tried to speak so I just shook my head. No, I didn't remember. I didn't know anything either, and it was driving me insane. Why was I filled with so much hatred when I looked at Riku? And why did he make me melt inside at the same time? It was completely illogical. It didn't make any fucking sense! I didn't understand!

Roxas made a quiet "sh"ing noise and ran a gentle hand through my hair while I continued my crying. I must have fallen asleep sometime after that because the next thing I met was the face of my angel. He was smiling, but his eyes were cold.

My dream-self sighed. "Riku…"

TBC…  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: Hurrah…so this is my second attempt at writing "Awakening." My first attempt was up to eight chapters before I realized that I wanted the first five or six chapters to be different than how they had turned out. So yeah…I started over… Yay!…

Anywhozits…review please and tell me what you think because I've put a lot of work into this story and I want to know how you all like it. It would be greatly appreciated…

_::hugs you all::_ Ja mata ne! 'Til next chapter, adieu…


	3. Chapter Two: Zero

Words in _italics_ are Sora's dreams…

WARNINGS: bad language…angst…SI…child abuse…

**Disclaimer:** The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney, not me…

"…_Emptiness is loneliness  
and loneliness is cleanliness  
and cleanliness is godliness  
and god is empty just like me._

_Intoxicated with the madness  
I'm in love with the sadness  
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms  
The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth…"_

—"_Zero" Smashing Pumpkins…_

**Chapter Two:  
Zero…**

_He stood in a pristine room. Everything was white. The walls, the desk, the chair, the bookshelves, even the hundreds of thousands of books that were stuffed on to the shelves were a perfectly untainted white. He loved it. Though he would have enjoyed a little more color, the room radiated innocence and purity._

_There were only two sources of color in the room. The first was a man and, though he wore a long white robe and his skin was almost as pale as the walls that surrounded him, his hair and beard were a magnificent shade of blonde and his eyes were a piercing gold, watching Sora's every movement. The second was his blonde-haired twin, whose magnificent black feathered wings stood out more than anything in the room._

_The brunet crossed the room to the armchairs that sat in front of the desk. He winked at his twin, who returned the gesture with a quick smile. Ansem the Wise, or DiZ as he liked to be called, sighed and steepled his fingers beneath his chin while he took his time choosing which armchair he would sit in for this "talk."_

_"Please take a seat, Sora. We don't have time to deal with your childish behavior at the moment."_

_He growled and plopped down into the nearest chair, his arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face. He had been unceremoniously pulled from his bath after being summoned by Ansem. He wondered what could possibly be so important that he couldn't have waited a couple more minutes to speak with him._

_"You know why you've been summoned?"_

_He shook his head and furrowed his brow. "No, Sir. If I've done something to upset you…"_

_Ansem laughed, cutting him off. "You're not here for a scolding, young one. I have other…more important business that I would like the two of you to attend to."_

_He frowned and cocked his head to the side, a sudden feeling of joy building in the pit of his stomach. He cast a side glance at the other boy and saw that he had a bored expression on his face but his eyes sparkled with excitement._

_"We need an ambassador who is strong enough to walk into the darkness and not be overtaken. I've chosen the two of you. Will you prove to me that I was correct in that decision?"_

_He nodded. "Of course, Father."_

_"We won't disappoint you," said the other._

_Ansem nodded. "The darkness is strong and there will be many opportunities for it to try and overtake you, but I believe that the two of you are strong enough to defeat it. Sora, never once have you let darkness into your heart." He looked to the boy who sat next to him. "Roxas. You have been a valuable asset to us in our war against the creatures of Kurai and I place all of my trust in you."_

_Ansem stood from his chair and examined the books on the shelf behind his desk. "Sora. You are to pose as the ambassador while Roxas will be your guide. As Roxas is a being of Kurai, he will be accepted into the walls without fault. Roxas. You are to be sure that Sora is taken care of while he is in Kurai. As he is a being of Akari, he will not be so well accepted."_

_The two nodded in understanding. Ansem turned from the bookshelf and gave them a soft smile. "I want the two of you to return here tomorrow at dawn for the rest of your orders. You are dismissed."_

_The two boys stood and bowed briefly to the man before leaving his quarters. The corridor outside the Elder's room was much more colorful that his chamber had been. The walls were painted a pale blue color and artwork depicting the millennia long war between the kingdoms of Kurai and Akari hung on them._

_Once they were safely out of earshot from the room, Sora jumped around to face Roxas with a smile on his face. "We're going to Kurai. We're actually going to the kingdom of Kurai!"_

_Roxas rolled his eyes and continued walking past him. "Oh, yeah great. We get to be submerged in darkness for gods know how long, right in the center of our worst enemies. Yeah. Sounds like a party."_

_Sora frowned and ran to catch up with the boy. "Oh, it can't be that bad…"_

_"Have you ever seen the place outside of images in books?!" Roxas suddenly stopped and Sora had to jump to the side to keep from running into him. "It's crawling with vile demons who will try to kill you in your sleep."_

_Sora sighed and shook his head. He closed his eyes and gently touched the crown pendant he wore around his neck with his index and middle fingers. A warm tingling sensation filled his body as a pair of brilliant white wings sprouted from his shoulder blades. He jostled them gently with a satisfied sigh and laid a soft hand on Roxas' shoulder._

_"Come on."_

_Roxas nodded and followed him to the nearest balcony. They walked to the edge and climbed on top of the thick marble wall. The kingdom of Akari spread out before them. It was beautiful in the day light, but Sora enjoyed it more when it was dark. The warm candle flame-like lights of the town beyond the walls of the palace broke the cold, nothingness of the dark night in places few and far between. It was late and most of the townspeople were already lost in their own dreams._

_Sora smiled at Roxas and spread his wings, pointing to the mountain that loomed a couple miles ahead of them. "Race ya to it," he said and jumped over the edge._

**o-o-o-o-o**

I awoke with a gasp. My eyes flew open and I jolted upright, my hands reaching behind me to grope my shoulder blades and the air behind them. I sighed and broke out into laughter when I didn't feel anything behind me. What had I been expecting? For a pair of giant white wings to be hanging from my back? I laughed again and fell back into my bed. Yeah, right.

I closed my eyes and was just beginning to drift back of into a state of semi-unconsciousness when my cell phone started to vibrate across my nightstand. My eyes snapped open again and I glared at the phone in annoyance. Who the hell would be calling me now? I grabbed the phone and checked the caller ID on the front, growling when I didn't recognize the number. Screw them; whoever they were could wait.

I haphazardly threw/dropped my phone back on my nightstand and rolled onto my side so I was facing my wall. I felt Bo move around a bit on the end of my bed, but that was the last thing I knew before I drifted off to sleep.

This time I didn't have any dreams or weird premonition-like nightmares. It was silent and black, the kind of sleep you only get when you're extremely exhausted or intoxicated out of your right mind…the kind of sleep that borders on death… Just the way I liked it. I didn't feel or hear anything that was in the outside world. I slept like a baby.

And I repeat. I didn't feel or hear anything that was in the outside world.

Which means that I didn't hear my alarm clock when it went off at its usual seven-fifteen. I didn't hear mom's usual morning routine as she got ready for work. The next thing I knew, I was rudely pulled out of sleep by the home phone ringing. I grumbled a few curses under my breath and blindly reached out to answer it, pulling the receiver to my ear when I finally found it.

"What?" I grumbled.

"Is this Sora Leonheart?"

I sighed and rubbed at my eyes. "The one and only."

"Hi, Sora, this is Miss Kavins from school. I'm just calling to check up on you and make sure that everything's okay."

I frowned and yawned quietly, making the mistake of glancing at my clock for the time. I think my heart may have skipped a beat. It was nine-twenty-five. I had overslept! I had over freakin' slept and now school was calling to make sure I was okay! They probably had snipers on top of the houses around mine, just waiting for me to make the wrong move so they could shoot me with their magical tranquilizer guns and carry me in for questioning.

Using the best plan I had in my still sleep-clouded mind, I coughed painfully. "Yeah, everything's okay. I just don't feel very well is all. I was up all night vomiting and now my head hurts so bad I can hardly think straight." Okay…so what if I gave them the symptoms of a hangover? They could use their imaginations.

Miss Kavins laughed. "Okay, well take some medicine and get some sleep. Would you like someone to bring you a list of your assignments after school today?"

I inwardly groaned, dreading the homework I would have to make-up. "Sure. That would be great."

"Alrighty then. I'll have Roxas make a list and drop it off on his way home."

"Thank you."

"Uh-hm. Bye."

"Bye."

Groaning, I returned the phone to the receiver and flopped back down onto my bed. I couldn't believe that I'd slept through my alarm. I had the thing on the loudest setting it could be on and it still hadn't woken me up. I shook my head and pushed myself out of bed, glancing back at the black mass of hair that was still fast asleep on the end of the bed. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be reincarnated as a dog. They sure did have the life.

I left my bedroom and went to the bathroom so I could empty my bladder before slowly making my way downstairs to the kitchen. I dug through the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator for something to eat, settling on a wholesome bowl of cereal and my daily glass of orange juice, and then made my way into the living room. Bo slumped down the stairs just as I was making myself comfortable on the couch and curled into a ball on the floor beneath my feet.

I ate my bowl of cereal in silence, the television as my company. There was something odd yet humorous and most definitely annoying about _Regis and Kelly_ but I couldn't stop watching it. I blame it on the subliminal messages that my father had always joked the TV sent into my brain, drawing me in until it was too late. At least it didn't make me feel so bad about watching _Vegetales_ on Saturday morning.

My heart twisted into a tight, painful ball at the thought of my father. It hurt so bad that I stopped eating and clutched my chest. My breathing was hard and my eyes watered. I doubled over and my bowl of cereal fell to the floor, spilling Lucky Charms and milk all over the living room floor. The curses I tried to spit out were choked in my throat. It felt like my windpipe was constricting to about half its size.

Then, as quickly as it had happened, it stopped. My eyes watered as I gulped down breath after breath of oxygen, quiet little whimpers slipping through my lips. I fell sideways onto the couch and curled my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.

"Riku…"

The words came as a whisper…as a plea. For no reason at all, I wanted him more than anything I'd ever wanted in the world. I didn't try to hold back the tears that started to fall sideways down my face. I didn't try to hold back the sob that seemed to come from my toes.

I was alone. Here I was, having yet another breakdown, and I was alone. I buried my face in the couch cushion and screamed as loud as I possibly could. I wanted to cut myself more than anything. No, I _needed_ to do it. I pushed myself up from the couch and ran upstairs. The sound of my cell phone vibrating across my bedside table as I walked past my bedroom was the only thing to distract me. Grumbling quiet curses under my breath, I went to the table and grabbed the annoying thing from it. I didn't need to check the caller ID to know that it was Roxas.

"What?"

"Where the hell are you?"

He shouted so loud that I had to hold the phone back from my ear so I wouldn't go deaf. Somewhere in the background, I heard a teacher utter Roxas' name as a warning and I laughed.

"I'm not kidding, Sora. Where are you? Miss Kavins asked me to get your assignments for you. Are you okay?"

I laughed again. "Yes, I'm fine, Roxas. I just overslept."

He sighed loudly in the phone and it came to me as a loud scratching sound across the receiver. "Good. I was worried that something had really happened to you yesterday. Seeing you breakdown like that was freaky."

"I broke down yesterday too?" I muttered.

Somewhere in my head I pictured him nodding during his pause before realizing I couldn't see him. "Yeah. In the bathroom during chemistry. Don't you remember? And what do you mean by 'too'? You didn't freak out today, did you?"

I sighed. "You're being a mother hen, Roxas."

"Someone has to since your mother never seems to care too much about what you do and who you do it with." He paused and I pictured him blushing with my mental eye. "No…sorry…that was wrong of me to say…"

"No, you're right. I know my mom's a bitch so you don't have anything to apologize for."

He laughed quietly. "Hey, Miss Kavins is giving that look." He sighed. "I gotta go, but I'll see you after school, okay?"

"Yeah… Oh hey! Roxas!"

"Hm…?"

"Do you know of a place named Kurai?"

There was a long pause before: "I'll see you later, Sora."

I sighed. "Yeah." I closed my phone with a loud snap and slouched down into my bed.

There had been a small hint of something in his pause—something that told me he knew what I had been talking about. But how? It was a dream world, same as Akari or whatever the hell the other place had been called. Maybe his pause had just been an "okay, my best friend is crazy" pause. Or maybe it actually did mean something. I sighed loudly and fell backwards on my bed. Whatever it had been, it wasn't going to do me any good worrying about it since I wouldn't get to see him for another few hours anyway.

I pushed myself up from my bed and headed back downstairs, completely foregoing my previous plans. As quickly as the feeling had come, the need to cut myself was gone. All I wanted now was to take a nap. But first I had to clean up the milk that was splattered all across the living room floor. Thankfully it was hardwood so it didn't take long to get it up, but it was still physical labor and it annoyed me to no end.

But when I was done, I happily flopped down into the couch and pulled the blanket draped across the back of it over my body, turning the TV down a few notches as I did so it wouldn't wake me. My eyes slid closed and I was lost to sleep almost immediately.

I woke up two hours later to my stomach growling like a gianormous, malnourished beast. I groaned loudly and rubbed at my eyes in irritation as I pushed myself up from the couch and headed for the kitchen so I could ransack the cupboards.

Yeah, and remember that old nursery rhyme about Old Mother Hubbard who went to the cupboard to do something that rhymed with Hubbard and cupboard? Well…we had more food than _that_, but of course we didn't have any food that I could just pop in the microwave and eat to quickly quiet the monster in my stomach. Because that would just be too easy, and the gods seemed to think that it would be rather comical to watch little ole' me whip something up.

I muttered a few censored words under my breath and started to dig around the cupboards for anything I could throw together to make lunch. I checked the clock when I set a pan of water on the stove after setting on some ramen. It was quarter after three, which meant that Roxas would be over in fifteen minutes to save me from my poor, pitiful day of lonesomeness. To give me some minor company, though, I turned on the radio and cranked up the volume.

I was blissfully zoned out of the world around me as I dropped my noodles into the pot of boiling water, mumbling the lyrics to the Smashing Pumpkin's song "Zero" under my breath as it started on the radio. I was really getting into the song by the time I got to the second verse. Forgoing the mumbling, I belted out the lyrics and did a little jig while I stirred.

"Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness and god is empty just like me…" I played a little air guitar with my spoon before using it as a microphone. "Intoxicated with the madness. I'm in love with my sadness. Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms. The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth…"

"Wow…you really get into cooking ramen, don't you?"

I yelped loudly and turned around, my spoon/guitar/microphone clattering to the ground as I did. Roxas was leaning against the entryway of the kitchen, an amused smile on his face.

"Forgive for interrupting but I couldn't stand to let you embarrass yourself like that anymore," he said with a chuckle.

I glared at him and picked my spoon up from the ground. He laughed again and pushed himself away from the wall, settling down in a chair by the table instead. I ignored him to the best of my abilities. I rinsed the spoon with some water before I dipped it back into the pot to stir my noodles.

He watched me in silence for a while, tapping his foot along with the new song on the radio, a new Iron Maiden song that I'd only heard once before. The silence was killing me. I sighed and turned to him with a cocked eyebrow.

"Want some?"

The smile I got was purely Roxas. It seemed to spread all the way to his ears and it brushed along his eyes, giving them that small twinkle that made him look younger than he really was. It was cute, in all honesty, though I would never say that to his face. While it was okay to hear from girls, I can only imagine how freaky it would be to hear from your best friend.

Humming the song on the radio, I finished up the ramen I had been making and handed it to Roxas. He took it with another smile, bursting out in laughter when my stomach growled loudly.

"You sure you don't want this one? I can make my own."

I shook my head. "No. Go ahead. I can wait."

He shrugged and happily dove into the bowl before him. I snorted and turned to add the new pack of noodles to the pot. Somewhere between five and ten minutes later, my ramen was done and I ate it with breakneck speed, slurping up the noodles and drinking up the broth. Roxas laughed at me when I threw him a Coke from the fridge when I was done.

"I don't think I've ever seen you eat that fast before in my life. It's like you were starved or something."

I shrugged and popped open my can of Sunkist. "I slept through lunch."

He laughed and took a long swig from his Coke.

"Did I miss anything important today? Well, besides Selphie's latest gossip…" I sighed. "I don't understand why she won't sit with Tidus and Wakka anymore."

"Because Kairi was the only one of the three that really liked her. It's kinda easy to get the hint when you're disliked by everyone at the table with you," Roxas muttered. "But no, you didn't miss anything important. We do have quiz tomorrow in chemistry, though."

I sighed. "Chemistry… Sorry. How was it?"

He shrugged. "Not bad, actually. We had a sub so we didn't get to work on our labs. Riku and Axel mostly kept to themselves."

I nodded and took a long drink from my Sunkist. "I don't understand why they hate us so much. I mean, we haven't done anything to them, right? So why do they think they can treat us so badly?"

Roxas laughed sadly and closed his eyes. "Who knows, Sora? Just let it go."

I frowned and furrowed my brow. "No! I won't let it go!" I slammed my can onto the counter and fell down into one of the chairs. "And I think you know something. You know why they hate us, don't you? Why? What did we do wrong?"

He sighed. "It's nothing, Sora. I don't know why they hate us."

"Liar!"

He jumped and looked at me with surprised eyes. I got even more pissed as tears welled up in my eyes and I pounded my fist down on the table.

"Don't lie to me! I know that you know. Now tell me. And you know about Kurai and Akari… They're real, aren't they? I don't understand how they can feel so real if they aren't. And the comet. You see it too, don't you?"

He sighed again and looked me straight in the eye. His eyes were so sad, the usually sky blue irises that matched the color of my own a few shades darker.

"You're gonna get even more pissed at me for this," he muttered, "but I can't tell you. It's something you have to find out on your own, like we did."

I glared at him, anger flaring in my chest. "What do you mean like 'we' did? Like _who_ did? You? Riku and Axel? What? What am I missing? Why can't you tell me if you already fucking understand?!"

Roxas shook his head and pushed himself up from the table. He grabbed his can threw it away on his way out of the kitchen. I stood and followed him. He went to the door and shrugged his backpack over his shoulders. He dug around in the back pocket of his jeans and his hand reemerged with a piece of paper.

"Here. It's your assignments…" he muttered.

I took it silently and shoved it down into the back pocket of my own jeans. He pulled the door open and fixed his bag on his shoulders.

"I would tell you if I could, but it would be breaking the rules. I'll tell you if you don't remember soon, okay?" he muttered. I answered him with more silence. He chuckled and shook his head. "Just…look… Don't do anything stupid tonight, okay, Sora? I'll call you later to check up on you. And I'll just keep calling if you don't answer your phone so don't try that, either."

And then he was gone. He walked down the steps to our porch, crossed our lawn, and headed toward home when he reached the sidewalk.

I sighed and closed the door when he was out of my line of vision, guilt slowly overcoming me. I shouldn't have been so cold…so harsh. But dammit! I didn't understand why he couldn't explain things to me when he already understood them. He hadn't denied the existence of Kurai and Akari and he hadn't denied that he'd seen the comet either. What did it mean?

I growled quietly to myself and made my way upstairs. I ignored my bedroom and the cell phone that was vibrating across my bedside table. I wouldn't let it distract me this time.

I closed and locked the bathroom door behind me and dug around in my drawer for what I knew would be there. I just held the blade in my hand for a moment before I did anything, taking the time to breathe. It was harder than it should have been.

I shook my head and, for the first time in months, watched my hand as I pressed the blade to my skin and drew. I was amazed as I watched the blood well at the opening of the cut in small bubbles before they burst and sent three rivers of crimson cascading down my arm. But it wasn't enough. No. I needed more.

I dragged the blade across my already scarred flesh again and again. It wasn't until the upper half of my forearm was covered in blood that I let the blade fall from my hands and clatter to the ground. The sigh that followed the clang of metal against marble echoed off the walls of the bathroom.

Relaxation stole over my senses and it felt like heaven. I closed my eyes and smiled. I was able to breathe and the grey fog that had started to cloud my mind was cleared. When I opened my eyes again I saw things in vivid color. The brightly colored fish that decorated the shower curtain stood out and seemed to blend together. The pale blue of the walls looked more like the sky than it ever had, feeding my sense of calmness.

But then I looked down at my arm. Red was everywhere. It stained the leg of my jeans, the loose sleeve of my jacket that had slipped back over the wounds when I had moved. It was on the floor and, of course, my skin.

The shining blade seemed to wink at me from where it had landed on the floor. An immediate sense of shame overwhelmed me. Growling, I picked up the blade and threw it across the bathroom.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Mom was late getting home from work. Like usual. And, also like usual, she was angry when she got home and saw that I hadn't made anything for dinner. I stood in the middle of my bedroom and took the verbal abuse as she ranted…and ranted…and ranted. All I could do was stand there and in silence and nod whenever the need arose because I couldn't tell her what had really happened. I don't know how she would have taken it if I had told her that I hadn't gotten around to making dinner because I was washing the blood out of my clothes that had gotten there from me cutting myself, but I don't think it would have been very good.

"I work my ass off to keep a roof over your head and food on your plate, and you can't even repay me by having a simple dinner ready when I get home? Do you just want me to work even harder for you, my little failure? My little _mistake_?"

I flinched and she laughed. Closing my eyes, I gathered the courage to do something I knew with my heart of hearts would backfire.

"I'm going to see Leon soon and I'm going to tell him what you do to me. He won't want anything to do with you then." I know that it was a lie, but it was only remotely hurtful thing I could think of to throw back in her face.

Now, my mother is a beautiful woman, with long brown hair and bright blue eyes, but the rage that marred her face from those words transformed her from an angel into the demon that she really was. Her eyes narrowed and her hands instantly found my throat, her favorite starting point. She shook me back and forth, my head flopping like a rag doll, and the pain that came with it was excruciating, but I refused to let it show. I would let her have her moment of release because it was only fair. I would get mine later.

"How dare you do that to me?! How dare you!" Her face was inches from mine and bright red from her anger. It would have been funny had she not been spitting on me with every word she spoke.

"He deserves to know that the mother he cares for is a psycho-bitch from hell. He knows that you're no angel, but he would never expect you to do this."

She screamed and smacked me hard across the face, but her hand around my throat kept me from falling. I could feel blood seeping from a cut in my mouth and the pain from one of her rings reopening the cut that was still healing on my cheek from the last time she had beat me.

"How dare you disrespect me like that! How dare you!! All I want is a little respect. Is that too hard to ask for?" She was shouting so loud that her voice was cracking. I'd be surprised if the neighbors couldn't hear her. "You are a bastard son! You don't deserve to be alive!"

I hated my mother, but those words were like a knife through my heart. I stared at her with wide, blinking eyes, trying to grasp on to what she said, to know that it had been real. She let go of me with a quiet snarl, tears in her eyes, and shoved me away from her. I stumbled and fell backwards on to my bed when my knees hit its edge.

I stared at my mom, cursing at the tears that had started to form in my eyes. "Is that how you really feel, Mother? Well…I guess you do. Since I'm your _little mistake_, and all." I didn't try to hide the hurt in my voice because I knew that it would have only made it worse than it already was.

She stared back at me with wide eyes and a hand over her mouth, tears dripping down her cheeks. Before I had the chance to ask another question, she turned and ran away. I heard her footsteps as she ran down the hallway and the loud slam as she made it into her room. Her muffled sobs filled the silence of the house after that.

I violently wiped the tears from my cheeks in frustration and got up to close my door. I peeked out in the hallway to see Bo lying at the top of the stairs, looking at me sadly. I smiled at him and beckoned for him to come to me. He did, albeit slowly and with his tail between his legs. I closed the door behind us when we were both inside my room and sighed. Bo sat on the floor in front of me and watched me intently. I smiled at him and dropped to a knee so I could be at his level.

"It's okay, buddy," I said. "You didn't do anything. Momma's not mad at you, it's me."

He whined quietly and licked my hand before standing and jumping up onto my bed. He curled up into a ball by the wall and watched me as I checked my reflection out in the mirror. I actually didn't look too bad. My clothes were still intact and my hair was moderately presentable. The only thing that didn't go with my slightly rumpled appearance was the steadily bleeding cut on my cheek. I touched it gently and hissed as pain shot across my nerves. Great. Not only had she reopened the cut, but she'd made it deeper too.

"Stay," I said to Bo and quietly crept out of my room to the bathroom.

I searched the cabinets for rubbing alcohol and cotton rounds, bandages and tape, and set to work on cleaning the wound. It wasn't pretty. The rubbing alcohol stung and the cotton from the balls stuck to the drying blood. It hurt like a bitch, but I welcomed the pain. I didn't want to put a bandage over the cut, but I knew that it would keep bleeding if I didn't. I settled on a cotton round folded in half, held down with a piece of medical tape.

I was about to leave when something else caught my attention. Bruises were starting to form around my throat. I sighed. I was tired. I would take care of that in the morning. But now…

I quietly left the bathroom and returned to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Bo was still lying on my bed but he was asleep. I smiled at him and pulled my sweater over my head, trying my hardest to keep my head from drifting to my reflection in my closet doors. I hadn't had a decent thing to eat in about a month. My ribs were just beginning to peek out from my chest and cuts were scattered here and there across my chest and stomach.

I shed my khaki pants next and replaced them with a pair of plaid pajama pants. I really, _really_ wanted to cut myself, but I was too tired and I wanted to call Roxas for some reason before I went to bed. I wanted to apologize to him for how I had acted when he stopped by after school. He answered on the second ring.

"Oh, well this is a surprise," he said with a hint of laughter in his voice. "What's up?"

I sighed. "Just wanted to say sorry for how I acted earlier today. It was wrong of me to be so…mean." I frowned at my lack of a better word but "mean" seemed to work perfectly fine.

Roxas sighed and I pictured him running a hand back through his blonde spikes with my mental eye. It was scary how well I knew his habits and how well he knew mine. It was almost like we were long lost brothers or something like that.

"It's fine, Sora. I understand. You had every right to be angry with me today. I know it's not fair and I know that it sucks." He sighed again. "If I could, I would tell you everything in a heartbeat. You believe me, don't you?"

I nodded, but didn't need to correct myself before I heard him laugh.

"Good. Anyway…" I could hear more sadness entering his voice and it made me frown. "I talked to Naminé today."

I sighed. Great. That sadness in his voice combined with the mention of Naminé most definitely couldn't mean good news.

"And…"

He sighed. "As of five-thirty tonight, we were done." He sighed again. "She said she was getting the pain over with before it would be too difficult to handle."

"Do what?" I plopped down into my bed and ran a hand through Bo's hair. He groaned and rolled over onto his back so I could rub his belly. "What's she mean by that?"

"It's Naminé. She knows these things. And I knew that it was coming too. It's hard to hold myself back whenever he's around. If she hadn't broken things off now, I would have cheated on her and then left her or just left her." He sighed. "It's better this way."

I furrowed my brow. "Who are you talk…" My eyes widened and my mouth fell open. "It's Axel, isn't it…? She was afraid that you were going to leave her for Axel?"

There was no response. I couldn't even hear Roxas' breathing on the other end. I sighed.

"Oookay. Sorry. But, seriously. He hates you and you hate him, right? So how could anything happen between the two of you?"

Still no answer. It was starting to annoy me.

"Roxas. Please. Answer me. I know you can't tell me the details or whatever, but I want you to talk to me. You're my best friend. I'm worried about you."

Roxas sighed. "You're a pain in the ass," he muttered. "And a hypocrite."

I laughed. "And so what if I am. It only makes you love me even more."

He chuckled quietly. "I guess… Anyway. I can't talk about it right now but I'll talk to you about it tomorrow. I promise."

I nodded and he laughed.

"Okay. Goodnight, Sora."

"'Night," I muttered and closed my phone with a snap that made Bo jump.

I sighed and put the phone on my bedside table and snuggled into bed. I lay on my side and buried a hand in Bo's soft fur, smiling when he stretched and I heard him groan. It wasn't long until I drifted off and found myself wandering aimlessly through the dreamland of Akari, the black-winged Roxas at my side again.

TBC…

**-------------------------------------------------------**

Bleh…it took me forever and a day and a half to write this chapter. _::sighs::_ Oh, well. 'Tis done now and that's all that matters, I guess…

I'm going to write five chapters that give little snippets into Riku's thoughts about everything that's going on…the first one will be next the next chapter. The segments are called ((Another Side, Another Story)). Original, ne? Hehe…

((Another Side, Another Story)) Part One…

_A further dip into Riku and Axel's relationship…what Riku was really thinking in chemistry…sneaking into Sora's house…and Axel and Riku actually have a halfway serious conversation…_

Hehe…


	4. AS, AS: The One You'll Never Forget

So…every now and then I'm gonna have an _((Another Side, Another Story))_ chapter with Riku's POV. Just wanted to tell ya so you wouldn't be confused or anything while reading… I'm not quite sure if they're going to be as long as Sora's chapters, though. And be warned…Riku's chapters will contain some holes. I want it like that…

WARNINGS: naughty language, Axel, etc…

**Disclaimer:** the characters of _Kingdom Hearts_ and _Kingdom Hearts II _belong to Disney and Square Enix…not poor, pitiful, broke, little me…_::pouts::_…

_**((Another Side, Another Story))  
**_**The One You'll Never Forget…**

Large, sky blue eyes. Beautiful, disheveled brown hair. The face that haunted my nightmares glared at me from across the cafeteria. But this…this was impossible. It couldn't be _him_. He was…

He fell into conversation with Roxas and looked away from me, allowing me the chance to escape from his hypnotic eyes before he could look back at me again. I shook my head and stared at the table, trying my hardest to block out the sounds of the cafeteria around me, which was extremely difficult with Axel making a commotion about something that wasn't nearly as important as he seemed to think it was.

I didn't have to wait long, though. The bell rang and, in a unisonous screech of chair legs against marble, the hundred or so students in the room stood from their seats and left. I was the only one left sitting. Everyone around us had stood and gone, leaving me alone with Axel. I sighed. Great. Alone with Axel.

The flamboyant red-head plopped down into a seat and propped his chin on his fist, his grass green eyes surveying my face. I tried to divert my eyes to something else, but they always returned to his face.

"Sooo…what's botherin' ya, Ri-chan?"

I cringed. He was the only one I ever let call me that. He knew that and abused the privilege everyday without shame.

"It's nothing, Axel. Don't worry about it." I pushed myself up from the table and swung my bag over my shoulder, headed toward the door to leave.

I heard the inevitable scrape of Axel standing and his footsteps as he hurried to catch up with me. He walked at my side in silence, but I knew that he was just itching to pry some more. That's just how he was. Loud, obnoxious, and very, _very_ nosy.

"He looks just like you know who, doesn't he?" He nudged my side playfully with his elbow but I shoved him off with a shrug.

He sighed, and I knew he was pouting but I refused to look at him. I kept my eyes locked on the empty hallway in front of us. The other students had already made it to class and were set to listen to their teacher's rambling. Thankfully, more like unthankfully at the moment, Axel and I had a free class and were left to our own devices for the next hour.

We stopped at our lockers and I pulled a book out of my bag, settling down as comfortably as I could on the ground so I could maybe finish reading it. But Axel had other plans. He laid on his back with his head almost lying in my lap, his eyes boring into my face and cutting off all concentration I thought I had had.

I growled quietly and closed my book with a quiet snap, glaring at him. He smirked up at me and reached up to brush a lock of my hair behind an ear, his fingers trailing gently across my cheek. I jerked my head away from him and rolled my eyes.

"Don't do that."

He chuckled. "Don't do what?" He pushed himself up and leaned forward so I was trapped between him and the lockers behind me and nibbled gently at my ear. "This?"

I growled again and shoved him away. "Yes that. Don't touch me!"

He put his hand against his chest and pouted at me in mock hurt. "That hurts, Riku. Right here." He pointed to his heart and added tears to his voice. "And here I thought I was your best friend and all, but noooo. You shove me aside like I was last night's dinner."

His last words sent me over the edge. I lunged at him and tackled him to the ground so I was straddling his lap. He laughed heartily and shook his head.

"Oh sorry. Did I say that out loud? I meant _date_."

"Asshole," I growled.

"Only for you." He gave me his trademark smirk as I climbed off him and returned to my spot in front of my locker.

I grabbed my book and flipped it back open to the page I had marked, but I had even less concentration now than I had had before. Axel kept staring at me and a pair of crystal clear blue eyes refused to stop floating through my mind. Giving in, I sighed and closed my book, resting the back of my head against the locker with my eyes closed.

"You know that little brunet in our class?"

"Know him?" He laughed. "I've already had wet dreams about him. And you know you have too. Well…seeing that you've seen him na…"

I punched him in the stomach and shook my head. I was able to deal with most of Axel's annoying and perverted comments, but there were sometimes when I had to draw the line. That had been one of those times. And could I have picked a hornier best friend if I had been trying? Probably not… Aside from our friendship and a good fuck, nothing mattered to him. Hell, he used to get both in one easy to carry package, but things had changed.

"His friend looks like someone you haven't seen in years."

He smiled from somewhere off in his own little land. "Just wait. He'll give into me one day. No one can resist me for too long."

I rolled my eyes. "Roxas has nerves of steal. He'll either give in or kill you. I can't believe you're willing to take the risks."

He shrugged and smiled crookedly. "What is death but the beginning of a new life? What is life but the beginning of a new death?"

**o-o-o-o-o**

Axel and I parted ways as the bell to end fourth hour echoed in the empty halls, followed by twenty different classroom doors being thrown open. He left me with an Axel-like smirk and quirky little wave, his rather unAxel-like words ringing in my ears.

"_What is death but the beginning of a new life? What is life but the beginning of a new death?"_

No matter what he did, he always managed to find new ways to surprise me. But what did it all mean? While the words answered the question I had given him, I felt that they had a deeper meaning than what they showed on the surface. There was something else lingering just below the surface…something that danced around just out of my grasp.

The words circled through my head throughout my fifth hour psychology class. I wrote and rewrote them in my notebook until they blended in with the random notes I took when I managed to catch something the teacher said. I barely heard the bell ring at the end of class. I gathered my things and went to my locker to get my books for chemistry. Axel ambushed me before I had a chance to leave the hallway unseen.

"Gonna tell me yet?"

I rolled my eyes. "I did tell you, Axel."

He shook his head. "Asking me if I've seen 'that little brunet in our class' does not constitute as telling me what you were staring at and/or thinking about during lunch."

"You are insatiable," I groaned.

"And you're only delaying the inevitable," he replied in a sing-song voice with a wide smirk and danced off to lead the way to chemistry.

I sighed and shrugged, resigning to my fate. At least I had a good teacher for chemistry, or so I heard. Supposedly, Mister Shauver was almost like a kid himself and was able to get along with pretty much everyone.

Axel lead the way to the classroom, keeping a fair distance away from everyone around us like he always did.

We passed Naminé in the hall. She looked at us with wide eyes and quickly ducked into the closest bathroom. I don't know what it was, but there was just something about her that was…strange. Well, that's a given, but there was something more. She was very soothing. Axel always joked that it was a spell that she cast on everyone around her, and I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a pun or not.

The classroom was just around the corner from where our lockers were. I was surprised to see that we were the first ones into the classroom. The teacher hadn't even arrived yet. Axel smirked, grabbing me by the elbow, and dragged me to the end table in the back row of seats.

Slowly but surely, the rest of the students started to come into the room. I was surprised when the bell rang and there were only about eight other students in the classroom. I had always thought that chemistry was a fun class that everyone enjoyed, but I guess I had been mistaken.

The others in the class talked quietly amongst themselves, ignoring Axel and I. As depressing as it may sound, it felt great to be ignored. We had either been pulled into annoying conversations or stared at by passersby all day long. It was great to just sit and stare off into space until I had to start paying attention.

Unfortunately, it didn't last all that long.

A few minutes after the bell had rang for everyone to be in class, the door opened and I was overcome with…_something_. I can't really put a name on what it was, but it felt like an electric shockwave shot through my body, igniting my senses from my head to my toes. My sense of smell was stronger and the colors of the room around me brightened until it looked like I was staring into a painting.

I closed my eyes and blinked a couple of times to try to get it to go away, but it stayed. It wouldn't stop. I opened my eyes again and the first thing they landed on was my angel from the cafeteria. He was frozen in the doorway, staring at Axel and I like he would much rather die than have to sit through a class with the two of us. His unease was suffocating.

Roxas nudged him in the back and he stumbled into the room and to their seats, which of course, had to be right beside the two of us. Sora plopped down into the seat next to me and tried to look collected by locking his eyes on the board. Roxas tried to talk to him, but he ignored him without trying to hide it. I could feel his discomfort just as easily as if it were my own.

Like the "shock" that surged through my body when he'd first stepped into the classroom, there aren't words strong enough to explain how I felt while I was sitting next to Sora. An intense anger coursed through me. For no reason at all, I wanted to reach out and hurt him, to break him in some way to make him pay for what he had done to me.

I refused to let us touch. Even the smallest of brushes against his body would have sent me over the edge. I was right-handed while he wrote with his left, so I moved closer to Axel to get away from him. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and sighed heavily, moving a little to the left. I tried to contact him and tell him why, but I knew that he already knew.

Sora's scent was intoxicating. I would have expected him to smell like something sweet, but instead he smelled like the ocean. In mere seconds, I was drowning in it…drowning in _him_. My eyes were glazed and I couldn't concentrate on anything that was happening around me. And what made it worse was that I could sense him sitting beside me the entire time. His mind was in extreme emotional turmoil and his breathing was shallow in his chest. Instead of calming my own raging emotions, feeling him there only made my anger toward him increase tenfold.

To my displeasure, Shauver announced that we had a lab to do today when he finally decided to waltz into the classroom. And, to make things even worse, we were paired off by rows, meaning that Axel and I had to work with Sora and Roxas. Great. Just great. Axel was probably going to end up "accidentally" molesting Roxas at some point in time and I was going to be left with Sora, who was radiating "I hate you, Riku" waves as I we sat there.

Shauver addressed Sora briefly and then we were set free to work on the labs. Sora and Roxas quickly grabbed their books and moved to a lab station.

"Let's get this over with," I heard Roxas muttered

Axel chuckled. Roxas turned to glare at us with such intensity that it could have killed us. Thankfully it didn't because that would have sucked.

"You two could do something useful instead of acting like complete assholes."

"Watch your language, Roxas!" the teacher muttered dryly, like he was used to scolding the blonde for his foul mouth.

Axel chuckled. I not only felt the tension that flooded through Roxas, I saw it. It flashed in his eyes and across his face.

"Come on, Sora. I'll get the chemicals if you clean the flasks."

Roxas walked off and Sora checked his lab book before grabbing the flasks we were going to be needing for the lab. He cleaned them thoroughly and with utmost care. By the time he was rinsing them with distilled water, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.

"You know your stuff…"

I heard him growled under his breath and it set me off. I moved so I was standing right behind him and laughed in his ear. He jumped and the flask he had been holding shattered across the lab station.

"Sora!" the teacher shouted. "Watch what you're doing!"

"Sorry," he muttered and turned to glare at me.

I shrugged it off with a grin. "Having some problems? You should let me handle that before you break anything else."

"Fuck you!" he growled.

"Sora…" the teacher warned.

The cocky smile was wiped from my face as Sora turned on his heel and stormed out of the classroom, his emotions raging like a vicious hurricane. It wasn't long before Roxas went out after him and me and Axel were left alone to work on the lab. We did a fairly decent job. But I couldn't get my thoughts to stop circling.

That hadn't been me. I don't know what had possessed me to show myself to Sora like that, but it hadn't been me. But he thought that it had been me and now he hated me even more for it. It didn't matter that he wasn't in the classroom with us anymore. I could feel that hatred as plain as day. And it hurt. The lab could have been the perfect time to try and make friends with him, but instead I'd gone and fucked things up.

Well…it wasn't like I was good at doing much of anything else.

The bell seemed to echo deafeningly off the walls of the classroom turned prison as it signaled the end of the double hour class. I jumped up from my seat and all but mauled Axel over in my rush to get to the door. He sighed and made sure to block my way until he had shoved the rest of his books into his bag and was ready to leave. It felt like forever while I stood there waiting for him, but it had only been a couple of seconds as we were still the first ones out of the classroom.

I quickly lost myself in the crowded hallway, losing track of Axel as he silently disappeared to run off to his next class. I returned to my locker to get my books for my next class and then headed off alone, my thoughts circling about everything I had felt in the last three hours of my life.

**o-o-o-o-o**

I awoke from a nightmare with a choked scream. I shot up in my bed and my eyes wildly surveyed my room. Tears poured down my face. I gasped down several breaths to try and collect myself, but it didn't help. The last vision from my dream refused to leave my mind.

It wasn't the first time I had had that dream, or at least one that resembled it, but now that I knew that he was really _alive_ it made it seem all the more frightening. I had never believed in bad omens or dreams that told the future, but I couldn't be so sure about this one. Everything in the dream felt real. I felt the fear that coursed through my dream-self's body as he was carried away from _him_, felt the pain as the lance pierced through my stomach…felt the coldness as darkness stole over my senses and finally overcame me completely. My dreams were always lucid, but these were more. They were so realistic that it was becoming harder and harder for me to plan the future when my dreams predicted such a tragic end to my life.

Shaking my head, I pushed myself out of bed, checking my clock over my shoulder as I did. It was only midnight. I ran a hand back through my hair to push it out of my face while I searched my room for some decent clothes. I grabbed a pair of blue jeans and a plain T-shirt and pulled them on before crossing my room to my window and shoving it open. The cool nighttime air filled my room and the gentle breeze played with my bangs as I crawled out on to my roof, making sure to close the window behind me.

I crawled across the grainy shingles and slid down the gutter to the ground. I made sure to hide in the shadows as I made my way across the back lawn to the fence that I leapt without a problem. When I was safely outside the boundaries of my house I broke into a run. I don't know how or why, but I knew exactly where I wanted to go and how to get there.

I slowed to a stop outside a plain house. It looked exactly like the two on either side of it, give or take a few chips in the tan paint here and there. My breathing was shallow as my eyes gravitated to an open window on the second story. That was where I wanted to go.

I surveyed the lower level of the house and the lawn around me for something I could use to get to the window but there was nothing other than a gutter. But it would have to do. Sighing, I grabbed on to the flimsy metal and slowly made my way up the side of the house, praying with every movement that the whole gutter system wouldn't suddenly break under my weight and send me and the rest of the pipes careening toward the hard ground.

Thankfully it didn't and I made it to the roof with barely even a scratch. Once there I crawled across the shingles like I had at home toward the window. The wind blew gently and I was overcome with _that_ scent…like the ocean on a beautiful, sunny day. An iron anvil crashed into the pit of my stomach and I had to stop crawling for a moment so I could regain control over myself and my emotions.

It was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come. I was intruding on him and his privacy by doing this. But I couldn't hold myself back. I wanted to see him. And something in the pit of my stomach was crying out that I wanted to kill him and make my face the last thing that he would ever see.

The window was in front of me now. I took a single, deep breath and silently slid into the room, not daring to breathe until my feet were planted on solid ground. Sighing quietly, I shook my head and let my eyes roam around the room around me. Band posters adorned the walls here and there. A desk sat in a corner with books I recognized from school sitting over to the side. A bookshelf that was crammed with books, DVDs, and a stereo stood on the opposite side of the room, a dresser with a small television on top sitting next to it. The last thing I let my eyes touch was the bed.

_He_ was there. Sleeping, of course, but his unconscious state only seemed to make the demon in my head screech with sadistic laughter. It would have been so easy to just kill him, to steal his life away from him without a second thought, but the first coherent thought that drifted through my head made me stop.

'_He looks so peaceful while he's sleeping…always has. Nothing ever changes, right, Sora?'_

Always has. I smiled tenderly and cocked my head to the side slightly. Yes, he really _had_ always been the most peaceful while he was sleeping. It was always his one and only escape from the hardships he had to deal with everyday, his only escape from the pain. Tears welled in my eyes and I reached out and gently ran a hand through his hair. It was soft as silk, just like I remembered it…

I sighed. Like the strange urges that I had gotten to hurt him earlier in the day, there was no way to describe how I felt. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end and every pore of my skin felt like it was tingling with electricity. And there was so much confusion flitting through my mind. I wanted to reach out and hold him safely in my arms. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to kiss him tenderly and wipe away his tears. I wanted to make him feel the pain he'd made me feel.

A quiet moan pulled me from my thoughts and I looked upon his face in fear as he muttered something and shifted in the bed. I didn't wait long enough to know whether he woke or not. I was out the window and running back down the street toward my own house in the blink of an eye. I only dared to take a deep breath when I was safely back in my room, where I collapsed on to my bed with my face buried into my pillow.

"You'll only hurt him, you know?"

I tensed and looked up from my pillow to see Axel sitting at my desk, his arms crossed over his chest and sad frown on his face. I scowled at him and rolled on to my back so I could stare at the ceiling.

"What do you know?"

He laughed and I heard the quiet squeak of my chair as he stood. His bare feet didn't make any sound across my floor. I thought that he had left, until his wild shock of red hair appeared in my sight again and he sat on the edge of my bed.

"You're drawn to him because he's the one that Father's spent all his time trying to get you to forget. But he's the one that you'll never forget."

I furrowed my brow and pushed myself up so I was sitting with my back against my wall. "What do you mean?"

He sighed and shrugged. "Sora is to you what Roxas is to me. And now that you've found him again, there's no escaping it. You know this."

I shook my head and closed my eyes to take a moment to sort out what he had just said. Sora really was the one I'll never be able to forget. Whether I was dead or alive, I would always remember Sora and his bright smiling face.

I sighed and opened my mouth to say something, but when I opened my eyes, Axel was already gone.

"Bastard," I muttered under my breath.

I was answered by a quiet laugh that seemed to be carried on the breeze.

Sighing, I curled into a ball on my bed and closed my eyes, letting sleep take me over. It seemed that, no matter how confusing they were, the only place I would be able to find answers was in my dreams.

TBC…  
-------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: Bleh…so there's Riku's POV on everything. Kinda creepy/stalker-ish that he broke into Sora's room to watch him sleep and quite possibly kill him, but Sora didn't know about it so it's all gravy, ne? Hehe… Hopefully this chapter helped answer some questions ya'll might have had about Riku… If not, then I'm sorry…

And I just love Axel. _::hugs him::_ He's goofy but can be serious when you need him to be. And I know that some things are probably confusing, but there's a reason for it so yeah…it's not all for nothing…

Sooo…should I keep writing chapters in Riku's POV or should I stop? If you all hated this and don't want to see anymore, please tell me. You won't hurt my feelings none and it would really be better for you because I'm gonna keep writing them if you don't tell me to stop…

To come:

_Riku and Sora alone in a bathroom? HURRAH!…Dates…Halloween costume shopping…the Pumpkin Festival…Halloween parties…Sora kinda sorta remembers…_

Thank you for reading and please review if you have time. They will be greatly appreciated…


	5. Chapter Three: Leave It All Behind

I know that I'm updating super early, but there's a reason for it. Aside from finals starting next week, I'm in the middle of a family crisis. My great-grandma is sick and we don't know when she's going to pass, so we're pretty much walking on egg shells at the moment. If there isn't an update next week like there should be, I'm sorry and I'll try my hardest to get the chapter up A.S.A.P...

Other than that, I don't think I have anything to say besides thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed. Y'all are awesome!...

WARNINGS: naughty language and finally some shonen-ai goodness!!!…

**Disclaimer:** Don't own the characters or the worlds…

"…_The only way out is letting your guard down  
__And never die forgotten (I know)  
__Forgive me my love  
__I stand here all alone and I can see the bottom_

_Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind  
__Cause I've elected hell  
__Lying to myself  
__Why have I gone blind?  
__Live another life  
__You…"_

—"_You" Breaking Benjamin_

**Chapter Three:  
Leave It All Behind…**

The rest of the week passed in the same monotonic blur as the first two days had. A homework assignment was thrown at me here, a test there, but other than that, everything was as normal as it could get.

The only odd, yet wonderful, thing about the week was that I barely saw Mom at all. She stayed at my aunt's house most of the time, only returning to our house for clothes or other necessities. Whenever she did return, I made sure I was locked away in my room, safe and sound. I listened to her footsteps as she hurried around the house and praised whoever ruled above that they never neared my room.

Needless to say, the weekend passed just as uneventfully as my week had. I was lucky to have both days off from work. The time that wasn't spent on sleeping or reading or doing homework was spent on the couch watching wonderful cartoons. I think my favorite kiddy cartoon was _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends_. It was amazing what the creators came up with, but you knew that they had to be very imaginative to be able to do it so wonderfully. Just watching Foster's changed the world of cheese for me forever.

I talked to Roxas once over the course of the weekend. Even though he and Naminé were broken up, he was still busy with work so I hadn't been able to see him. He still hadn't talked to me like he'd promised, but I understood. Busy was busy and there was nothing he could do to help it.

I also got a surprise when my older brother called. He muttered something about not being a very good brother and that he wanted to see me sometime. I thought it was a great idea. I hadn't seen Leon since our move to Weston. We came up with the plans quickly. He would meet me at the house when I got home from school on Monday so we could leave straight from there and not worry about me getting home too late. In a way, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to go back after that, but I knew that Leon would make me.

So, when I woke up to the annoying buzzing of my alarm clock on Monday morning, I wanted to throw the cursed thing out my window so I could sleep for the rest of eternity. But I couldn't even muster the strength to lift an arm and hit the snooze button. I grumbled quietly and threw my blankets back from my face so I could glare at the red jumbo-sized numbers that stared back at me in innocence. When the clock didn't shut up, I slammed down on it with a fist and crawled out of bed.

I hopped in the shower, letting the warm water rouse me from my sleep as it relaxed my muscles and ran down my face. Next I dried off and dressed in a simple pair if jeans and a pale blue tee-shirt, shrugging a grey and blue plaid jacket over my shoulders to complete the outfit. I followed the same routine I did every morning. Shower, dress, drop dirty laundry off in my room, go downstairs, eat, let Bo outside, grab my school things, leave.

I wedged the headphones for my MP3 player into my ears and waited on the front porch for Roxas to arrive. He came a few minutes later. I stood and gathered my things, but didn't remove the headphones. I turned the volume down so I could hear him talking over the music.

"Hey, Sora. How was your weekend?"

I smiled. "It was okay, for once. How about yours?"

He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Boring as hell. All I did was work. The only excitement was when Maho tried cooking dinner Saturday night. It was scary. I think the casserole growled at me."

I laughed. "Least you got to spend time with family. My mother spent the weekend at my aunt's. I heard from Leon, though."

Roxas frowned and I immediately damned myself for opening my stupid mouth. "Wish you wouldda told me you were home alone. You could have spent the weekend at my house." He sighed. "How's Leon, though? You haven't talked to him in forever, huh?"

I shrugged. "I liked my alone time. And Leon's doing well. Says he felt like he was being a bad brother." I laughed. "But he's been so busy with school that I don't blame him for not taking time out to see me."

He furrowed his brow and his frown deepened but he didn't pry anymore. I hoped that he was getting a good enough reading from my emotions to know that I wasn't lying and that I didn't want to talk about my weekend anymore.

"You had a good weekend, though?"

I nodded and kept silent, but he seemed happy to just have that to go on. I wasn't lying. That weekend had been one of the best I'd had in a long time. No Mom to put up with and only Bo for company. I wasn't a half-bad cook, so I was able to make my own meals, and I knew where Mom kept the spare money if I needed to go to the grocery for anything. All in all, it could have possibly been considered great.

The large brick building that we called school was just starting to come into view when Roxas decided to try talking to me again.

"You wanna go to the Pumpkin Festival next weekend?"

I frowned and glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He smiled and shrugged.

"What? You want something to do, right? And you can spend the night at my house, too, so you won't have to go home to the she-bitch from Hell."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "I'll get back to you on that."

He sighed and shook his head, but didn't have time to argue with me. Kairi and Selphie were waiting for us in front of the school. They jumped up from the step they had been sitting on and dashed to our side, a bright smile on her face.

"Good morning, Roxas! 'Morning, Sora!" Selphie exclaimed. It made my head hurt. She was too happy for seven-thirty in the morning, not to mention a Monday.

Kairi greeted us with a small wave each.

"G'Morning, Selphie. Good morning, Kairi," Roxas said nicely. I only answered them with a nod and half smile as we made our way into the building.

Selphie managed to drag a silent Kairi into some conversation about what she had done over the weekend and I was able to walk on my own. I sighed as the brunette dragged a pitiful looking Kairi into a bathroom, and continued the rest of the walk to my locker with Roxas.

At my locker, I quickly put in my combination and grabbed the books for my first three classes from the stack at the bottom of the metal cubby. I waited a few minutes to see if Kairi and Selphie were on their way, but soon gave up. If Selphie was talking, it was going to be awhile before Kairi was free. I closed my locker and started for the history classroom with a silent Roxas, waving halfheartedly at him when we parted ways.

There were still fifteen minutes before class was to begin when I got into the classroom, so no student in their right mind was there yet. That was perfectly fine with me. I made my way to my desk and settled down into the uncomfortable plastic seat.

A sudden wave of exhaustion crept over me, like the walk to school, down the halls and to the class had been the most arduous things I had ever done in my life. With a quick glance at the clock to make sure I still had some time, I crossed my arms on my desk and nestled my head into them. I was asleep before I even closed my eyes.

**o-o-o-o-o**

_Blood was everywhere. It covered the ground, tainted the water, and stained his hands and clothes. The smell was overwhelming and he collapsed on to his knees, vomiting on to the ground. Everywhere around him, people laid dead. Men, women, children. Gender or race didn't matter to the beings that had gone through and caused this destruction._

_When his stomach was empty, he looked up from the ground and examined his surroundings. Buildings were burning and glassy eyes stared at him from a hundred different angles. There was movement ahead of him, but for what side that movement was from, he couldn't tell._

_A new wave of nausea swept over him and he clenched his eyes closed, pushing himself up from the ground with his sword. He limped across the bloodstained earth, taking care to not step on any of fallen._

_Someone was rushing toward him but he couldn't tell who it was. His vision was blurry with exhaustion and the heat that radiated from the fires that surrounded him. He quickened his pace, using his sword as a makeshift cane so he wouldn't fall._

"_Sora!"_

_That voice. It was so familiar, so beautiful. The sound of it sent a shiver of joy rippling through his body. He had been so worried that he'd been killed in the battle. But he hadn't been. He was still alive, still there to hold him._

_He pitched forward but was caught in the person's arms. They fell to the ground, cradling his head in their lap, running their fingers through his hair and against his face. The person above him laughed joyfully and a pair of gentle lips was pressed against his forehead._

_He opened his eyes to see such a familiar smiling face. It was the face of an angel, it had to be. Such soft pale skin and such beautiful silver hair. Such magnificent aquamarine eyes. He soon found himself drowning in their depths._

"_R…Riku?"_

_The angel smiled and nodded. "Yes, it's me. I told you I would find you!" Riku ran his knuckles against his cheek and sighed. "I was so afraid that they had captured you already. I thought I was too late."_

_Sora smiled and shook his head, reaching up to brush a hand across Riku's cheek, to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. "I wouldn't have let them get me. I would have died before my chance to see you again was taken away from me."_

_Riku laughed sadly, tears starting to drip from his eyes. "Sora, I lo—" The words stuck in Riku's throat as his eyes suddenly widened._

_Sora looked up at him in alarm as he started to gag. Blood oozed from between his lips._

"_Riku!"_

**o-o-o-o-o**

I awoke with a loud gasp just as the bell signaling the end of first hour rang. I ran my hands through my hair and against my face, surprised when I felt wetness on my cheeks. I pulled my hands away and stared at the salty tears that stuck to my fingers for a moment before I growled and buried my face in my hands.

"Are you okay, Sora?"

My shoulders stiffened at the sound of Kairi's voice. I had forgotten that I was in class, even as the other students filed out of the classroom. I pulled my hands away from my face and glanced up at Kairi slowly. She was watching me with genuine concern in her eyes, her brow furrowed and a frown on her face. She was standing but sat when she saw me look at her.

Kairi cocked her head to the side and brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. "You're not alright, are you? You had a nightmare."

It wasn't a question. She knew. This girl surprised me a little more every day.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. You could call it that."

She sighed and smiled softly. "You wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head. "No. Not really." I had no idea what it meant to begin with. How could I explain it to someone else who hadn't even seen it? And why was Riku in it?

There he was again. _Riku_. He was always in my thoughts and now he'd moved on and conquered my dreams, or so it seemed. But there had been something different about him in my dream. He had been kind, loving. He'd held me as if he were holding a lover. I shook my head as I remembered the pressure of his lips against my forehead.

_Riku_.

Was he ever going to leave me alone?

Kairi stood from her desk and held a hand out to me. "Well, we better go or we'll be late to our next classes. Don't want detention now, do we?"

Sighing, I shook my head and gathered my books. I stood and carefully weaved my way around her, ignoring the hand she had offered. I wanted the crowded hallway because there I would be shielded, lost amongst the groups of friends and cliques that filled the narrow corridors.

I quickly made it to my trig class and silently took my seat in the back of the room. I got my books out of my knapsack and grabbed a pencil to take notes, but I knew that I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on much. I still couldn't stop thinking about my dream and what it could mean. It probably meant nothing, but I wanted to know where it came from and, most of all, why I'd had it.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"Earth to Sora. Hello in there."

I blinked and shook my head slightly to jump back into reality. I was sitting in the cafeteria with Kairi and Roxas at "our" table. Hayner, Pence, Olette and Selphie (thank the gods) had yet to show up.

Roxas frowned and rested his chin in his hand as he stared at me. "You've been out of it since first period. Are you sure everything's okay?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah, positive," I muttered weakly. I knew he wouldn't fall for it, but I hoped he wouldn't press matters.

He sighed and rolled his eyes but dropped the subject. Kairi looked back and forth between us for a moment then clapped, a bright smile on her face.

"I know! You should go to the festival with us, Sora!"

I groaned. "Roxas already brought the subject up. I dunno…"

Kairi pouted and looked at me with her puppy dog eyes.

I rolled my eyes. "It doesn't work. I'm the heartless bastard who is immune to all things cute and cuddly, remember? You dubbed me that yourself, if I recall correctly."

She narrowed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me, but I shoved it off with a shrug. So what if I was cold? The only friend I had ever had the intention of keeping was Roxas. Kairi and the others were the ones who had shoved themselves into my life, so I had the right to be cold to them if I wanted…even if it meant that I was going to be called a heartless bastard in the process.

I sighed and stirred the vanilla pudding on my lunch tray with a fork, my thoughts wandering off on their own again. It didn't take long before a familiar form began to take shape in my head. Tall with pale skin…silver hair to his mid-back…deep, cold green eyes…always dressed in beautiful, dark-colored clothes.

I grumbled quietly under my breath and stabbed my fork into my tray, the prongs sticking in the Styrofoam bottom. Why? Why was I always thinking about him? Why couldn't I be like every "normal" teenage boy and think about the supermodels on television or something? I was thinking about a guy…all the time…

Shaking my head, I stood up from the table and grabbed my tray. Roxas and Kairi looked at me in surprise but I glared at them.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

I slung by knapsack over my shoulder and stalked away from the table. I stopped by the trashcans and dumped my tray, then shoved open the double doors and disappeared into the hallway. The silence that followed was bliss. For the first time all day, I was able to think halfway clearly.

I walked into the first bathroom I passed and could have sang to the gods when I saw that it was empty. I pushed my way into the handicapped stall at the back of the room and dropped my bags on to the floor. I followed, sliding my back down the wall until I was sitting on the cold tile floor. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the wall.

I still hadn't been able to come up with a logical reason for having the dream. I still had no idea where it had come from or why Riku and I had been together in such a way. It bothered me, but not as much as I wished it had. I knew that I was attracted to Riku. Hell, how could I be attracted to him? He was a walking sex god, after all.

I sighed and opened my eyes. I shrugged my jacket from my shoulders and groped to my side for my knapsack. I flipped it open and dug around until I found my compass. I pulled the silver tool from my bag and stared at the sharp point as I moved it closer and closer to the skin at the inside of my arm.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

I jumped and the compass tumbled from my hand, making a loud "clanging" noise against the floor. I glanced beneath the door and saw a pair of feet standing where the sinks would be. I hadn't heard anyone walk in! How had they been so quiet?

A laugh, then: "So predictable."

That voice was so familiar. I knew it.

The feet gracefully moved closer to my stall, stopping only a few feet away. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, trying to calm my raging heart. When I failed, I opened my eyes and grabbed my compass and shoved it back into my backpack. Then I stood from the floor and opened the door. I had to know if I was hallucinating or not.

I wasn't.

Standing to the right of my door was Riku, leaning with his back against the door of the next stall and his arms crossed over his chest. He smirked at me when I looked at him and pushed himself away from the door. My heart felt like it was about to explode. I was close to Riku every day in my chemistry class but he'd never looked at me the way he was now.

He took a step closer to me and I stepped back. He took another step closer and I took another step back. I walked backwards until my back ran into the wall behind me, and watched with scared eyes as Riku closed in on me. Thankfully, he stopped a few feet away and crossed his arms over his chest, his aquamarine eyes examining me from head to toe.

"Wh-what do you want?"

He laughed and took a step forward. I gulped…loudly. That only succeeded in making him laugh again and take another step closer. There was less than a foot of room between us now and it was only then that I noticed how much taller he was than me. He easily out-measured me by at least a head. His long, silver hair and pale skin blended in with the navy long-sleeved shirt and black turtleneck zip-up vest he wore.

"Are you scared of me, Sora?" he whispered. His voice was calm and intimidating, but something that flashed behind his eyes made me shake my head.

"No, I'm not. Should I be?"

He smiled and shrugged and took another step forward, successfully pinning me between the wall and himself. I gulped and looked up at him through my bangs. The smile on his face combined with the look in his eyes was positively wicked.

"It would make things much easier if you were," he whispered.

Before I had time to question him, he dipped his head and kissed me. My eyes widened and I immediately used all of my strength to push him away. He stumbled backwards with a half-pained, half-incredulous look in his eyes.

"What the fuck?" I shouted. "Stay away from me!"

Riku smiled and his eyes darkened. He shook his head and pressed me tighter against the wall, his lips against my ear. He laughed and the gust of breath sent a shiver rippling down my spine.

"No. I won't let go. Not since I've found you again."

I closed my eyes in preparation for a punch, but I was surprised when I felt the gentle press of his lips against mine again. My eyes snapped open and I found myself drowning in Riku's twin oceans. My arms wrapped around his neck of their own accord and my eyes slipped closed as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

I sighed when he pulled away. His fingers drifted lightly across my neck, where traces of the bruise my mother had given me still lingered. His fingers were soon replaced by his lips, each kiss draining away the pain my mother had caused me. I forgot about her…forgot about the outside world. His touch was intoxicating. I knew that I would never be able to get enough.

I know that I should have pushed him away and I really know that I should have told him to get the fuck away from me when I'd had the chance, but something about what was happening—being held in his arms, being touched by him, just _being_ with him—felt completely and utterly right. For some inexplicable reason, I felt like I had found someone I'd been hunting down for centuries. A lost love that I had parted with in tragedy many years ago.

I didn't want to let him go.

I shivered as his teeth dragged across my skin and moaned his name quietly, burying my fingers in his hair. I lifted my head to give him access to more skin but he pushed himself away from me violently. He was across the bathroom by the time I opened my eyes, looking at me again with hatred in his eyes.

"What is it about you?" he whispered.

I cracked open my eyes and watched as his emotions raged across his face. Sadness, pain, want, anger, lust, hatred, love…they all blended together and formed a seven-headed demon that looked so beautiful on his face.

"Why now? Why have you returned after leaving me in loneliness for so long?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. His words confused me, but my own words forced a blush to my face. "I…I don't know. What is it with _you_? You haunt my thoughts, you haunt my dreams, and now you haunt my reality," I whispered. "I can't seem to get away from you."

He growled and turned to look at his reflection in the mirror behind him like I had on many a night at home. He gripped the edges of the sink so hard that his knuckles were white.

"Riku…I…"

I jumped as he looked at me. He looked so angry, like I had done something to him when I hadn't done anything at all. It scared me to see him that way again. He looked like he wanted to hurt me.

"Riku…"

He shook his head. "Don't, Sora."

I frowned and pushed myself away from the wall. His expression grew darker with each step I took closer to him, but I ignored it. I didn't care.

"Don't, Sora," he warned again.

The words fell on deaf ears. I took the last step and looked up at him with a frown on my face.

"It's not fair to play with a boy's heart, you know," I muttered. "You touch me so gently and I feel empty when you let go. You kiss me so tenderly and I feel drunk with the press of your lips against mine. Then you shove me away coldly and glare at me like you hate me." I laughed sadly.

He roughly grabbed my face and attacked my lips again. The kiss was hot and passionate and gentle all at the same time. I was the first to pull away. My breath came in loud gasps, making my chest head and my head spin. I melted in a pile of goo in Riku's arms. My body slumped forward and I rested my forehead on his shoulder. Riku pulled me flush against his body and rested his cheek atop my head. His hands ran slowly and calmingly through my hair. He kissed my temple softly.

"I've missed you," he muttered and kissed my temple again, pulling me tighter against him. "Gods, how I've missed you."

I sighed and let my arms wrap around his neck, allowing my eyes to slip closed. Almost immediately, a rush of images assaulted across my vision.

Riku covered in blood like my dream, his eyes blank and fading. Roxas with the pair of beautiful black wings sprouting from his shoulder blades. Riku with a smile on his face while walking through a moonlit garden. Roxas in a sickbay. A gleaming white palace. An identical black palace. Roxas and Axel locked in a passionate kiss. Dark nights. Beautiful white wings. A silver crown pendant. Green. Silver. Blue. Red. Blonde. White. Black.

The images began to flash too quickly for me to make anything of them. They blurred together then just became flashes of a single color. They were moving too fast. It was going to make me sick. I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't listen to my commands. My heads tightened into fists in the fabric of Riku's shirt.

"Sora."

My face was cradled gently between Riku's hands. His thumbs gently ran back and forth across my cheeks. Tears welled up in my clenched eyes and spilled over. I heard Riku gasp and then he was on them, kissing and licking my tears away.

"Sora…open your eyes…"

I moaned quietly and tried opening them again. This time they slid open easily and I was happily greeted with Riku's half-smiling, half-frowning face. He brushed my hair out of my face and tucked the stray hands behind my ear, then kissed my forehead. I blinked and let my eyes study him before I decided it was safe for me to speak.

"Kurai and Akari…" I muttered and felt Riku stiffen. I sighed. "Roxas wasn't lying. They're real places, aren't they? They really exist. They're not just in my dreams."

He shook his head. "They _were_ real, but not anymore. They were destroyed in the war long ago."

I sighed and furrowed my brow. "War? What war? What did I see? I don't understand, Riku." I buried my face in his shoulder. "Why…why does this feel so right? Why didn't I push you away? Why did you look at me like you wanted to kill me yesterday? Why…?"

"You still have a lot to remember…" he stated, more to himself than to me. He closed his eyes and sighed, reopening them with a smile on his face. "And I didn't look at you like I wanted to kill you. Devour you, maybe. But I didn't want to kill you."

I pulled away from his shoulder and glared at him. "_Devour_, me? What the hell? Do I look like something that's been deep-fried and smothered in chocolate to you?"

He chuckled and nipped my bottom lip playfully. "No, but you taste like it."

The small glint that passed through his eyes gave me the impression that he wasn't talking about my lips. Heat spread across my face and I buried my face in his shoulder before he could see me blush. He laughed and kissed the top of my head softly and pulled me away from him.

"I have to go," he whispered and kissed me quickly on the mouth. "Roxas is quick and it wouldn't be good if he found me here. I would be the one being killed then." He laughed and kissed me again before heading toward the door. "I'll call you tonight, and answer your phone this time."

And then he left. The door clicked shut and I was left alone in the bathroom. I growled and ran out the door after him, but I was too late. He was already lost in the crowd of people who had flooded the halls.

Sighing, I shoved my hands in my pockets and joined the crowd. I could still feel his lips on mine. I could still taste him. I just hoped that Roxas wouldn't realize that something happened because then I'd be dead too.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Riku wasn't in chemistry. Axel showed up but Riku's empty seat lingered between us like a gaping void in the universe. But the thing that made me angry was that I missed him like nothing I had ever missed before in my life. I should have been glad that I didn't have to suffer from the uncomfortable closeness we had to bear during this class, but I wasn't. I wanted to feel him sitting next to me, to know if he might let our elbows touch this time.

Roxas felt my distress and looked at me every so often out of the corner of his eye. I hadn't talked to him since my rude departure from the cafeteria earlier that afternoon and he hadn't bothered to try and attempt conversation between us. I know that he knew something had happened that I didn't want to talk about, and I was relieved that he wasn't going to bring it up.

The hour passed quickly and we were released with a homework assignment that was due on Wednesday. I gathered my things and was waiting for Roxas when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and was surprised to see Axel standing behind me with a small smile on his face.

"Riku wanted me to give this to you," he muttered and held out a small piece of paper.

I took it carefully and stuck it in my pocket. "Thanks, I guess."

He nodded and left the room. I turned back to Roxas to see what he was doing. He was standing and watching me with a mixture of apprehension and confusion on his face. I could tell that he wanted to ask about what had happened, and that it was taking everything he had for him to keep his mouth shut.

I smiled at him sadly. "I'm just not ready to talk about. But I _will_ come to you when I'm ready, okay?"

He sighed and nodded, smiling brightly. It was amazing how something so small could turn someone's mood around. We left the classroom and were almost to our separating point for our next classes when he finally spoke.

"Are you going to read the note or what?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Should have known that was coming. We found a free corner and stopped so I could read it. I pulled the paper out of my pocket and made sure Roxas wasn't trying to read it over my shoulder before I finally let my eyes drift over it.

_Meet me at the café downtown after school.  
__I'll be waiting for you. I want to see you.  
__-R_

I finished the note and folded it and stuffed it back into my pocket. Roxas was watching me with a smile on his face.

"Well…"

I shrugged and started down the hallway for my next class.

"You really suck, I hope you know that!" he shouted after me.

I laughed and waved at Roxas over my shoulder as I turned a corner. My hand gravitated into my pocket and held the note tight. So he wanted to meet me so he could talk to me, huh? I laughed. I'd have to see how far that conversation could go before we started to argue (or make-out) like we did today. It would be interesting. Maybe we could make it to an all-time high and not argue (or make-out) at all.

I shook my head. Yeah right. If we didn't start arguing (or making-out) over something trivial within the first five minutes of seeing each other, it was going to be a miracle. Yet, for some unknown reason, I couldn't wait to see him again, and I knew that he was going to be the only thing in my head until we met again tomorrow afternoon.

TBC…  
------------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: Hurrah! Finally something to release the tension between Riku and Sora. _::sighs::_ I really liked writing that scene. 'Twas fun...

To come:  
_Dates…costume shopping…the Pumpkin Festival and Halloween parties…Riku and Axel's secret is revealed…_

Once again, thanks to you guys who left reviews. They're greatly appreciated! _::hugs you all::... _I'll try my hardest to keep up-to-date, but as I said before, don't be surprised if I can't...

Ja mata ne!


	6. Chapter Four: Love Suicide

This entire chapter is pretty much written on inspiration from the song "I'll Be" by Goo Goo Dolls. Goshness that song screams Riku/Sora at me. My quote doesn't do the song justice…'tis why the whole thing is used in the fic…

I apologize for anything wrong with this chapter, especially typos. I've read over it, but I'm sitting in a Holiday Inn somewhere in Ohio at the moment and really don't have the time to read over it very well. Tell me if anything's wrong (ku-chan, I know you will) and I'll correct it when I'm back home...sooner if I have the time...

And thanks, you guys, for your thoughts on my grandma..._::hugs::_...They meant a lot. She was an amazing woman...

WARNINGS: naughty language…shounen-ai…

**Disclaimer:** me no own it… "I'll Be" belongs to Goo Goo Dolls…

"_I've dropped out, burned up, and fought my way back from the dead.  
__I've tuned on and turned on and remember the day that you said…"_

—"_I'll Be" Goo Goo Dolls…_

**Chapter Four:  
Love Suicide…**

When the bell rang for school to be dismissed, I think I could have danced for joy. I jumped up from my seat and all but mauled over my fellow students so I could get to my locker and out of there as quickly as I could. For some reason unbeknownst to me, Roxas was waiting for me at my locker when I got there, a wicked grin on his face.

"Something happened between the two of you, didn't it?"

I shook my head and try my hardest to ignore him while I got into my locker to put my things away. I threw the random books I needed for my homework into my bag and flung it over my shoulder, throwing one last look into my locker before slamming the door. I took off down the hall without waiting for Roxas, but he managed to catch up with me.

"Something _did_." He laughed. "Tell me."

I shook my head and heard him whine beside me.

"Oh, come on, Sora. I'm your best friend. It's not like I didn't know you were attracted to him or anything 'cause it was sooooo obvious."

I growled at his long, drawn out "so." So what if I was attracted to him. Who wasn't? I glanced at Roxas out of the corner of my eye. Was _he_ attracted to Riku? I glared at a girl we passed in the hallway. Was _she_ attracted to Riku?

When I caught what I was doing, I shook my head and mentally slapped myself. What the hell? I was acting like a jealous girlfriend. It wasn't like we had talked about dating or anything. He had just stuck his tongue down my throat. It didn't mean anything, right? Of course not! It was just something that had happened in the heat of the moment.

But if that's all it was…why did I want it to happen again?

I shook my head violently and pushed my way through the last barrier that separated me from the outside world. I threw the double doors open and took the stairs in a half-run, half-walk. Roxas stayed beside me the entire time, even as I started to head deeper into town.

"I'm not going to tell you anything, so it's no use following me," I muttered.

He laughed and shrugged. "I know. Maho asked me to stop by the store on the way home to get some milk."

I sighed and quickened my pace a bit. He never left my side. I growled under my breath and glared at him. He returned it with a smile.

"Don't you have to go to work?"

"Don't _you _have somewhere to be? I don't want to show up at the café with a tag-along," I replied in a harsher tone than I had intended. I knew that I had work, but I didn't care. They could fire me for all I cared, and I would happily walk away. All I wanted at the moment was to see Riku. Nothing else mattered. Not even my friendship, it was beginning to seem.

Roxas frowned at my words, and I saw a brief flash of hurt cross his face, but it was too late to take back what I had said. It was kind of true. I didn't want to show up at the café with someone with me. I wanted to actually sit and have a halfway decent talk with Riku before we started arguing (or making-out).

"No worries," Roxas said after a second. "I don't like coffee anyway." He smiled but there was nothing behind it. It had just been something to hide his sadness.

"Roxas…"

He shook his head and slowed to a stop at a pedestrian crosswalk. We stood in silence. I let my eyes roam above us to watch a small group as they hung a sign advertising the Pumpkin Festival from a pair of telephone poles so it drooped over the road.

Roxas moved beside me and pulled my attention back onto him. He was staring at something in a shop's window. I went to his side and looked inside to see what had captured his attention. I couldn't keep my gasp at bay.

The shop was a small book store and the window displayed several new releases or re-releases that they had or were going to have in stock. Sitting in the center of the display was a large hard-backed book with a beautiful painting decorating its front.

"_A Millennium of Pain_," I read out loud. "_Tales and Prophecies from Akari and Kurai_…? Roxas. Is that book about what I think it's about?"

He nodded. "Yeah. They pulled that book from the shelves years ago. I hadn't realized they were re-releasing it."

I sighed and rested a hand on the glass between me and the book. This was perfect. If it was really about Akari and Kurai, then maybe I could learn something from it. Maybe I could find out who I was and why I was having these dreams… Why I was so attracted to Riku… I wanted it.

"I have a copy. It's old, but you can read it if you want."

I turned to him with quite possibly the largest smile I had ever given on my face. "I would love you forever."

He laughed. "I dunno what Riku would think about that, but alright."

I glared at him then jumped. "Riku! I gotta go, Roxas!"

But he was already gone. I started to run to catch up with him, but the light flashed from the white person to the hand again and I was barred off by traffic.

"Roxas, wait!!"

He turned and smiled at me, shaking his head. "You know the café is right there on the other corner. Go ahead. I'll bring that book for you tomorrow." He turned and waved over his shoulder and, with the passing of a large truck, he was gone.

Sighing, I turned on my heel and surveyed the small brick building across the street from me. It looked nice from the outside, like it was owned by an older couple or something, with flower boxes hanging from the windows and little wind chimes over the windows. It didn't look like the kind of place I would have expected Riku to pick.

With a deep breath, I shoved my hands into my pockets and waited patiently for the pedestrian light to tell me that it was safe to go. It felt like an icy anvil fell into the pit of my stomach when the hand flashed and changed into the person and I shivered slightly as I made my way across the street. I wondered if he even showed up. Maybe this was just another chance for him to get to play with me. He was probably standing behind a dumpster somewhere, laughing quietly to himself as he watched me walk into the café.

But I was wrong. Before the wind chimes on the door could jingle as the door sealed my fate behind me, my eyes landed on the table in the back corner that he'd decided to make his…soon to be ours. He sat in the chair with perfect posture, sipping slowly from a cup of coffee as his eyes drilled holes into me.

I felt like I was frozen where I stood. This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come. He was going to sit there and criticize me the entire time, with words and gestures. No. I wouldn't let him do that. Of everyone in the world, he was suddenly the only person I wouldn't be able to bare to hate me. If he hated me, all was lost. I could just curl up in a ball and resign to my fate now because it would all be over.

"Can I help you, Hon?"

I jumped slightly and looked to my right to see a middle-aged lady regarding me cautiously. I smiled at her and shook my head, relieved when her look of apprehension seemed to disappear.

"Thank you, though. I'm just here to meet someone."

"Oh. You must mean, Riku. He said that he was going to have company today." She smiled as she glanced back at where he sat. "I'm glad. He always looks so lonely when he comes here."

I tried my hardest to chuckle and waved to the nice woman before making myself walk to the table. I half-smiled at Riku as I took my seat. He smiled back and sat a little straighter in his chair.

"Well…that was a little embarrassing." He laughed quietly.

"You come here a lot?"

He nodded. "Yeah, quite a bit. It's my favorite place to come and just sit. Missy is like a mother-hen, and she always gives me free coffee."

I smiled and sighed inwardly. So maybe things weren't going to go as badly as I'd first thought. Maybe they would actually go well. Hopefully. We fell into small talk, my need to ask him about why he'd kissed me and about why he'd done everything he had fading off into the distance. Conversation came easily between us. Almost too easily. It scared me in a way, but anything was better than the horrible awkwardness I had been expecting.

Missy came after a bit and asked me if I wanted some coffee. I tried to refuse but she insisted and got me a chai latte on Riku's orders. I sipped it warily at first, but soon downed half the glass. It was almost too good to be legal.

Riku laughed and I glared at him. "What's so funny?"

He shrugged and propped his chin in his palm on the table, his eyes regarding me with something I couldn't quite name…something that made me edgy and nervous. I started to open my mouth to ask him what was wrong, but he cut me off with a question of his own.

"Sora… Have you been having any strange dreams lately?"

The question startled me. Some part of me wanted to jump out and say "Oh, you mean the dreams where I sprout gigantic white wings and live in a kingdom?" and another part of me just wanted to keep my mouth shut. Like usual, my mind couldn't agree on one or the other so it settled with something in-between.

"Depends on your definition of strange. Everyone has dreams every now and then, right?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess," he said, but didn't continue.

I furrowed my brow. "Why? Have you been having strange dreams lately?"

He laughed quietly. "Depends on your definition of strange."

"Hey! No fair! You can't go stealing my words. You owe me a quarter, you thief!"

He chuckled and shook his head. "You didn't patent them so they're free for me to use whenever I want."

I stuck my tongue out at him and scrunched up my nose. "Meanie."

"You always were great at changing the subject."

I had to check my memory to make sure I'd head the words correctly. They were so quiet—so sad—and I got the immediate sense to reach out and hold him to me. Something in me wanted to do everything in its power to make sure his voice didn't sound like that. He was supposed to be happy because he was with me. Not sad.

"Riku…I…"

He frowned and furrowed his brow, a sudden look of sadness filling his beautiful eyes. "Sora…do you remember anything? You know…do you remember…us?"

I furrowed my brow. My heart screamed "Yes!" but my mind was telling me something completely different. "Wh-what do you mean? How can I remember something that hasn't happened?"

He sighed and hung his head, another sad laugh slipping past his lips. "Yeah…I guess you're right."

"Riku…I…I'm sorry, but…" I sighed. "Something inside my heart tells me that I've seen you before. That I've held you before, kissed you before…loved you before. But how…how can that be? I mean… It's not like I'm a reincarnation or anything, right, so that's pretty much impossible."

He lifted his head and looked at me. The sadness and love in his eyes made me gasp out loud, to my own displeasure. At its own accord, my hand lifted from the table and gently brushed a lock of his long hair back behind his ear. He sighed at the touch and closed his eyes.

"Sora. You don't know what you're doing to me when you do that; what just being around you does to me. It's insane. Everything from before… Why is it taking you so long to remember?"

I pulled my hand away and returned it to the table. I wasn't being very fair to him. Just being in my presence was filing him with so much pain. I hadn't needed his words to know his feelings. His pain radiated from his skin, just like his love and despair.

"Do you wanna go for a walk? You know, just to get away from here for a bit so we can talk a little more privately?"

I sighed as the words left my mouth and glanced up at him warily. His eyes were wide with surprise, and all I could do was smile sheepishly and say the next spontaneous thing that popped into my head.

"I want to know more about…us…and about what my dreams mean and I hope you can answer my questions or else I'm going to go insane. Well…it's a little late for that, but…you know…"

"Sora…you…I…"

I smiled and jumped up from my seat. "Come on!" I grabbed his hand, pulling him up from his seat. "We can go back to my house. No one's there."

He frowned but let me pull him toward the door. I heard Missy laughing somewhere off in the background, but it died as the door closed behind us and I started to pull him down the street. I barely got one footstep in, though, before he tugged on my hand and pulled my attention back toward him.

"I…um…have a car so I can drive instead of walking."

I couldn't stop my mouth from forming the typical "o" shape before I let out an embarrassed laugh. "Yeah, that would be better. My house is about a fifteen minute walk from here."

He smiled and dug around in his jacket pocket before pulling out a set of keys and pushing a button on the keypad. The lights of a nearby car flashed in the growing twilight and loud "bleeping" filled the air. I couldn't help but to drool when I realized that he was walking toward that same car.

"Toyota Spider…MR2?" I could almost feel the drool dripping from my chin. "Silver. Black top."

He chuckled and pulled open the driver's side door. I followed and climbed into the passenger seat, rubbing my hands along every inch of every surface I could get my fingers on. He laughed again as he started the engine and my eyes rolled back in my head.

"You're the first person to have an orgasmic experience in this thing."

My eyes snapped open and my face heated instantly. "I…I…" I shook my head and looked away from him. "This car is damn sexy." If I could have beat myself in the head without looking any crazier than I already did, I would have at that moment. Unfortunately, it was impossible so I continued with my "orgasmic experience" by snuggling into the seat and closing my eyes as he started down the road.

The drive continued in silence for a couple more minutes, just our breathing and the rumble of the engine filing the interior, but Riku had to shatter the moment by speaking up.

"So…am I going to have to guess where you live or…"

I didn't even open my eyes to reply to him. "If you keep going straight, you'll turn right onto Weston Ridge Road. My house is the third one on the left."

I don't know if he nodded, but he didn't reply using words. He just kept driving. I let my eyes drift open as he took a quick right onto my street. In my excitement over his car, my nervousness about our conversation to come had died, but now that my house was in sight, it came back in an onslaught of panic and fear. This was it. I was finally going to get some answers about my dreams and the emotions that raged throughout my mind whenever I was in Riku's presence.

It was about time.

He slowed and quickly turned into my driveway, stopping, throwing the car in park, and taking the keys out of the ignition in one easy, fluid motion. I fished around for my keys in my pocket as we walked across the vibrant green grass of our front lawn and up the steps to the front porch. Before I had time to think about what was happening, I closed and locked the door behind us and turned to Riku with an embarrassed sort of smile on my face. Why embarrassed? Because I had just realized how overzealous and quite possibly crazy I had been while leaving the café, that's why.

"No one's home?" The question was barely a mutter.

I shook my head. "No. My mom hasn't been home outside of getting clothes and leaving me money for about two weeks now, so I don't think we need to worry about her." Something in my head was screaming at me that there was something else…someone else…but I ignored it.

Without saying a word, I slipped out of my shoes and waited a second for Riku to do the same before leading the way upstairs to my bedroom. I wasn't being the greatest host in the world by foregoing the whole "Would you like something to drink?" routine, but I hoped that Riku would be able to forgive me for that.

I closed my bedroom door behind us and smiled at him in an even more embarrassed way. Things had gone from crazy to quasi-exciting to awkward _way_ too fast. I wasn't sure of the correct way to handle things. And the way Riku was looking at me really didn't help matters any. His eyes were roaming over my body as if he'd seen me naked and had every inch of my skin memorized. If my past was really what he said it was, he probably had. I couldn't help but blush.

Using the most overused ice breaker in the world, I coughed and tried the whole smiling thing one more time. It came a little easier this time. Not much, but at least it wasn't as strained.

I walked past Riku to my bed and grabbed the remote control for my stereo from my bed stand. I clicked it on to the radio with the volume so low that I had to strain my ears to know what song was playing. It wasn't one that I knew, but just having the added noise in the room helped to calm my nerves a bit.

I plopped down on my bed and turned my attention to Riku. He'd started to survey my room, walking alongside my bookshelf and desk to examine what was on them. My eyes followed him in wonder. His every move was so graceful and perfect that it ought to have been illegal.

Riku's perfect pale fingers grazed gently along the glass of the only picture frame I had in my room. Behind the glass was a photo of Leon and I that had been taken around Christmas two years before. Leon had his arm hooked around my neck and the sky blue ribbon he'd pressed onto my head while unwrapping presents was still stuck in my hair. It was my favorite picture of the two of us for a couple of reasons. It had been taken only days before I had started cutting myself and a couple of weeks before the first anniversary of our father's death. We both looked so happy and carefree, like nothing in the world mattered.

A faint smile tugged at Riku's lips as he turned to me. "This is your brother, isn't it?"

I nodded. "The one and only. That was the last time Leon was able to come home before we moved here. Somehow I don't think that he really cares, but…" I trailed off. My thoughts on my brother weren't significant. Only the thought of Leon sent a pang of guilt through my heart. There were so many things I needed to tell him.

"You're happy in this picture," he noted. "It's nice."

I shrugged. "Meh…happiness has its downfalls."

Riku laughed and shook his head, returning to his examination of my little trinkets on top of my desk. I sighed and cocked my head to the side as he brushed his fingers along the curves of a snow globe my father had given me after he had returned home from a business trip in Kyoto. A mini temple raised on a mini hill sat in the center of the globe, with a grove of mini cherry trees surrounding it. He picked it up and tipped it upside down, watching as hundreds of tiny pale pink blossoms floated to the bottom when tipped right-side up again.

"…your dreams?"

I shook my head and blinked a couple of times to shove myself back into reality. "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

He frowned and set the snow globe back in the shelf. "Can you tell me about your dreams?"

"Oh, yeah." It goes without saying that I felt beyond stupid for zoning out on him. "What do you want hear?"

He shrugged and settled down into my desk chair, watching me the entire time. "Whatever you're willing to share. If you don't want to tell me about it, then I won't ever know the difference."

For some reason, I felt like he was lying—that he really would know the difference—but I wanted to test my luck. I didn't want to share my last two dreams with him, not until I had the time to really know what they meant. Maybe I would share them after I heard some of his story.

Sighing, I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes, concentrating on the first dream I had had. Once I remembered how the dream had ended, the rest of it came surging forth.

"I was in an office. White, everything was white, like what people think the inside of a mental hospital would look like, but it wasn't a mental hospital. It was a business-like office with a bunch of books and everything. Two people were in the room. I dunno who the man was, but I want to call him Ansem for some reason. He was blonde and had eyes the color of his hair. The other was Roxas. He looked exactly the same except he was dressed in cream robes and he had a pair of beautiful black wings.

"The Ansem man said that he needed an ambassador to go into the kingdom of Kurai for him. He chose me, and Roxas was to be my guide because he was originally from Kurai, or something like that. We agreed and he sent us on our way. I was excited about going to Kurai but Roxas was all depressed. I did something with a pendent I wore and suddenly had a pair of my own wings. Night had fallen over wherever we were but I could see a mountain from the balcony we stood on. I offered to race Roxas to it and…that's when I woke up. I jumped over the edge of the balcony and next thing I knew I was awake."

I sighed and shook my head. Now that I'd heard it out-loud, I realized how ridiculous the dream was. Kingdoms? Wings like an angels? There was no way that it had any significance whatsoever to what Riku had to tell me, if he was even going to share anything with me now. If he hadn't thought me a psycho with my actions from before, he probably thought me one now.

Deciding to take a chance, I opened my eyes and glanced across the room. As I thought, Riku was watching me, but there was something different in his eyes. I'm not sure what it was. It seemed like a mixture between joy, surprise, and sadness.

I laughed awkwardly and pushed myself into the sitting position, dangling my legs over the side of my bed again. "Yeah, crazy huh?" I shrugged. "But what of it? Crazy people dream of crazy things, right?"

He blinked and his brow winkled. "Whatever makes you think you're crazy, Sora? You're saner than most people in the world today."

I shrugged and feigned interest in the basketball under my feet, rolling it back and forth across my grey-tan carpet. There were a lot of things that made me think that I was crazy. I relied on a blade for my sanity, for one. If that didn't give me any points on the crazy board then I don't know what did. Then there was also the fact that I kept my mother's abuse a secret from everyone who needed to know. Well…nobody _needed_ to know, but there were those who that the _right_ to know.

Frigid, gentle fingers barely touched the skin beneath my chin and lifted my face. Before I was given the chance to fight it, I was drowning in the swirling depths of Riku's ocean-colored eyes. I couldn't read his expression and, not being Kairi, I couldn't read his emotions or thoughts. His eyes were gentle and calm…loving. It unnerved me, but I didn't want him to let me go. I would most definitely drown if he were to let me go.

"Sora, you are beautiful. You are talented. You are kind-hearted. You are gentle." He sighed and sat down on my bed beside me, his fingers still beneath my chin to guide my gaze with him. "You are _not_ crazy, insane, or psychotic. There is nothing wrong with you."

I laughed mentally. _'If only you knew.'_ For some reason, I got the same feeling as I had earlier; that he did, indeed, know about everything.

I shook my head. No. If he knew, he would do something to stop it. I hadn't known Riku for long, but I knew that he wasn't the kind of person to just sit back and watch while someone suffered like I was. No. In some ways, he and Kairi were very much alike.

Then something clicked in my head. Had he just called me _beautiful_? And talented, kind-hearted, and gentle? Wait, wait, wait… What…?

I focused my attention back on Riku's face, trying my hardest to avoid his eyes. It didn't take much for me to realize that he was fighting every bone in his body to not kiss me. Thankfully he was winning because I don't know what I would have done had he kissed me at that very moment.

He sighed and dropped his head, hiding his face behind a veil of long, silver hair. I frowned and cupped his cheek in the palm of my head, using it to lift his face so I could look him in the eye. Nothing but sadness showed in them now, but there were no tears. He was strong…so strong. He was the one who deserved the title of beautiful, not me.

"It's…" The words came out choked. I cleared my throat and started over again. "It's your turn."

He frowned and his lips formed words but I was quicker.

"I told you a story, now it's your turn. I want to know about us. Where we were from, what we did…all that good stuff."

Riku's frown turned to a small sad smile and he nodded, pulling away from me. He lay back on my bed, his hair spilling beautifully across my black pillowcase, and held his arms out, beckoning me. I gave in without a fight, settling down into his arms with my head resting on his chest. One of his arms found itself wrapped around my waist while the other stayed behind my head so its fingers could twine themselves in my hair.

With a deep sigh, he started his half of the deal.

"We were from warring kingdoms. I was of the kingdom of Kurai while you were of the kingdom of Akari. Both you and Roxas were sent to Kurai on a mission that you refused to share with me, even months after our relationship had began. I think I fell in love the moment I first saw you. You were so beautiful and oh-so-out of place in the kingdom. Kurai was born on sin and tragedy while Akari thrived on innocence and joy. Liken them to Paradise and Hell, if you will.

"I was the youngest prince of Kurai and, as an ambassador of sorts from Akari, you were housed in the castle. I don't know how many nights I snuck into you room, just watching you sleep. It wasn't until we ran into each other at the market, of all places, that I learned your name. Sora. I knew immediately from my studies of the old language that it meant sky. You asked my name. I told you that it was Riku, the land to your sky. You smiled, bowed, and went along with your day like you hadn't met me. I wasn't able to stop thinking about you."

He stopped and I frowned at the great sadness that had been in his voice. I tipped my chin up to look at him, but his eyes were closed and his face was as emotionless as I had ever seen it. Cautiously, I reached up and gently brushed his bangs from his face, but he still didn't open his eyes.

"Please don't stop, Riku. I want to hear more."

He nodded and took a single deep, stabilizing breath before continuing.

"The kingdom of Kurai took a great liking to you and was saddened when you had to return to Akari after a month. But you reassured us that you would return. And you did. An eternity of two months later, you finally returned with Roxas as your bodyguard once again. This time, I vowed that I would make sure we had company together. So I requested that I have dinner with you one night and you agreed, not knowing who I was other than a prince of Kurai.

"I honestly don't remember where our acquaintance ended and our relationship began, but it was sometime during that life-changing dinner. After that, we met with each other at least once a day, usually in the palace gardens where we would wander aimlessly for hours on end, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time."

He closed his eyes and sighed, and I knew that was all I was going to get out of him. I sighed as well and let my head fall back onto his shoulder while I processed what he'd said. His story had been beautiful and obviously very painful for him to share with me. I felt his sadness, but something within me also _knew_ his sadness. It was almost like I'd remembered it, but I knew that I hadn't. It had just been a story, after all…

Hadn't it?

I closed my eyes and shook my head as my emotions raged. What was this emotion that I was feeling? It was so alien to me that I couldn't even fathom naming it. I'd felt sadness and even felt joy at some point in my life, but this was neither of those…or anything. It felt like a gaping void that had been in my heart forever was just revealing itself. I felt…empty, alone…afraid, but those still didn't give what I was feeling justice.

"Sora…someone's at your door," Riku whispered.

I gasped and jumped out of bed as I heard the front door squeak open and the footsteps that soon followed. Two sets of steps. It wasn't my mom.

"Hello? Anyone home? Sora?"

I sighed as I recognized the voice. "It's okay. It's only Leon." I turned to Riku with a small frown on my face. "You won't leave?"

He shook his head. "No. I promise."

I nodded and pulled my door open, dashing down the hall to stop at the top of the stairs. Leon was waiting at the bottom, his signature frown on his face but the glint in his eyes belied it. A blonde I had never seen before stood with him. He looked up at me and I had to stifle my gasp. His eyes were inhumanly blue. They looked like they would glow if you turned the lights out.

"Hey, Sora. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

I nodded and ran down the stairs to embrace my older brother. He laughed and patted the top of my head gently.

"Nice to see you in a good mood for once."

I pulled away and grinned sheepishly, running a hand back through my hair. Leon shook his head and gestured to the blonde.

"This is Cloud, my roommate."

I smiled at him. "Nice to meet you."

He responded with a slight nod.

"Sorry I'm late and not alone, but Cloud insisted on meeting you for some reason and refused to stay home." He glanced at the blonde with a look in his eyes that I'd never seen before, at least not on him. "What did you want to talk about? Anything interesting."

I furrowed my brow and sighed. Yeah, there were plenty of interesting things I needed to talk to him about, but I couldn't say it in front of Cloud. It would be hard enough to tell Leon about Mom when we were alone. Unless Cloud left, it would impossible for me to say anything. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Just come out and say "Hey! Look at this. Nice cut, huh? Yeah? Well, guess what. Mom did it. And every other bruise and cut on my face and around my throat…? Yeah, those are from her too."? Yeah, right. I'd either be shipped of to a mental hospital or to a foster home, neither of which were very inviting to me even if it meant getting away from my mom.

"Um, no. Not really. Can I not have an excuse to see my big brother?" I tried on my best pout and was glad when it worked.

Leon chuckled and ruffled my hair a bit. "I guess I really _have_ been neglecting you as a big brother, huh? Sorry."

I shrugged and sent a quick look up the stairs. I really hoped that Riku did as he'd promised and wouldn't leave or else he'd be getting an earful at school tomorrow. If he even showed up, that is.

I turned my attention back to Leon to see him looking at me in a strange sort of way. I smiled at him to make it go away. He smiled back, but the look never left his eyes. It really unnerved me and sent a shiver rippling down my spine.

"Well…" I coughed quietly. "You seem busy and I had to be an annoying little brother and see you, so I guess I'll let you go on your way and get back to whatever you were doing."

Leon frowned and opened his mouth to argue, but I caught him.

"You can't tell me that you'd rather stay here with me? Come on. You've got Cloud to keep you company. He's got to me more fun that I could ever be."

He sighed in defeat and ran a hand back through his long hair. "You're sure there's nothing you want to tell me?"

I nodded and smiled. "Yep, I'm sure. Just wanted to see you, is all."

He sighed again and turned for the door. He stopped as his hand turned the handle. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Just to check on you. Maybe Mom will be home so I can talk to her, too. I haven't seen her in a while."

I couldn't help the small laugh that snuck past my lips. Leon glanced back at me with a frown on his face but I shook my head and all but shoved him out the door; Cloud had already disappeared out on to the porch and probably to Leon's car.

"Have fun with Cloud. Tell him I said bye, since he just disappeared before I could say it myself."

Leon nodded, the same strange look in his steely blue eyes. Dad's eyes. Looking into them always managed to unsettle me. I watched Leon as he walked to his car and didn't close and lock the door until I saw him turn off the street.

The moment the lock clicked in the door, I broke. My knees collapsed beneath me and I tumbled to the floor, sobs wracking my body. I don't know where they came from, but they weren't from my toes. And they weren't the good kind of sobs, if there even is such a thing. No. They were the painful sobs that made it feel like your heart was being twisted in someone's fist.

I didn't hear him come down the stairs but I was suddenly lifted into Riku's arms and his soft voice filled my head, whispering sweet words I could barely understand through my distress. He rocked me back and forth in his arms. My hands balled tightly in the fabric of his shirt for the fear that he would disappear and leave me alone.

Riku lifted me from the ground and into his arms, but I didn't care. I let go of his shirt and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in the crook of his neck as he carried me upstairs and back to my bedroom. My sobs slowly died as we walked, but my tears refused to stop. When he reached my room, Riku lay down with me on my bed and held me tight to him. I snuggled into his warmth and sighed in content, sniffing away the last few tears that ran down my face.

Before I could tell my mind to do otherwise, I had drifted off into sleep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

No strange dreams about angels or kingdoms or death haunted my sleep. When I next awoke, it was too the steady sound of rain against my window. It was dark outside and I was still wrapped tightly in Riku's arms. His gentle breaths tickled my cheek. I smiled and snuggled into his embrace, sighing when his arms tightened around me reflexively. Or maybe it wasn't reflexively. Who was I to know?

I let my eyes drift closed, even though sleep was far from my mind. I fell into the rhythm of his breathing with my thoughts circling. He was still here. For the first time since Leon had gone off to college, I'd had someone with me when I broke down, someone to hold me and tell me that it was all going to be okay. And just knowing that I had been able to cry was a godsend. I hadn't cried properly in over a year and I suddenly felt cleansed of everything that had been building up over the past couple of days.

The familiar opening of a song pulled my attention to the stereo that sat across my room. I smiled and carefully pulled myself out of Riku's arms, immediately longing for his touch the moment it was gone. I sat cross-legged beside him and brushed his bangs back out of his face. As the song started, I sang along with it.

"_The strands in your eyes,  
__They color them wonderful.  
__Stop me from stealin' my breath.  
__Emeralds from mountain thrusts towards the sky,  
__And never revealing their depth_.

_Tell me, that we belong together.  
__Dress it up with the trappings of love.  
__I'll be captivated.  
__I'll hang from your lips  
__Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above…_"

My fingers cautiously danced across his face as I sang the words. He looked amazingly like a beautiful porcelain doll as he slept and I didn't want him to break. I would make sure to take care of him forever. I would make sure that he never turned out like I had. Broken. Junk…

I boldly ran a finger across his full bottom lip and longed to feel them on mine again, but I was too shy to take control and kiss him myself. The lyrics still flowed from my lips as I explored his face and moved my hand down to take his and hold it tenderly.

"…_And I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
__And I'll be love suicide  
__I'll be better when I'm older  
__I'll be the greatest fan of your life…_"

Riku sighed and his eyes fluttered open. I gasped and looked away from him. He chuckled and reached out, cupping the side of my face in a gentle hand to make me look at him.

"Don't stop singing," he whispered. "I've missed hearing your voice."

I nodded and continued with the song, closing my eyes as the lyrics to the next verse flowed from my mouth.

"…_And rain falls angry on the tin roof  
__As we lie awake in my bed.  
__You're my survivor.  
__You're my living proof  
__My love is alive and not dead._

_And tell me that we belong together.  
__Dress it up with the trappings of love.  
__I'll be captivated.  
__I'll hang from your lips  
__Instead of the gallows of heart ache that hang from above _

_And I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
__And I'll be love suicide  
__I'll be better when I'm older  
__I'll be the greatest fan of your life…_"

Riku had pushed himself up into the sitting position while my eyes were closed and he gently started to run his fingers over my face. Over my eyes, nose, cheeks, lips. His hands moved down and gently embraced my neck and I gasped quietly as his lips traced where his fingers had touched, but I didn't stop singing.

"…_I've dropped out  
__I've burned up  
__And fought my way back from the dead  
__I've tuned in  
__And turned on  
__And remember the day that you said_

_And I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
__And I'll be love suicide  
__I'll be better when I'm older  
__I'll be the greatest fan of your  
__I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
__And I'll be love suicide  
__I'll be better when I'm older  
__I'll be the greatest fan of your life._"

As the song ended, Riku's lips finally found my own. His kiss was passionate but chaste at the same time, and pleading. I melted into him as he pulled away and started to press open-mouthed kisses down my jaw line and throat, stopping when he reached my collarbone.

I moaned his name quietly and slowly let my eyes flutter open so I could see what he looked like. Neat wrinkles were pressed into his brow as he frowned, but his eyes shined with so many different emotions. I knew that this was hard for him and it was probably hurting him as well. I didn't want that. I didn't want him to hurt. I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let him feel pain.

He laughed quietly and turned his face away from mine so his long veil of hair shielded his face from view. I sighed and cupped the side of his face in my hand to turn his face to mine. He complied, but I could feel that he didn't want to.

"What's wrong, Riku? Did I do something wrong?"

He laughed the same sad laugh again and shook his head. "No. I was just remembering. You always used to sing to me when we were together. They were mostly songs that you had written yourself. You had and will always have the most beautiful voice I've ever heard."

I felt the warm blush on my cheeks and was glad for the darkness in the room so Riku couldn't see it. I moved forward and straddled his lap and, ignoring his gasp, wrapped my arms around his neck. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his shoulder and inhaled deeply, memorizing his scent. It was an exotic smell, even though I couldn't find a trace of cologne on him. There was nothing in world that I could compare it to.

"…_I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
__And I'll be love suicide  
__I'll be better when I'm older  
__I'll be the greatest fan of your life…_"

The sudden sound of Riku's voice startled me. It was so beautiful. I suddenly felt embarrassed that he'd heard me sing. It almost felt as if I'd dirtied him with my words. He made the lyrics sound even more perfect than they already were.

He laughed quietly again. "Don't think so low of yourself, Sora. It doesn't fit you. You're too bright and strong to be so upset all the time."

I sighed and snuggled close to him. Riku chuckled and turned so he could lie back on my pillows with me lying on top of him, running his fingers gently through my hair. I drifted off to the almost silent sound of his voice as he sang the rest of "I'll Be" into my ear.

**o-o-o-o-o**

The annoying shrill of my alarm clock pulled me from my slumber the second time. I buried my face into my pillow with a moan and reached out to blindly hit the snooze button on my clock. I succeeded only after sending a few hopefully unimportant items tumbling to the floor from my bedside table. When the thing finally shut up, I sighed and snuggled deeper into my blankets and pillow, but it felt like something was missing…something very important.

I shot up in my bed as realization hit me. Riku! My eyes wildly searched my room for a sign of him, but I could find nothing. Sighing heavily, I fell back onto my bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. When had he left? And how had he left without managing to wake me?

"Bastard…" I muttered, sitting up in bed and clicking off my alarm clock as it began to sing again.

I yawned loudly and came to another instant realization at the sound of barking coming from my backyard. I'd forgotten to let Bo inside after getting back from the café. I'd also forgotten to feed and water him. Cursing under my breath, I ran downstairs and grabbed his food and water dishes to fill them before I let him in at the backdoor. I was immediately mauled over by the one-hundred-fifty pound dog and found my face covered with dog drool.

"Ah! Get off me, Bo. Go eat your breakfast!"

As if he'd suddenly remembered his hunger, the three-year-old forever puppy at heart crawled off my chest and bounced over to his food. I shook my head and shoved myself up from the ground, somehow managing to carry myself back up the stairs and into my bedroom so I could get ready for school.

Ugh…school…good times…

I walked back into my room and went to gather my school books from my desk. A piece of paper with neatly scripted handwriting sat on top of them. I picked it up slowly and let my eyes skim over the words.

_My Sky…_

_It's 2 AM. I've been watching you sleep for an hour now. You've always looked the calmest while you were sleeping, like your dreams were your only safe escape from reality._

_I don't want to leave you but I need to return home before my family begins to wonder where I disappeared to. They don't like it when I leave without telling them where I'm going. I _will_ be at school. I promise. I don't think I'll be able to go another day without being with you._

_With love,  
__-R_

I laid the note off to the side while I gathered my things and shoved them into my backpack. Next came a shower that was just long enough for me to half-heartedly wash my hair and all the special places. After that, I slumped back to my room and dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans, a black shirt, and a grass green jacket with a white, orange, and pale blue stripe going down each sleeve from the shoulders.

With help from some unknown force, I made it downstairs with my backpack slung over my shoulder. After I finally got Bo back outside I didn't have enough time to eat so I bypassed the kitchen and made a straight shot for the door. I stuffed my feet into my shoes and put my headphones into my ears, a routine that was already starting to bore me, and stepped outside to wait for Roxas so we could head off to school.

Ugh…school…

Just another day in hell…

TBC…  
------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: Welp, there it is. I hope you all liked it. This was one of my favorite chapters to write, especially the part where they share their stories and stuff. Plus, Riku finally reveals his trueself to Sora. He's a total softy. Hehe...

Anyway…to come in the near future…  
_Sora's mom makes a grand return…Sephiroth is finally introduced…some more on Roxas and Axel's relationship…Halloween, the Pumpkin Festival, and parties… And the chapter that gave birth to this fic… Hurrah!…_

Alrighty…thank ya big-big to everyone who read and reviewed before. They are very much appreciated, as always...

Ja mata ne!! 'Til next chapter...


	7. AS, AS: Secrets and Lies

I'm home!!!!! Hizzah! And here's another ((AS, AS)) installment. Hehe... This one is sweet _and_ angsty, which is great. And we're finally introduced to Sephiroth!!! Hurrah!!! Hehe... I hope you all enjoy...

WARNINGS: a confused/lost/happy/frustrated/angry Riku…Sephiroth…Axel goodness…

**Disclaimer: **meh…you all know this already…

"_Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."  
__--Paul Tourniner…_

**((Another Side, Another Story))  
Secrets and Lies…**

The second time Sora had fallen asleep, I hadn't been able to. To make us both a little more comfortable, I carefully slid him to my side and held him close with an arm around his waist. He sighed quietly and snuggled into my side. It was a perfect fit, not that I was expecting anything else. I didn't need any more proof. After hearing him tell his dream, I knew that he was _my _Sora and that there was no changing it.

I laid and watched his slumbering face for what felt like an eternity, but when I glanced at the clock, I saw that it had only been about an hour. I sighed as I thought of how crazy Axel was probably driving Sephiroth right now. The fiery redhead that was my best friend had a personality like water, ironically. Given time, he could make his way into the hearts of anyone. Unless their personality was one of oil like my older brother's, and everyone knew that oil and water didn't mix.

Sighing in despair, I pulled myself away from Sora. My side felt cold the instant it was separated from him. I searched his desk for a piece of paper and a pencil and scribbled a note for him to read in the morning. Then I made my way to the window and quietly pushed it open, giving him a soft glance. I wanted to resist it, but I couldn't. I returned to his bedside and placed a single kiss against his forehead and one on his lips. Before he could even mutter his approval in his sleep, I was out the window and driving away down the street.

The drive between our houses wasn't a long one. I knew that, but it felt like forever. Was it always so hard to leave something you loved behind? Wait…loved? Yeah. Even if he didn't remember everything yet, he was still my Sky. I loved him and would do anything for him, all he had to do was ask.

More than anything, I wanted to take away his pain. I don't know why he suffered with such severe depression outside of his father's death, but I was going to find out so I could make it better. Preferably before it was too late for me to do anything about it. I clenched my eyes closed and shook my head as I pulled into my driveway. No! I wouldn't think like that. Somehow, I would help him overcome it.

The garage door opened before I had chance to push the button and I sighed, knowing that I was in for an earful when I went inside. I pulled my car in and quickly killed the engine. I took a few moments to calm myself and replace my mask of indifference before climbing out of the sports car and going inside.

Just as I had expected, I had a two-man army waiting for me in the kitchen. Axel bounced up from the chair he'd been sitting in when I entered. Sephiroth stayed leaning with his back against the counter, not moving an inch albeit the little smirk that formed on his lips at the sight of me.

"Sorry I'm late," I muttered.

Sephiroth grunted and rolled his eyes. Axel punched me playfully in the arm with a punch that should have sent me to the ground. All I did was jolt a bit and glare at him. He shrugged it off with a smile.

"We were starting to get worried about you. Another hour and we were going to get the rest of us together for a search party."

I rolled my eyes and took a seat at the kitchen counter. "You all need to learn the meaning of overdramatic."

Axel scowled. "The last time you disappeared on us was when…." He sighed. "Well, you know. We were worried. Is that such a bad thing? Where were you anyway?"

I shook my head. "I just needed to get out. I took a little drive around."

"I can smell him all over you, otōto _(1)._ Don't try to play dumb with me."

I glared at my brother and he smirked at me with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"Don't look at me as if you thought I wouldn't know. Unlike our dear Axel, I know that you are as dumb as you look."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, thanks, Seph. I love you too."

Sephiroth rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the counter, striding out of the kitchen with an air that said that he owned everything, even a person's happiness, and he could take it away anytime he wanted. I wasn't so sure that he owned everything, but I knew that he could send all of my hopes shattering to the ground with only one word. He was my only blood brother, after all.

Sephiroth and I had always been easy to pick out in a crowd. What with our silver-white hair and unnatural green eyes, it would be easy to spot us from a mile away. Add our indifference to society as a hole and Sephiroth's random bouts of violence into the mix and we were a recipe for popularity just waiting to happen. And so it had come. Wave upon wave of drooling girls, maybe even a shy, blushing boy here or there. But with popularity had come gossip and with gossip I had ended my promiscuity. Axel had always been my best friend and he agreed with me on the change. Said that we were getting too old to mistreat people anyway.

Sephiroth never talked with me about his sex life, and I really don't think that I want to no about it, either. For some reason, I have this picture in my mind of my brother being a bondage king, torturing his victims with pain and an intense amount of pleasure.

I had to shake my head violently to get out of the thoughts. Axel chuckled and patted me on the shoulder, pulling my attention to him. I smiled my best smile and stood from my chair.

"I'm spent. I think I'm gonna go to bed."

Axel laughed and shook his head. "What's so good about sleep? Oh wait…" A devilish smirk formed on his face. "You just wanna dream about doing dirty things to Sora, don't you? Riku, you horny little fiend."

I rolled my eyes and started for my bedroom. I sighed in relief as I got to the door, but growled in frustration when I pushed it open. Axel was lounging on my bed, his back against my headboard and his hands behind his head, with a cat-like grin on his face.

I stomped into my room and slammed the door behind me. I glared at Axel when he chuckled quietly, but as always, he shoved it aside with a cocky grin and shrug.

"I think it's time that we had a talk about the birds and the bees, tomodachi_ (2)_."

He smiled when I glared at him again. I gave up with a sigh and fell into my black, leather recliner in front of my window, burying my face in my hands.

"He still doesn't remember anything?"

I shook my head. "In his dreams. He shared one with me. Him and Roxas, and he used a pendant to unlock his powers, just like he always did before. And Ansem."

Axel frowned and furrowed his brow. "I wonder if he's seen…—"

"I don't know!" I interrupted, knowing full well what he was going to say. "And I really don't want to know, either."

He laughed. "Then what _do_ you want to know? You've only been worried about him regaining his memories so far. What if, when they all come rushing back, he doesn't feel the same for you?"

"That's not going to happen," I snapped, closing my eyes.

"I just don't want you to be set up for a broken heart, Riku." His voice was soft—sad—and reminded me of why he was my best friend. "I just don't want the same thin…"

"Oh shut up, Axel. Just because poor little Roxas hates you for what you did, doesn't mean that Sora will hate me."

I didn't have time to react before I was thrown out of the chair and onto the floor, a seething Axel straddling me. A shiver rippled down my spine when I looked into his deep, green eyes. There was no anger there, only pain. A deep, gut-wrenching amount of pain.

"I only did what I did because I thought it would help make him better! I didn't do it to kill him! Got it memorized?" Red-tinged tears had gathered in the corners of his eyes, but he held them back with every ounce of his unending will.

I sighed and turned my head to the side, locking my eyes onto my bookshelf. "I know, Axel. I'm sorry. I…" I sighed again and turned back to look at him. "I'm scared, okay? There, I admitted it! I'm terrified that the same thing will happen, but I can't _believe _that it will happen. I want us to be happy."

Axel laughed sadly. "You won't be able to be happy. Ansem will come soon after he remembers and whisk him away. I'm surprised he hasn't sensed Sora's dreams yet."

"I'm not doing to let _him_ take Sora away from me. Not again."

Axel sighed and sat up so he was off my chest and leaning against the side of my bed. Even though I was free to move, I didn't. I closed my eyes and took deep, even breaths to calm me before lost all control. If anyone in the world had seen me lose it, it was Axel, but I would let him see it again. Not if I could help it.

A quiet laugh from Axel's general vicinity pulled my attention back to him. He was staring at the floor, a lost look on his face.

"Look at us," he muttered. "We're wrecks. I'm in love with someone who hates me, and you're in love with someone who can't even understand why he feels the way he does."

I snorted and swiped my hair out of my face, using the hand to cover my eyes. Silence fell between us for a while, broken only by the random sound of a cicada chirping outside my window. After ten minutes, I'd had enough. It was starting to suffocate me.

"Have you tried…you know…talking to Roxas at all?"

He sighed. "Every day, but he just shoves me aside like I'm a dog that annoys him. He won't even let me explain why I did it."

"Why _did_ you do it?"

Silence. I glanced to my side to see Axel staring at me incredulously. I sighed and shook my head.

"Nevermind. That was wrong of me. I'm sorry…"

"No…no." He was frowning and a strange look was in his eyes. "He was…sick…and I couldn't stand to see him suffer any longer."

I frowned. "So you killed him?"

He sighed and hung his head. "It seemed logical at the time. It was either that or… No. I refused to let myself damn him again after he'd found salvation."

"And you had planned to kill yourself after you'd killed him, hadn't you?" I sighed when he didn't answer me. "I'm glad that I kept such a close eye on you, then."

He snorted quietly, but that was the only sound between us. I could feel from the change of the air in the room that that particular conversation was over. I was just glad that he had finally opened up to me. But I wondered why he hadn't said anything before. Sure…everyone had their secrets, but that didn't mean that he'd had to lock himself up.

I sighed when he looked up at me. The air had changed again, and this time it was directed toward me.

"What about Sora? He doesn't seem like the same Sora of Akari. He's…darker somehow. It might just be teen angst, but I don't know. It seems like something more than that."

I shrugged and closed my eyes. I knew what it was. Or, at least, I thought I did, but I couldn't just tell Axel about it. Sora hadn't even been able to tell anyone about it himself. If I told Axel, it felt like I would be betraying him in some way or another. Betrayal wasn't high on my "Things to Do to Sora" list, if it was even on it in the first place.

"Sora is going through a tough time right now, I think. He won't talk with me about it." I wanted to add, _'And I won't ask_,_'_ but I knew that it would just make Axel ask even more questions.

The redhead nodded and slid sideways so he was lying on his side on the floor, facing me. He propped his head up in a hand and I could feel every place his eyes touched my body. It left behind a burning trail. I shivered.

"Have any ideas on how to trigger his memories?"

I shook my head.

He laughed. "What triggered yours? Maybe that will help give us a head start."

"I saw him. I'd been having the dreams for a while, but the moment I saw him, something in me felt different. Then…you know…" I didn't have to explain. Axel had been there when my memories had come back. "What about Roxas?"

"He refuses to speak to me, remember?" he said with a dry, emotionless laugh.

"Oh…yeah…"

Then there was more silence. I didn't like it. Axel and silence never went together unless he was listening to music—loudly, might I add—or brooding over something that could have been avoided. Music was good. Brooding was not.

I sighed and rolled onto my side so I was facing him, using my arms as a pillow. Axel had his eyes closed and his shoulders were tensed beyond belief. Had it been a different time, I would have gladly offered him a back massage, but we'd changed since then. I didn't know how he would react to it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He opened his eyes and I had to bite my tongue to keep from gasping. His eyes were so dark…so dead…so unlike Axel. He frowned. "For what? You didn't do anything wrong."

I shook my head. "No. I've got you in your brooding mode because I made you think about Roxas."

"I think about him every day," he muttered.

"That's not the point. I made you think about him when you obviously didn't want to. I'm sorry."

"Meh…" He shrugged and ran a hand back through his long spikes. With a quiet grunt, he pushed himself up from the ground and headed for the door. "I'm turning in. See you in the morning."

I nodded and let him leave without saying anything. He wasn't going to sleep. I knew better than to think that he needed sleep, but I also knew that I'd bothered him enough. I didn't want to make him feel any worse that I already had.

Sighing, I pushed myself up from the floor and fell onto my bed. If I had been tired before, all traces of it were gone now. I closed my eyes.

A sharp knock on my bedroom door pulled me back to my senses.

"Hm…?"

My door opened and Sephiroth leaned against my doorframe. "You really are hopeless," he muttered.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Thank you for pointing that out, but you're a little late. Axel and I already figured that out ourselves."

He rolled his eyes and, in the flash of an eye, pulled something out of his pocket and threw it at me. I caught it just as quick and looked at him in confusion. He shrugged and gestured for me to look at it. I did and it only made me even more confused. It was a little black card decorated with Jack-O-Lanterns and ghosts. I opened it and read was inside.

I smiled. "Is this an invitation to a Halloween party, Seph?"

He shrugged. "Don't get the wrong idea, loverboy."

I laughed and set the invitation on my beside table. "Don't worry about it. Demyx and the others already invited us. Dem won't shut up about it."

Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "I don't understand how you can be friends with such immature drivel."

I sighed. "They've been family forever, Seph, you know that. They're the same as us. Just because of that, I can push Demyx's immaturity aside and live with Axel's obnoxiousness. It's all I ask for."

He rolled his eyes and pushed away from my doorframe. "Come or don't come. I don't care. Maybe you can take your little boyfriend. I hear that interesting things happen at these parties."

And with that comment he was gone. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, falling back down into my bed. Could my family be any stranger? The only parent-figure I had was a man I had never seen before in my life, my blood brother was heartless bastard, my best friend was an obnoxious pyro when he wasn't depressed, and the rest of my family was scattered. Demyx and Zexion were the only ones left who weren't _that_ much older than Axel and I.

I sighed and closed my eyes, letting the sleep that had snuck away from me before come crawling back. Sometimes it sucked being the youngest in a family of people who never seemed to die…

**o-o-o-o-o**

School came and went in a blur the next day. I watched Sora like a hawk and talked to him anytime that I could. People gave us strange looks, usually girls who had managed to get themselves twisted up in the mistakes I'd made in the past. The only thing that managed to make the day worth remembering was my talk with a certain bitchy blonde boy during my free period.

Axel hadn't bothered to leave his room for school that morning, so I wandered the halls alone, longing for something to do that would keep my attention and take away the boredom that was tugging at me. I had an idea of what to do, but I didn't risk it. Sora would probably be pissed if I pulled him out of class just so we could make-out.

I turned the corner that led to the "long hallway" and smirked when I recognized the body that was half-leaning inside a locker. My smirk slowly morphed into a serious frown as I made my way toward him, coughing quietly when I reached his locker.

Roxas pulled his head out of the red metal rectangle just long enough to frown at me in disgust before returning to his digging like I hadn't even been there. I frowned and furrowed my brow, sighing loudly.

"You can't ignore me, Roxas."

He laughed. "Was doing a pretty good job of it 'til you had to open your mouth," he spat, slamming his locker closed. In his arms was a book that I recognized from Father's collection.

"_A Millennium of Pain,_ huh? Reading up on our history, I see."

"It's not for me," he sneered. "It's for Sora. I've read it enough to have it memorized."

If it was possible for me to get any paler, I think I would have, but since that was impossible, my jaw dropped and my eyes widened. The look seemed to satisfy Roxas because he smiled coldly and turned his back on me to return to his class.

"Roxas! Wait! Please?!"

My voice must have sounded more desperate than I thought it had because Roxas stopped and slowly turned back to look at me. My eyes widened slowly as another realization overcame me.

"That book…will it help Sora to remember anything?"

He frowned and shrugged. "I don't know, but he needs to read it anyway. Maybe it will."

"So you think that he's _the_ Sora, too? Axel and I aren't the only ones?"

Something flashed in his deep blue eyes, but then Roxas shook his head. "No. He may not remember anything, but I'd know my best friend…my Other…anywhere. Sora's the real thing."

I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. Finally! Someone besides Axel and Sephiroth agreed with me! And he was my "enemy" nonetheless. That only made the revelation ten times sweeter.

Roxas shook his head. "I'm not doing this for us, you know. I'm doing it for Sora. If it doesn't do anything for him, then it will just be an interesting book full of fantasy novellas with characters that are named very coincidentally. If he remembers, then…"

I frowned, my momentary joy now completely gone. "You're not going to let Ansem just come and take him, are you? How could you do that after what happened before?"

He sighed. "No. Even if it means that I have to side with you, I will try my damnedest to keep Ansem and his lackeys away from Sora. And you better not take him to Xemnas or…"

"No. Xemnas will use Sora like a POW and as grounds to restart the war. I wouldn't give that fate to anyone, much less Sora." My frown deepened and I furrowed my brow. "But you know that you'll have to fight alongside Axel if you take our side, don't you?"

He didn't answer with words, but the same thing that had flitted across his eyes before appeared again and he diverted his eyes away from mine. I sighed.

"You need to let him explain. He feels even worse than I imagined."

Roxas snorted and shook his head. "He killed me. What more is there to explain? What could possibly make it any better?"

"That he planned to kill himself once he had killed you, but I decided to watch him like a hawk so he didn't. If you're going to blame anyone, you should blame me. Axel did nothing wrong."

He shook his head again and closed his eyes. "I don't care. I'm not going to talk to that bastard."

I laughed sadly. "You're not being fair, Roxas."

"Since when was anything between us fair?" he muttered.

He turned on his heel and left with that, and like I had with Axel the night before, I let him leave. Our conversation was over. I just hoped that he had enough sense to really think over my words before it was too late. Just as a shiver rippled down my spine, I heard his voice perk up behind me.

"I don't want him to be the real thing, Riku." His voice sounded so sad. "He can't be the real thing. He doesn't deserve to suffer like that."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "I know. We're going to make sure that things are different. We're going to change our destinies."

He laughed quietly, but when I turned to look at him he was gone. Another shiver rippled down my spine. I was shivering a lot lately, and it wasn't because of the fall chill that was starting to overtake the air. No. Something big was about to happen. And soon…

TBC…  
**------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: Meh…I don't like this chapter so much, but I needed to write it. I know that Sephiroth is probably most definitely OOC, and I apologize for that. It's the first time that I've ever written him. I guess I need to watch _FFVII: AC_ again to remember the way he speaks…

Anyway…I've come to the conclusion that this is going to consist of 15 chapters and 5 ((AS, AS)), totaling 20 chapters by the end, not including the prologue. And I've already got the rest of it planned out and the beginning of part two (tentatively called Understanding) is in the early process of being planned. HURRAH!!!... Hehe…

And the Japanese thing... I'm too lazy to come up with my own language _and_ this gives me a good reason to practice writing sentences and stuff in Japanese. I can always use the extra practice for my class. I'm not going to throw random Japanese into a sentence, though, unless it's used when they're addressing someone like in this chapter. Any other time, it will be a complete sentence in Japanese with the translation at the bottom, like below. The names of places in the worlds of Akari and Kurai are in Japanese, as well as other important words later on_...::sighs::_...But tell me what you all think about me using it. If you totally hate it, let me know and I'll take it out. Screw the Speech!! Hehe...

In upcoming chapters…  
_Sora has an icky relapse…costume shopping and a slumber party at Roxas'…Sora's secret is discovered…the Pumpkin Fest and Halloween party…Riku and Axel's secret is revealed…_

Translations…  
_**(1) otōto:** younger brother…  
_**_(2)_ _tomodachi:_**_ friend…_

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and is at least thinking about reviewing this chapter. It only takes 30 seconds to make me a much happier Kolie. Hehe... I love ya guys!!...

To chapter five...AWAY!!!! _::flies away::_


	8. Chapter Five: Cut

Okay…this chapter is depressing, to say the least. I do like the beginning. As I read over it, I _really_ like how I wrote the ending. You'll see why when you get there…

And I spent my entire Yule arguing with myself over whether or not I would update today before I came to the conclusion that I probably wouldn't be able to update 'til after Christmas so I better update while I have the chance. Everything's happening sooo fast. Yule was today and Christmas is three days away!!!! _::runs away screaming::_ It's crazy!!...

Anyway...enjoy!…

WARNINGS: shounen-ai, of course…child abuse…SI…

**Disclaimer:** the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_I may seem crazy  
__Or painfully shy  
__And these scars wouldn't be so hidden  
__If you would just look me in the eye  
__I feel alone here and cold here  
__Though I don't want to die  
__But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside_

_I do not want to be afraid  
__I do not want to die inside just to breathe in  
__I'm tired of feeling so numb  
__Relief exists I find it when  
__I am cut…"_

—"_Cut" Plumb…_

**Chapter Five:  
Cut…**

Before I knew what was happening, long September days gave way to just a wee bit shorter October days. Fall had settled over Twilight Town and it made itself known with icy breezes and wild temperature changes. The town itself, which I had been visiting almost daily with Riku, was decorated with oranges and blacks for the Halloween season. Jack-O-Lanterns sat on doorsteps, leering at passersby with their eerily toothy grins and sad droopy eyes. Some people decided to get artistic and carved cats, ghosts, witches, vampires, and other creepy creatures into their pumpkins.

And me? Well…I didn't have a pumpkin, even though I wanted one more than anything. Since Dad had died, Mom refused to get in the festive spirit for any holiday, even Christmas. I had thought about sucking up to Leon to get him to buy me a pumpkin, but I decided against it. He would ask why I didn't ask Mom to buy me one, and I really didn't want to get into that conversation with him. Not now, at least.

Speaking of my mom… I hadn't seen her in a while. She was still in the house, but she came home from work changed clothes and went back out again before I could get home from school, not returning until after I had turned in for the night. Then she would get up with the sun in the morning and leave before I got ready for school. Not that I was complaining, but I would be lying to myself and everyone around me if I said that I didn't miss her a little bit.

School was the same drag that it always was. The only thing that made it better was seeing Riku. It didn't matter that I didn't get to talk to him as much as I would have liked to. He waited for me in his car outside of school when classes were done so he could whisk me off to some unknown place where we could spend time together, although we usually wound up at the little café.

I didn't know what to think about our relationship. We hadn't really talked about anything of much importance since the night I'd told him about my dreams. When we got together after school we usually just talked about trivial things, if we even talked about anything at all. I didn't mind the silence, though. They were always comfortable, devoid of the painful awkwardness our first conversations had been plagued with.

Yet, when I went home it was to an empty house and an empty room, with only a three-year-old black Lab for company. Not that I minded that either. I still needed my privacy. But… Riku was becoming a drug that I could never get enough of, and it was starting to scare me. He made the pain of every day life bearable and somehow managed to make me happy, or he at least made me feel happy. I couldn't exactly say that I was happy because, when my bedroom door closed behind me every night, I would find myself trapped in the bottomless pit of depression I'd been trying to escape since my dad's death.

Depression. It haunted me while I was awake and was beginning to haunt me in my dreams. I used to find sleep the only escape from the hell that was my life, but my dreams were starting to become more and more vivid. Images of a long and bloody war haunted me. And when the dreams weren't haunting, they were confusing. The blonde man from my first dream visited me often, as well the black-winged Roxas, beautiful Riku, and lately Axel. Everything was all just so jumbled up that I couldn't make heads or tails of it.

And just to add to the confusion, Roxas lent me that book. _A Millennium of Pain_, or something like that. Was it just a coincidence that the characters were all named after me, Riku, and those around us? The story that he had told me was even mentioned in the book. I had laughed at first, thinking that he had just gotten the tale from the book, but… Something about the story in the book just felt off, while Riku's story had felt right. Well, maybe not right, but it definitely felt familiar, like I had experienced it before in some past life.

The other thing that confused me about the book was that it told me about my dreams. Each of my dreams, or memories if I agreed with Riku, was written out as if it were a short story that had been pulled from someone's imagination. If my dream ended at a bad place, I was able to pick up the book, find where it was, and finish reading it. Call it cheating if you will, but I was glad that I read some of them. While it wasn't much, the effects of the nightmares were dulled if I had read the complete story before I dreamt about it.

It was pure insanity. That was all I could say. I believed that I did have a past life, but I never would have thought that in it I was an angel who was in love with a demon. It made no sense. And as that angel, I was so innocent—so pure—like nothing would ever be able to hurt me as long as I had my faith. To look at me now and compare it to _that_…

It was pure insanity…

…but I was loving every minute of it.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"…_the angel Sora was forced to watch in horror as his lover gagged. Blood that was as black as the sky above them oozed from between his lips._

"_Riku!"_

_The angel pushed himself up from the ground and stared at the demon in horror. The tip of a sword was protruding from his stomach. A hooded sword wielder stood behind him, a smirk the only visible feature on their shadowed face. They ripped the sword from the demon with a jerk, making him gag and sputter. With one last victorious smirk, they turned on their heel and walked off in the opposite direction._

_Riku shivered uncontrollably, his every breath difficult in his chest. In a panic, Sora laid him back on the ground and tore open his clothing until he was faced with his flesh. Too much blood was spilling from the wound. He had already lost so much._

_Sora pressed his hands against the wound and whispered words in an ancient tongue, willing the power to course through his veins and heal the gaping lesion in his lover's abdomen. The power came, but there was no healing. The wound stayed open and the demon stared up at him blankly._

_Tears blinded the angel's vision. He threw his head back and cursed at the gods above him, the very people he served, for being so cruel. He would find the agent who had killed his love and get his revenge, even if it meant turning his back on everything he believed in._

"_Dō…dōshite (1)."_

_The angel moaned quietly. "I don't know. Aishiteru, koibito," he whispered and pressed a gentle kiss against the dead boy's lips. "I'll be with you soon, I promise."_

_A sigh as quiet as the breeze slipped past the demon's lips and then there were no more. No more breaths, no more smiles. The light in his eyes was gone forever._

_The world around him started to shake as Sora stared at his lover's body, a loud ripping sound filling the deafening silence that echoed in his ears. Someone was screaming, but he didn't know who. Was it Axel? Or Roxas? No. He was alone. He had always been alone._

_A strong pair of arms wrapped around the angel and pulled him backwards as he started to move toward the demon's lifeless body. It was then that he realized that it was him who was screaming, and the world wasn't shaking. That was him too. The person who held him ran fingers back through his hair and whispered consoling words in his ear as he buried his face into their chest, sobbing into their chest while his fingers held a death grip on the fabric of their black robe._

_Black robe? It had to be Axel. He and Roxas were the only ones who had known where Riku and Sora were going to be. At least, that's what he had thought. Had they betrayed them? No. That had been a being from Akari. Axel and Roxas wouldn't have turned Riku and Sora into them, not before they gave their lives first._

"_Sora-kun shizuka ni naru. Onegai! Kare-wa shindeiru desu! (2)"_

_Sora shook his head and buried his face deeper into their chest. "No! How can you expect me to calm down?!" he shouted, foregoing the Speech. "Riku!"_

_The broken angel had to be carried away from his dead lover, while Ax…"_

I closed the book with a loud snap and buried my face into my arms to muffle my sobs, the now familiar feeling of déjà vu sweeping over my senses. I had been there. He had been the one holding me, worrying about whether I was okay or not. How could things have changed so quickly? I should have been able to stop his death, but… There was no excuse for it. I was guilty. Riku's blood was on my hands.

A quiet moan slipped past my lips as I looked up from my arms. The Botticelli-worthy angels and demons of the painting on the cover of the book watched me as I pushed myself up from the ground and moved to sit on my bed, a feeling of dread washing over me.

Something wasn't right.

I frowned and shook my head as I grabbed my cell phone from my bedside table, hitting the first speed dial button. The voice I wanted to hear more than anything in the world answered on the second ring. I tried to tell him what was wrong, but my words were stuck in my throat as I suddenly started to sob into the receiver. The phone slipped from my hands and clattered down to the floor. In what felt like seconds, a cool breeze filled my room and his arms were wrapped around me, enveloping me in warmth and protecting me from anything that wanted to hurt me.

"Riku, I…I…" I buried my face into his chest and he pulled me down into the bed.

"Shh. It's okay, Sora. I'm here. You don't need to worry."

I shook my head. No. I had to worry. I didn't know why I had to worry or why I had suddenly broken down into tears, but the words I'd read in the book had suddenly clicked in my mind. It had been the conclusion to the first dream I had had, the one where Riku had been stabbed. It was like every other dream, yet something about it was different. Just thinking about it tore a gaping hole in my chest.

"Riku…Riku, I…"

"Shh…" He ran his fingers through my hair in even strokes as my sobs slowly began to calm. Just having him with me was an anesthetic. He was even better than cutting. I couldn't get enough.

When I was finally able to breathe halfway properly, I sighed and snuggled into his chest, moving a hand up to play with his hair. It was so soft and smooth, almost like it was born of the finest silk pulled from the heavens. I felt his chest heave slightly, but the sigh that usually follows never came. I frowned and looked up at him, resting my chin on his chest. The corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. Yes, something wasn't right…

"Riku…?"

He smiled again and shook his head, cupping the side of my face in his hand. I sighed and relaxed into the embrace, closing my eyes as he began to brush his thumb against my cheek. I never would have pictured him as someone who could be this gentle and kind. Even after I had fallen for him, I thought he would be a little harsher, though not cruel.

"It's okay, Sora. I know… You had another bad dream?"

I shook my head. "N-no. I don't know what it was, actually. It was something I read in the book, I guess. It got to me."

He frowned and glanced down to the floor where the book still laid. The way the light shined on the cover made it look like the creatures in the painting were performing a beautiful dance.

"You've been reading it a lot lately, haven't you?" I nodded and he sighed and nodded. "Good. You should be reading it. It might be…good for you."

I frowned but nodded. "Is something wrong, Riku?"

He shook his head and ran a gentle hand back through my hair to pull my attention back to him. "No. I'm fine. I'm just worried about you." I started to open my mouth to complain but he silenced me with a finger over my lips. "And don't you dare tell me not to worry about you. I've noticed that you've been really quiet lately. Roxas even mentioned something to me about it."

The frown on my face deepened. "Roxas? Since when does he talk to you?"

Riku laughed. "Since I talked to him. Now I just need to get him to talk to Axel and my life's mission will be complete." He smiled and glanced at me. "Well…almost anyway."

I felt the blush warming my cheeks and quickly buried my face in his chest to hide it. He chuckled and continued running his fingers through my hair. I sighed in content and slid up his body a little bit so I could lay with my head on the crook of his shoulder.

"What are you doing for Halloween?"

I chuckled quietly. "Nothing. Don't you think I'm a little old for trick-or-treating? Roxas and Kairi want me to go to the Pumpkin Festival with them, but I said that I already had plans."

"And you do."

I frowned and glanced up at him. "I do?"

He nodded. "You're coming to a party with me."

I laughed and shook my head. "Uh…yeah…no. I don't do parties, Riku. You know that. I hate crowds and I can't stand drunk people. They annoy me."

He shrugged. "But I'll be there, and it'll be fun. It's a college party too, so that makes it even better."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, loads."

He sighed. "Nevermind then. I'll just go all by myself and be completely susceptible to all of those perverted drunk girls that will hang all over me."

"That _will_ hang all over you?" I laughed. "Whatever. If you want me to go so badly, then I'll go, but only on one condition."

He arched his eyebrows in interest.

"I'm not going by myself. Meaning…" I cut him off. "…that I want Roxas to come too. He could use the socialization as well."

He frowned for a moment, but then his eyes flashed and a huge smile lit up his face. "Sora, you're a genius! God, what would I do without you?"

I shrugged. "Oh…you would just helplessly wander through the world, spending every day pondering your meaningless existence."

He chuckled and ruffled my hair playfully. "Sure I would…"

I glared at him. "What's that supposed to mea…—"

A loud bang from somewhere downstairs interrupted me and sent my attention rushing to my bedroom door. Fuck! I shot up on my bed and ran to the top of the stairs. My mom stumbled around the landing, one foot in a high heeled shoe while the other was just dressed in a hose. My movement at the top of the stairs caught her attention.

Just to be nice about it, she looked like shit. Her makeup was haphazardly smeared across her face and her lips were as bright as a cherry, a sharp contrast to the sickly color of her skin. It was my best guess that her hair may have been made up in some elegant style when she'd left, but now it hung in a frizzy mess around her face. She smiled at me, flashing her white teeth, and it was sickeningly sweet.

"Sora, my baby boy." She held her arms out open to me for a hug. "Come down and give Mommy a hug. I've missed you so much!" A drunken giggle slipped past her lips.

Something in the corner of the eye made me look to my left. Riku was sticking his head out my bedroom door, a look of confusion on his face. My eyes widened to the size of platters and I rushed to him.

"That's my mom. You need to leave," I said as I pushed him toward my window. "She'll kill me if she knows that you're here."

"Okay, okay," he said and grabbed my arms so I would stop pushing him. Before I could stop him, he pulled me close and kissed me tenderly. He smiled at me when he pulled away. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

I nodded and he kissed me on the forehead one last time before he disappeared out my window. The action was so quick that I had to blink. Sometimes I honestly wondered if he was really what he said he was. It would explain a lot.

Another loud crash brought my attention back to the situation at hand and I ran back to the stairs. The table beside the front door was lying on its side. Everything that had been on top of it was now lying on the floor, either in pieces or damn close to it. Mom was sitting in a heap on the floor. Her shoulders were shaking and it was obvious that she was crying. The smarter me inside my head was screaming for me to leave her alone, but the concerned son part of me took over as I walked down the stairs and to her side, lying a gentle hand on her shoulder. She stiffened under the touch.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

She shook her head and glanced up at me, an angry—albeit detached—look in her beautiful blue eyes. "Do I _look_ okay? Honestly. Do. I. Look. Okay. To you?" She used the wall beside her as leverage to get back up onto her shaking feet. Thankfully her remaining high heeled shoe had slipped off when she'd collapsed, but she wasn't any less wobbly.

When she was standing, she loomed over me with a grimace on her face. "Why do you do this to me, Sora? Do you think it's funny to watch your mommy drink? Is that why you took your father away from me?"

I didn't need her words or the breath on my face to tell me that she was drunk. I could smell it on her clothes. But she wasn't only drunk. She was wasted…and angry. I should have run away when I had the chance, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. She needed help, and how much of a good son would I have been if I had just left her there?

"You need to go to bed, Mom."

A loud crack filled the house as she smacked me across the face. I didn't react to it, not even with a wince. I kept my eyes locked on her and the small frown on my face.

"You need to go to bed, Mom," I repeated through clenched teeth.

She screamed and latched her hands around my throat, wrestling me to the ground. I let her do it without a struggle. Somewhere in the sick masochistic part of my mind, I wanted this. I would be lying to myself and anyone who heard my story if I said that I didn't want it. The pain of her nails digging into the flesh of the back of my neck took my mind off the pain of the way she was treating me.

When I didn't respond to anything she was doing to me, she spat in my face and smacked me hard again. I winched then, the wet spit on my cheek amplifying the sting of her hand against my flesh. She laughed one of those ugly laughs that come from people who have had way too much to drink so that even their laughs were slurred, and pushed herself up from the ground.

She loomed over me like a cruel and selfish queen who dominated everyone around her. The sight of it sent a chill racing down my spine. She kicked me hard in the ribs and laughed when I cried out and curled into a ball.

"I thought you liked pain, Sora," she growled and kicked me again. "I'm not blind, you know. I've seen your arms and the bloody towels in the laundry basket. You tryin' to kill yourself, boy? Go ahead. It doesn't make a difference to me."

She laughed and I heard her uneven stumbling as she walked past me and into the kitchen. I clenched my eyes closed and bit my tongue to keep back the sob that was fighting to sneak past my lips. I didn't want to know what she would do if she knew that I was crying. She'd probably just laugh at me and then kick me a couple more times, shouting something about giving me a reason to cry like she always used to do when I was a child and she'd spank me for doing something bad.

My ribs throbbed beneath my arms and a migraine was starting to build up in the confines of my skull as I shoved myself up from the floor and stumbled toward the staircase. The clinking of glass in the kitchen followed by a loud curse echoed through the house when I finally made it to the landing. I gave myself a break to glance back down the stairs. It was the wrong choice. My mom stood in the door of the kitchen with a glass of vodka in her hand, her eyes aflame with anger and her mouth set in a tight line.

"Sora, darling, where are you going?" Her words were like sharp pins of ice that stabbed into my skin.

I shook my head, my eyes wide, and started my trek down the hall again. As the sound of her feet on the stairs echoed behind me, the hallway seemed to lengthen. My room looked like it was miles away. A quiet whimper slipped past my lips as I hurried my hobbling. I ignored the stinging pain in my ribs and the headache that felt like it was tearing my head apart in exchange for my safety. The pain just let me know that I was still alive. If I didn't make it to my room in time, I had the feeling that I wouldn't be alive for much longer.

"I would stop if I were you, you little shit. Don't tell me that you're afraid of me." She laughed. "You're weak. I know that you weren't able to tell Leon. I should have known. You're too weak to do anything on your own. Everyone would be better off if you were just dead. You have nothing to live for anyway."

I shook my head again. I refused to believe her words. I had Riku to live for, and if that wasn't enough then I didn't know what was. I loved him and he loved me. It didn't matter that there seemed to be this weird tie that kept us together or that he was a demon and I was an angel. All that mattered was that I had someone who loved me for who I was. I didn't have to pretend to be this _thing _that I wasn't when I was around him. I could be me for once in my damned life. I refused to have that taken away from me.

In a bright flash of light, my bedroom door was before me. I shoved it open and stumbled into my dark room. A horrendous scream filled the house as my door slammed closed behind me. I locked it just before my mom crashed into it, beating wildly against the door and screaming so loud and shrill that I couldn't understand a thing that she was saying. Not that I was paying attention.

I stumbled around my room in a lost daze. The force of my headache blurred my vision and made my head hurt even worse. The pain moved from my temples to behind my eyes where it decided to make itself home for a little while. I groaned quietly and sunk down to the floor, cradling my forehead into my hands. It hurt so bad. And I knew that my neck had to be black and blue, as well as most of the left side of my face. How was I going to cover that up tomorrow? Would I be able to lie to Riku?

I moaned and blindly searched around under my bed. A small smile formed on my face when my fingers closed around the small plastic box I hid under there for desperate times. This constituted as a desperate time. I pulled it out and fingered the plastic, absentmindedly sliding out a blade with only the flick of a finger.

Even in my moderate blindness, I could see it shining in my fingers. An overwhelming feeling of rage overcame me. My entire body started to tremble. An angry scream bubbled up behind my lips before spilling over and echoing around my room. The headache and my anger clouded my mind until I couldn't see or think straight.

When I finally came back to reality, I was still shaking and my breathing was heavy in my chest. Everything around me was red. The carpet was stained with droplets of crimson, the sleeve of my shirt was in tatters and stained with the bright color… I blinked and shook my head, running a hand back through my hair to calm myself. I took another look and the blade in my hand fell silently to the floor.

There was blood…so much blood. It poured out my arm and stained the sleeve I hadn't bothered to pull up before I'd started my cutting. My breathing became painful and hard in my chest. My eyes started to blur and my head spun. I reached out to grab a towel from my dirty clothes basket but I collapsed sideways onto my floor before I made it.

Pain suddenly flooded my senses. It tingled from my shoulder until it was a burning pulse at my forearm and wrist. I moaned quietly and curled into a tight ball. Darkness grabbed at the corners of my mind. I knew that I should fight it, but I couldn't bring myself to resist it. I had nothing better to do anyway, no one here to care for me as I slowly died. What a better way to go out than asleep, where I wouldn't feel a thing?

TBC…  
---------------------------------------------------------

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Hehe…what happened? Bleh…this chapter isn't my favorite, though as I said before, I like the ending…. Yeah…

In upcoming chapters...  
_costume shopping...hospital visits...Halloween parties...Riku and Axel's secret is revealed...Leon's an asshole...a lemon?...separation...NeoAkari and NeoKurai..._

_Translations…  
__**(1) Dōshite**: Why?  
__**(2)** **Sora-kun shizuka ni naru. Onegai! Kare-wa shindeiru desu!**: Sora, calm down. Please! He's dead!_

Anywhozits...thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter, and is going to review this chapter or is at least thinking about reviewing. I would be a much happier person if you would. _::puppy eyes:: _Hehe... _::hugs::_...

I apologize for any typos or grammar errors or anything else that was wrong with this chapter...

Much love to you all!!...

Ja, 'til next chapter...

**-HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!-**


	9. Chapter Six: Costume Shopping

Chapter six..._::dances::_...Hehe... I hope you all enjoy!!...

WARNINGS: angsty beginning…Sora and Roxas together shopping for clothes…Maho…

**Disclaimer:** the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…

**Chapter Six:  
Costume Shopping…**

_He was alone. He didn't know why he was alone or what had possessed him to fly to such a high point on the mountain, but he was cold and that was all that mattered. He was cold and he was crying and he didn't know how to make it stop._

_Why was he so cold? The Source was supposed to seep into his heart and make him feel warm, not dead and numb. Was it because he had willingly welcomed darkness into his heart when he had found Riku? Had he been…forsaken? No! The Source didn't do such things. It was the center of eternal love and happiness, spreading Its peace and joy to whoever opened their heart to It. It didn't matter what side they were on. It had forgiven Roxas, after all, and he had been part of Organization XIII itself._

_Tears continued to roll down his face as he took a step closer to the edge. No…it didn't matter anymore. Even if he had the love of the Source, Riku was gone. Without Riku, his life was meaningless. He couldn't bear to live without his silver-haired love with him. He felt like he was betraying Riku in some way for breathing so long without him already._

_Closing his eyes, he spread his arms out at his sides and took a deep breath. His silent goodbye was carried away on the breeze as he jumped from the cliff._

**o-o-o-o-o**

A loud and annoying pounding pulled me from my strange dream. I groaned and curled up in a ball on the floor, hugging my slightly throbbing arms to my chest.

"Sora Leonheart! Open this goddamned door right now before I fucking break it down! And don't think that I won't!"

I moaned and clenched my eyes closed. They were shouting so loud. Why couldn't they just be quiet? The sound of their voice was making my head split.

"Gods dammit, Sora! I hear you in there. I'm gonna kill you when I get this freakin' thing open!"

"Go away, Roxas…"

My eyes snapped open and I sat up, blinking wilding to adjust to the bright sunlight that flooded my bedroom. Roxas? What the hell was he doing here? How had he gotten inside? Had Mom let him in while I was sleeping?

I groaned and used my bed to help me get up onto my shaking legs. The world around me blurred and wobbled, threatening to knock me over at any moment. I closed my eyes and shook my head. When I opened them again, I almost collapsed at what I saw.

A deep, crusty copper color stained my carpet in blotches and the scent of blood lingered heavily in the air. Blood. So much blood. I slowly let my eyes move down to survey my arms, groaning quietly at the sight of my tattered shirt sleeve and the blood that stained it. This would never come out. I was going to be caught for sure.

A rather stupid idea popped into my head and I acted upon it. I gathered some dirty clothes and scattered them around my room until everything was covered. I smiled when I was done. It actually didn't look like I was hiding anything. Any usual guy would have a messy room, with clothes and other things scattered everywhere so you could hardly see the floor.

I pulled my shirt over my head and exchanged it for a long-sleeved light blue shirt from my closet. I changed my jeans too, just in case any of the blood had gotten onto them while I had been sleeping. I kicked my ruined clothes into the closet and slammed the door behind me, running a quick hand through my hair to try and fix the untamable locks in the way to the door. Fixing my best smile on my face, I pulled it open.

To say that Roxas was angry with me would have been the understatement of the century. His face was red and his eyes burned my bare skin. But it was gone in a second, replaced by surprise and worry. His eyes softened and he reached out to gently touch my cheek. His touch sent ripples of pain searing down my face.

"Sora…what happened to you? Are you okay?"

I kept my fake smile on my face and nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just had an…accident last night. It's okay."

He frowned and furrowed his brow, obviously not convinced. "What'd ya do? Fall down the stairs or something?"

"Or something…" I muttered under my breath.

He sighed and shook his head, but kept his mouth quiet. I was glad for that. I didn't want to talk about what had happened with Mom last night, and I really didn't think I would be able to keep myself quiet if Roxas, or even a stranger on the street, asked me what had happened. I felt vulnerable, almost like I wasn't in control of my mind.

"How did you get in, anyway?" I asked.

This managed to get a smile out if him. "Well…I knocked on the door and no one answered so I tried the handle. It was unlocked so I figured that someone had to be home. And I was right."

I frowned. "But how did you know which room was mine?"

He smiled again. "All the other doors were open. I heard moaning or something from in here so I figured it was you sleeping, but the door was locked." His voice saddened. "I was really worried, you know. I pounded on the door and shouted for you but you never answered me. Were you just ignoring me?"

I smiled and shook my head. "I'm a really heavy sleeper. I didn't even hear you until you threatened to kill me."

He smiled sheepishly. "Yeah well, at least it got some kind of reaction out of you, I guess."

I shrugged. "I guess. Anyway, why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"Been there, done that," he muttered. "Haven't you even looked at the clock? You overslept again. It's four o'clock. And I'm here to take you costume shopping, on Riku's orders _and_ with his credit card of course."

"Costume…shopping?"

He nodded. "You've gotta get a good costume for that party, right? Unless you've got something here to make a costume out of." His eyes surveyed my room cautiously. "But I wouldn't wanna dig around this place unless I was forced to. I always thought that you'd be a more organized person, Sora."

"Meh…" I shrugged. "I usually am. I just…lost something last night and tore my room apart looking for it. I passed out before I could pick it all up again."

I knew that he sensed my pause from the slight frown that flashed across his face, but he didn't question me any more on the topic. I really liked how alike the two of us were. He understood me and I understood him without having to say anything. There wasn't as much chemistry as there was between Riku and I, thank the gods, but there was enough for me and Roxas to have a good friendship.

I really don't want to know where I would be if it wasn't for Roxas being in my life. I probably would have been a hole six-feet-under a long time ago if he hadn't been there for me all of this time. True, I never told him about my mom or my cutting, but he was still someone I could rely on…someone I knew would be there for me when no one else was. Because Roxas was Roxas and that's just how he worked.

"Hey, Roxas," I muttered.

His ears perked and he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing for Halloween?"

He frowned and thought for a second before a strange expression crossed his face and a knowing smile formed on his lips. "There's no way in hell that you can get me to go to a party, Sora. Especially one that Axel's going to be at."

"Oh, come on. Please? It's not like you have to talk to him. Just stay with me." I tried on my best pout but he just shoved it aside with a chuckle.

"Not gonna work, Sora. Anyway, you'll end up going off with Riku to fool around or something like that and I'll be left alone. I hate crowds, especially when it's a crowd of people I've never met before."

"I'M NOT GOING TO FOOL AROUND WITH RIKU!!" I shouted, getting a chuckle out of him. "But it's not like I want to go to this party, either. You know how I feel about people. They…"

"…annoy you? Yes, I know this already." He sighed and shook his head. "But, since there seems to be no way out of it without making you upset, I guess I'll go."

I smiled widely and jumped on Roxas. He sputtered a few curses and lost his balance, sending us both tumbling to the floor.

"Geroff of me!" he cried.

I giggled and let him go. "Thanks, Roxas," I muttered and pushed myself up from the ground.

While he restablized himself, I checked my face out for the first time in the mirror that hung on my closet door. It wasn't as bad as the pain had made it seem. A pale black and blue bruise had blossomed across my left cheek overnight and my eye refused to open as much as it usually did. The worst bruises were around my neck, like they usually were. That bitch had a better grip than what one would think. Ugly black and purple blotches covered my throat. These ones were too big to be covered up with the usual necklace I wore.

"Tell me what really happened, Sora." A gentle hand patted my shoulder and I looked at the reflection of Roxas behind me in the mirror. "You didn't fall and you didn't have an accident. What happened?"

I sighed and shook my head, closing my eyes. "I fell down the stairs," I said between slightly clenched teeth.

He sighed and draped his arm across my shoulder, squeezing me gently. "Don't wait too long…"

I nodded and turned to face him with a weak smile on my face. "So are we going costume shopping or what?"

"Of course! We're going to find the creepiest costume ever! Maybe Riku will finally leave you alone if you dress as some gruesome, bloody thing." A mischievous smile graced his lips.

I sighed. "Will you make up your mind already? You either hate him or you don't. Which is it?"

He shrugged and smiled innocently. "We have our days."

I rolled my eyes and let myself be dragged out of my room and downstairs by Roxas. Surprise filled me at the sight of the entry way to the house. It seemed that Mom had cleaned up the mess from last night before heading off to work this morning. The table was now upright but the lamp and glass candle holders that she'd shattered the night before were gone. The white doily and iron pumpkin candle holders were the only things that had survived and she had placed them back onto the table as if nothing had ever happened. Everything looked perfect.

Without seeming to catch on to my hesitancy, Roxas pulled me out of the house and led me to a car. He shoved me into the passenger seat and climbed behind the wheel, smiling cheekily at me.

"Since when does Maho let you drive the car without her?"

He shrugged. "It's supposed to rain or something like that later on and I didn't know how long we were going to be. She really wanted to come along but I figured it would be better without her."

"It would be nice to have a female's opinion. It's hard for me to picture the two of us shopping for any kind of clothing that needs to match and look nice." I closed my eyes and an image of me in a bright Hawaiian T-shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts popped into my head. I laughed. "Yeah…it's quite humorous."

I really wished that Maho had been able to join us. She had started as Roxas' foster mother, but wound up adopting him after a few years. Roxas had never caught on to calling her Mom, but she still spoiled him to no end. She was wacky and fun to be around. Plus, she had impeccable fashion sense, even for a woman.

Roxas pulled the car into one of the community parking lots and turned to me with a smile. "I know what we can do! If you want, you can come over to my place when we're done shopping and we can play some videogames or something. Maybe Maho will order some pizzas."

I nodded and gave him a halfhearted smile before climbing out of the car. Hell, I was more than excited to spend some time with Roxas and Maho, I just didn't want to face the wrath of my mom when I got home that night. Maybe I could just accidentally "fall asleep" at his house and not have to worry about going home until tomorrow. But then I'd have to deal with Mom then. I sighed to myself. I would never be able to win!

Roxas seemed to sense my distress and he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. It was strange how that one gesture seemed to calm me. It was nothing like a warm embrace from Riku, but it helped to pull me back into the reality of the moment. I didn't have to worry about dealing with my mom until later. Now I had shopping with my best friend to look forward to.

I followed Roxas in silence while he jabbered about animatedly about something or another. Even though I was barely even listening to him, his excitement was infectious. I found myself walking with a goofy smile on my face more often than a frown. It felt nice to smile, if only for a little while.

Roxas stopped outside of a shop named Horner Novelty. They carried different supplies for all seasons, but their largest collection was always at Halloween-time. They had everything from costumes and accessories to home decorations.

Roxas smiled broadly, his hands propped on his hips. "This is as good a place to start as any, huh? I bet they'll have almost everything that we need."

I sighed and rubbed my temples gingerly. "They better. I can already feel the headache coming. This is going to be interesting."

Roxas rolled his eyes and held the door open for me to walk in. "Ladies first," he said with a wink.

I rolled my eyes and walked through the door. The moment I looked around, I felt like I had walked into the dressing room for the _Rocky Horror Picture Show_. Black leather, lace, and accessories the color of blood decorated the walls and aisles of the store. What surprised me the most, though, was that I found some of the ensembles to be rather sexy. I always _had_ had a soft spot for tight leather clothing somewhere in my heart, though I didn't own any myself.

I heard Roxas chuckle beside me and he elbowed me in the side. "I'm glad we came when we did. There'll be nothing left this time next week."

I nodded weakly and let him lead me away when he grabbed onto my hand. One aisle was full of make-up, while another was overstocked with fake accessories. I felt like I was lost in a cross dresser's heaven.

But I couldn't help but laugh as Roxas held up a tight black corset with hot pink ribbons on it. "Whaddya think about this sexy little number?" he asked and pressed the corset against his body. He tried to pose with a sexy look on his face, but we ended up laughing and ruining the mood.

I picked up the same corset with red ribbons and held it up to me. "I dunno. It's a little risqué don't you think?"

He frowned thoughtfully and nodded. "Yeah. A pair of short shorts and knee-high boots with this thing and Riku will most definitely want to explore your secret spots."

"Roxas!!" A warm blush crept up my face and I quickly turned away from him, hanging the corset back on the shelf.

Roxas laughed heartily and followed me out of the aisle. "I was only kidding, ya know. I mean, you must obviously have strong values if you haven't let him take you for himself yet."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I am so totally _not_ having this conversation with you right now, Roxas. Who are you, my mother or something?"

"I'm only concerned for you. Call me your mother if you want, but I think of it more as an older brother thing."

I snorted. He wasn't my older brother. We were born on the same day in the same year, maybe even at the same time given how weird it already was. I mean, how many people were born on February twenty-ninth? I didn't think that it was that common of a birthday, but I could have been wrong.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. He laughed.

"Let's go shopping!"

We continued our aimless wandering through the novelty store, trying on a few costumes here and there. I was a pimp, a rather alive looking zombie, and a pirate for a grand total of about a minute each. Roxas tried on a mummy costume that took him five minutes to get into and ten to get out of. In the flurry of laughs and frustration, my previous shopping blues were lost.

Roxas stumbled out of his dressing room with the mummy costume draped over his arm and his hair a wild nest of yellow atop his head.

"Goddamn costume!" he muttered under his breath as he shoved it back onto the rack.

Sometime during my costume changes, I decided that I wanted to be something with wings. This store had every kind of wing you could imagine. Good faerie wings, dark faerie wings, Gothic wings, demon wings, black and white angel wings, rainbow colored wings that wouldn't go with any costume… It was crazy. Roxas called me plain, but I chose a shining pair of white angel wings from the rack. They weren't too big and they were actually very pretty. Roxas grabbed a pair of black wings from the shelf and smiled at me.

"I have an awesome idea!"

My ears perked and I arched an eyebrow to get him to continue.

"We can both be angels. You can be the 'good' angel and I'll be the 'dark' one. Even better, it'll be the truth, just no one will know it."

I frowned. "I dunno…"

"Oh come on, Sora. And we can dress as opposites, too. All black and white, but whatever you wear that's white, I'll wear as black." He closed his eyes and smiled. "It's awesome. I have it all planned out in my head. I wish you could see it. But we can't get the rest here."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the cash register. We quickly paid for our wings with a swipe of Riku's credit card, and he dragged me out of the store. We were halfway down the street when I was finally able to pull myself out of his grasp. He turned back to me with a frown on my face.

"What is it, Sora?"

"Where are we going? And I can walk too, ya know? You don't have to drag me around like a rag doll."

He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, sorry. Overzealous, I guess."

"Ya think?" The words came out harsher than I had intended.

His smile turned into a frown and he crossed his arms over his chest. "I said that I was sorry. What do you want me to do? Go and rewind time and _not_ drag you out of the store this time?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. Why don't you tell me? You're the one with all the special powers, remember?"

His face grew cold and hard, but his eyes were saddened. "Sora, I…"

"Don't, Roxas. If you can't tell me why the hell all this crazy shit you've been telling me feels like the truth then I don't want to hear it."

"It feels like the truth because it _is_ the truth, Sora. That's all there is to it."

I shook my head and stomped my foot hard on the ground. I knew that I was acting like a child, but I was too far along to go back. I wanted answers, dammit! And I wanted him to give them to me in a way that I could believe, and not in some whack story that said I was an angel or something equally as unbelievable.

"No, it's not the truth. It can't be the truth. There's no such thing as angels or demons. They're all fake! Why can't you all just tell me the truth instead of coming up with a story?"

I heard him sigh and his feet fell hard against the cement of the sidewalk as he walked to my side. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to a bench, where he pushed me down and made me look at him. His face was still hardened, but his eyes were softer though still sad.

"Fine, if you won't believe it, I'll tell you what you want to hear. You're not an angel. You're a human. And your dreams? Well…they're just weird dreams. As for Riku…you're just attracted to him. I mean, everyone and their mother has been attracted to Riku at some point or another, so there's nothing wrong with you being attracted to him, right?" He sighed. "That better?"

"You could have said it with more feeling," I pouted.

Roxas rolled his eyes and sighed heavily but the smallest hints of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "You're freakin' impossible!" he shouted. "What do you want me to tell you?"

I flicked him on the arm and smiled at his answering glare. "Thank you, Roxas, for at least trying."

He frowned but shrugged anyway, and my smile broadened. We were back with the Roxas I knew and loved. Brooding and quiet, though fun and kind at the same time. The loud and obnoxious Roxas was really starting to get on my nerves. But, then again, almost all loud and obnoxious people got on my nerves. I was really surprised that I had been to stand Selphie for as long as I had, even though I only had to see her in school.

"Come on," he muttered. "There's a store down the street where we can get the rest of our stuff."

I nodded and followed his lead as he pushed himself up from the bench. More shopping…great…

**o-o-o-o-o**

"Are we done yet?" I moaned.

Our arms were laden with bags and my feet were starting to hurt. I was starting to get really annoyed and I just wanted to go home.

Roxas sighed. "Yeah, we got everything that we need."

My knees almost gave out beneath me in relief. "Thank you, Roxas! I would hug you if my arms weren't full of clothes and shoes and…wings."

"I would kill you if you hugged me so you should be glad that those clothes are saving your life." And the small glint of something that flashed behind his eyes made the little person inside my head scream and run away.

"Yeah…good thing." I laughed. I didn't _think_ that Roxas would actually kill me, but whatever had flashed in his eyes made me just a little edgy.

All of a sudden, Roxas doubled over in a fit of laughter, holding his arms over his stomach. I jumped back from him in honest fear, my eyes wide and my body ready for action if he tried to do anything weird…well, weirder anyway.

"Um, Roxas… You're really starting to creep me out there, buddy. What's so funny?"

He straightened out and wiped tears from his eyes, pointing at me. "You should have seen the look on your face! It was priceless! You really looked like you thought I would honestly kill you." He spat out a few more chuckles and shook his head. "That was great."

"Well, you didn't see your eyes! You looked like a mass murderer there for a few seconds. Don't blame me for being scared."

He just rolled his eyes and shook his head and started to head down the street. I jogged to catch up to him, but kept just a little bit of a distance…just enough so I could react if I had to. I think he sensed my uneasiness because he stopped in the entrance of the parking lot and turned back to me with a frown on his face and his brow wrinkled.

"Oh, come on, Sora. I'm not going to hurt you. You're my best friend."

I sighed heavily and hung my head. "I know. I'm sorry. That look you gave me just scared me a bit."

He laughed quietly and put a hand on my shoulder. "Come on. Let's go back to my house and play some video games and hang out. You can stay over if you want, too. I've got clothes you can wear."

A smile bloomed across my face and I nodded vehemently. "That would be great."

He returned the smile and led the way to the car. He popped the trunk so we could deposit our purchases and then we climbed into the car. Roxas started the car and pulled out immediately. The drive to he and Maho's apartment lasted barely even five minutes. He pulled into a small parking garage and into the spot marked 127. Silently, he cut the engine and popped the trunk. We silently got our things out of the car, and he silently led me up the stairs to his apartment. He silently unlocked the door…and was attacked by a mass of messy brown curls.

"You're home! I was scared because you all took so long. I thought something might have happened to you!"

"We weren't kidnapped, Maho. We're fine. We just took a little longer than expected, is all."

Roxas managed to pry himself out of the woman's grasp with a loud sigh. She smiled brightly at the young man, her green eyes brightening when she caught sight of me.

"Sora!!" She pushed her way past Roxas and gently held my face in her hands. "What happened to you? Are you okay? Were you in an accident?"

I chuckled and pulled my face out of her hands. "I'm fine, Maho. Thank you. It was just my own clumsiness."

Roxas glared at me and pulled my bags out of my hands. He went deeper into the apartment and I tried to follow, but Maho intercepted me and led me to the living room where she shoved me into the couch.

"I'm so excited to have you over! It feels like it's been forever!" She clapped her hands together and jumped up and down.

I groaned mentally. I was beginning to see where Roxas had gotten his random outbursts from. But, for some reason, I wasn't all that bothered by it. I knew that Maho had always been worried that Roxas would be a loner. I could see where she would get the idea. He wasn't the most social person in the world. The only other people I ever saw him talk to outside of Naminé and me were Hayner, Pence, and Olette at lunch.

"Will you be spending the night?" Maho asked, pulling my attention back to her.

"He hasn't decided yet." Roxas walked into the living room and plopped down into the couch beside me, handing me a cold can of Coke.

"Thanks," I muttered and took a sip before turning my attention back to Maho. "I'd like to spend the night, if you don't mind."

Her face seemed to glow with happiness. "Of course I don't mind! I'll go order some pizzas for you guys!" she exclaimed and skipped off to the kitchen.

Roxas sighed loudly when we heard her speaking to the pizza place over the telephone.

"I'm surprised you want to spend an entire night with _that_ after being free for so long," he muttered. "I won't feel sorry for you later on tonight when you realize you missed your one chance to escape."

I laughed and took a long drink from my Coke. "I like her. Sure, she's a bit hyperactive and overexcited, but there's nothing wrong with that."

He rolled his and laughed.

"Come on," he said and put his Coke on the table. "Let's play some videogames."

I nodded and pushed myself up from the couch. Roxas went to the TV and turned on the PS2, selecting some random game from the pile on the floor beside the armoire. By the time we got comfortable on the couch with our controllers the door bell rang and signaled the pizza delivery boy's arrival. Maho skipped to the door and paid the boy, tipping him generously. She carried the boxes to the bar in the kitchen and dug some paper plates out of the cabinets.

"Soup's on!"

Roxas rolled his eyes, but dropped his controller and almost ran to the boxes, his stomach growling loudly along the way. I laughed as my stomach growled even louder. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until the smell of the pizza filled the apartment and I had my plate loaded down with slices of cheese and pepperoni.

The three of us gathered in the living room to eat. Between shoveling down the pizza and mouthfuls of Coke, we shared easy conversation. Even Roxas loosed up a bit and joined in on the fun. We joked about things that flashed across the television and got chuckles out of Maho's lame jokes. She asked me a lot of questions and I answered them as well as I could, but it seemed good enough to satisfy her.

Roxas and I dove into the videogames when we were done eating. We started out playing Star Wars Battlefront 2, getting kicks out of hunting down Ewoks, Wumbas, and Wookies. Somehow, though, we started playing DDR. Maho even joined in on our dance-off and she was fierce. It wasn't very surprising, seeing that she was such an energetic person, but I never would have thought her to be so graceful. I had to catch myself to keep from falling every few seconds, but it only added to the fun.

Eleven o'clock came around and we were all exhausted. We were sitting in zombie-like states on the couch, the preview of "Captain Jack" playing over and over and over again until I was about ready to throw the entire console out the window. Finally, Roxas got up and turned the PS2 off. He stretched and yawned and turned to me with a smile on his face.

"I'm gonna bathe real quick and then you can go, okay, Sora?"

I nodded and snuggled into the couch, sighing in peaceful content. I hadn't been so happy in a long time. It had been forever since I had spent time at Roxas' house. Before Dad died, I had spent almost every weekend with Roxas and Maho, but Mom had changed that the day after his funeral. It was nice to be in a loving house for once.

Maho laughed quietly and I opened my eyes, turning them onto her. She smiled at me when she noticed that she had my attention.

"Thank you for staying, Sora," she said with a sigh. "It makes me happy to know that you and Roxas still hang out so much."

I gave the best smile I could in my exhausted state and shrugged. "What can I say? Roxas and I are too much alike to not get along. He's like the twin brother I never had."

She chuckled and pushed herself up from the couch, stretching her arms high toward the ceiling. "Well…I'm gonna turn in. I didn't play nearly as hard as the two of you smelly boys so I'll take a shower in the morning. I'll see ya then."

I nodded and smiled when she ruffled my sweaty hair on the way past. She rapped on the bathroom door and shouted to Roxas that she was going to bed, and then the apartment was filled with silence except for the quiet sound of the water running in the bathroom.

I must have fallen asleep on the couch because Roxas shook me to let me know that he was out of the shower. I sat up and blinked wildly to remember where I was. Roxas stood next to me with a smile on his face, a towel draped over his shirtless shoulders. A pair of pajama pants hung loosely from his hips.

"You gonna take a shower or what?"

I yawned and nodded. I followed him back to his bedroom so I could get a pair of pajama pants and a T-shirt to wear to bed. I don't remember most of the shower, but I was out soon and making my way into Roxas' room. He was laid out on his bed when I walked in, his eyes closed and his face peaceful. He looked almost angelic. I couldn't help but smile.

I hung my towel on the door handle where he had hung his and threw my things on the floor next to my bags, then climbed onto Roxas' futon and curled up under the blankets. Comfortable warmth stole over my body and I snuggled deeper into the blankets with a sigh. I was almost asleep when Roxas broke the silence.

"You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"

I opened my eyes and glanced at him with a frown. "Yeah, of course I do. You're my best friend."

He laughed quietly and rolled on his side so he was looking at me. "I just…" He sighed. "I'm not blind like everyone else, Sora. I didn't need to see it to know that you were doing it. It was obvious just from the way that you acted."

My frown deepened. "Didn't need to see what? I don't understand…"

"Your arm, you moron," he muttered. "I've known for a while now, but didn't want to say anything about it because you seemed to be getting better, but you're not, right? You had a relapse last night, didn't you?"

"Dammit…" I groaned and closed my eyes, running a hand back through my hair.

"You can lie to me, but I'll know if you are. I'm your Futago, after all. Just because of that, my powers go beyond the boundaries of Kairi's. You're dealin' with a whole new thing here."

"Fu…tago…?"

He laughed. "Yes. It means twin in the Speech, but it goes deeper than that. What is it that they call it now?" He closed his eyes and tapped on his temple with a finger. "Ah-ha! Twin Souls! That's what it is." He laughed and shook his head.

"Anyway, centuries ago, even longer ago than our past lives, everyone had two sides. There was the light side and the dark side, but they each presided in different areas. Akari, home of the light, and Kurai, home of the dark. But over time, people started to be born whole and lived in the kingdom of their parents. But, for some reason, two sets of Futago were born in our generation, which was about a hundred years after the last set of Futago passed away. You and I were the first ones to be born, though no one knew of our connection outside of ourselves until I went to Ansem for his assistance. You were the light and I was the darkness and together we made a whole person. Once we were together, we were never separated." He sighed quietly. "Can you remember who the other set was?"

I frowned and closed my eyes to think…to let what he had just explained sink in. It made sense to me for some reason, but there was that one small part of my mind that refused to believe it. It screamed louder than anything else that what he had said was completely irrational and that there was no way that it could be true, even though it had filled in a lot of blank spots in my mind.

But who could the other set have been? I couldn't remember reading about it in the book, but a quick flash of Kairi's face jumped in front of my eyes before disappearing again, followed by Naminé's perpetually thoughtful face. The two stood side my side in my mind, their hands joined and their eyes closed, smiles gracing their lips as they sang a song in a language that I didn't understand.

"Kairi and Naminé…?" I whispered.

"Wow, you're quicker than I could have imagined," Roxas said with a laugh. "Yes. Kairi was the light and Naminé was the darkness, but they were never given the opportunity to meet and work together. They were never face-to-face until it came time to battle against one another."

"Why us? Why were made as only half of a person while everyone else was whole? It doesn't seem fair…"

He laughed. "You're right. It doesn't seem fair, but if you wouldn't have existed if I had been born whole, then I'm glad that I was born as half a person. We were born as more than half a person in this world, but there have always been three holes in our hearts. One could only be filled by our meeting, and another only by reuniting with our mates. When the last hole is filled, the other two are filled along with it, and that one can only disappear when we regain all of our memories."

"So they are memories…"

"A scattered dream that's like a far off memory. A far off memory that's like a scattered dream…"

I opened my eyes and watched as a small smile flashed across Roxas' lips.

"…I want to line the pieces up. Yours and mine…" I finished.

"You remembered!" His smile grew and he clapped quietly. "Not surprising… But isn't that what it feels like? Your dreams feel like something more, but they're too fantastical to be anything but dreams, right? Angels…demons…wars… Nothing like that can ever really happen in real life."

"Not today…"

"No, you're right. Not today. But you'd be surprised how thin the wire is between Akari and Kurai today. Each land is in relative peace, but the moment your memories return…" He let his words fade off and he shook his head. "But, never mind about that. I'm tired and you're tired, so let's go to bed and think more about it in the morning."

I nodded and snuggled up in the blankets.

"Just remember that you can talk to me…"

I sighed and muttered the first thing that came to mind. "Oyasumi _(1)_, Roxas-chan."

He laughed quietly. "Oyasumi, Sora-chan."

My eyes fluttered closed and I laid myself out defenselessly, letting the dreams take me away when they came for me.

TBC…  
---------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: Okay…before someone freaks out on me about the whole Source thing… I'm not speaking of God, per say, but of the Source of Universal Love and Light in Angelkin and Angel Incarnate lore. It is who Humans recognize as God, however…

Before anymore questions are asked, I don't consider myself to be Angelkin. I am Human. But I am fascinated by Angelkin, as well as the other races of Otherkin in the world. If you're interested in fantasy and the like and you have a minute, you should search Otherkin. It's very interesting…

The Twin Souls thing doesn't work the way I described it, either. There isn't a "light" and a "dark" side...Here's the definition from http://www (dot) otherkin (dot) net/articles//soulbonds (dot) html...

**Twin Souls: **Souls can also "split" into two or more parts, and if those parts are well developed enough to continue to exist independently, they can go on as separate souls, incarnating down through the ages. That is what some people call "twin flames" or "twin souls." Some souls do this more than once, creating more than two individual parts of the original soul...Such twin souls have the sense of connectedness and awareness available from a SoulSpace connection, but to a greater degree of depth. These connections often seem to be impossible to close down or sever. There can be a significant pull to be together, although that is not always the result...These connections also last past death, but are, at least somtimes, "forgotten" when reincarnating. Even when "forgotten," the individual may be aware that something or someone is missing...This type of connection is often mistaken for a romantic attatchment - which may or may not be correct. Because Twin Souls have chosen different developmental paths, they may be incompatible as romantic partners, even though they may feel an intense pull to be together romantically. This is one of the types of connections that is called a soulmate or soulbond connection...

Hopefully that helped to explian it...if it's still confusing, you should check out the website. Anyone who wants to know more about Angelkin or Otherkin and wants some links, e-mail me or message me and I'll happily send you some. I have plenty so share...Hehe...

Alrighty…to come…  
_Sora's mom returns…the Pumpkin Festival…Halloween party…secrets are revealed…"awakening"…lemon?…separation…NeoAkari and NeoKurai…_

_Translations:  
__**(1) Futago: **twins, though it has a deeper meaning than that…used in context of Other…  
__**(2) Oyasumi.:** Goodnight…_

Okie dokie…I think that's all for this AN. _::hugs everyone who reviewed last chapter::_ You're all amazing and I hope you had a fantabulous holiday!! Hehe…

Ja matta 'til next chapter…


	10. Chapter Seven: Tragic Affair

Okay...depressing doesn't give this chapter justice, but most of you will feel extrememly relieved after reading it. Trust me on that one... 

On another note...because I was harked on for my typos and stuff (_winks at Ku_), I went back and edited chapters two through this one. Hopefully that took care of most of the mistakes. And, because the bot was effed up and I couldn't respond to reviews, here are my thank yous...

**AbnormallyWeirdPerson:** As always, I loved your review! I hope this chapter makes you happy w/ the whole Sora's mom thing...And I enjoyed writing the novelty shop thing. I've never been in the Horner Novelty store here, but I used my imagination. Dunno if Roxas would really kill anyone, though. I mean, you are right with the fact that he is the "dark one," but I dunno... I really loved writing Maho. Such a fun person to write...SO unlike Sora's mom!! She's probably the most hated character I've ever created! Well...aside from Rayne, but that's another story. Anyway...sorry that I can't make response as long as I usually do, but I'll make up for it next time, I promise!!! _hugs_ Thank you sooooo much!!!!

**kuriqa: **I hope you're happy with the spelling and shiz in this chapter, ku-chan!! Hehe... And I _did _go back and fix the other chapters, just for you. I'm glad that you liked the new beginning, though. But, I already told you most of my thanks and stuff over the phone, so yeah... Much love!!!! _hugs_...

**Black Juju:** I KNOW!! The bot pissed me off, too, but I think it's fixed now 'cause I've gotten some alerts. Anyway...I've done sooo much research into Angelkin and Otherkin for this story that's it's about to drive me crazy. It's like reading through a psychology book and you start to diagnose yourself with a problem. Hehe... But I love learning new things about cool stuff like that! And I couldn't have Sora's actions be off everyone's radar. Even I wasn't that lucky, but yeah... I'm glad that you liked the chapter, but I hope that you like this one even more!! _hugs_ Thank you bunches!!

**Lirici:** I know you didn't review this chapter, but I just wanted to say thanks. I love ya much!!

Alrighty...I think that's it...on with the chapter!!!!

WARNINGS:child abuse…SI…yaoi…

**Disclaimer:** The characters of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Disney and Square Enix…

"_Now come one come all to this tragic affair  
Wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair  
So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot  
You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not _

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see  
You can find out firsthand what it's like to be me  
So gather 'round piggies and kiss this goodbye  
I'd encourage your smiles, I'll expect you won't cry…"

—"_The End" My Chemical Romance…_

**Chapter Seven:  
****Tragic Affair…**

I was actually having a good dream for once…a _normal _dream. The sun was high in the blue sky, with big puffy clouds scattered few and far between. I was sitting in the middle of a beautiful green meadow. Wildflowers bloomed as far as I could see with no trees to obstruct my sight.

I sighed and fell back into the grass, smiling at the familiar laugh beside me.

"You seem happy."

I looked to my side and my eyes connected with Riku's. I nodded. "Of course I'm happy. This is normal for once." I laughed. "I wish I could stay here forever."

Riku laughed quietly and shook his head. "You need to wake up, Sora."

I shrugged and closed my eyes, sighing in content. I didn't want to wake up. This dream was so much better than reality.

"Get your lazy ass out of bed, Sora! We have to go if you want to stop by your house!"

My eyes snapped open and I glanced at Riku. Only it wasn't Riku anymore. Roxas sat beside me with an annoyed frown on his face.

"Get up!"

I groaned and closed my eyes. Something soft yet painful connected with my face. I yelped and jumped up, blinking wildly. A pillow was lying in my lap.

"What the hell, Roxas?"

He chuckled. "It's about time! I didn't want think you were ever gonna wake up."

"I didn't _want_ to wake up," I moaned.

He shrugged. "Too bad. We have school and we need to stop by your house so you can get your things. I'm not gonna let you skip again."

He grabbed onto my arm and I groaned, but I let him pull me out of bed. He threw clothes at me and I pulled them on without really looking at them. In "zombie mode" I grabbed my things from the floor, stuffing my dirty clothes into one of my shopping bags, and followed Roxas out into the living room.

Maho smiled at us cheerfully from behind a cup of coffee. "G'Morning, Sunshines!"

Roxas grunted something incoherent and I mustered up the best smile that I could so early in the morning. Maho pointed to two plates of scrambled eggs on the island in the kitchen.

"I just made them so they're still warm."

We nodded and took the plates. I don't think we even took the time to chew it. We had scarfed down the pizza like there was no end the night before, but we were ravenous again. Roxas took our plates when we were done inhaling the eggs and put them in the sink. Maho followed with her coffee cup and gave Roxas a quick hug on the way past.

"I'm off to work, Lovelies," she said with a cheerful smile and moved to me.

Her gentle embrace surprised me. It had been so long since I had been given a hug by my own mother that I had forgotten how it felt. I found myself returning the hug without even thinking about it.

She smiled at me when she turned away and ruffled my hair like she had the night before. "It was nice seeing you again, Sora. You need to stop being such a stranger! Come back soon, okay?"

"Of course!" I kept a smile on my face, even though I knew Mom wouldn't let it happen.

Maho laughed and slung her purse over her shoulder. "I'll be home early tonight, Roxas, so don't worry about making dinner, okay?"

He nodded. She smiled and headed for the door, giving a little wave on her way out.

Roxas turned to me with a smile. "Ready for school?"

I groaned loudly and buried my face in my hands. "Don't remind me."

"Well, we better head out so we have enough time to get your stuff at your house."

I sighed, but followed Roxas out of the apartment with my bag of clothes thrown over my shoulder. The walk to my house seemed shorter than it usually was. Maybe it was because I was paying more attention to the little things that surrounded us. The color of the changing leaves on the trees. The puffy clouds that drifted across the sky. The bird digging in the ground for a worm to eat. For some reason, everything felt surreal, like I was walking through a waking dream. Even the familiar feel of Roxas at my side seemed strange.

When we turned onto my street, my eyes immediately went to my house out of force of habit. I felt my blood run cold when I saw Mom's car sitting in the driveway.

"Fuck!"

Roxas jumped and looked at me with a frown on his face. I smiled and tried my hardest to keep my voice from shaking as we slowed to a stop at the end of my driveway.

"Mom's home," I explained. "You can just wait out here for me. I'll drop my stuff off and be right out."

He looked apprehensive, but he nodded and I went inside alone. It was eerily quite. The clock ticking on the wall was louder than usual. I jumped when the refrigerator kicked on in the kitchen. I could hear Bo playing happily out in the backyard. Other than the car in the driveway, there was no sign that anyone was home.

I sighed to let out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding and quickly made my way up to my room. It may have looked like no one was there, but Mom's door was closed on the way past and I didn't want to take any risks. I dropped my bag of clothes in my room and quickly switched it for my backpack.

Sparing a couple of seconds, I checked myself out in the mirror. I cringed at what looked back at me. I didn't look any better than I had the day before. If anything, I looked worse. The bruise across my cheek was darker and my eye was almost swollen shut. The black and blue around my throat stood out like a sore thumb. There was no way I could go to school looking like I did. The counselor and principal and everyone else who thought they had a right to know would be on me in an instant. And no matter what I said CPS would probably be called in as well. That wouldn't be good at all.

I stared at my reflection for a couple more seconds before I decided that all I really needed to do was cover my throat. It was possible that I could get away with a good excuse with my face, but there was no way someone would believe that I'd gotten the bruises around my throat by falling down the stairs. It was impossible.

Sighing, I started to dig around in my closet for anything that would suffice as cover-up without looking too suspicious, mostly to Roxas. It was safe to say that he would ask me a few questions if I went outside wearing a big scarf or something like that. And I had no turtlenecks. Dammit! What was I going to do?

A quiet chuckle from somewhere behind me made me jump. My shoulders shaking slightly, I turned and faced the wreck that stood in my doorway.

But could she have really been considered a wreck? On the outside, I don't think so. She looked like any normal pretty, middle-aged women you pass walking down the street. Her hair was neat and pinned back from her face with barrettes, and she was dressed in a casual pair of blue jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt. She had even swiped some on some eye make-up and blush. She looked so freakin' normal that it was scary. But everything else was cancelled out when I looked into her eyes. They were hard as ice burgs and just as cold.

"Welcome home, Sora, honey," she cooed and took a step into my bedroom.

I took a step back and cursed under my breath when I ran into my closet doors. I was in a corner. Great…just great.

She laughed and took another step. "I got an interesting phone call from your school yesterday while I was at work," she said. "Your grades are slipping _and_ you've been missing a lot of days lately, they said. The restaurant called as well, wondering why you haven't been into work lately. And now you're jobless." She took a step closer. "Would you mind explaining yourself?"

I was shaking so hard that I could almost hear my teeth rattling. I tried to answer her question—gods, how I tried—but my words couldn't make it over the lump in my throat. My eyes widened as she walked further into my room. She stopped when she was standing in the middle.

"You're not going to explain yourself?" She laughed coldly. "I thought you were smarter than this, Sora. Failing and skipping school…losing your job…going out almost every night without asking for permission first… And who's this boy that's been bringing you home late at night?" She scowled and a disgusted look crossed her face. "Don't tell me he's your boyfriend." Then she laughed again. "Though the gay boy persona would fit you well, wouldn't it? You're so weak…"

"Shut up!"

I clasped my hands over my mouth and stared at my mom with wide eyes. It had just slipped out! One second I had been thinking it, and the next it just came out. I didn't mean it! Well…yes, I did. But I hadn't meant to say it. I didn't want her to hit me. I wanted to go to school. Roxas was waiting for me outside.

I watched as Mom's face morphed in anger. Her nostrils flared and her cheeks grew red. Her eyes narrowed as she crossed the space in my room that separated us.

I was prepared for it when her palm made contact with the side of my face. What I wasn't prepared for was the intense pain that shot across my nerves like a lightning bolt. I cried out and clenched my eyes to stem the flow of tears that threatened to fall. I refused to cry in front of her. But my cry only seemed to feed her sadistic side. She laughed and grabbed my chin to force me to look at her.

"Listen to me, boy," she snarled. "You still have five months until you're an adult. Until then you will listen to every goddamned thing that I say. You got that? I am your mother, damn you! Treat me with some respect for once in your fucking life!"

I spat in her face. I don't know why or what had possessed me to do it. All I knew was that I did it, and it fed her anger. She growled and pushed me backwards with such force that I went through one of the glass mirrors of my closet doors. I landed painfully on one of the boxes of junk I kept in my closet so it was out of the way.

"Bitch! Lying, stealing, cheating bitch!" I couldn't control myself as the words poured from my mouth. I opened my eyes and glared at her as I cursed her. "You're a liar and a whore! You say that you loved Dad, but you were having an affair! I know you were! I saw him! I've seen the man you were sleeping with! Fucking bitch! Dad loved you and trusted you! How can you possibly say that you loved him?!"

"Shut up!" she held her hands over her ears and fell onto the floor. "I loved your father!"

"Fuck you!"

"Shut up!" She grabbed a handful of clothes and chucked them at me, but they landed a few feet away.

I laughed out loud and was about to commend her on her horrible throw when she gasped. She jumped away from where she had been sitting and stared at the floor with wide eyes. Slowly, she moved back and picked up more clothes. Her eyes grew wider with every piece she moved.

"What the hell is this?!" she gasped. "Is this blood?"

I laughed and nodded, pushing myself up from the mess of shattered glass. Small slivers cut into my palms, but I ignored it. Pain was good. I wanted pain. I wanted a blade. I wanted to cut myself. I wanted to show her how much she hurt me. I wanted to make her feel sorry for what she did.

"What's the problem, Mother? You never seemed to care about seeing my blood before." I fingered the scabbed over cut on my cheek. "What's so different about this?"

"I…I…I…"

I laughed again and looked down at the carpet. It looked worse than when I had seen it the morning before. The blood had dried completely and was now a deep, crusty brown color. I reached out to touch it, but Mom grabbed my arm before I was able to make contact.

"Take your jacket off!" she shouted.

I shook my head.

"Take it off, damn you!" She pulled at the fabric of the sleeve until she tore it. She stumbled backwards with the cloth in her hand and stared at my arm in disgust, surprise…and was that sadness and regret. "What the fuck, Sora? What is this?!"

I laughed. "You said that you knew, remember? No, wait. You don't, do you? Yeah, because you were drunk. You're always drunk!"

Tears were running freely down my face now, but I did nothing to stop them. They wouldn't have stopped even if I had tried.

"Don't blame this on me, you sick freak!" she shouted. "None of this is my fault." She grabbed my lamp from my desk and threw it on the ground. Shattered plastic and glass went everywhere.

I grabbed a sharp piece of the glass and stared her in the eyes and I pressed it against my arm. A small smile graced my lips as her eyes widened.

"What are you doing? Stop that!"

I shook my head and pulled it across my flesh. I didn't even hiss as it cut a deep gash into my upper arm. I returned it to my arm and continued to hack at it, never once taking my eyes from her.

"Stop that!"

Her words meant nothing to me. I was going to make her see what she did to me. I continued the process over and over again—press and pull…press and pull—until I felt myself starting to become dizzy. I dropped my gaze from my mom and looked at my arm. I couldn't see much of the damage I had done as my skin was covered in blood, but I could feel it. My arm was beginning to sting and throb painfully, but I wouldn't let it deter me from my mission.

"Sora…?"

I gasped quietly at the sound of my name, letting the piece of glass fall to the ground. Roxas. He was inside. He was downstairs. I turned my attention back to my mom just as she grabbed the snow globe I'd gotten from Dad from my shelf. I was instantly pulled from my stupor.

"No!" I shouted and jumped up from the floor.

But I was too late. She smiled at me coldly and threw it to the floor. Glass and miniature cherry blossoms covered the floor. The water soaked into the blood stained carpet and made it look even worse than it already did.

"Bitch! How could you?!" I slapped her hard across the face, not caring about what her reaction would be. "That was from Dad! How could you?!"

A hard fist landed in my stomach and sent me to my knees. She laughed coldly and kicked me in the side. I choked on a scream and fell sideways onto my floor. My face landed in the wet patch on the carpet. It smelled like copper and made me want to vomit, but I couldn't move.

"Sora!"

I groaned at the sound of Roxas' panicked voice. I heard his hurried footsteps across the carpet and sighed as he lifted me halfway into his arms.

"What did you do to him?!" he shouted.

The sound of my mom's laughter was the last thing I heard before exhaustion and pain sent me into unconsciousness.

**o-o-o-o-o**

_He was surrounded by a wonderful scent. The water that moved against his skin was magnificent. It calmed his every aching muscle and sent him into a state of serene bliss. There was no one around to bother him, no one around to see him sitting half naked in the swimming hole._

_The constant twilight that hung over Kurai during the day was starting to darken, announcing the arrival of night. If it was possible, Sora enjoyed the nights in Kurai more than he did the nights in Akari. And the beings of Kurai… He enjoyed them even more._

_The people who wandered through the land of Kurai possessed a beauty of such Sora had never seen before. Even those who were hideous were beautiful. In a way, he envied the people of Kurai. Of the beings of Akari, he was one of the fairest, but there were others who were much more beautiful than he could ever dream to be._

_The brunet boy let his thoughts wander away and his eyes drifted closed as he rested head against the bank of the swimming hole, carefully hidden behind a veil of vines and leaves that hung from a weeping willow. There was so much he had yet to see…so much he had yet to do. It was impossible for him to be able to complete it all in the short amount of time he had. He sighed and shook his head, a small smile gracing his lips. Maybe it would give Ansem reason to send he and Roxas back to Kurai sometime in the future. He sure as heck wouldn't refuse if he was given the chance. And Roxas seemed to have taken a liking to one of the residents in the palace, so Sora knew that his blonde twin wouldn't refuse if given the chance either._

_"Didn't think I'd find you here of all places."_

_Sora jumped at the sudden voice and his eyes flew open, searching the area around him wildly in fear. He sighed when he saw who it was. Standing in a small gap he'd made by pushing aside the vines and leaves was Riku. His long silver hair was tied back in a messy ponytail and he was dressed in only his undergarments, as Sora was, revealing his flawless pale skin and muscular upper body._

_He chuckled and walked into the veiled area, letting the curtain fall closed behind him. Sora gulped. This wasn't good. Not good at all. Whenever he was around Riku, especially when they were alone, he had the tendency to lose control. But he wouldn't do it this time. He would keep his composure, no matter how close the beautiful young man got to him._

_Even as he said it, Sora could feel his composure slipping. His breathing quickened and a slight sheen of sweat broke out across his brow. He closed his eyes and looked away from Riku as he made his way closer to where the brunet sat._

_"I didn't say that I wanted company," he said with a slightly strained voice._

_Riku laughed and the sound was beautiful. With his eyes closed, Sora relied on the sound of the water as it moved around Riku as he moved. He successfully dodged one attempt at Riku trying to catch him, but he failed on the second. He groaned as he was pulled against the silver-haired boy's body. It didn't help him to catch his breath any easier._

_"Last I checked," Riku whispered into his ear, "this was my bathing spot."_

_Riku licked up the side of Sora's neck, making the younger boy moan and wriggle in his grasp. Riku laughed and continued his ministrations upon Sora's neck. The brunet was soon a submissive mess in Riku's arms, and he didn't care. He'd tried to deny it, but he couldn't do it any longer. He wanted Riku more than anything he'd ever wanted in his life._

_"I want you, Sora," the silver-haired demon whispered into the brunet's ear, nibbling gently on the lobe. "Are you afraid of me?"_

_Sora slowly opened his eyes and stared deep into Riku's. He shook his head. "No, I'm not. Should I be?"_

_"It would make things much easier if you were."_

_The demon laughed and Sora caught a small flash of his fangs in the moonlight, but then they were gone and Riku was touching him again. One hand ran gently across the flesh of Sora's chest, while the other slithered under the water and dared to explore his more secret regions._

_Sora moaned and writhed against Riku's hold. The demon laughed and attacked Sora's mouth with his own. The kiss started out innocent enough but then Sora moaned and Riku gave himself entrance into the brunet's wet cavern. Hands roamed unashamed over exposed skin and, when they pulled apart to breathe, Riku returned his attention the flesh of Sora's neck._

_The young brunet shivered and whined incoherencies into the night. Riku chuckled and licked a line from the center of Sora's collarbone to just below his right earlobe, making another violent shiver ripple through Sora's small form. _

_"You look like you'd taste like strawberries," Riku whispered huskily, "but I bet you taste like chocolate."_

_Sora shivered as Riku started pressing open mouthed kisses along his jaw and down the side of his throat. He licked and sucked at Sora's pulse, eliciting more moans and whimpers from the inexperienced angel. Riku chuckled, and Sora gasped as a sharp pain that morphed into pleasure erupted around where Riku was working on his throat. _

_Riku pulled away a few seconds later and licked his lips seductively, a slight trail of blood dribbling out the side of his mouth and down his chin._

_"Yeah…chocolate…" he whispered and bent down again._

_The pain and pleasure returned and left Sora moaning and begging for more. When Riku kissed him again, it was metallic but sweet. Like chocolate…_

**o-o-o-o-o**

I awoke in a cold sweat to a strange sense of déjà vu and the annoying sound of a beeping machine. Beep. Beep. Beep. Over and over and over again. I groaned and tried to move but couldn't. It took me a minute to notice the warmth and comfort that surrounded me. I didn't know where I was, but it felt like I was lying in a bed. I let my eyes flutter open as I felt a warm breeze drift across my brow.

I smiled when I saw what it was.

Riku was asleep next to me in the bed. It was kind of cramped because the bed was small, but he had made due. He held me tight in his arms. I sighed and snuggled deeper into his embrace, trying to remember where I was and how I had managed to get there.

It didn't take long for the memories to come rushing back to me. Roxas and I had stopped at my house on the way to school and Mom had been there. She was angry because of a phone call from school or something. We had gotten in a really bad argument. Roxas came into the house and found us…

I opened my eyes again and let them survey the room I was in. I was most definitely in a hospital. I felt stupid for not having realized it from the beeping heart monitor. The room was plain, painted a pale cream color with a decorative seashell border along the center of the walls. I looked to the right and smiled softly at the sight. Roxas was curled up in Axel's lap, his face buried in the redhead's shoulder. Axel held Roxas tightly in his arms. They were both asleep.

There was a quiet groan beside me and I turned my attention back to Riku as his eyes fluttered open. They widened slightly, but he quickly recovered with a smile and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"You're awake?"

I sighed and nodded. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Long enough," he sighed. "It's been almost a day."

I groaned. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize!" I jumped at the fierceness in his voice. He sighed and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. But it's not your fault. It's your mother's. Sora, why didn't you tell me about her?"

He opened his eyes and sat up in the bed. He pulled me with him and helped to situate me between his legs. His back was against the pillows and I leaned against his chest. I sighed and twined our fingers together. He kissed my temple softly.

I noticed that my right arm was bandaged, hiding whatever damage I had done to it earlier. I wanted to pick at the bandages so I could see how bad it was, but thought better of it. I didn't want to know what Riku would do if he saw me picking at it.

Riku pulled his hands from mine and wrapped his arms around my torso, burying his face in the crook of my shoulder. He was shaking slightly. I frowned and turned so I could look at him. Tears were running down his face. He shook his head and pulled me to him in a crushing hug.

"I love you, Sora. So much. I was so scared… There was so much blood. We tried to stop it, but couldn't. I was so scared."

I sighed and pressed a soft kiss to his throat. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "No. It's not your fault. Your mom… She was gone by the time Axel and I got there. I was ready to kill her…"

I laughed quietly at his words, but knew that he was probably being serious. Rustling from our right pulled our attention to Axel and Roxas. Roxas groaned and his eyes slowly fluttered open, squinting briefly at the bright light of the hospital room. His eyes widened when he saw that I was awake.

"Sora!" He carefully crawled out of Axel's lap and sat on the side of my bed. "Are you alright?"

I nodded and snuggled back into Riku's arms. "Yeah. I'm okay. I would probably be dead if it wasn't for you, though."

Roxas shook his head. "I should have known! I mean, I knew about your cutting, but your mom… I should have fucking known!"

"No." I shook my head. "You shouldn't have, and I wish none of you knew about it now."

"Sora…" They said it together, their voices sounding like a warning.

"They are my problems, and I was dealing with them perfectly fine, okay? You all didn't need to have anything to do with either of them."

"You almost fucking killed yourself, Sora!" Roxas growled. "And your mom… How can you say that you were handling it? You can't handle that!"

I closed my eyes and looked away from him. "I was doing fine," I said through gritted teeth.

Roxas opened his mouth to argue but was distracted by Axel finally waking. The redhead blinked a couple of times before his eyes focused on the three of us on the bed. A large smile spread across his face.

"Sora! You're awake!"

I sighed. That was starting to get annoying. Instead of saying anything, I just nodded and reclined back in Riku's arms. A tense silence hung in the air between the four of us before Roxas spoke up.

"I called Leon…"

My eyes snapped open and I glared at you. "You _what_?!"

"He's your brother, Sora. He deserved to know that his mother was a psycho and that his brother was laying half-dead in a hospital bed."

I shook my head. "No… No! No! No! He's not supposed to know! He can't know! He loves Mom! He won't believe it!"

"I won't…?"

My shoulders tensed at the sound of my brother's voice. I opened my eyes and looked to the doorway. Leon was there, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. His eyes were soft with worry and looked bloodshot from crying, but I knew better. Leon never cried.

"Why wasn't I supposed to know, Sora?" His voice sounded hurt. "You let me believe that Mom was someone she wasn't. Why?"

"…because you loved her, and she was always happy when she saw you. I didn't want you to stop seeing her because then she would never be happy. She would always be angry and then she would beat me all the time…"

I started crying and buried my face in my hands. Riku held me close and ran a gentle hand through my hair to calm me down. I felt the bed jump slightly and saw that Leon had sat on the side opposite of Roxas when I opened my eyes. He reached out and held my bandaged hand in both of his own.

"I want you to come stay with me," he muttered. "I won't let you go back home."

I shook my head. "I can't. I can't leave Mom alone."

Leon laughed. "Don't worry about her. It's all under control. You're going to come stay with me and Cloud downtown. It's not far from Roxas' place."

I nodded. "When can I leave?"

"You should be able to leave as soon as we get a doctor in here to do a check-up and make sure everything' s going like it's supposed to."

I nodded and Riku pressed the call button on one of the bed's armrests. A nurse came rushing into the room a few minutes later, her black hair beginning to fall out of her bun and around her face.

"You're awake!" she exclaimed. "Just a second. Lemme call your doctor."

She dashed out of the room and came back a few minutes later, a tall woman with long, strawberry blonde hair at her side. The blonde woman smiled at me as she took a seat in the chair beside my bed, flipping open my chart when the nurse handed it to her from the end of the bed.

"Hello, Sora. I'm Doctor Tanaka, but you can call me Akiko, okay?"

I nodded and she smiled, jotting something down into my chart before turning back to me.

"Can you tell me what happened before you collapsed? Do you remember?"

I shook my head, but Riku gave me a tight squeeze and the other three gave me harsh glares. I sighed and nodded.

"Yes. What do you want to know?"

Akiko smiled warmly. "How long have you been abused by your mother?"

I sighed. "Off and on for about a year now. It didn't get bad until the past couple of months."

She nodded. "Do you know why it got worse?"

I shook my head, and she nodded, writing more stuff into the chart in her lap. She looked back up at me after a couple of minutes of writing and smiled.

"And can you tell me how long you've been cutting yourself?"

"Two years…" I muttered, closing my eyes as I felt Riku's arms tighten around me. Roxas, Leon, and Axel's collective gasp didn't help to make matters an easier.

Akiko nodded. "Can you tell me why you started hurting yourself?"

"You're not a therapist!" I spat.

"Just answer the damned question, Sora," Leon said tersely.

I looked at him and saw that his eyes were closed. He was probably pissed at himself because he had never noticed my addiction. It wouldn't surprise me.

I sighed. "I couldn't deal with my dad's death. I blamed it on myself because he died and I didn't. It just became an addiction. And then the stuff with Mom started. Cutting took away the pain she caused me and made it easier to live everyday."

"Understandable, but did you ever try to talk to anyone about it?"

"No…I didn't want anyone to know…about either of them. My life, my problems."

Akiko laughed quietly and drew my eyes back to her. "You didn't even think to tell your brother?"

"I was going to tell him about our mom, but things didn't work out that way. I had company when he got there and he had brought someone with him…"

She nodded and wrote something down in the chart.

"What about this last time? Were you trying to kill yourself?"

"No, no!" I shook my head vehemently. "Mom was…and I was only trying to prove a point to her. I wanted her to see how much she hurt me, but I guess I went overboard. And then she broke the snow globe I got from my dad…" I cursed at the tears that welled up in my eyes and shut up.

Akiko sighed. "Well, Sora…" She looked at me with a frown on her face. "I most definitely think that you need some kind of counseling, but I'm going to let it go for now. I want you to come back in a month or so and we'll see how you're doing, okay? We'll see if the cutting has gotten any better since you got away from your mom."

I nodded.

"If the cutting _hasn't_ gotten any better, then I hate to say that I'll have to force you into therapy. Whether it's in-patient or out, you'll have to go to some kind of counseling for help with it, okay?"

I nodded again, but didn't really agree with her. I didn't need counseling. I was just fine. Sure, I had gone through some traumatic things, but I was getting along perfectly well. I was alive and healthy and had amazing people around me. As long as I had those things going for me, I would be okay.

Akiko smiled and flipped the chart closed. "Ookay," she said and pushed herself up from the chair. "You just have some paperwork to take care of and you'll be free to go. Because of the situation, your brother can sign as your guardian, alright?"

For what felt like the millionth time since waking up, I nodded and gave Akiko a small smile. She returned it happily.

"Miss Delia here will take care of the IV and things," Akiko gestured to the nurse. "When she's done, you can change into the clothes your friends brought for you. Leon, if you'll just follow me, I'll get the paperwork you need."

Leon nodded and squeezed my hand softly before following Akiko out of the room. I missed him the moment he was out of the room.

Delia began work on removing the IV and the other sensory pads that were attached to my body. When all the wires were removed and I was free to move as I wished, Riku helped me out of the bed and guided me to a chair with clothes draped over it. Though I needed one really bad, we decided that I would take a shower when I got back to Leon's, so Riku helped me change into the clean pair of pants and shirt before leading me out of the room.

I noticed something while Riku helped me. He was constantly touching me. Whether it was just the soft brush of his fingertips against my skin or the full on feel of his hands, there was always a connection. As he led me down the hallway, he kept an arm around my waist and was tense, as if prepared for me to fall or for something bad to happen. I wanted to tell him to calm down, but I knew that he would just look at me as if I were crazy.

Leon was waiting for us by the receptionists' desk, his car keys dangling carelessly from one hand. He and Riku exchanged a look that I didn't understand and Riku handed me over to Leon as my leverage, but he refused to let go of my hand. We awkwardly walked out to Leon's car and they awkwardly loaded me into the front passenger's seat, Riku giving me a soft kiss before pulling away.

I was exhausted. The walk from my room to the car had felt like the longest of my life. Before we were even out of the parking lot, I was asleep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

The move into Leon's was…awkward, to say the least. There was hardly any room in the apartment to begin with and Leon had to give up sleeping in his bed so I could have it. He said that he would sleep on couch instead. I tried to argue with him, but he just gave me "The Look" and I shut up. It was no use to argue.

At least I didn't have to worry about going to school for the rest of the week. The hospital had given me permission to wait out the last three days before I had to head back. That would be an interesting experience. I was sure that the school had heard about everything that had happened by now, and I would be watched like a hawk upon my return. It wasn't something I was looking forward to, especially since my every movement was already being watched at Leon's.

Cloud was quiet, but I could tell that he wasn't the kind of person I had pegged him as after his visit to the house with Leon. He was kindhearted and fun to be around. And something told me that there was more to his relationship with Leon than either of them wanted to point out. I made a promise with myself to find out before the end of the week. It wasn't like I had anything of much importance to do anyway.

And it didn't take long for me to find out that there most definitely _was_ something more to their relationship. I had woken in the middle of the night and had to pee so, like any usual person, I got up to go to the bathroom. The sight that greeted me on the couch was all I needed to confirm my suspicions. Leon _and _Cloud were curled up together on the couch's sofa bed and both of them were shirtless. I couldn't help but smile. They looked so happy. I snuck off to the bathroom and back into the room as quietly as I could so I wouldn't wake them up.

Neither of them knew anything about it. I wanted to ask Leon, but we never really had any alone time together. I could have asked Cloud, but I didn't know him well enough to ask that sort of personal question. It was enough that Leon had ordered him to watch me whenever he was gone. I didn't want to dig into his personal life too.

I liked the days when Cloud was my "babysitter." The two of us would just sit on the couch and watch TV all day. Sometimes Cloud would do homework and grumble annoyances under his breath as I watched _Spongebob Squarepants_. Other times he joined in the fun with me. Once he even sang the "F.U.N. Song" with me. It was rather humorous and I think we scared Leon when he got home in the middle of it.

Riku and Axel came everyday after school. Roxas would join them whenever he wasn't working. I really enjoyed their company, though we didn't say much. I would just sit in Riku's arms and play Axel in a videogame or something like that.

All three of them came over on Friday after school and hung out until almost midnight. We watched cartoons, ate junk food, and played videogames. Leon and Cloud joined in on the fun a couple of times, but they were too wrapped up on their "studies" to do much of anything. Honestly, how stupid did they think we were? Even Axel knew that something was up.

I was walking with Riku out to his car when he pulled me into a dark corner and attacked my lips with his own. I gasped in surprise and he took the opportunity to dive in with his tongue. My hands twined in his long hair. One of his went into my hair while the other made its way under my shirt to stroke my back. I moaned loudly when one of his legs snuck between mine and he applied pressure to my groin. He laughed into my mouth, but pulled away, nipping playfully at my bottom lip as he did.

It had been too long since he'd kissed me like that. I wanted more, but I didn't want to be caught by Leon or Roxas. While I knew what was going on with Leon's relationship, I didn't know what he would say if he saw us. And Roxas… I didn't know the first thing about what was going on between him and Axel. They're relationship was the definition of confusing. They were touching each other one minute and glaring at each other the next. I wish that they would just give in already. It was starting to get annoying.

Riku laughed and brushed a hand back through my hair. "Are you still going to join me tomorrow night?"

I frowned and cocked my head to the side. "Tomorrow night? Oh yeah, the party! Yeah, I still wanna go. Will you still take me?"

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Of course I will. I can't wait to ravish you in public."

I blushed and he laughed again, diving into yet another passionate kiss. And this time we were caught. Someone coughed and I broke our kiss to see Axel standing there with a wicked smile on his face. I sighed and let my forehead drop onto Riku's shoulder.

"Dammit, Axel! I thought it had been Leon or Roxas or something," I muttered.

The redhead chuckled. "Like they don't already know. You're so lovey-dovey that it makes me want to vomit. I can't see how someone could _not_ know that you're getting it on."

I blushed and Riku sighed. "We're not 'getting it on,' Axel."

"Pretty damn close…" he muttered and walked past us, shaking his head.

I sighed loudly and Riku laughed.

"I guess that's my cue to go, since I did drive him over here and all," he muttered. "I'll be here tomorrow at eight, okay?"

I nodded and he kissed me gently between the eyes.

"I love you, Sora."

I sighed and then he was gone. I stood there for a moment, watching the tail lights on his car until I couldn't see them anymore, before I turned and headed back toward the eapartment. Roxas was waiting for me outside the door. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Ready for tomorrow?"

"Of course," I said with a smile. "What about you? You're still gonna come, right?"

He shrugged. "Why not? It's not like I don't have anything else to do."

I chuckled and patted him on the shoulder on my way past. "Thank you, Roxas. It means a lot to me."

He shrugged again. "No problem." He smiled and checked his watch. "I gotta go. Maho's expecting me home soon and I don't want her to freak on me again." He sighed. "Do you wanna go to the Pumpkin Festival? Just to get out?"

"Sure, why not? Riku said he's gonna be here by eight, though, so…"

He smiled. "No worries. I'll be over around noon and we can hang out there for a couple of hours before we come back here and change, okay?"

I nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

"Awesome." He patted me on the shoulder and headed off toward his house.

I watched his back until he turned the corner at the end of the road and disappeared. Sighing, I went back inside and changed into my pajamas. Leon was sitting on the couch when I came out of the room.

"Going to bed?"

I answered him with a loud yawn. He laughed and shook his head.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"I'm about to pass out," I sighed. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. "I'll see you in the morning. Oh! And Roxas and I are going to go to the Pumpkin Festival tomorrow night. And Riku wants to go to a Halloween party, but Roxas is going to be with me so don't worry, okay?"

Leon sighed and closed his eyes. I don't know why, but he never took a liking to Riku. It was another thing that I wanted to ask about, but never got around to actually doing. I would find out why soon enough, though.

"Just be careful. Creepy people come out on Halloween."

I sighed. "Yes, Mommy." I giggled and gave Leon my customary hug before I headed off toward the bedroom. "G'Night," I muttered and closed the door behind me.

I set my bottle of water on the bedside table and crawled into the oversized bed. It was still weird sleeping in Leon's room. I guess it was because I was so used to my own bed, but Leon's bed was much more comfortable. There was so much more room to move around.

I sighed and snuggled into the blankets. I couldn't wait until tomorrow. It was going to be fun. I was going to make sure of it. For the first time in the past week, I was going to make sure that no one worried about me. We were gonna party our little hearts out and no one was gonna tell us otherwise.

TBC…  
----------------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: I can only imagine all of your responses to this chatper...IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME!!!!!...right? Hehe...I know. And as depressing as this chapter was, I _really _enjoyed writing it, probably more than I should have. But now that his mom is out of the picture for the most part, it's time for the story to get happier, right? HAHAHA!! Sorry...couldn't resist...

The end of this story is _very_ heavily influenced by Evanescence and Mae. I may not quote their songs every single chapter, but they influenced my ideas for the end sooo much that it's not even funny!...

To come..._  
Pumpkin Festival and Halloween party...Sora's "awakening"...lemon?...separation...NeoAkari and NeoKurai..._

Yay! Anyway...thanks again to those of you who reviewed last chapter. You're awesome and I love you!!! _hugs to you all_... I hope the typos and stuff were better in this chapter. There probably are still some 'cause I was watching America's Next Top Model while going through it. Hehe... That show is so effin' addicting!!!!...

Ja ne!!!


	11. Chapter Eight: Monster Mash

Meh…the first few paragraphs of this chapter probably make no sense at all 'cause there was nothing thrown in before them. I was having a bad bout of writer's block while trying to think of a way to start this, so I pulled something out of my ass. It's not pretty, as would be expected of something pulled out of my ass…

WARNINGS: naughty language…yaoi…

**Disclaimer:** The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Disney and Square Enix…

"…_From my laboratory in the castle East  
__To the master bedroom where the vampires feast  
__The ghouls all came from their humble abodes  
__To get a jolt from my electrodes_

_(They did the mash) They did the monster mash  
__(The monster mash) It was a graveyard smash  
__(They did the mash) It caught on in a flash  
__(They did the mash) They did the monster mash…"_

—"_Monster Mash" Misfits…_

**Chapter Eight:  
Monster Mash…**

I felt like I was drowning. It was hard to breathe and my eyes were starting to water. The people that surrounded us closed in, and I grasped Roxas' arm in a death grip, afraid to let go in case we got separated. I heard him wince, but he didn't say anything. Cheers and jeers roared around us as Roxas led the way through the crowd, shoving people aside without so much as a backwards glance. Any normal day I would have been apologizing as we walked, but I didn't care about the others at the moment. I just wanted out.

I almost fell to the ground and kissed it when we were free. _Almost_. Instead I collapsed against the wall of nearest building and closed my eyes, trying my hardest to keep my breathing deep and even so I wouldn't lose all of my control.

"It would have been nice of you to remember that you were claustrophobic before we went in there," Roxas grumbled.

I opened my eyes and smiled at him sheepishly. "You were excited about it. I didn't want you to be disappointed. And besides, you knew I was claustrophobic, you ass!"

He rolled his eyes and frowned. "Well, I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with again, okay? I want to have fun, but not at your expense."

I sighed and nodded, letting my eyes slip closed again. "I really wanted to go down there, too, though. We couldn't see shit while we were sitting in the bleachers."

"And was it any more fun down in the pit?"

I shook my head and heard Roxas laugh. I sighed. Every year during the Pumpkin Festival there was a fighting tournament called the Struggle. Every jock in the school would sign up for the contest and battle it out on a platform in the town's square until only one was left. The winner of the Struggle would be the heartthrob for the next year, until the next year's Struggle and that winner took over his position. But, while their reasons for engaging in the tournament were ridiculous, it was always entertaining to watch some of the jocks get the shit beat out of them with foam baseball bats.

"Well…what're we gonna do now?" Roxas asked.

I shrugged and opened my eyes again so I could survey the area around us. Game booths and trailers full of delicious, super fattening food were scattered everywhere. Scary looking carnival rides were in the center of the field.

"Let's go ride the Ferris wheel," I muttered. There wasn't much else to do and it was one of the only rides we hadn't gone on earlier in the day.

Roxas nodded and led the way. The line for the Ferris wheel actually wasn't that long, seeing that it was one of the more boring rides they had to offer, so we were climbing into the carriage and taking off over the field in a matter of minutes.

Being the smartass that he is, Roxas threw his arms into the air and let out a sarcastic scream when we were halfway to the top. "This is awesome!!" he shouted. "Wooo!! Good idea, Sora!"

I punched him playfully on the shoulder. "Shut up. At least we're not down there." I looked down at the crowd of people and shuttered. The line for the Ferris wheel had grown in length since we had gotten on. Too many people.

Roxas laughed. "Why are you so nervous about tight places anyway?" He leaned in close until my back was pressed into the wall. His smirking face was inches away from mine.

"Uh…shouldn't we talk first…?" I coughed, a sweat breaking out across my brow.

He laughed and shook his head. "Why talk when we can get straight to it?"

He started in on me slowly, the same smartass smirk on his face the entire time. I could feel his breath ghosting across my throat by the time I gathered my wits and shoved him away. He laughed and fell backwards into the opposite wall.

"You are _way _too easy to fuck with, Sora!" he choked through his laughter.

"Hey!! I thought you said you didn't want to have fun at my expense!" I pouted and glared at him.

He shrugged. "That was just too good to pass up." He sighed and wiped a tear from his eye. "But you never answered my question. How come you're so nervous about tight places?"

I shrugged. "Does it really matter? I'm claustrophobic. Oh no! The world's gonna come to an end!!" I put a hand on my forehead and pretended to faint.

Roxas laughed. "Did you forget that you're going to a party tonight? With music…and dancing on a crowded dance floor with lots and lots of horny, sweaty people? What're you gonna do if Riku asks you to dance or something. Are you gonna say no because you're a big scaredy cat?"

I rolled my eyes and punched him again, except not so playfully this time. I didn't care how many people were at the party, I was going to dance with Riku if he asked me to. What point would there be to go if I was just going to stand against a wall the entire night? I wasn't a wallflower. I had a date, and a very sexy one at that. And who knew how many real wallflowers were going to be fawning all over that sexy date at the party. I couldn't let that happen.

The Ferris wheel stopped briefly at the top before we made our decent and started down toward solid ground. I guess the operator knew that Roxas and I weren't dating and didn't need the extra time to swap spit at the top.

We wandered around for a little bit after that. We bumped into Kairi and Selphie and hung around with them for a bit. It was interesting. Selphie got on my nerves a bit with her incessant ramblings about nothing, but other than that, it was pretty fun. We played carnival games. I won a big, pastel green elephant in the ring toss game. Selphie pouted when I wouldn't give it to her (she'd played the game over thirty times during the course of the day and hadn't won anything), but I wanted to keep it for myself. Call it childish or girly or whatever, but I wanted to add a touch of something that was mine to the room Leon had given up for me.

Sooner than I could have imaged, five o'clock rolled around and Roxas and I said our goodbyes to the two girls. I didn't think that we needed three hours to get ready for the party, but Roxas said that it was better that we had extra time to lounge around than to be running around when Riku and Axel showed up. I have to admit that he _did _have a point. But before we left, Roxas pulled Kairi off to the side and had a small conversation with her. I saw her glance briefly at me while they were talking, but the glance was gone soon enough that I didn't pay any attention to it. After a couple of minutes, Roxas returned to my side and we left the town square.

Once Roxas and I were alone on the sidewalk, I decided that it was finally time for me to get some inside information on he and Axel's relationship. I had been patiently waiting for him to bring it up for long enough.

"Hey, Roxas…"

"Yeah."

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye with a furrowed brow. He was walking beside me with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets and a thoughtful look on his face. I sighed.

"What's going on between you and Axel?"

He froze for a minute but had already caught up his pace by the time I noticed. "There's nothing between us, why?"

I laughed. "Well…you were curled up in his lap when I woke in the hospital, for one. And you're all ooey-gooey one minute and throwing death rays at him the next. He really cares for you, I can tell. How can you say that nothing's going on?"

He sighed and shook his head. "You don't know the whole story, Sora."

"No, I do. I read it. Well…okay, so maybe I don't know the _whole_ story, but I get the feeling that you're pissed off because he killed you, no matter what his reasons were. And you won't listen to him explain them." He opened his mouth to talk but I silenced him with a look. "I can tell just by looking at you that you care for him, maybe even love him, but you're too pigheaded to suck up the balls and talk to him."

"I never thought you'd be talking to me about getting the ba…guts to do something," he said with a laugh. I laughed too. I didn't fail to notice how he'd almost adopted my crude humor. "And maybe I will talk to him someday, just not now. I'm still pissed and hurt. It makes me wonder what he would have done if I hadn't have been dying."

I rolled my eyes. "You would have lived happily ever after and run along into the sunset holding hands, duh!"

He laughed. "And you and Riku? Have you read or remembered much about your time together?"

"I've read a bit, but my dreams are more vivid than anything I've read." I cursed my pale complexion as I felt a blush rising to my cheeks. "He's really sweet and kind in them. But I've been having the dream of him dying over and over again for the past week or so now."

"Do you remember what happened after that?"

"I think I dreamt about it," I muttered sadly.

He sighed. "You killed yourself. You were so distraught with grief over losing him that you jumped from a cliff." He sighed again. "But he never really _died_, Sora. He's a dark seraph. He was whisked off to some place in Kurai and taken care of, but they told us that he died because they wanted to get rid of us."

I opened my mouth to complain, but he silenced me by raising a hand.

"Though they cared for us in the beginning, we were nothing but a nuisance to the people of Kurai because we made their best warriors freeze when they caught sight of us in battle. You were seen as Riku's Achilles heel of sorts, and I was seen as the same for Axel…"

His voice trailed off until he finished in something that could barely constitute as a whisper. I cautiously glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and saw that the thoughtfulness on his face had given way to emptiness. His eyes were glazed over and unblinking.

"Roxas…" I whispered.

He shook his head and finally blinked, the action wiping some of the numbness out of his expression. "No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have broken the rules. I got so used to being able to talk to you about things that I let it slip out. I'm sorry."

"Shut up!" I muttered and elbowed him playfully in the side. "And don't go getting all blah and depressed on me now. We've got a party to get ready for, remember?"

He nodded weakly, and my halfhearted smile gave way to the frown it really wanted to be. This was going to be wonderful, I could just tell.

**o-o-o-o-o**

I had always bought my clothing with three simple rules in mind…

Rule number one: I refused to buy anything that was too preppy. If I put on the clothes and looked like I had just walked out of a shoot for Calvin Klein or something, the clothes went back on the shelf.

Rule number two: nothing too baggy. I didn't want anyone staring at my boxers all day. I had no self-esteem but I still had some dignity left and I wanted to keep it.

And rule number three: nothing too tight. I liked to breathe. Breathing meant that I was alive. If my pants were so tight that they restricted my movement…I most definitely wouldn't be able to breathe.

But Roxas seemed to be thinking otherwise. Though we had been together while shopping for the costumes, we hadn't tried anything on outside of the costumes in Horner Novelty. And those white leather pants definitely _looked _big enough when he'd held them up in the store, but now that they were on me… Let's just say I was just a little bit uncomfortable.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror with disgust, and not only because of the pants. I had yet to put my shirt on, which left pretty much nothing to the imagination because the pants were so damned tight. I had managed to gain some weight and I looked healthy, but the pale white scars that were scattered here and there across my flesh stood out like a sore thumb to me. It didn't help that my right forearm was still wrapped in the stupid bandage and would stay like that for the next few weeks.

Roxas laughed and pulled me from my thoughts. It took all of my willpower to not turn and glare at him. As it was, I was doing a pretty good job of glaring at him in the mirror.

"Don't be so uncomfortable, Sora. You look hot!"

I caught sight of his hand quickly moving down to smack my ass, but I turned and caught it before it could make contact. I pressed my back against the wall and crossed my arms across my chest.

"You are really starting to freak me out. First you try to kiss me on the Ferris wheel, and now you're trying to grope my ass…" I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Do you want me too or something?"

He shrugged and a suggestive look flashed across his eyes, but it quickly faded away as he broke down in laughter. He doubled over and pointed at me, his other arm held across his stomach.

I glared. "Fuck you."

"Yeah, no thanks," he said with one last laugh. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "Anyway, what's so wrong about what you're wearing anyway?"

"It's as tight as my freakin' skin, that's what's wrong!" I shouted.

He shrugged. "You'll be used to it by the time Riku and Axel get here."

Riku… Ah, yes. That's the reason why I was wearing these pants. At least, in Roxas' mind anyway. I sighed. My blonde best friend was the biggest walking contradiction I had ever seen and/or met in my life. He didn't want to go to the party with me because he was sure I would be off "fooling around with Riku," and then he buys me these leather pants that look like they're painted on because he was sure that I would go off and fool around with Riku.

I couldn't stop the smirk from forming on my lips as I thought of my own reason as to why I was wearing these pants. If I did end up going off to fool around with Riku (which I wouldn't), he would be alone with Axel in a black pair of the same leather pants. Gods knowing Axel, he would start humping Roxas' leg the moment Leon opened the door.

"Okay, that smile is creepy. You can stop anytime now."

I shrugged and grabbed the black button-down shirt from its place on the back of Leon's desk chair. I pulled it over my shoulders and quickly fixed the buttons. When I looked in the mirror this time, I could have gasped and vomited at the same time.

The look was preppy, yes, but there was enough of an emo touch to it that I could pull it off. The black shirt was tight across my chest, but it kind of flared out at my waistline. Thankfully, the sleeves were long enough and baggy enough to easily hide the bulky bandage on my arm. And the shirt contrasted perfectly with the white leather of the pants. I couldn't wait to slip into my boots and have the wings tied to my shoulders to complete the look.

Add the black eyeliner that Kairi was going to stop by and help us with in about an hour and it wasn't half bad. And I hated to admit that Roxas was right. The more I was in them, the easier it was to get used to moving around in the pants. I still hated them, though, just because of the fact that they made him smirk at me.

"What are you lookin' at?" I muttered.

He shrugged and smiled. "Oh…nothing too important."

I glared at him and started on the task of pulling on my boots. When they were all tied up, I straightened and watched Roxas with amusement as he pulled on his white button-down shirt. He'd already managed to squeeze into the pants and they looked just as painted onto him as mine did on me. They accentuated his feminine legs and the curve of his ass. I hoped that they looked at least half as good on me as they did on him.

"I'm gonna go sit with Leon and Cloud. Come out when you're done, okay?" I muttered.

He answered me with a grunt. I smiled and left him alone in the room to struggle with the rest of his wardrobe so I could at least spend some time with my brother before I had to leave. It felt strange to be around Leon so much, especially because I had barely seen him before. Though we lived in the same town, he was always so busy with classes at school that we couldn't see each other. Even now, he was at school or work more often than naught. Cloud was home more often and I really enjoyed spending random time with him.

Aside from the night on the couch, I hadn't been able to catch them in any kind of position that would prove my assumption that they were romantically involved. But that was about to change. It wasn't something big. They weren't making out or anything like that. They were just sitting awfully close together, too close for two guys that were "just friends." I froze for a second in the hallway and watched them with a smile on my face. Today was a great day, indeed.

I coughed slightly as I walked into the living room. Cloud jumped away quickly. I couldn't help but to laugh.

"You guys are so _obvious_!" I cried and pointed at them.

Cloud blushed and Leon glared. It only made me laugh that much harder. When I was finally able to catch my breath, I sighed and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"You're manic today," Leon muttered.

I smiled and shrugged. "Of course. What reason do I have to be sad? I'm going to a college party and my pants scream 'fuck me'!" I threw my hands into the air. "What could be better?"

Leon glared at me, and I noticed Cloud's eyes wander up and down my body. They both sighed and closed their eyes at the same time. When Cloud opened his eyes again, they wandered to the clock.

"Kairi should be here soon, huh?"

I nodded and checked the clock myself. It was six-thirty. "Yeah, in about half an hour. Riku and Axel will be here around eight."

"What's Roxas doing?" Leon grunted.

I laughed. "Getting dressed. He had to take time out to help me squeeze into these puppies," I slapped my ass, "so he's a little behind. I told him that I was going to spend some time with my brother and his lovely boyfriend."

Cloud blushed again and Leon rolled his eyes, moving closer to the blonde. Cloud shrank away from him at first but sighed and leaned against Leon after a sad look flashed across his steel-colored eyes.

"Aw, how cute!" I cooed and settled down into the couch next to Cloud.

"So it's a college party, huh?" Leon grunted. He didn't even attempt to hide the fact that he was trying to change the subject.

I nodded. "Yeah. It should be fun."

Leon sighed. "Just be careful, Sora. I don't want anything to happen to you. You don't need to be hurt again so soon."

"Meh…" I shrugged. "I think I can handle it."

I didn't fail to notice the way Leon's eyes flashed down my right forearm. His attention made it itch, but I knew not to touch it. Itching would only irritate the stitches and could cause the wounds to reopen and start bleeding again. I wasn't ready to return to the hospital so soon.

"Don't worry, Squall. I'll be fine. Riku, Roxas, and Axel will watch me like a hawk. I can feel their eyes burning into me whenever they're around as it is."

The older brunet rolled his eyes but kept silent. I smiled and pushed myself up from the couch to grab a drink from the fridge. I was parched and the Monster felt good as it ran down my throat. I hoped that it would give me an extra little boost so I could last the entire night without passing out on my feet. I had the tendency to be the lame-wad and get tired when things were just starting to get good. Roxas was finally leaving the bedroom when I walked back into the hallway and we went into the living room together, me secretly envying him the entire time.

To say that the outfit looked good on him would be an understatement. Just the pants, as described above, had transformed him into a living, breathing, walking wet dream. The shirt was loose, but tight enough to highlight the curves of his waist and spread of his chest. Like I said, I could only pray that the outfit looked as good on me as it did on him. We were built almost exactly the same, but low self-esteem kept me from thinking too highly of myself.

"Jesus. What are you two supposed to be? Man-whores?" Leon grumbled.

Roxas laughed and shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, Squall…"

My brother growled as Roxas said his name, but let it slide. We had known Roxas since before Leon had decided to change his name. I couldn't help but wonder if he let Cloud call him Squall, or if he had to call him Leon like the rest as well. It was something I would have to ask about the next time we were alone.

"Just kidding, sour-puss," Roxas said. "You'll see when we get the rest of our costumes on when Kairi's done with all the frou frou stuff."

I almost choked on a mouthful of Monster. "Frou frou stuff?" Roxas nodded and I shook my head. "No. I trust her enough to let her put a pencil around my eye, but I won't let her do anything else."

Roxas laughed. "Don't worry. We're not gonna wear lipstick or anything. I just want to look a little more Halloween-ish and less preppy."

I sighed, giving in. Yes, less preppy would be good. But I was already enough out of my comfort zone with the stupid pants. How much further was I willing to go before I realized what I was doing? And would it be too late for me to back out when it happened?

**o-o-o-o-o**

"Geez, Sora. Stop blinking!"

"I can't help it," I whined and tried my hardest to keep my eyes from fluttering shut, but they seemed to be working of their own accord.

Kairi growled and pulled away from my face, freeing my eye from her grasp. The stick of black eyeliner was gripped tightly in her right hand; so tightly that I almost thought she was going to break it. But she didn't. After a second or two, she took a deep breath and I watched as the tension went out of her jaw and shoulders.

"Will you let me try one more time?"

I bit down on my lip and nodded. "Sorry. I just don't want you to poke me in the eye."

She laughed. "You have more of a chance of me poking you in the eye if you're blinking and moving than you do when you're perfectly still. It'll only take me a minute to get it on and right. Can you stay still for that long?"

I nodded and stared off into the distance as she started in on me again. I did as she had instructed earlier and stared at the ceiling while she brushed the tip of the pencil beneath my eye. I wanted to blink, but I resisted the urge by biting down harder on my lip and tapping my foot slightly. When she pulled away from my other eye with a satisfied sigh, I blinked away the tears as quickly as I could.

She laughed at me when I was finished and grabbed a tissue so she could wipe away the tears without messing up the eyeliner. I let her do it. I really didn't feel like being blinded again.

When she was done cleaning up the tears, she grabbed a brush and little, plastic, circle thing with black eye shadow in it. That was easier to deal with and she was done quickly. When I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized myself.

"If your skin was a little paler, you'd look like you were dead," Roxas joked as I stood and let him take the seat.

"Yeah, and why am I always doing everything first? Am I your guinea pig or something?"

He shrugged and looked toward the ceiling as Kairi started the task of putting on his eyeliner. He had obviously sat through it before, though I don't know where. He didn't blink and didn't even fidget until she was done with the eye shadow. He smiled when he looked in the mirror.

"Awesome, Kai. Thanks."

She shrugged. "Anything for my two favorite gay, little emo boys."

Roxas laughed and glomped her. I sighed and shook my head. Yeah, our secret was out and had been for a while, apparently. According to Kairi, Hayner or someone had seen Riku and me together after school on a couple of instances and had caught us in the middle of a rather...um...affectionate moment on one of those occasions. How they had decided on Axel and Roxas was a complete mystery since it was hard enough for me to envision their relationship.

But the only thing that mattered was that no one cared. None of them looked down upon us or called us cruel names. And Kairi had finally backed off, realizing that not only was I taken but that I didn't even swing that way. That was relief, though I can admit that I missed the attention I used to get from her. Selfish, I know, but I couldn't help it.

"So you're gonna be rockin' the house at a college party, huh?" Kairi said as she sat cross-legged on the floor.

We both nodded and she laughed, but she had that look in her eye. I groaned mentally. Great. A preaching from the mother hen of all mother hens. How I loved listening to her worry.

"Just don't do anything stupid, okay, guys? Don't drink too much and don't leave your drink just sitting around. That's how girls are kidnapped, raped, and killed, you know? Horny bastards put drugs in their drinks and drag them off into the night."

I laughed. "Oh, no. Not ecstasy!" I said with mock horror, throwing my hands in the air.

"I'm serious, Sora!" she shouted. "Leon obviously trusts you guys so be good and don't make me worry too much."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Yesh, Mommy. Will we get a toy for being good?"

"Maybe. No Happy Meals if you're bad, though."

Roxas let out a sarcastic scream of horror and collapsed onto the ground. Leon came barreling through the door a few seconds later with a look of panic on his face. He looked back and forth between the two of us, his breathing rapid.

"What the hell was that?!"

I laughed. "Roxas was being Roxas. Loud. Overdramatic. Nothing out of the ordinary…"

Leon narrowed his eyes and glared at the blonde who was pushing himself back up into the seated position. "Dammit, Roxas! I thought something bad had happened."

He shrugged and tried on his best sheepish grin. "I'm sowwy, Weon."

But my brother was gone, the door slamming behind him on the way out. Roxas laughed and fell back onto the floor. I smiled. It was funny. I never thought that Leon would ever be so edgy. It kind of hurt knowing that it was mostly my fault, though. If I had never almost killed myself, he would be the way he was before, and I would still be at home with Mom and Bo. I hoped that she was taking care of him. I tried to convince Leon to bring him over, but animals weren't allowed in his apartment complex. It was crap. He had agreed but didn't want to risk getting kicked out. A large, hyperactive Black Lab wouldn't exactly be the easiest thing to hide.

"What time is it?" Roxas muttered.

Kairi checked her watch. "Seven-fifty-two or something like that. Riku and Axel are gonna be here at eight, right?"

I nodded, and she pushed herself up from the floor. She stretched her arms toward the ceiling and yawned.

"Well, I guess that's my cue to go, then."

She smiled and I felt my heart go out to her. She was probably going to spend the rest of the night with Selphie or something like that.

"No, thanks, Sora," she said, catching onto my thoughts in that creepy way she always managed to do. "I think I'd rather watch horror movies with Selphie all night this time. We'll hang out sometime soon."

I nodded and stood to give her a hug. She embraced Roxas as well, giving him her customary kiss on the cheek, before leaving. The room suddenly felt empty without her presence.

"Time to put on our wings," Roxas said and grabbed my pair from where they were laid out on the bed.

They were harder to get on than I thought they would be. I figured that they would just have little elastic straps for us to put our arms in, but noooo… They had to be complicated. They had long, silky smooth ropes that had to bewrapped around our shoulders and crossed across our back. When we were all fixed, the wings hung comfortably from our shoulders. The bows we tied to keep them in place were hidden in the mass of feathers at the center of the wings; the excess string dangled down obviously, but it didn't look bad.

The sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the house and I glanced at Roxas, the first tendrils of nervousness starting to tug at my stomach. He smiled at me and pulled open the door so I could leave first.

Leon had let Riku and Axel in by the time we made it to the living room. They were dressed the same, but the robes looked different on each of them. The tight black leather made the felineness of Axel's body stand out more than it ever had. On Riku, the outfit made his skin look like it was made of pearls and his eyes stood out like the finest pieces of turquoise in the world.

"Ah, so your man-whores who go to church?" Leon said with a roll of his eyes. "Couldn't that be considered sacrilege?"

I sighed. "We're not man-whores, Leon. We're…" I furrowed my brow as I tried to think of something to say.

"We're two halves of the same whole," Roxas finished. He was smiling at me when I looked at him.

I looked back at Leon and swear that I saw something in his eyes jump, but they quickly went back to their normal emotionless blue-grey. I knew what I saw, though. Had he caught some sense of recognition in the words? Was it possible that Leon was wrapped up in the whole Akari and Kurai business too? I would have to scream if he was because then anyone could be involved. Cloud and everyone else… Anyone of them could be like us.

"And what are the two of you?" Cloud asked from his place on the couch.

Axel laughed. "We're really not sure," he said, though something in his voice belied his words.

Cloud caught it as quickly as I did; I could tell by the way his eyes narrowed just slightly and how his jaw tensed as if in anger.

It was time to go. I wanted to get out of the apartment before anything else happened that made me uneasy and fidgety. Thankfully, Riku seemed to catch onto my edginess.

"Well, are you guys ready to go?"

I nodded and embraced Leon quickly. "We'll be back. Roxas is gonna stay here tonight so he doesn't have to worry about walking home in the dark, alright?"

He nodded and I let myself be whisked out the door by Riku. It only felt like seconds before the four of us were in his car and we were flying down the road. Roxas and Axel sat in the backseat, and I couldn't help but notice that—like Leon and Cloud—they were sitting awfully close together. It made me smile. I only hoped that they would at least relieve some of the tension between them tonight without breaking into a fight first.

Riku drove with his left hand so he could hold mine in his right and the gentle pressure he applied onto it pulled me back into reality. We sped by homes, then the homes turned into businesses as we moved nearer to downtown. The businesses turned into bars…

Riku pulled up in front of one of the bars and threw his car into park. I gazed up at the large sign that declared that the bar was being taken over by Organization XIII for their debut concert/Halloween party. I felt something lurch in my gut at the band's name. It was so familiar, yet I couldn't think of a reason why. I remembered Roxas mentioning that he had turned a couple of his poems into lyrics so a band could use them, but I couldn't remember the band's name. Was this it? Or was it some other reason? It felt like a combination of them both.

"We're here, children," Riku announced and climbed out of the car.

I mimicked him, quickly followed by Axel and Roxas as they climbed from the backseat. One of Roxas' wings almost got hooked on the seatbelt, but I quickly caught it and held it up so he could get out. It would really suck to ruin part of the costume before the party was even started.

But it sounded like it _had_ already started. Fast-paced, techno beats poured from the walls of the building, making the street throb beneath my feet.

We started to toward the building together, but Riku grabbed my wrist and pulled me aside into the opening of an alleyway. Before I could have the chance to question him, his lips were on mine and I was melting into his embrace. He pulled away faster than I liked and smiled down at me.

"I brought you something you might recognize," he whispered.

I furrowed my brow. His smile stayed on his face as he stuck his hand in his pocket and brought it out in a fist. When he opened his hand, I almost gasped. Sitting in his open palm was a beautiful silver chain necklace. Glittering in the swirling mess was a very familiar crown pendant. I looked back and forth between him and the necklace for a couple of seconds before he laughed and carefully fixed it around my neck. I felt a surge of energy flow through my body when the pendant slipped under my shirt and connected with my skin, and I was suddenly energized and ready to go.

"Where did you find it?" I whispered in awe.

He smiled. "In my dresser drawer. I've had it for a long time now. I was just waiting for the right moment to give it to you."

I smiled and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Riku."

He laughed and kissed me tenderly between the eyes. "No problem. I'm just returning what's rightfully yours."

My smile grew, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the alleyway, toward the doors. A bouncer flanked either door, their arms crossed menacingly over their chests. Axel and Roxas stood to the side, waiting. Axel rolled his eyes when he saw us, but Roxas just smiled at me knowingly.

"They wouldn't let us in without the invitation, which is conveniently in your pocket," Axel muttered.

Riku shrugged and flashed the piece of paper at the two bouncers. They nodded curtly and let us through the doors.

It was pitch black at first, but when we walked through a layer of something that felt like lace as it drifted across my face, we were met with the sight of bright flashing lights and a dance floor full of sweaty people that gyrated to the loud music that poured from the speakers. A large stage was set up at the end of the dance floor. Guitars, microphones, a synthesizer, and a set of drums were set-up on the platform but I couldn't see the band.

"We've still got about fifteen minutes until they start," Riku shouted over the music.

I nodded and let my eyes wander over the crowd, suddenly starting to dread my decision to come to the party at all. There were so many people. I was starting to get dizzy just standing there.

I heard Roxas laugh beside me before he said: "Careful, Riku. He's claustrophobic. Don't let him pass out on you."

I glared at him as best as I could, which wasn't all that great in my beginning stages of panic. Riku squeezed my hand and shrugged. I looked up at him and smiled. When I looked back toward Roxas, he and Axel were gone. I looked into the crowd and could just barely see Axel's head of vivid hair weaving through it. I knew Roxas was gone with him.

"Wanna try at least one dance?"

I frowned as I surveyed the crowd again, but gave in with a shrug. What would one dance hurt? And if Riku sensed any discomfort coming from me, I knew that he would lead me away and to a place I could sit and calm down.

As Riku led me into the writhing crowd on the dance floor, I could feel the power in the pendant pulsing against my flesh.

TBC…  
**------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: Bleh… It took me forever to write this chapter. Like I said in my first A/N, I'm sorry if the beginning sucked. Actually, I'm sorry if the whole thing sucked. Heh heh. The only part I really liked about this chapter is the part where Kairi is helping them with their make-up (which is supposed to resemble Sora's make-up while in Halloweentown, btw). I like the end too. Sora's reunion with his necklace isn't for nothing. That little, silver crown is gonna play a big role soon…

To come:_  
the extent of Riku and Axel's secret is revealed…memories resurface…dates…awakening…_

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I tried to reply to everyone last chapter, but all of my reviews and alerts were sent out of order when the bot was finally fixed, so I apologize if I missed anyone! I didn't do it on purpose, I promise!!! _::hugs::_…

I apologize for any typos/grammar errors/whatever…I _did_ edit this chapter, but knowing me there are probably still some typing errors...

Well then, until next chapter, adieu…


	12. Chapter Nine: I Must Be Dreaming

Yay!!! The song I quote for this chapter is what got me thinkin' about this whole messed up trilogy. And I wrote the end of this chapter before I even wrote the first word of the prologue, so yeah… And just a warning…because it's a party in a club (and because I love music), there will be quite a bit of lyrics in here…

A few words on the other songs used in this chapter: **1)** "Choke Me, Spank Me (Pull My Hair)" always conjures an image of Kiera Knightly giving a large man a lap dance. Anyone who has seen the movie _Domino _should know why. _::smiles and drools::_ Such a _very _dirty song… **2)** "Heaven Is An Orgasm" is just a really good techno song… **3)** AnBerlin is one of my favorite bands and "The Feel Good Drag" is one of my favorite songs by them, as is "Glass to the Arson"…and pretty much all of their other songs…Hehe… **4)** I was going to use a Jesse McCartney song for where I use this, but I like "Painless" much better… I still can't listen to Jesse McCartney without picturing Roxas singing and dancing, though…Hehe…

To **Melissa**...Thank you very, very much for your review!! _::huggle glomps::_ And I don't think I'll ever be able to stop writing. I enjoy it too much, and it's the only way I've managed to keep my sanity for so long...Hehe... Thanks again!!!...

Alrighty!! On with the chapter!…_::winks::_…Enjoy…

WARNINGS: bad language, yaoi…

**Disclaimer:** The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney… "Choke Me, Spank Me (Pull My Hair)" belongs to Xzibit… "Heaven Is an Orgasm" belongs to Lords of Acid… "Painless" belongs to Mae… "The Feel Good Drag" and "Glass to the Arson" belong to AnBerlin…

"_How can I pretend that I don't see  
__What you hide so carelessly  
__I saw her bleed  
__You heard me breathe  
__And I froze inside myself and turned away  
__I must be dreaming…_

…_It's not what it seems  
__Not what you think  
__No, I must be dreaming  
__It's only in my mind  
__Not real life  
__No, I must be dreaming…"_

—"_I Must Be Dreaming" Evanescence…_

**Chapter Nine:  
****I Must Be Dreaming…**

The music pulsed around us as Riku lead me out onto the dance floor, waking something deep inside of me that had been dormant for years. I suddenly didn't care about the sweaty people that danced around us or that I felt intoxicated though I had yet to touch a single drink. My eyes were locked on Riku and the desire that was flashing in his eyes.

My body moved to the beat of the music without needing any conscious direction from me. I let one of my arms wrap loosely around Riku's neck while my other one went into the air above my body. Riku's hands were on my waist but I could feel them drifting lower with every move that we made. I gasped when he gripped the globes of my ass and squeezed, the movement pulling me closer to him. I could understand enough of the rap song that was blaring from the speakers to know that it was dirty, but the beat filled me and rocked me to my very core.

"…_I don't want to love you  
I just want to fuck you  
You should bring your friends through  
I'll fuck you and them, too_

_I don't want to love you  
I just want to fuck you  
You should bring your friends through  
I'll fuck you and them, too_

_Choke me, spank me, pull my hair  
Choke me, spank me, pull my hair  
Choke me, spank me, pull my hair  
Choke me, spank me, pull my hair…"_

I was dancing like a whore, but I didn't care. I turned around and pressed my ass against Riku's groin, my hands on my thighs, and moaned when I felt his arousal pressing against me. I moved my hands from my hips and wrapped them around Riku's neck as his hands found my hips and pulled me tight against him. I threw back my head and let it rest on his shoulder, closing my eyes so I could concentrate on the beat of the music and how everyone was moving around me.

I rocked against Riku again and moaned as his lips, tongue, and teeth found the skin of my neck. I melted against him as the song ended and the next speedy techno song started, too out of it to pay attention to the lyrics or even the beat. Riku took control and all but carried me out of the writhing crowd on the floor. I was confused for a minute, then my back found a wall and his lips found my mouth and all thought seized to exist.

I moaned loudly though it was lost over the music. One of Riku's hands cupped my neck gently while his other managed to slither under my shirt so it could taste my skin. My eyes fluttered shut as his fingers toyed with one of my nipples, teasing it until it was erect before moving onto the next.

"Ri…ku…" His name came out as a breathy moan as one of his knees pressed between my legs and applied pressure. I barely heard his small laugh when he pulled away from my mouth to give me a chance to breathe.

Time seemed to freeze around us as we stared into each other's eyes. In just one glance, I could feel everything he had ever felt for me. Love. Hate. Desire. Infatuation. I only hoped that half of the things I felt for him were conveyed through my eyes.

Riku smiled tenderly and dipped down to press his lips to the skin just below my ear.

"I love you, Sora," he whispered, his breath ghosting across my ear and making me shiver.

I moaned quietly and buried a hand in the hair at the base of his neck. He waited a couple of seconds like he always did before he restarted his attack on my neck. I cursed at myself the entire time.

Why was it so hard for me to tell him that I loved him? I was able to say it to Roxas, though the love I felt for him was different than how I felt toward Riku. And I always told Roxas that I loved him in a joking manner, though I _did_ love him as a brother. I debated on whether or not I should try telling Riku that I loved him that way, but I didn't know how he would take it. There was a 50/50 chance that someone meant what they were saying when they were joking, but I didn't want him to think the wrong way.

Was it so hard because I didn't love him? No…I did. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I loved Riku and had loved Riku in a past life. I knew that I would love him in a future life, as well. The only time I felt whole was when I was with him. I looked forward to his tender kisses as much as I looked forward to the passionate ones, and his beautiful face was always with me, whether I was sleeping or awake. I longed for him more than I had ever longed for anything in my life. I knew that I would be nothing if he ever left me. I wouldn't be able to stand it.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice pulled me from my thoughts and I opened my eyes to see him watching me carefully.

I smiled and shook my head. "Nothing important. Just how amazing you are and how much I…care about you."

He laughed and the sound was music to my ears. He'd taken the joke and he understood. Like always, he understood how I was feeling and probably knew why it was hard for me to say that I loved him, even though I didn't know the reason for myself.

"Well, you should keep thinking those thoughts," he said with a smile. He cocked his head to the side and surveyed my face while brushing stray strands of my hair behind my ear. "You look tired. Do you want something to drink?"

I nodded, suddenly aware of my dry throat, and held his hand as he led us back through the crowd and to the bar on the other side of the dance floor. I swear that I caught sight of Axel and Roxas on the dance floor, but the crowd shifted and the view was gone just as quickly as it had appeared.

Hardly anyone was at the bar so it was easy for us to find seats. A redhead that looked a lot like Axel was cleaning glasses behind the bar. He smiled cheekily at Riku when he saw us sitting down.

"Riku! Long time, no see. How have you liked it in Twilight Town so far?" he asked with a laugh.

Riku shrugged and smiled. "I've been completed since coming here," he said.

The man's green eyes widened for a moment, a slow smile settling across his face as his eyes landed on me.

"Even longer long time, no see, Sora. How have you been?"

I think my jaw must have fallen to the ground when the mystery man said my name. Either that, or Riku sensed my discomfort because he laughed and slid an arm across my shoulders.

"Sora, this is Reno. And he doesn't quite remember everything yet."

"Ooooooh." The man nodded and smirked. "Well, then. What can I get you two boys to drink? Preferably something non-alcoholic."

Riku laughed and shook his head. "I just want a bottle of water." He looked at me for what I wanted.

"Do you have any Monster?" I needed a good boost of energy.

Reno nodded. "A bottle of water and a Monster coming right up!" he said and basically skipped to the refrigerator down at the other side of the bar.

"He's not…"

Riku smiled and nodded. "Yes. He's just like me and Axel. He's Axel's real brother, but he moved on with the rest of the older ones when it came time to go to college."

I nodded and snuggled into his arm as Reno returned with our drinks and a smile on his face.

"I haven't seen Sephiroth tonight. He comin'?"

Riku shrugged. "Dunno. He's the one that gave me the invitation. I'm not sure if he had an extra one or if he just gave me his so he wouldn't have to show up."

"It sounds like something he would do," Reno laughed.

"Yeah…it does."

Riku and Reno fell into light conversation after that. Reno questioned me at times, but his eyes usually just drifted over to where I sat before flickering back to Riku again. It kind of creeped me out, but Riku's arm around my shoulders relaxed me. Knowing that he was there to protect me if anything happened kept me calm.

"Axel!"

Before I knew what was happening, Reno had hurled himself over the top of the bar. I looked down to the ground and saw a tangled mass of limbs and vibrant red hair. Roxas stood over them, doubled over in laughter. His hair was wild and he was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. I could see that his lips were a little swollen. He and Axel had been doing more than dancing out on the floor.

The two redheads managed to untangle themselves and get back onto their feet. I was surprised to see that, though I had thought they must have been twins, they had some differences between them. Axel was a little bit taller than Reno and Reno's hair was longer than Axel's, pulled back into a messy ponytail. Reno didn't have the same catlike build as Axel, either. But you could tell that Reno was the eldest by the way that he carried himself. They both had red tattoos around their eyes, though Reno's were off to the side instead of beneath like Axel's.

"What do you have to drink, Reno?" Axel asked as he settled into a chair.

Reno hoisted himself across the counter and shrugged. "Everything, though I would prefer you drink something legal so I don't get fired. I happen to like this job."

Axel laughed and ordered drinks for him and Roxas, while Roxas settled down into the chair that separated Axel and me. He rested his head in his palm and examined me with a critical eye, a smile on his face.

"Having fun?" he asked after a minute or two.

I nodded. "Yeah. More than I thought I would."

He laughed and opened his mouth to ask another question, but a quiet whistle behind us caught our attention. We turned just in time to see a guy around our age push his way out of the crowd with a smirk on his face. He was dressed in a pair of baggy blue jeans and a skintight black tank top that showed his midriff. Over it all he wore a long white trench coat without sleeves. I had to admit…he was rather attractive, with his blonde hair all messy and stuff, but he was cocky. He just had that air about him that said that he thought he was better than everyone else. Kinda like the air I had first sensed around Riku and Axel. I didn't like it.

The man sauntered over and stood between me and Roxas. I noticed how Axel's eyes flashed dangerously and his hands tightened into fists at his side. Riku's arm tightened around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. The man smiled at Roxas and squeezed in between us so he could lean against the bar.

"It's been a while, eh, Roxie?" He rubbed a hand slowly up and down Roxas' thigh with a cocky smile.

Roxas rolled his eyes and shook his head, keeping his eyes on anything but the guy between us. The man smirked at Roxas and turned his attention onto me.

"And you must be Sora, right? Roxas talked about you a lot. And he was right. You do look like twins, though I doubt you can scream like he can…" He smiled and winked at me.

"What the fuck do you want, Seifer?" Roxas growled.

He shrugged and continued rubbing Roxas' thigh, moving to the inside of his leg. Roxas closed his eyes and hissed something incoherent under his breath. Seifer smiled and leaned forward so he could whisper something into Roxas' ear, something that made the blonde clench his eyes closed, bite his lip, and shake his head. Seifer pulled away and winked at Roxas playfully.

The moment Roxas opened his eyes, he glared at Seifer. The other blonde smirked and winked at Roxas again, but the effect was lost when Roxas turned to his left and locked lips with Axel. If I hadn't have been so surprised by the action, I would have laughed at the look on Seifer's face.

Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas' waist and pulled him into his lap, leaning forward until Roxas' back was pressed into the bar counter. Roxas had his arms wrapped around Axel's neck and his hands were buried in the redhead's wild spikes. I could hear his moan as one of Axel's hands drifted down and squeezed his ass. Axel pulled away to breathe and started on Roxas' neck.

Roxas opened his eyes and looked directly at Seifer with nothing but anger toward him in his lust filled eyes. Seifer growled under his breath and glared at Roxas before he shoved himself away from the counter and shoved his way back onto the dance floor.

The moment he was gone, Roxas closed his eyes again and threw back his head to give Axel more access.

I know that the show of defiance had now become more than that, but I couldn't bring myself to look away for a mixture of two things. As obvious as their relationship was, it was still shocking to see Roxas and Axel in such an intimate way. I was more used to them showing their affection by cursing and glaring at each other, though the kissing was a nice change from that. The second reason was because I was gloating. There was no way that Roxas could say that he wasn't attracted to or in a relationship with Axel now. He could try, but it would take a very good excuse for me to actually believe him.

Reno hooted loudly and pulled the two lovebirds from their make-out session. Axel jumped a bit and pulled away from Roxas with a smile on his face. It took Roxas a moment to open his eyes, but when they did they were the size of platters. He sputtered a few curses under his breath and scrambled back into his seat. The redhead just smiled and watched him go.

I guess I must have been smiling too because Roxas glared at me first.

"You could stop looking so pleased with yourself!" he growled.

I chuckled and shook my head. "No. I have reason to revel in this discovery. I also have reason to rub it in your face, but I'm nice enough to not do that."

He scowled at me, but his eyes said thank you. I made sure that mine said your welcome in return before I grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him close to me so I could whisper in his ear.

"Who the hell was that?"

He sighed. "Seifer… I worked with him last year and he's the one I…you know…when I first thought I might be gay… It was before Naminé, and he was a complete dick… I started dating her because I swore that I wasn't gay…But yeah…"

I furrowed my brow and cocked my head to the side. "So lemme get this straight. You've had a boyfriend before and you've…you know…and you didn't tell me?! Why? You're supposed to tell me these things…" I trailed off and stared at the mirror on the wall across from us.

"Sora…" he moaned and pulled me to him in a hug. "I'm sorry, okay? I just wasn't sure about it…and I'm not that proud of it, either. I just didn't want anyone to know 'cause I'm ashamed of it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

I sighed when he let me go and he looked away from me in shame. I closed my eyes and turned to Riku. I clung to him desperately and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. He held me tenderly, but I could tell that he was confused as to why I was so shaken up.

Axel's voice pulled me out of my little world and back into the club. "How much longer 'til Organization XIII starts playing?"

Reno checked his watch and glanced up toward the stage, where people could just barely be seen setting up the rest of the equipment for the performance.

"We still have five minutes or so. Why?"

Axel smirked and elbowed Roxas playfully in the side. "Because I wanna hear 'em play Roxie's song. I hear it's good."

Roxas blushed and I felt my eyes become hard.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I muttered.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "'Cause it's only one song and they're an unknown college band. Didn't think you'd heard of them before."

"I didn't until tonight, but you still could have said something before we walked in. Are they gonna play your song?"

I tried to put some excitement into my voice the second time. It seemed to work because Roxas blushed again and Axel flung an arm across his shoulders, holding him close.

"It's gonna be their third song," Axel said proudly. "It's called 'Painless?'."

I nodded and perked my ears as a new song started playing over the speakers. It was a wordless techno song that wasn't too fast but wasn't too slow either. I recognized it from a CD Roxas had burned for me a couple years before. "Heaven Is an Orgasm" by Lords of Acid. The people on the dance floor whistled and continued their provocative dancing.

I took a gulp from my can of caffeine and sighed heavily. A small boost of energy shot back into my body, but I had a feeling that it had nothing to do with my Monster. I felt something in my pendant pulsating against my skin. I knew that I should probably be creeped out, but something about it felt right. I felt like some part of me that Riku hadn't been able to touch had been completed when he'd given me the necklace. I didn't want to take it off and lose that piece of me again.

Suddenly, every light in the club went out and it got deathly silent. I tensed and grabbed onto Riku for comfort. He laughed and moved so he could whisper into my ear.

"The band's getting ready to start."

I nodded and calmed just in time for a loud guitar riff to echo from the stage and for the crowd on the dance floor to scream like crazy. Lights flashed on and were aimed toward the stage as another guitar riff echoed through the building.

Five people were on stage. The lead singer's medium length hair hung over one eye and seemed to be violet, blue, and silver in the light. He looked like he was our age. It seemed the guitarist hadn't been able to choose between a mohawk or a mullet when he'd gotten his hair cut, so he'd fixed his brunet hair into a mixture of the two. The drummer had long brown, no…pink…hair. It was hard to tell in the light. The bassist was easily the oldest of everyone in the band. He had long, black hair and an eye patch. He was kind of creepy looking, like he could kill someone and not give a damn about it. The only female was on the keys. She was tall, blonde, and, like the bassist, looked like she could kill someone without feeling any remorse.

"You ready to rock? We're Organization XIII and this is 'Glass to the Arson'! Make some noise!!" the singer screamed into the microphone and the crowd screamed. He smiled, obviously pleased, and the band immediately kicked into gear.

"_Tonight my heart is cold  
__Lost in your lies, shallow replies _

_And gravity prevails this time it's over  
__And you think you're the one _

_Calm me with your lies, your simple tragedy  
__It's all I wish to hear tonight  
__And you're all I wish to be  
__And this is how we all fall _

_Tonight my heart is cold  
__Lost in your lies, shallow replies  
__Tonight I'll just let go  
__Lost in your eyes, transparent cries…"_

Watching Organization XIII perform was awesome. It was obvious that music was their entire lives and that they put their heart and soul into their music. The singer's voice was amazing and the others in the band were perfect.

_"...And innocence derailed  
__Savage the poison  
__Unhurried compass east _

_Calm me with your lies, your simple tragedy  
__It's all I wish to hear tonight  
__And you're all I wish to be  
__And this is how we all fall _

_Tonight my heart is cold  
__Lost in your lies, shallow replies  
__Tonight I'll just let go  
__Lost in your eyes, transparent cries_

_And we are, we are, we are the arsons  
__Who start all of your fires _

_And we are the arsons  
__Who start all of your fires,  
__Burning, burning your city down _

_Tonight my heart is cold  
__Lost in your lies, shallow replies  
__Tonight my heart is cold  
__Lost in your eyes, transparent cries_

_Tonight my heart is cold  
__Lost in your lies, shallow replies  
__Tonight I'll just let go  
__Lost in your eyes, transparent cries."_

He drew out the last "cries" as the band blended the end of that song with what I guessed was the beginning of their next. I didn't pay much attention to the words of the song when he started to sing again. I mostly watched how each of the band members moved across the stage. How one's eyes would briefly flash to another before glancing down at their instrument. They moved together fluidly, like they had rehearsed every step they made.

The song ended and an echoing void was left behind. A spot light landed on the singer as he smirked and let his eyes scan the crowd. His smirk grew larger as they landed on the bar. I felt Roxas shaking his head next to me but it only helped the singer's smile grow.

"The next song was written by a special friend of ours. I promised him that we would play it tonight." He smiled. "As a matter of fact…"

"Fuck you, Zexion!" I heard Roxas curse.

"…why don't we get him up here to sing it himself? He's got talent." The crowd screamed and Roxas shook his head. "Aw, come on, Roxie. You won't embarrass yourself. I promise."

When he sighed and pushed himself up from his seat, I could have died. I would have never expected Roxas to do something so un-Roxas. He was obnoxious at times, but he never liked to be the center of attention. Hell, he got almost as nervous at me whenever he had to speak in front of large groups of people. This most definitely constituted as a large group of people.

"If I go, he goes!" Roxas shouted.

It was minute before I realized he had grabbed my arm and Zexion was surveying me critically.

"Do what?! Hell no!" I shouted and ripped my arm out of Roxas' grip.

He frowned at me. "Please," he whispered. "I know you hate me right now, but I can't do it by myself."

"Roxas, I don't even know the words," I whined. I looked to Riku for support, but he just smiled at me and shrugged.

"You'll know them, trust me. Please. I don't want to go up there alone."

Fear was radiating from his body in waves. I would have much rather died than go up there on that stage, but I gave in because Roxas was my best friend and brother and I loved him, even if he had lied to me. I didn't want him to be freaked out on his own if I could have done something to take care of it.

"Fine," I growled and slipped down from the barstool.

Roxas led us around the side of the crowd and up the steps on the side of the stage. When we walked into the bright lights, I felt like I was going to vomit. I was overcome with fear and nerves and I knew that I was going to pass out before the song even started, but a pulse of energy from my necklace flooded my body and suddenly I was fine. I was still scared, but I had the courage to do it now that I didn't feel like I was going to heave all over the crowd.

"Give it up for, Roxas and Sora," Zexion shouted and clapped.

I didn't have time to be surprised that he knew my name before the band started and the crowd roared.

The song started out kind of slow, with just the guitar, bass, and a bit of drums playing, but then the rest of the band kicked in and the crowd screamed in joy as the floor vibrated with the music. I was amazed that Roxas was right. I didn't even have to look at him to know when it was time to start, or give him a small head-start so I would know what to say. The words flowed easily and flawlessly.

"_The sun was barely coming up  
My heart was all but slowing down  
But I could panic out the sound  
It was my personal symphony_

_Striking the chords were only me  
There was a course enough through my veins  
Another chance to get away, oh_

_Until this empty place is filled  
I'll keep pretending_

_Hey, the way  
You knock me down  
And I get up again  
Oh, pain, a remedy  
That can reach a sting  
I'll keep holding  
And I'll keep trying  
To feel this fight  
And slowly die  
And now, look  
I feel painless…"_

Roxas winked at me and I couldn't help but smile. This was actually fun. I didn't slip up in the words and Roxas and I danced around together. It felt like it was just the two of us on stage and no one was watching us except for Riku and Axel. It was amazing.

"…_These days and nights blend into one  
But one more night is all I need  
Another chord for the symphony  
To float above the world for now  
To lose control is bliss somehow  
And bring the color from the grey  
Another chance to get away, oh_

_Until this empty place is filled  
I'll keep pretending_

_Hey, the way  
You knock me down  
And I get up again  
Oh, pain, a remedy  
That can reach a sting  
I'll keep holding  
And I'll keep trying  
To feel this fight  
And slowly die  
And now, look  
I feel painless_

_All these restless nights  
Have left me spinning out of control  
Is there not a cure for sorrow  
All these faded lights  
Have made me search for something more  
Will there be a new tomorrow_

_Until this empty place is filled  
I'll keep pretending_

_Hey, the way  
You knock me down  
And I get up again  
Oh, pain, a remedy  
That can reach a sting  
I'll keep holding  
And I'll keep trying  
Tonight_

_Hey, the way  
You knock me down  
And I get up again  
Oh, pain, a remedy  
That can reach a sting  
I'll keep holding  
And I'll keep trying  
To feel this fight  
And slowly die  
And now, look  
I feel painless."_

The crowd erupted into cheers as the song ended. I couldn't stop myself from smiling when I looked at Roxas. He smiled back and did a little mock bow, ruffling his wings. I copied him.

"Thanks, guys, Roxas muttered into the microphone before handing it back to Zexion.

The silver-violet-blue haired guy crossed to me with a smile. I returned the smile and handed him the mic.

"Nice to see you again, Sora," he whispered and ruffled my hair.

I didn't have time to ask him he knew my name before Roxas was herding me off stage and the band was kicking off their next song. Roxas held my hand tightly as he led us back toward the bar. Riku and Axel had large grins on their faces when we got there. Axel hooted loudly and glomped Roxas when we broke through the people, but thankfully Riku opted to envelope me in a hug.

"You did great!" he whispered. "Your voice amazes me every time I hear it."

I blushed at his words and buried my face in his shoulder. He chuckled and, careful of my wings, turned me around in his arms so he could wrap his hands around my waist and have me leaning against his chest. I sighed into the embrace and searched the floor for Axel and Roxas.

They were in a wild lip lock on the floor. I smiled and glanced back at Riku. He just returned the smile. I seemed that this night was going to be filled with surprises.

Another whistle from Reno pulled Roxas and Axel from their moment, though Roxas wasn't quite as embarrassed as last time when they pulled away from each other. He smiled and Axel returned it, brushing the hair out of Roxas' face tenderly. After moment or two of staring into each other's eyes, Axel stood and gave Roxas a hand to help him up.

I winked playfully at Roxas when he looked at me, but I guess it didn't have enough feeling in it because he frowned and dropped his eyes to the ground. I sighed and turned around in Riku's embrace so I could look at him.

"Wanna dance?" I muttered.

He smiled at me briefly. "Mind if I slip off to the bathroom first?"

I shook my head. He glanced at something over my shoulder and a couple seconds later I heard Axel excuse himself from Roxas. The two wandered off toward the bathrooms and Roxas settled himself down into a stool. I sat down on the open stool next to him and ordered my third Monster from Reno. I wish I had known before how out of control the night was going to become from there. If I had, I would have never let Riku—or Axel—leave my sights.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"…_is was over before  
Before it ever began  
Your Lips  
Your Lies  
Your Lust  
Like the devil's in you…"_

The moment the door closed behind me, I knew something was wrong. The alleyway was perfectly silent, but the loud bang that followed the door closing didn't echo like it was supposed to. It was almost like I had been carried off into some other world, one that flourished under complete and utter silence.

I wanted to test my theory with a shout, but the sound caught in my throat when I realized that I couldn't even hear the music that was pumping inside. Organization XIII had just gotten into their song "The Feel Good Drag" when I had left Roxas at the bar. I should have heard the music pumping outside the club, but I couldn't. It was eerie…

I turned and tried to open the door, but it had locked when it had closed. I cursed loudly and shivered at the sound. I heard it, but it didn't echo. The already dim lights situated here and there along the walls started to flicker and flash.

I laughed.

Cliché horror movie scene number five: a poor, defenseless person wanders away from their friends and into an alleyway…

Cliché horror movie scene number four: said poor, defenseless person is hacked to death by an axe murder in said alleyway as a warning to said friends…

Wonderful. I was going to die.

Sighing, I decided that I should probably attempt to find a way to the entrance to the club so I could get back in. Preferably before I was brutally murdered…

The alley was mostly clear, from what I could see anyway, so it was easy maneuvering. The only time it was particularly difficult was when the lights flickered out and left me in darkness for a couple of seconds to a minute.

Cliché horror movie scene number three: the electric work in said alleyway is horrible…

I froze when that happened and waited patiently for the lights to go back on, even though I was terrified and wanted to run away in a screaming fit. Knowing my luck, I probably would have tripped over something and broken my ankle or face.

I cursed at myself and my idea to get some fresh air without telling anyone. Reno had been busy with customers, and Roxas had been busy daydreaming/sulking and I didn't want to disturb him. I could have waited for Riku and Axel to get back, but they had taken so long in the bathroom already that I hoped they were okay and hadn't fallen in or something.

The lights flickered off and I let out a yelp of pain as my toe collided with something hard. I poked the object with my uninjured foot and stepped down to test its strength and decided that it was only a pallet. Satisfied, I walked across the top of it and kept my hands against the wall to lead me along as I walked through the darkness.

I could have whooped for joy when I saw a small sliver of light shining along the wall a few feet in front of me. All I had to do was go a little further and make a turn and I would be safe and free again. I hoped that Riku and the others weren't freaking out because I had disappeared. I took a minute to feel bad before I started again. No one was supposed to be worrying about me tonight.

I shook my head and started my walk again. One of the lights behind me flickered on but the lights ahead of me stayed off. The one dim light made the alleyway look even creepier than it already was. It made me shiver.

I actually did let out a sigh of relief when I could see some flickering lights from the street across from the club through the opening. I was so close. All that was left was for me to turn the corner and it would be okay.

That was when I remembered the bouncers at the door and cursed loudly. They hadn't let Axel or Roxas into the club until Riku had flashed the invitation. Would they let me back in without one? I mean, they'd seen me with Riku, so they would know that it was okay for me to go in… But they had also seen at least a hundred other people and my face was most likely lost in the sea of masks and make-up that they'd already let in.

A quiet moan from further down the path made me jump and turn my eyes back into the darkness. Before I knew what I was doing, I had taken a step forward and narrowed my eyes to try and see what was going on.

'_No, Sora. Dumb ass! Don't go back there! Cliché horror movie scene number two! Cliché horror movie scene number two!!!!'_

Cliché horror movie scene number two: when said poor, defenseless person reaches their destination, they wander further into said alleyway when they hear a noise, falling into said axe murderer's trap…

I ignored the voice screaming at me in the back of my mind and kept my hands against the wall to lead me to the source of the noise. I swore that I had heard another moan, but couldn't tell if it was of pain or pleasure. If it had been of pleasure, I was going to be _really_ embarrassed, but I could live with embarrassment. If it was a moan of pain, though, I would feel bad for leaving and not helping whoever it was that was hurting.

I tiptoed and stumbled my way further into the darkness until I ran headfirst into a wall. I cursed under my breath and rubbed my nose gingerly before feeling along the wall. I made the left turn and squinted my eyes to see.

I could just barely make out the shapes of two people against the wall of the alley ahead of me. I took a step further to try and get a better look and that was when the lights decided that it was time to return to life and let me see what was going on in the world around me. I would give anything now to go back in time and cut the wires so they would never be able to flicker on again.

I tried to keep my gasp at bay. Really, I did. But when I recognized that oh-so-familiar head of silver hair bent over someone's neck that wasn't mine, it just slipped out. I stumbled backwards and cursed loudly as I ran into another pallet and landed hard on my ass, my eyes wide and fearful. My mind was all but screaming cliché horror movie scene number one at me.

Cliché horror movie scene number one: when revealed, the said axe murderer is always the said poor, defenseless person's lover…

TBC…  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: Yes…so there it is. Probably not as suspenseful as I wanted it to be or you wanted it to be, but wtfe. It's not as long as I wanted it to be either. _::sighs::_ I like my "cliché horror movie scenes," though. Hehe… Those were fun to come up with. The sad thing is that you can find at least two out of the five in any horror movie you watch, just replace the alleyway with a dark room or haunted house or abandoned cave or something like that…_::smiles::_…

Roxas finally can't deny that he's with Axel!!!! _::dances::_ Hehe… I really liked writing that scene, and the scene with Seifer and stuff. I'm glad I added the Seifer scene 'cause it'll add to next chapter. Yay!!…

And yes…Monster is my fuel. I blame my younger brother for getting me hooked on energy drinks, though they're great for when I need an extra boost before work or school. Better than icky coffee, though I'd take a Chai latte over a Monster…_::drools::_…

To come…  
"_awakening"…NeoKurai and NeoAkari …and a lemon??…_

Anywho…thanks to you all who reviewed. Any and all reviews for this chapter will be greatly appreciated and I will love you forever if you leave one…_::pouts::_…

Sorry for any typos and all that good stuff…

See ya'll next chapter!! Ja mata ne!!


	13. Chapter Ten: Falling

This is going to be _very _short. I'll be lucky if I make it to four pages with this chapter… I hope you'll understand why while you're reading it. There's a limit to drawing out what's going to happen… The next few chapters will make up for it, though. I promise…

WARNINGS: blood, angst, drug abuse…

**Disclaimer: **The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"_Stained, looking at my hands  
I talk with these lines  
It's not the answer  
I'm crying and now I know  
Looking the sky  
I search for an answer  
So free, free to be  
I am not another liar  
I just want to be myself…myself_

_And now the beat inside of me  
Is a sort of a cold breeze  
__And I've never any feeling inside  
Ruining me…  
I bring my body  
Carry it into another world  
I know I live…but like a stone I'm falling down…"_

—"_Falling" Lacuna Coil…_

**Chapter Ten:  
Falling…**

The gasp was still stuck in my throat when Riku pulled away from the person's throat. He turned to see who had disturbed him with an annoyed frown on his face, a line of blood dribbling down his chin. His jaw dropped when he saw that it was me. His eyes were wide and fearful, probably a mirror image of my own.

He took a step forward and reached for me, and I scrambled backwards. He took another step, and I pushed myself up from the ground. When I ran into the wall, I looked at him for only a second before I tore off down the pitch black alleyway.

"Sora, wait!" His pained words echoed after me but I couldn't stop, no matter how badly I wanted to.

The bouncers at the club's door shouted at me when I burst out of the alleyway, but I didn't stop running. I heard Riku's voice shout out for me again, but I ignored it. I didn't want to look at him. I _couldn't_ look at him, not after seeing him like…like _that_.

When I thought about it, though, he really hadn't been cheating on me. It wasn't like we had said that we were official or anything. I guess I had just jumped to conclusions. But how could he do that after everything he said to me…everything he made me feel. He had told me that he loved me, dammit! Wasn't that supposed to mean something?

And why hadn't he chased after me in an attempt to try and explain himself? He'd shouted my name and reached for me, yes, but that doesn't exactly constitute as trying to hold me back so we could talk. He had just let me run away. He really didn't care about me, did he?

Or was it because I hadn't told him that I loved him yet? He was doubting our relationship and had given up on me ever saying that I loved him in return, so he'd moved on to someone else! I would have screamed if I weren't so winded. Why did I have to be such an idiot? I knew that Riku cared for me so why hadn't I just been able to trust him and give him my all?

Tears welled in my eyes and spilled over while I ran. They blurred my vision and made the already dark street even darker.

I was a failure. Riku thought I didn't love him. Roxas felt that he couldn't tell me anything. Leon and the others hated me because I had never told them about my cutting or Mom's treatments. My own mother beat me and blamed me for my father's death. I had no one to go to, no one to really love me because they had lost all hope and trust in me.

Before I knew it, I was at the door to the apartment. I tried the handle and couldn't help but smile when I saw that it was locked. A locked door meant that no one was home. Perfect.

I fished beneath the welcome mat for the spare key and quickly unlocked the door. I didn't bother to lock it behind me. It would only be delaying the inevitable for the others, anyway.

I stumbled around until I found myself in the kitchen. My eyes immediately went to the digital clock on the stove. It wasn't even ten o'clock yet. That was good. It meant that there were still a few hours before anyone would be home to bother me.

My eyes flashed to the top drawer beside the sink and a mental image of what was inside formed in my head. I smiled and stumbled drunkenly toward the drawer though I hadn't had anything but Monster to drink the entire night.

A shockwave of energy surged through my body when I closed my hand over the drawer's handle, the anticipation building as I pulled it open and stared at the silverware that seemed to glitter majestically in the moonlight. I bypassed the forks, spoons, and butter knives and went straight for the steak knives I knew were in the back of the drawer. Leon thought that he had hidden them from me, but I knew where they were all along. He couldn't hide anything from me. I watched him too closely while he was making dinner, though I had never planned on using them for what I was going to now.

I pulled out a handful of knives and dropped them on the counter so I could sort through them and choose my weapon of choice. One knife in particular seemed to wink at me from its place beneath all the rest. I smiled and wrapped my hand around its handle. It felt so perfect, like this was what it had been made for all along…

With a sigh, I set the knife off to the side so it was separate from the others and began to raid the cabinets. I knew that Leon kept his bottle of prescription migraine pills in one of the cabinets, but I wasn't sure which. I smiled when I opened a door with bottles of different medications, prescription and over-the-counter. Now all I had to do was find the right bottle.

I picked up every bottle and read every label. I threw the ones that didn't sound promising onto the ground, but left the ones that did on the counter. When I was finished with the job, five or so bottles were left on the counter while ten were scattered here and there across the floor. A couple of the ones I had dropped had come open and the pills that had been inside were spilled across the linoleum.

I went through the bottles that were left one more time and settled on the one that sounded like it would be the most promising. Just the amount of labels on the bottle was enough for me to dump out a handful and dry swallow them. I cringed at the aftertaste while I settled down into one of the chairs around the table to wait for the pills to take effect.

My eyes wandered aimlessly around the kitchen. Every time I looked at something, it looked different. Some of the colors were brighter. Some were dimmer. Some blurred together to form new, exotic colors I had never seen before.

I wondered if Riku and the others were looking for me. Probably not. It didn't matter what I had thought before. Riku didn't care for me, and I wasn't going to try and convince myself that he did. It would have been useless. How could someone possibly care for someone like me? How could someone _love_ someone like me? I was a mental and emotional wreck. I was weak and relied on others for support, and when they didn't work, I relied on a blade to keep what little sanity I had left.

A giggle slipped past my lips. Yes, it always came back to the blade, didn't it? The beautiful, silver blade I had chosen called out to me from the counter, but I ignored it. I was ready to die, but I wasn't ready to do it yet. I had to give the pills a few more minutes to sink in.

I laughed again. I was taking the coward's way out. Not only was I going to commit suicide, but I had taken a handful of pills so I wouldn't have to feel the pain. But, had I really taken them for that reason? All I wanted was for the pain I was feeling to disappear and the pills were working their magic with that. Besides, I had a greater chance of dieing if I overdosed _and _cut my wrists, didn't I?

When my eyes started to slip closed by themselves, I decided that it was finally time. I pushed myself up from the chair and crossed the kitchen to the counter. I grabbed the knife tightly in my hand and slowly sank to my knees. I dropped it only to push my sleeves up on my shirt and unravel the perfect white bandage that donned my right arm. When the pale skin beneath the bandage was reveled, I couldn't help frown at the flesh. It was only the second time I had been able to really look at the wounds. I had forgotten how many stitches there were.

I set to work on cutting and picking away the stitches, only using the knife when it was absolutely necessary. My fingertips were cut up and bloody and most of the wounds were reopened by the time I was done, but I didn't care. Even with the pills, I could feel the pain, and it was amazing. I wanted more of it. So much more. I wanted enough pain so I would never have to feel pain again. Enough pain so I would be set free.

In a hurry to be done, I grabbed the knife from the floor and set the blade against the flesh of my right wrist. With one simple cut, I made a deep wound that seeped blood. I sighed in content, but knew that it wasn't enough. I switched hands and set the blade against my left wrist, slashing carelessly. I jerked at the pain that flooded my senses. The knife made a metallic clanging noise across the ground as it fell from my hand.

I had never expected it to hurt so badly because I was used to it, but the pain seared across my nerves like an out of control wildfire. My hands dropped limply to my sides, and the blood formed pools of crimson that I knew would stain the linoleum floor.

The first wave of dizziness assaulted my senses and I held my hands up in front of my face to see the wounds. I couldn't see much, seeing as my hands from the wrists down were covered in blood, but I knew that I had done a good job.

A wave of exhaustion hit me like a tidal wave and I bent over with my arms cradled in my lap. It was a battle just to keep my eyes open.

Then, suddenly, the pain disappeared. The pills worked their magic and the pain was replaced by a strong feeling of nothingness. It started at my arms and slowly moved throughout my entire body. Another wave of dizziness overcame me and I slumped carelessly to the side, my vision starting to go fuzzy with the movement.

The front door banged open and I heard footsteps running through the apartment. I recognized Riku's voice as he shouted my name, but I wasn't able to answer. Two other voices joined in with him, but I couldn't quite decide who they were. One sounded like Roxas, but I couldn't but a face to the other. All I saw was red.

I closed my eyes as exhaustion began to creep over me again. I was ready to go to sleep. I was ready to die. I just prayed that the others wouldn't find me before I was gone.

Riku called out my name again, and footsteps slowly started to make their ways toward the kitchen.

"Fuck! Riku!" the voice that sounded like Roxas' shouted and the other two sets of footsteps ran into the kitchen.

I heard several gasps and then was lifted into someone's arms. Someone else wrapped towels or something around my wrists. The only notice I got of the third person were their distinct sobs.

"Oh gods, Sora. Not again. Not again. Please, gods," Roxas' voice sobbed. "Sora!"

"Axel, take Roxas to the living room and calm him down, please," Riku ordered.

The pressure on my wrists was released for a second, only to be replaced by a stronger force. I think Axel did as he was told because the next thing I heard was a painful sob that echoed off the walls of the kitchen. Then there was nothing.

I was leaning against someone's chest, their arms providing support to keep me lifted. Something wet hit my cheek and it made me blink.

_'It's Riku. Riku's crying. But why? He's not supposed to care about me. He's not supposed to be here. No one's supposed to be here. No one's supposed to care…'_

I could hear Riku muttering something to me while I thought. I tried to listen but it was becoming harder for me to concentrate as time passed.

"Don't you dare die on me, Sora! Please don't leave me behind. I won't be able to live with myself if you die…"

Another wave of dizziness swept over my senses and I opened my eyes to make sure the world wasn't spinning like it felt like it was. Riku's face loomed above me, his beautiful face framed by his silver hair like a halo. He _was_ crying.

"Sora?" Riku asked, his eyes widening slightly. "Sora, don't close your eyes, Love. Try and stay awake for me, please."

I wasn't really listening. My vision was starting to go grey around the edges and it was getting harder for me to concentrate on his face.

"Sora, why did you do this?" Riku sobbed, holding me tighter. "Why didn't you let me explain, Love? Why did you have to run away?"

Axel returned from calming Roxas, though the blonde didn't return with him, and wrapped his arms around Riku's shoulders.

"Will you take his wings off?" Riku asked.

Axel nodded. Riku lifted me a bit so Axel could move his hands along my spine. He pulled the wings away in a matter of seconds. The white feathers, I noticed, were stained crimson, as were the towels around my wrists.

I closed my eyes as yet another wave of dizziness swept over me, almost sending me into unconsciousness. I could still hear Riku's voice as he panicked.

"Sora? Sora! Wake up, Love. Come on, open your eyes! Don't go to sleep on me! You need to keep your eyes open, okay? Sora!"

Axel made soothing sounds and I could feel Riku shaking.

"Why did he do this? Why didn't he just let me talk to him? Why did he have to run away? Why didn't he let me explain?" he said through sobs.

"I don't know, Riku, but we need to do something. We can't just leave him here…"

"No!" Even in my semi-unconscious state, the force in Riku's voice made me jump. "We can't take him _there_. They'll take him away from me, and I'll never see him again!"

Axel sighed. "A hospital, then. We have to do something or he'll die! Do you want that?!"

Riku took several deep breaths. I could feel his shaking becoming worse. Something within me could also sense his pain and fear, and I wanted nothing more than to make it all go away. In my attempt to make everyone happier, I had only succeeded in making them sad. I didn't want to think about how Leon would react.

The pendant around my neck pulsated, and it was then that I realized that it had been Axel who Riku had had pressed against the wall…

Tears welled in my eyes as the realization hit me. I had been too quick to come to conclusions without thinking about what had actually been happening. Riku hadn't been kissing Axel. He'd been… The tears in my eyes spilled over and I struggled to hold back the sob that was rising in my throat. So now I knew, but it was too late.

Riku and Axel were still talking, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It was a garbled mess of words and phrases that refused to make sense in my drugged mind.

"I'm sorry, Riku. Forgive me…" I managed to mutter.

I didn't hear his response. I silently slipped into unconsciousness and prepared to face the inevitable.

TBC…  
**-------------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: Meh…I'm not sure if I like this chapter. It feels like it happened really fast. I dunno… Either way, it had to happen so here it is. If I had put it later in the story, I would have had to go over my set chapter amount, and I don't want to do that. Twenty is enough for this part of the series…

To come:  
_Sora in a coma…everyone's reactions to his suicide attempt…"awakening"…lemon?…NeoAkari and NeoKurai…separation…_

Anywho…tell me what ya'll think of this chapter. Tell me if you thought it sucked. If you didn't, you can tell me that you liked it too. _::smiles::_ Hehe… Thanks to you guy who reviewed last chapter…_::hugs::_…You guys rock!!…

Sorry for any typos and stuff. Like last chapter, I _did _edit, but I have the bad tendency to miss some things, so yeah...

Until next chapter, adieu…


	14. AS, AS: Flaming Arrows

Yay!! Yay for snow!! Yay for snowdays because that means I don't have to work (yesterday)!! Yay for living in the middle of nowhere so the snow plows don't come through until about noon so I don't have to go into work until late (today)!! Hehe... I love snow. I just wish I had come earlier, but I guess it's better late than never!!!!!...

Anywho...the next couple of chapters may be a little everywhere, but bear with me please. Starting with this chapter, everything will slowly be explained about Akari and Kurai. There will only be little things in here, but there will be quite a bit in the next chapter and the one after it… I just have the feeling that some of your questions will be answered with chapter, but quite a few more will pop up in their absence. _::hides::_ Please don't kill me!!...

WARNINGS: blood, bad language, etc…

**Disclaimer:** The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belongs to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_I have never felt like this before  
__Felt my body sinking to the grassy floor  
I__ have never known a love like this  
__Felt the flaming arrows of the Hunter's Kiss…"_

—"_The Hunter's Kiss" Rasputina…_

**((Another Side, Another Story))  
Flaming Arrows …**

I ran desperately through the night club, Axel at my side, while our eyes searched wildly for Roxas in the mass of people on the crowded dance floor. We were shoved to and fro like buoys stuck in the middle of a violent ocean storm, with no one seeming to sense the pure panic that was radiating from both of our bodies.

'_It's been ten minutes since Sora ran off. If we don't find Roxas soon, I'm going without him,'_ I sent to Axel via our mental link.

I caught Axel's silent sigh before Roxas' voice exploded in my head.

'_Where are you guys? You're panicking! I can feel it. What happened?!'_

'_We're in the middle of the dance floor. Where are you?'_

'_By the front doors. I'll wait for you here. Hurry!!!'_

I turned back toward Axel. He nodded to say that he had heard the message, and we started our fight through the crowd again. It felt like a bomb full of energy exploded when we finally made our way out of the crowd. My eyes connected with Roxas and, with nothing more than a nod, Axel and I ran out the door with him following closely behind.

As we climbed in the car and I revved the engine, I could sense Axel telling Roxas why we were in such a rush. I felt the blonde's anxiety levels rise twofold and the tension in the air thickened. The interior of the car was beginning to feel like a prison cell and I could feel a slight sheen of sweat starting to break out across my brow.

"He saw you feeding?" Roxas muttered.

Axel nodded. "Yes. And don't try to act so innocent. You know what it is…"

Roxas growled under his breath. "Yeah, I know what it is. What I don't understand is why you were doing it there. Why not later, and in a more private place?"

"It's not like we expected anyone to go wandering into the alleyway!" Axel spat. "And I would have much rather been caught by someone than have Riku risk biting Sora while they were on the dance floor."

"You were going to bite, Sora?!" Roxas shouted. "What the fuck, Riku?!"

I sighed and shook my head. "I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to take any chances. And now everything's fucked up and he probably hates me. The way the looked at me…" I trailed off and shook my head to rid it of the memory. "I have to find him and explain."

"At least you didn't risk it before he remembered. He would have freaked out even more if you had bit him than he did when he saw you." Roxas sighed. "Don't worry. He probably just panicked when he saw you. I know I would have if I didn't know what you were doing."

I sighed. "I know but…"

"No buts," he said. "His memories of what you are will come back to him soon and he'll be fine. I promise."

I wanted to believe him. Every fiber within me was screaming for me to believe him, but I just couldn't. Because of the connection I had with him, I could feel the anger, confusion, and sadness that was raging through Sora's mind. He wasn't okay. I could feel our link weakening with every passing moment. There was only one reason why it could possibly be weakening so quickly. If we didn't hurry, I was afraid that we would be too late.

'_Hold on, Love. Please… Just give the time to explain before you do anything drastic.'_

I didn't get a response, not that I had been expecting one. I wasn't sure if Sora had been able to pick up on our link enough to use it. Hell, even if he had, I doubted that he would answer me. I know that I wouldn't have answered him had our positions been switched. He would be lucky if I ever tried to make any sort of contact with him again.

I pushed the gas pedal to the floor but we still weren't moving fast enough. I would have much rather ran, as we could run faster than any car, but Roxas would have lagged behind. He wasn't as used to using his abilities as Axel and I were, and it would only slow Axel down if he had to carry the blonde.

An eternity of twenty minutes later, I was pulling the car into the apartment complex's parking lot. I threw the car into park and barely took the time to shut it off and grab my keys before I was out and running toward the door to Leon's apartment. I could feel Axel and Roxas right behind me, wasting no time.

A wave of panic struck me as I neared the door and saw that it hadn't been latched. I threw the door open and ran inside with a shout of Sora's name. When there was no reply, the panic increased twofold.

'_Help me find him!' _I begged Roxas and Axel.

"Sora! Where are you, Sora," Roxas shouted and started down the hall toward the kitchen.

Axel shouted his name as well, but was frozen where he stood. I knew that he was unsure of what to do, and the apartment was small enough that he didn't need to help search.

'_It's okay, Axel.'_ I said as I started back toward Sora's room.

I didn't even make it to the door before Roxas' shout called me back.

"Fuck! Riku!"

I jumped and immediately took off toward the kitchen. Axel met me there. The sight that greeted us wasn't a pretty one. Sora was lying on the kitchen floor, surrounded by blood. It was everywhere. In his beautiful hair, on his white pants, staining his wings.

I gasped and ran into the kitchen, sliding across the floor and gathering Sora into my arms as I did. He felt so light and his blood… Even given the situation, I had to force myself not to bend down and lick it from his arms. I could feel Axel struggling with the same problem as he wrapped a pair of towels around Sora's wrists.

'_Thank you…'_

He nodded and threw a glance at the kitchen entrance as a sob echoed through the room. He groaned when he did.

"Oh gods, Sora. Not again. Not again. Please, gods," Roxas sobbed, his entire body shaking violently. "Sora!"

"Axel, take Roxas to the living room and calm him down, please…"

He gave me a look that said he didn't want to leave my side. I frowned and with a silent _'Don't make me turn it into an order'_ he glared at me and stayed long enough for me to grasp Sora's wrists. Roxas collapsed into Axel's arms in the doorway. He was still sobbing, but I had the distant feeling that he had fainted.

When we were alone, I looked down upon Sora's face in pain. He looked so peaceful. I bent down and placed a gentle kiss against his forehead as tears began to well in my eyes. I didn't even attempt to hold them back. I let them fall freely and unashamedly. Some dripped from my chin and I watched them fall and land on Sora's face. If only this were a movie. Then, with the first teardrop that hit his skin, Sora would wake up and be cured because in the movies tears always had healing properties of some sort. Or something like that.

"Sora…" I muttered. "I love you so much. Please hold on a little longer and I'll explain everything, okay? Axel, Roxas, and I… We'll explain everything. And Leon and Cloud. It'll all be okay, alright…" I swallowed back a sob before I could continue. "Don't you dare die on me, Sora! Please don't leave me behind. I won't be able to live with myself if you die…"

To my surprise, Sora moaned quietly and his lids slid back to reveal his beautiful blue eyes. They were dull and glazed over by drugs, but he was still alive! I choked back my sob and forced myself not to crush him to me in a hug.

"Sora?" I asked. "Sora, don't close your eyes, Love. Try and stay awake for me, please."

I could tell that he wasn't really listening to a word that I said. The drugs in his mind would have made it difficult enough for him to concentrate. Add to that the amount of blood loss he had, and I doubted he would understand what I was saying even if he was listening.

"Sora, why did you do this?" I sobbed, holding him tighter to me. "Why didn't you let me explain, Love? Why did you have to run away?"

Axel returned from the living room and settled down on his knees behind me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I sighed and relaxed into his embrace, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Will you take his wings off?"

Axel nodded. I lifted Sora as best as I could while still holding pressure on his wrists. Axel slipped his hands between the two of us and quickly undid the rope ribbon. I couldn't stand to look at the crimson wings when he pulled them away. They filled me with an overwhelming sense of nausea and déjà vu.

Sora's eyes slipped closed again, and I panicked.

"Sora? Sora! Wake up, Love. Come on, open your eyes! Don't go to sleep on me! You need to keep your eyes open, okay? Sora!"

Axel made soothing sounds in my ear and kissed my temple as I started shaking.

"Why did he do this? Why didn't he just let me talk to him? Why did he have to run away? Why didn't he let me explain?" I muttered through my sobs.

"I don't know, Riku, but we need to do something. We can't just leave him here…"

"No!" He didn't have to finish his statement for me to know what he was going to say. "We can't take him _there_. They'll take him away from me!"

Axel sighed. "A hospital, then. We have to do something or he'll die! Do you want that?!"

I took several deep breaths in attempts to get my shaking under control, but it just made it worse. A hospital. Yes. They had taken good care of Sora before, so I bet that they would do the same this time as well.

"Fine, a hospital… But I want you to drive, okay? Get Roxas and I'll get Sora. Sora and I will ride in the back."

Axel nodded and stood, letting his fingers linger for a moment in a reassuring gesture before going to the living room to get Roxas.

"I'm sorry, Riku. Forgive me…"

The sound of Sora's voice made me jump. It was so weak, as if he were almost gone. No! I couldn't think like that. He couldn't leave me. He was going to make it through this and we were going to be together forever. I would make sure of it.

"Oh, Sora. You have nothing to apologize for. It's me who needs to apologize…"

I struggled to get Sora into my arms and then struggled to my feet with him still in my arms. When I finally made it outside, Axel had a conscious but panicked Roxas in the front passenger seat of my car and was waiting for me with the back door open.

I nodded to him in thanks as I slid into the seat. Roxas immediately turned around in his seat and let out a loud groan when he surveyed his friend. He reached out and gently brushed Sora's bangs out of his eyes.

"Hold on just a little while longer, okay, Sora? Please."

There was no response, though I didn't think that he was expecting one. He ran one more gentle hand through Sora's hair and turned around in his seat while Axel backed out of the parking spot and got onto the main road.

I held Sora close to me as Axel flew through the streets and went back into the city. The buildings and cars that passed us by were nothing more than blurry spots of light through the windows, not that I paid much attention. Painful sobs were torn from my chest as I focused on Sora and the towels around his wrists that were growing more crimson by the second…

**o-o-o-o-o**

"Riku, calm down!" Axel cried.

He stood behind me and held my hair as I retched uncontrollably into the ceramic toilet before me, an unending river of tears streaming down my face. My stomach calmed just long enough for me to cough and take a breath, but then I was doubled over the basin again. I held the edge of the toilet so hard my knuckles were white. I was surprised I hadn't broken it yet.

My stomach finally emptied with a loud gasp followed by a cough from me, and I fell backwards into Axel. He caught me and let me lay across his lap. I closed my eyes as he started to comb out my hair with a gentle hand, swiping my sweaty bangs away from my face with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Axel," I croaked. Between my sobs and the vomiting, my voice sounded like crap.

"No. Don't apologize. You're only being rational. Everyone has their weak points, even you. You have to remember that sometimes. You're allowed to breakdown and cry. It doesn't mean that you're weak. If anything, it makes you stronger because you're not letting your emotions build up and become unhealthy. You may be a prince, but you still have the same emotions as us normal people, including the nasty ones like sadness and despair. You're no different than us. Got it memorized?"

I sighed and let my eyes slip open. I stared up into his intense emerald eyes for a moment before I chuckled and cupped the side of his face in my hand.

"I'm beginning to remember why I fell in love with you all those years ago," I sighed.

He smiled and put a hand over mine. "Well, now you have Sora…"

I nodded. "And you have Roxas. The hard part will be getting him to admit it."

He laughed and shrugged. "Yeah, but if Sora's ever up for a threesome," he said and winked, "you know who to call."

I rolled my eyes and pushed myself up from his lap, though I needed his help to get to my feet. He led me awkwardly to the sinks so I could splash some water on my face and had a paper towel in his hands for me to dry off with when I was finished. I patted my face dry and led the way out of the bathroom and to the waiting chairs where we had left Roxas.

When I'd gotten sick, we hadn't heard any news of Sora's condition and hadn't been allowed to see him. Judging by the look on Roxas' face, it looked like he hadn't heard anything in our absence either. To seal the deal, he looked up at us and shook his head slowly as we approached.

"Dammit!" Axel cursed and fell down into the chair beside the blonde.

I sighed and slumped into the chair beside Axel. It wasn't long before he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. As I rested my head on his shoulder, I realized he had a tight grip on Roxas' hand and that the blonde had buried his face in Axel's shoulder to muffle his sobs.

I don't know if I fell asleep after that or had just zoned out, but the next thing I knew Axel was shaking my shoulder to get my attention. He pointed to the doors. I sighed and closed my eyes as a doctor came out with a morose look on her face. This woman didn't have good news and wasn't trying to hide it.

"Riku, Axel, and Roxas, right?"

We nodded together, and she nodded in response. Axel was the first to find the strength to ask the dreaded words.

"How is Sora?"

Doctor Akiko sighed. "He's stable, but he fell into what seems to be a self-induced coma to escape his pain. We had to pump his stomach to take care of the drugs and he needs to go through at least one more blood transfusion. If he hasn't woken by then, we'll keep him here on observation."

"He's alive, though?"

She nodded, and I could feel the tears of joy filling my eyes.

"Would you all like to see him?"

We jumped up from our seats, and Doctor Akiko cracked the first smile I had seen since she left the ER. She led us down the hall and into a different corridor that led to the recovery rooms. I had to choke back a sob during the walk. It was so familiar. Less than a month ago, we had walked down these same halls to see Sora after a similar incident. The only difference was, that time it had been an accident. This time, his aim had been death.

She stopped outside a cracked door and offered us weak smiles. "He looks worse than he is, okay? He'll be fine. He's very pale from the blood loss and we had to attach more machines than last time because of his condition. Don't worry, though. He may be asleep, but he knows you're with him and that's all he could ask for."

My first smile since finding Sora twitched at my lips as Roxas latched onto the doctor in a hug. She chuckled and patted his head gently.

"He needs you now."

Roxas pulled away and nodded and followed Axel into the room. I stayed behind for a couple of minutes to let her know that Leon and Cloud were on their way to the hospital and should be there any minute. She answered with a nod and smile and said that she would make sure they were sent back as soon as they arrived. When she turned on her heel and left, I went into the room. I couldn't hold back the sob when my eyes landed on Sora.

Pale had been an understatement. He looked like he was dead. His cheeks were slightly sunken and deep, dark circles surrounded his eyes. His usually vibrant and silky hair was dull and greasy, though they had washed the blood out of it at some point in time. The pale green gown he wore looked disgusting on his frail body. The pair of brilliant white bandages that donned his wrists made a shiver ripple through my body. The one on his right arm went up further to cover his reopened wounds, but the one around his left wrist was just as menacing.

Axel had settled into one of the chairs beside the bed, Roxas in his lap. The blonde held Sora's hand in his and rubbed his thumb gently across the back of it. Tears were pouring freely from his eyes, though no sobs escaped his mouth. Axel looked numb. He was the only one who hadn't cried during the night, but I could tell that it was affecting him just as much. The only reason he had been able to be so strong was because he had a stronger will than either of us could ever wish for. Sometimes, that will was a curse.

I went to the bed and took a seat on the edge. I grabbed Sora's free hand and twined his fingers with my own, while my other hand went up to brush his bangs out of his eyes gently. Leaning forward slightly, I pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

I would have thought that it was impossible for me to have anymore tears to shed, but I did. The red-tinged droplets ran down my face and dripped from my chin, though I didn't break down into sobs again. I was too tired and in too much pain to fall into another sobbing fit. Inside, though, I could feel myself slowly becoming numb to what was happening.

The door across the room burst open and pulled me out of my thoughts. I jumped up from the bed and turned in time to see Leon and Cloud rushing into the room. Both men were in tears and had wild looks on their faces. When Leon spotted Sora, he ran into the room and collapsed onto the bed where I had been seated, half lying on top of his younger brother. He sobbed into Sora's chest for a while, whispering incoherent words under his breath. Cloud stood behind him with a hand on his shoulder, lost in his own silent tears.

When Leon finally calmed enough to think straight, he sat up and immediately glared at me.

"What did you to do him this time?!" he shouted. "What did you do to make him do this?!"

"Leon, don't…" Cloud started, but Leon cut him off.

"Don't tell me to calm down, Cloud. I knew that something like this was going to happen the moment I realized Sora had found him again. History repeats itself, and look what happened!"

I tried to be angry with Leon because of what he said, but I couldn't. Instead, my shoulders slumped and I dropped my head, letting my hair hide the shame that was written all over my face. I heard Axel growl quietly before he spoke.

"Don't you dare blame Riku for any of this, Leon. He didn't do anything wrong. How were we supposed to know that Sora was going to find us? We were in the most private spot we could find, okay?"

"'_Us'_? Who is this _'us'?_ You and Riku? What were you doing? Were you cheating on him?"

I shook my head, but didn't look up from the floor. Leon growled and in a matter of seconds he was off the bed and had a handful of my hair in his grasp, yanking it back to lift my head and make me look him in the eye.

"What the fuck did you do, Riku?!"

"I…I didn't cheat on him…" I muttered, ashamed at how weak my voice sounded. "Axel and I… If I hadn't gone out, I would have drank from Sora, and I couldn't do that to him! Axel helped me, but Sora found us and… He probably thought that I was cheating on him. He ran away before I could explain anything to him…."

"You were going to bite my brother?" Leon muttered, letting go of my hair so my head could drop.

I sighed and let my eyes find the floor again. "If I hadn't have been able to take blood from Axel, I would have, yes."

Silence followed my admission. I looked up to see Leon shaking with rage, his deep blue-grey eyes locked on me with nothing but murderous intent. Cloud reached out and put a hand on the brunet's shoulder, but he shrugged it off easily. Axel and Roxas had moved from their seat and were standing to the side, watching the spectacle with wide eyes.

"Get out…" Leon finally muttered.

"Wh-what?!" I gasped.

"Get out!" He added enough force into his voice that it made me stumble backwards.

I shook my head. "No! You can't tell me to leave Sora. I won't."

"Oh, but you will." He stepped forward and made me take a step back. "You will leave this hospital and you will never see my brother again, you hear me? He doesn't need you, especially if it's something you did that drove him to attempting suicide."

"How can you blame Riku for this?!" Axel shouted, throwing an arm out. "It's a complete freak accident that Sora found us out there! This isn't his fault, and it's not mine either. It's no one's fault. You know how unstable Sora has been. If it wasn't this, it was going to be some other trivial thing that was going to set him off. How can you fucking blame Riku for this?"

Leon turned his attention from me to Axel and growled. "I can blame Riku for this because it gives me a reason to get him away from Sora for good!"

"What?! Why?!" I shouted. "What did I ever do to deserve this?"

Leon laughed. "You know what you did! All it took was two visits to Kurai and you dragged him down into the darkness. He thought that he was in love with you, but it was just you playing tricks on his mind, wasn't it?"

I shook my head and tried to open my mouth to argue, but nothing came out. He advanced on me and I took another step back.

"You played tricks with his mind and made him believe that you cared, you bastard! You were the reason why he committed suicide before, as well."

"You can't blame Riku for that, either!" Axel shouted. "Sora did what he did because he was led to believe that Riku was dead, and by you, might I add. He killed himself because he couldn't bear to imagine life without Riku. He loved Riku as much as Riku loved him. Why do you think Riku disappeared the day after he found out Sora was dead? You didn't think he ran away out of shame, did you?" Leon kept silent and Axel laughed coldly, tears dripping from his eyes for the first time that night.

"He fucking followed Sora," he continued, "and I had to watch. Do you know how it feels to feel the cloth of your best friend's shirt slip through your fingers? Do you know how it feels to watch him plummet five hundred feet to the ground? Do you know what it feels like hold your breath until he hits the ground? You don't know anything about anything!" he shouted. "Open your fucking eyes and pay attention to what's going on around you, Squall!"

Leon was shaking again, and if looks could kill, Axel and I would have already suffered extreme overkill. I looked to Cloud for help, but he stood behind his boyfriend with his eyes glued to the ground. I looked to Roxas next, but he had collapsed onto the ground with his face buried in his hands in a fit of silent sobs.

"Get out!" Leon growled. When I didn't move, he grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me to the door. "Get the fuck out! I never want to see your face again. If you so much as touch my brother, I will fucking kill you!"

"Get your hands off him!" Axel shouted and chased Leon out of the room.

The brunet turned on Axel and smacked him across the face. Too stunned to react, Axel stumbled backwards and fell onto his butt. Leon reeled around and glared at me again.

"I don't pity you or your cause, Riku. I have no reason nor want to feel pity for you. Your entire family sickens me…"

I laughed. "So that's what this is about? You're blaming me for what Sephiroth did to Cloud? That's hardly fair, Squall. I had nothing to do with my brothers actions. I'm the one who helped Cloud escape, for gods sakes…"

Leon didn't answer. He stormed into the room and slammed the door behind him. I grabbed for the handle, but let my hand fall slack when I heard the small click of the lock slamming into place.

In a fit of shame, I fell to my knees and pounded on the door futilely, painful sobs wracking my body. Axel crawled behind me and pulled me away from the door and into his lap. He held my head to his chest and ran his hand through my hair, whispering soft words into my ear.

"He-he's wr-wrong!" I hiccupped. "I-I love S-Sora with m-my heart and s-s-soul! H-how can he s-say that I w-was using hi-him? H-how c-can he tell m-me th-that I c-can't see S-Sora again?"

"Shhhh…" Axel whispered. "Don't listen to what he said, Riku. He's an asshole. You'll see Sora again. I'll make sure of it. You know where he lives. And we can still talk to Roxas, remember. We still have the mental link. He says that he's sorry and he'll keep us up-to-date on Sora's condition, alright? Roxas will help us get you to Sora again, okay?"

I nodded and snuggled deep into Axel's chest, finally letting my exhaustion take its toll on my body.

**o-o-o-o-o**

The first day of separation from Sora was Hell. I had to fight with myself every second of the day to not jump out of my bed and rush to the hospital. I didn't care how Leon felt or that he would probably kill me the instant I set foot into the hospital, much less Sora's room. All I wanted was to see my little lover and hold him in my arms and tell him how sorry I was. He needed to hear the whole story. He needed to know how sorry I was for what had happened.

When the weekend was over and school started again, Axel skipped school and stayed home with me. Neither of us had any want to return to the damned place, anyway. I doubted that we would ever see it again after his whole ordeal was over, anyway. I had the lingering feeling that Sora was going to wake from his coma with all of his memories and then all hell would break loose. Axel and I would be ordered to NeoKurai while Roxas would probably be ordered to take Sora with him to NeoAkari.

Speaking of Roxas… He was a godsend. He also missed school to stay with Sora and he sent us random updates on his condition throughout the days. While they were all the same, it still meant a lot to me that he trusted Axel and I and was going against Leon's orders. He could say whatever he wanted, but he really did love Axel.

Axel and I were sprawled across my bed when the first promising message came through. Axel was listening to his MP3 player on full blast and I was just lying back with my eyes closed, but when Roxas' voice came into our heads. My eyes snapped open and he pressed mute immediately.

'_He's calling for you Riku, and Leon's pissed. We can tell that he's only dreaming, but just the fact that he wants you is driving Leon crazy.'_

I smiled and laughed in my head. _'Tell Squall to fuck himself.'_

Roxas snorted._ 'Then he'd know that I was talking to you and he'd do some voodoo thing to make it so I can't. We don't want that happening, now do we?'_

'_You're an ass.'_

He laughed. _'No…I'm just being smart. But I have to go. He's looking at me weird.'_

'_What's been your excuse for the past few days?' _Axel asked.

'_That I've been zoning out and blaming myself for everything. It's kinda not a lie, but yeah… I'll send you guys news again in half an hour, sooner if something happens.'_

'_Thanks, Roxas,'_ I said.

'_Yeah…thanks, Love…'_ Axel said.

'_It's the least I could do…'_ And then he was gone.

I knew that I could have still sent him something, but I didn't want to bother him. I could only imagine the trouble he would be in if Leon knew that he was talking to us via a mental link. He wouldn't kill him, seeing that he was technically his younger brother, but he would do something to make life very uncomfortable for the blonde. He would probably send him home until Sora woke up.

"I wonder what he's dreaming about," I thought aloud.

I felt Axel shrug. He stretched and settled down beside me, sharing my pillow. "I dunno… Maybe it's something good if he's calling for you."

I rolled my eyes. "You're a perv."

He looked at me and smiled. "No, I'm just an optimist. I'd much rather Roxas call for me when he's dreaming about our mind-blowing sex than if he was reliving a bad moment between us or something."

I had to admit. Axel _did_ have a point. But I wouldn't admit it out loud. I sighed and snuggled down into my bed after closing my eyes.

"I'm gonna sleep for a bit. Maybe it'll take my mind off things."

"Okay…I'll wake you next time Roxas has news."

I nodded and curled into a ball under my blankets. If I wasn't able to be with Sora in real life, I would wander with him through my dreams. As I drifted off, I wondered if he was dreaming about the same thing I would be, but my thoughts came to an end as I fell into unconsciousness.

TBC…  
**----------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: Depressing, ne? And Leon is a complete and utter asshole in this chapter, but he does have his reasons. I would be an ass, too, if it were me. Thankfully it's not, though… And at least it's finally revealed that Leon and Cloud are the same. If I was Sora, I would be pissed off at Leon when I woke up for not telling me about everything. Yeah…that would _really_ piss me off…

I had soooo much trouble writing this chapter. Once I got passed Riku, Axel, and Roxas finding Sora, I couldn't think of anything to write, so I started writing the next chapter. Then, for some random reason, I got the picture in my head of Leon blowing up on Riku and Axel and blaming them for what happened and came up with this. And poor Roxas. He's a double agent. Hehe… At least he trusts them, though…

A note on the lyrics I chose now that I'm done… The song is really about, as the opening words say, a deer and a man, but I thought that the lines I chose portrayed Riku's feelings well. He's usually strong and collected, but when he finds and when Leon lashes out at him, he shows his weaknesses. And Leon's words are as sharp and painful as any arrow could ever be, especially when he says that Riku can't see Sora again…

To come…  
_Sora's dreamland…memories and "awakening"…a lemon??…partings…NeoAkari and NeoKurai…_

Eight more chapters…_::cries::_…But there's no worries 'cause there's, of course, a sequel. Hurrah!!! _::dances::_ Hehe…

Anyway…sorry for any typos or anything else that was wrong with this chapter… And thanks to everyone who reviewed. I love you all!!!! _::hugs::_…

'Til next chapter, adieu…


	15. Chapter Eleven: Awakening, Part One

Time to take a walk through Sora's long lost memories… This isn't a complete telling of his past, though! There will still be holes…

Just a note…I _love _the song I quote. It's soooooo pretty!!!…

WARNINGS: hm…language, a lime-ish scene, blood…

**Disclaimer: **The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"_When I close my eyes to this paradox place  
__I'll fly away, far away from here  
__I'll get away and dream, dream of you  
__When it's all said and done  
__And the night has come, I'll disappear  
__Take flight on the wind of  
__Wishing you where here  
__Fading light like a star whose life  
__Has been gone for years…"_

—"_Awakening" Mae… _

**Chapter Eleven:  
****Awakening, Part One…**

What is the true nature of Akari? Was it really the embodiment of Paradise as Riku, Roxas, and Axel had said it to be? Did it really even exist, or was it just a figment of everyone's overactive imaginations like I was starting to believe?

'_I used to know all of these things,'_ I thought as I wandered aimlessly through the monochromatic world that surrounded me. _'But now it's hard for me to remember my name, much less the ways of a place I have never seen before.'_

I sighed and slowed to a stop. I let my eyes wander around my surroundings, though it didn't help to tell me where I was. Everything was grey. The barren and salt crusted land was littered with crippled and pitiful trees that would never sprout again with vegetation. It was hard for me to tell if I had really made any progress in my walking or if I had just been wandering aimlessly around in circles. It was starting to drive me crazy.

Sighing again, I leaned my back against a tree I swore I had seen at least twice already and gazed up at the dull, grey sun. This was useless. I was making absolutely no progress. If I kept walking, it was what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life. There was no end to this sad and barren place, and I felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.

But why was I alone? Why weren't Riku or Roxas with me? They never let me go anywhere by myself, especially since the incident with my mom. And I wanted someone to be with me so badly. I was terrified. Though I had been wandering for what felt like hours, I had yet to see any signs of habitation. This grey place was cold and lonely…the embodiment of separation and abandonment…of everything I was afraid of. I wanted to leave.

I sighed and slid my back down the tree until I was sitting on the ground with my back against the trunk. I closed my eyes and rested the back of my head against the bark, forcing myself to control the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes. I refused to cry. If I was going to get through this by myself, I needed to be strong. I could cry all I wanted when I was held safely in Riku's arms with his hands running carefully through my hair.

Lost in thoughts of the man I now knew that I loved, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

When I woke next, I was in a very different place than where I had fallen asleep. I had been laid out on a bed with soft silk sheets. I gasped and sprung into the upright position, my eyes searching the room around me wildly. As I looked, I realized that I was filled with a sense of ease, as if I knew where I was and why I was there. I hadn't seen this place before, but for some reason, I recognized it as my own bedroom.

The room was lavish and decorated in delicate creams and golds. Bookshelves that were filled to their limits with material filled one wall, while a desk and elaborate armoire took up another. Across from my bed, a small fire was burning in the hearth. Two cream chairs sat in front of it, a table with a large white flower I couldn't name on it between them.

I yawned loudly and stretched my arms toward the ceiling. I noticed as my arm moved past my face that I wasn't wearing what I had been wearing when I had fallen asleep. My eyes surveyed my arms as I moved them back to my sides. My nightshirt was long-sleeved and made of a cream silk material that felt magnificent. Judging by how it felt when I moved around, I guessed that my pants were made of the same material. It was so comfortable.

I sighed and reclined on the bed, snuggling back into the sheets. I took a deep breath and inhaled the scents that surrounded me. It was very spicy, though all I could identify was cinnamon. I was transported back in time for a moment, to a time when my father was still alive and my mother still baked cookies around Christmas time to share with neighbors and friends. It was a short-lived trip, however, as I was pulled back to reality when the door beside my wardrobe was pushed open and a girl stuck her head into the room.

She smiled brightly when she saw me on the bed. "Sora! You're awake!" she chirruped and skipped into the room.

"Yuffie!" I shouted before my eyes widened and I covered my mouth with a hand.

'_What the hell?'_ I thought. _'I don't know this person. I've never seen her before in my life.' _But something in the back of my head screamed that I _did_ know this person; if not in this life, than in another one.

Her personality reminded me of Selphie, but she didn't look even moderately like the brunette girl. This girl had large grey eyes and a childish face, but I could just tell that she was older than me. Her short black hair was held back from her face by a cream-colored headband.

Her clothing was kind of strange. She wore a black tunic that was cinched around her waist with a silk sash, decorated with white flowers. On her lower body she wore a pair of form fitting tan trousers and matching boots that laced up to her knees. The clothes weren't modern, but I couldn't come up with a time period for them. They looked like something Arwen would have worn while fighting in the _Lord of the Rings_.

"You okay, Sora? You look a little pale."

'_No! I'm not okay! Who are you? Where am I?'_

I shook my head and let my hands drop limply to my sides. "No…no, I'm fine. You just surprised me, is all. I was thinking."

She nodded and took a seat on the edge of my bed. "Everyone seems to be doing that a lot lately, especially as our peace with Kurai wanes. But forget about that. I have prepared a hot bath for you."

'_Well…a hot bath does sound good…'_

"Thanks, Yuffie. I'll go there now. I could use the time to relax."

"No problem! I'll walk with you and wait outside the door to make sure no one disturbs you while you're in there, okay?"

I nodded and pushed myself out of bed. As we walked down the halls, I took my time to survey my surroundings. The walls were painted a pale blue color, and some had vast murals that depicted battles I didn't understand. I wanted to ask what the war was, but the words refused to leave my mouth…again. It was starting to annoy me. It almost felt like I was just a presence in my own body; I didn't control it. I could see and hear everything that was going on around me, but could do nothing about it.

When we made it to the place I guessed was the bath, Yuffie took seat in a chair that sat beside the door.

"I set your clothes on the chair beside your towels, so just yell if you need anything else, alright?"

I nodded again and went into the room alone. I let out a gasp of surprise at the sheer size of the room. A large rectangle had been carved into the floor and was inlayed with marble tiles in different shades of blue. A slight shimmer of steam rose from the top of the water, and the entire room smelled slightly like the ocean.

I undressed quickly and slipped into the water with a heavy sigh. The water felt amazing against my skin. It was the perfect temperature and the oils in the water smelled wonderful. I sighed again and closed my eyes, resting my head against the edge of the bath.

It didn't take long until I was in another world, a place where Riku, Roxas, and Axel were with me and I wasn't alone anymore. I wondered where they all were, and how I had gotten here. The last thing I remembered was getting ready for the Halloween party with Roxas. Everything after that was blank. It was unnerving, but there was always a reason why I forgot things. I would remember when the time was right.

A sharp knock on the bathroom door pulled me from my thoughts. I opened my eyes and looked behind me just in time for Yuffie to peek her head inside.

"Sorry to cut your bath short, but DiZ wants to see you immediately," she said. Her voice sounded grave.

I furrowed my brow. "About what?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, but it must be important if he can't wait for you to finish your bath. I hear he's looking to speak with Roxas, as well. What did the two of you do this time?"

"We didn't do anything!" I pouted. "I haven't seen Roxas in a couple of days. We've both been too busy."

Yuffie smiled and shook her head. "I know, but come on. Get out and dressed and I'll lead you to DiZ."

She left the room before I could answer her with a nod. I begrudgingly pulled myself out of the oversized tub and patted myself dry with a white puffy towel. The clothing she left me was strange. It was like hers, but had been made for a male.

I started with the undergarments, a pair of cotton underwear and long-sleeved undershirt. I pulled the pants on next. They were made of black cotton and were tight, but not unbearably so. I laughed as I remembered the leather pants Roxas had convinced me to wear. I wondered what had happened to them as I pulled on a long tunic. It was pale blue in color, thin, and very soft. The sash was black like the pants and I couldn't help but think how feminine it made my figure look when I looked in the mirror. I had curves, and it made me giggle.

To finish the outfit, I pulled on the pair of black knee high boots and tied the laces. Yuffie smiled at me when I finally walked out.

"You are so cute!" she said and enveloped me in a huge hug, then pulled me down the hall by the hand. "Come on! You took longer than I thought to get dressed. DiZ is probably getting impatient."

I ran after her and almost fell on my face when she stopped suddenly. We were outside of a menacing looking white door. It was huge, with a diamond-shaped stained glass window in the top of each.

"Go on. I can't go in there with you. Roxas should be here, so you'll be okay." She hugged me briefly. "I'm gonna get back to my duties. Be good."

I nodded and waited until she disappeared around the corner before I dared to push the door open. When I stepped inside, I was pummeled by déjà vu. I gasped as I walked straight into one of my dreams.

I stood in a pristine room. Everything was white. The walls, the desk, the chair, the bookshelves, even the hundreds of thousands of books that were stuffed on to the shelves were a perfectly untainted white. For some reason, I loved it. Though I would have enjoyed a little more color, the room radiated innocence and purity.

There were only two sources of color in the room. The first was a man and, though he wore a long white robe and his skin was almost as pale as the walls that surrounded him, his hair and beard were a magnificent shade of blonde and his eyes were a piercing gold, watching my every movement. The second was Roxas, whose magnificent black feathered wings stood out more than anything in the room.

I crossed the room to the armchairs that sat in front of the desk. I winked at my best friend, who returned the gesture with a quick smile. Ansem the Wise, or DiZ as he liked to be called, sighed and steepled his fingers beneath his chin while I took my time choosing which armchair I would sit in for this "talk."

"Please take a seat, Sora. We don't have time to deal with your childish behavior at the moment."

I growled and plopped down into the nearest chair, my arms crossed over my chest and a frown on my face. I had been unceremoniously pulled from my bath after being summoned by Ansem. I wondered what could possibly be so important that he couldn't have waited a couple more minutes to speak with me.

"You know why you've been summoned?"

I shook my head and furrowed my brow. "No, Sir. If I've done something to upset you…"

Ansem laughed, cutting me off. "You're not here for a scolding, young one. I have other…more important business that I would like the two of you to attend to."

I frowned and cocked my head to the side, a sudden feeling of joy building in the pit of my stomach. I cast a side glance at Roxas and saw that he had a bored expression on his face but his eyes sparkled with excitement.

"We need an ambassador who is strong enough to walk into the darkness and not be overtaken. I've chosen the two of you. Will you prove to me that I was correct in that decision?"

I nodded. "Of course, Father."

"We won't disappoint you," said Roxas.

Ansem nodded. "The darkness is strong and there will be many opportunities for it to try and overtake you, but I believe that the two of you are strong enough to defeat it. Sora, never once have you let darkness into your heart." He looked to my best friend. "Roxas. You have been a valuable asset to us in our war against the creatures of Kurai and place all of my trust in you."

Ansem stood from his chair and examined the books on the shelf behind his desk. "Sora. You are to pose as the ambassador while Roxas will be your guide. As Roxas is still considered a being of Kurai, he will be accepted into the walls without fault. Roxas. You are to be sure that Sora is taken care of while he is in Kurai. As he is a being of Akari, he will not be so well accepted."

The two nodded in understanding. Ansem turned from the bookshelf and gave them a soft smile. "I want the two of you to return here tomorrow at dawn for the rest of your orders. You are dismissed."

The two boys stood and bowed briefly to the man before leaving his quarters. Once they were safely out of earshot from the room, I jumped around to face Roxas with a smile on my face.

"We're going to Kurai. We're actually going to the Kurai no Ōkoku _(1)_!"

Roxas rolled his eyes and continued walking past me. "Oh, yeah great. We get to be submerged in darkness for gods know how long, right in the center of our worst enemies. Yeah. Sounds like a party."

I frowned and ran to catch up with the boy. "Oh, it can't be that bad…"

"Have you ever seen the place outside of images in books?!" Roxas suddenly stopped and I had to jump to the side to keep from running into him. "It's crawling with vile demons who will try to kill you in your sleep."

I sighed and shook my head. I closed his eyes and gently touched the crown pendant I wore around my neck with my index and middle fingers. A warm tingling sensation filled my body as a pair of brilliant white wings sprouted from my shoulder blades. I jostled them gently with a satisfied sigh and laid a soft hand on Roxas' shoulder.

"Come on."

Roxas nodded and followed me to the nearest balcony. We walked to the edge and climbed on top of the thick marble wall. The kingdom of Akari spread out before us. It was beautiful in the day light, but I enjoyed it more when it was dark. The warm candle flame-like lights of the town beyond the walls of the palace broke the cold, nothingness of the dark night in places few and far between. It was late and most of the townspeople were already lost in their own dreams.

I smiled at Roxas and spread my wings, pointing to the mountain that loomed a couple miles ahead of us. "Race ya to it," I said and jumped over the edge.

The wind as it blew through my hair was wonderful, almost better than the warm, scented water that had been in the bath. I watched with only moderate fear as the ground grew closer and closer, waiting until the last minute to spread my wings. I was so close to the ground, that I could feel the blades of grass against the fabric of my shirt.

I let out a loud whoop as I soared up into the air. I glanced to my left and smiled at Roxas as he flew beside me, a look of pure freedom on his face. Our flight was no longer a race, but a chance to enjoy the freedom we had lost when we had come of age at thirteen. Since then, he had been exposed to violent beatings and had run away from his birthplace so he could be with me, and I had been under constant watch and forced into studies that took up most of my free time so I could one day follow in our brother's footsteps and become and Elder.

When we finally landed on "our" ledge of the mountain I tackled Roxas in a hug, laughing at his grunt of surprise. He attempted to glare at me when I straightened up, but it fell far from its mark. Instead, he smiled and returned the hug gratefully.

"Arigatō, Sora _(2)_," he muttered.

I shrugged. "No problem. You needed it more than I did. Besides, we're free for the rest of the night, so we can do whatever we want."

"Yeah, since you slept through your studies," he said with a smile. "I'm surprised they're not making you take them now."

I laughed. "They know to back off 'cause I'm always at my hyperest at night. I can't concentrate when I'm hyper."

"Hyperest? Is that even a word?"

"It is now!" I giggled and did a random dance in circles. "Anyway, what do you want to do?"

Roxas' lips moved but nothing came out. I frowned and rubbed my ears to make sure they were working, but I still couldn't hear.

"I can't hear you, Roxas."

My frown deepened after I spoke. I could hear what I had said, but I still couldn't hear anything Roxas was saying. Then, the colors around me started to bleed and slip and blur together. Roxas' face became a messy blob of flesh, blue, and pale pink colors. I reached out to touch him, but was engulfed in darkness before I could. The last thing I saw was the bright moonlight shining above our heads.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"_Sora…"_

**o-o-o-o-o**

There are times when I pass out that I just wish I would stay asleep. Never wake up, or at least not until I was somewhere that made sense with people who could tell me what was going on. Unfortunately, my mind never listened to me, especially when I was in a strange situation like the one I was in now.

As I opened my eyes, expecting to be blinded by sunlight like I was every other morning, I was surprised when I was met by twilight. Had I really slept so long? I yawned loudly and stretched, cringing at the sounds of my bones popping and cracking. It didn't feel like I had slept that long. I shook my head and yawned again, bringing my fists up to rub the sleep from my eyes before I took the time to see where I was.

Within a second, I was sure that I wasn't in my bedroom in Akari. I didn't think that I was even in Akari itself anymore. The usual light and brilliance that shined to all corners of the kingdom was gone. Where there was once warmth within me, there was now only cold. I sighed and took a closer look at the room.

It didn't have much color. The walls were nothing more than large bricks of grey marble that blended into the floor. A large oak wardrobe was situated on the wall across from me. A set of oak doors was to my right, another opening that seemed to lead outside was closed off by two sheer blood red drapes to my left. My bed was big…and oak…and comfortable. The heavy quilt was the same deep red color as the drapes and the magnificently soft sheets were a beautiful cream color, almost like my sheets at home.

I sighed and snuggled down into the blankets, thinking that if whoever it was who had kidnapped me had wanted to kill me they would have done it already. But an almost silent noise just outside my door made me jump out of bed and investigate. I stood on my tiptoes and silently moved toward the door. I was a quarter of the way away from it when the large slab of oak flew open and I was tackled to the ground by a giggling mass of blonde spikes.

It took a minute for the confusion to die down, but when it did, I laughed as well and shoved Roxas off my chest.

"What are you doing, Roxas? Taken up a new form of greeting all of a sudden?"

He shook his head and grinned, his eyes sparkling like I had never seen them sparkle before. "I was gonna wake you up like that, but I figured I would use it while I could."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "I would have done something unforgivable by the Source if you had woken me up like that."

He shook his head. "No you wouldn't have. You love It too much to disobey It."

I smiled and shrugged. "And so do you, so…" I stuck my tongue out at him and giggled.

He looked at me seriously me for just long enough to catch me off guard before he launched himself at me and succeeded in tackling me to the ground again. His hands found my sides on instinct and it wasn't long until we sounded like a group of high school girls in the middle of a pillow fight. I was squealing and he was giggling and we were a crazy mess of arms and legs flying everywhere.

When we finally calmed down and took some time to breathe, we laid next to each other on the floor with smiles on our faces.

"Why are you so manic, anyway?" I asked.

He rolled onto his stomach and rested his chin on his fists so he could stare down at me. A big smile was spread across his face. "We're in Kurai!" he sighed and let his chin fall from his hands so he could lie down again.

I frowned and furrowed my brow as I sat up and watched him. "You're excited because we're in Kurai? But you were angry because we were coming last night, right?"

He sighed and shrugged. "It just feels good to be home again. It feels like it's been forever since I last walked through the market."

I poked him in the side and laughed at the resulting glare. "Then you should take me on a grand tour since I dunno where anything is. I don't wanna get lost or something while we're here."

"We'll have to do that later. Now, we have council with the Superior of the Organization. But first…" He looked around suspiciously and leaned in so he could whisper in my ear. "The only reason we've been accepted so willingly is because they think I've been spying for _them_ all this time. Don't blow my cover, okay?"

I nodded violently and pushed myself up from the ground. I offered Roxas a hand, but he ignored it and pushed himself up. I pouted for a moment, but didn't take the time to mull over it. I looked over my reflection in the mirror and frowned at what I saw.

"Should I change before we go?"

Roxas laughed. "Well, seeing that you're still wearing what you wore yesterday, I would say so. I'll show you to a bath later on so you can clean up, okay?"

I nodded and dug around in my trunk at the end of the bed for some decent clothes to change into. Roxas stood outside the door to wait for me and sighed in annoyance when I finally skipped out into the hallway in my change of clothes.

"How many times did you have to change your shirt?" he muttered.

I pouted. "Only three times."

He rolled his eyes and started to walk down the hall. "You're such a woman, Sora."

"Am not!" I shouted and ran to catch up with him. "Just because I didn't like the first three shirts I chose, doesn't mean that I'm a woman. I don't even have the…the…_parts_ to be a woman."

All of a sudden, Roxas stopped in the middle of the hall and doubled over in laughter. Out of worry, I bent over and tried to look in his face, but he pushed me away with a loud giggle.

"It's called sarcasm, you idiot!" he gasped through laughs.

My mouth formed a small 'o' and I cursed inwardly as I felt a warm blush rise on my cheeks. I should have known that. It wasn't the first time he had called me a woman as a joke, but for some reason, the longer I was in this fantasy world (because I _had_ to be dreaming), the more I lost myself. I could only hope that I woke up before there was nothing left of the Sora who was sleeping. In a way, it was terrifying.

"Come on, Sora. We were supposed to be in the throne room three minutes ago," Roxas said and grabbed onto my hand before taking off down the hallway.

"Oh, gods. Don't tell me this Superior man is as strict as DiZ," I whined as I tried my hardest to keep up with Roxas so he wouldn't drag me across the floor.

He laughed quietly. "No…" I sighed in relief. "…he's probably worse."

I groaned loudly as Roxas laughed and continued to pull me behind him. I didn't have much time to look around and survey the halls around us, but so far they looked the same as the room I had woken in. The walls were made of the same grey marble with window openings carved into them. Torches burned in their delicate holders here and there down the hall. Paintings were the only sources of color that I could pinpoint as we ran.

Roxas came to a stop so quickly outside a set of large oak doors that I ran into him. I grumbled quietly and looked at him in irritation, but the annoyance melted away the moment I caught the look on his face. It was the perfect mix of longing and fear. I had been years since Roxas had last been face-to-face with the man I was about to meet, and he was terrified of what was going to happen. He wanted to be accepted, but if the man was stricter than DiZ, I could only imagine the tasks Roxas would have to go through before that would happen.

"Roxas…?" I muttered.

He blinked and shook his head, offering me a small smile. "Sorry, Sora. I didn't mean to zone out on you. Come on. We're late."

I nodded and grabbed Roxas' hand as he shoved the door with his shoulder. It opened with a loud creak that seemed to echo throughout the entire palace. I couldn't keep my gasp at bay when I saw the man inside the room.

There really wasn't anything about him that should have surprised me the way that he had. He was normal looking enough, with long silver hair and piercing gold eyes that reminded me painfully of Ansem's. He wore a patient but obviously strained smile on his face as we entered and Roxas closed the door behind us.

"Welcome, messengers from Akari. Please take a seat." He gestured to the black leather armchairs that sat before his desk before settling down into his own chair.

I glanced at Roxas out of the corner of my eye to make sure we could trust him, but he was staring at the man with an awestruck look on his face. The look made me apprehensive and was enough for me to make my decision. I wouldn't trust this man, not even if my life depended on it.

I nudged Roxas carefully in the side and nodded toward a chair when he slowly turned his attention onto me. His eyes widened briefly but then the nodded and we fell into the chairs simultaneously. The Superior laughed and pulled our attention back onto him. I watched him closely while Roxas just went back to gaping at him.

"I hope our hospitalities have been up to par with what you are used to," the man said as he settled down into his own large armchair.

Roxas nodded. "Yessir, they have been perfect. Better than what we're used to."

I snorted mentally but nodded along with Roxas so I wouldn't get on the Superior's bad side before I needed to be.

The man turned his attention onto me, and I smiled my best smile while I stood from my chair.

"Hello, Superior. My name is Sora. I'm sure you already know my guide, Roxas."

The man nodded and shot the barest of glances in Roxas' direction before looking at me again. It took all I had for me to keep the smile on my face. "Yes, Roxas and I have met in the past. But it is nice to have you here in our kingdom, Sora…"

He looked at me expectantly, as if expecting me to give him my last name, but I just kept the smile on my face. Though I was born into the Leonheart family and any of my children would carry the same last name, I no longer had a surname. The pleasure was torn away from me the day I made the decision to become an Elder of Akari, the only creatures in the kingdom who the Source spoke directly to.

"I have no last name, and if I did it would be of no importance."

"Ah…," the Superior looked me over with a critical eye before smiling. "It's a pleasure to have an Elder in-training within our walls."

I nodded my thanks and bowed my head. "May I ask your name, Superior?"

Roxas hissed quietly beside me, but I ignored it and instead kept the smile on my face. The Superior started briefly before the first true smile of our meeting blossomed across his face.

"I am Xemnas, Superior of Organization XIII and ruler of Kurai. I too have no last name." He stood from his seat and held his arms out toward us. "But I think that this has been enough of a meeting for now. I trust that you are wanting to explore our kingdom and meet my people. They are very glad to have you both here as well."

We nodded. Roxas stood and bowed briefly to Xemnas, who just shoved the gesture off with a smile.

"I'm sorry that you weren't able to meet the other eleven members of Organization XIII, Sora, but maybe some other time?"

I nodded because I knew, whether I liked it or not, there would be another time. Without saying a word, Xemnas gave us our leave, and Roxas and I left the office hand-in-hand. I felt Xemnas' golden eyes boring into our backs as we left, but I refused to turn around and glance at him. I didn't want to see the look of pure hatred that I knew would be shining on his face.

Roxas and I walked through the corridors in silence, but I didn't mind it. I knew that he was still shaken up about confronting his old Superior after years of unexplained absence, and I enjoyed having the time to take in the new world that surrounded me.

Kurai was beautiful. The paintings of the kingdom that donned the corridors of the castle in Akari didn't give the kingdom justice. Kurai's days were shrouded in a constant veil of twilight, only broken by the darkness that fell when night came. Kurai, like Akari, had been constructed in the center of a forest with majestic mountains that reached toward the sky. Unlike Akari, though, Kurai thrived on water. Lakes and ponds surrounded the kingdom and small waterholes weren't hard to find in the forestry that surrounded it.

"Ready to get your first _real_ taste of Kurai?" Roxas asked, pulling me out of the thoughts he had been reading.

I smiled and nodded excitedly. "Yes!"

He laughed and pushed open a heavy set of doors. The sight that greeted us made me gasp. Kurai spread out before us and the trees sang for us to see it. I smiled at Roxas and he smiled at me and together we set out to explore, but not before I was overcome by darkness.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"_Sora. Wake up. We're all waiting for you…"_

**o-o-o-o-o**

When I came to next, I was sitting on the edge of a fountain in the middle of a crowded square. I blinked the drowsiness away from my eyes and looked around me. Thankfully, this time I knew where I was.

I was in the middle of Kurai's market street. I couldn't remember how I had gotten there, or why I was even there in the first place, but since I was I figured I should take the time to walk around and try to meet some of the people. Roxas and I had met some people already, but it wasn't enough for me to gain the trust I needed before we returned to Akari.

With a loud yawn, I pushed myself up from the bench and set off down the street. The market wasn't as crowded as it would have been earlier in the day, but there were still enough people wandering around the stands that it didn't take long until I was uncomfortable.

Now that I thought about it, because I didn't know how I had gotten to the market, I didn't know my way back. And that meant that I was lost. Great. Wonderful. Just what I needed.

A large looking glass at one of the stands caught my attention and I slowed to a stop so I could examine it. It was absolutely beautiful. My reflection in the oval glass was surrounded by intricately weaved silver and gold, and I couldn't help but smile.

"How much for this?" I asked the merchant.

"For you, ten silver," the man said with a smile.

I returned the smile with a blush and pulled my money pouch from my pocket. I poured five gold coins into my palm and handed them to the man. He stared down at the money with his jaw hanging and looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

"Keep the change," I said while lying the glass down in one of the baskets for carrying purchases beside his shop.

"Thank you, kind Sir," he mumbled.

I smiled and shook my head. "No, thank you. This mirror is beautiful and I'm glad that you let me buy it from you."

With one last smile and a wave, I turned on my heel and continued my wandering through the street. It was slowly becoming busier as those who had been busy working or taking care of their children were beginning to come out and shop. Men spoke to the merchants while their wives stood to their sides. Some children clung mercilessly to their mother's hands while they looked around with looks of terror on their faces, while others ran around the square with other children in a confusing game of tag.

"The people are amazing, aren't they?"

I gasped loudly and almost dropped by shopping basket at the sudden voice behind me. I took a deep breath and turned around to face whoever had spoken. Another gasp snuck past my lips when I caught sight of their face. Like every one else in Kurai, this boy was absolutely beautiful. His pale skin seemed to glisten in the twilight and his eyes were a beautiful pale green. What surprised me the most, though, was his hair. It was silver. I had only seen two people with silver hair. Xemnas and…

'_Riku!'_

The boy laughed and held out a hand. "I noticed you watching the people and you looked intriguing," he said with a shrug. "May I ask your name?"

"S-Sora," I stuttered, blinking wildly out of shock. "And you are?"

'_Riku! Riku! RIKU!!'_ I wanted to scream out his name and fall into his arms, but my body was still refusing to listen to what I was telling it. There was also a single voice in my head that was telling me that this Riku didn't know who I was and that he would probably just shove me away if I broke down into tears and ran into his arms.

The boy laughed. "Ah, yes, a fitting name for someone so beautiful." He bowed his head briefly. "I am Riku. The land to your sky."

I laughed nervously and tried my hardest to smile and keep my body from shaking while his eyes racked over me. I felt ashamed of my appearance just by being in his presence. He was obviously a nobleman. His fine silk clothing and beauty screamed that he was from a rich family, and while I typically dressed in the same attire at home, my looks were nothing to gasp about. Brown hair, blue eyes. Who had never seen that before?

I noticed that his mouth was moving and it pulled me back into reality. He was asking about my stay in Kurai so far.

"It's been great. The hospitality in the castle has been wonderful."

He nodded and smiled, and I felt my heart skip a beat. But why? He was beautiful and kind, yes, but what else made me weak around him? Besides the fact that he was Riku, of course. I mean, I had only just met him.

"You're lost, aren't you?" Riku muttered.

I froze for a moment, feeling a blush rise on my cheeks, before I looked at him with an indignant frown on my face. "No! I'm perfectly fine!"

He laughed and the sound was the most amazing thing I had ever heard. "You had the lost child look on your face, so I just thought that I would ask. I'm on my way to the palace as we speak, so if you want some company on your walk I would be glad to have you join me."

Riku looked me over again, and it took all I had for me to just shake my head. "N-no. I'll be fine. I haven't finished my shopping yet."

He smiled and shrugged casually. "A pity, but I must be on my way." He bowed in courtesy, keeping his eyes trained on my face. "I'm sure we'll meet again before you are to return to Akari."

I nodded, and he smiled before he straightened himself and disappeared into the crowd of people that had surrounded us. It wasn't until my mind was screaming at to take a breath that I realized I needed to breathe. My knees were quaking violently and I could feel the warm blush that was painted across my face. I covered my cheeks with my hands and pushed my way into the crowd, determined to find Roxas so I could tell him what had happened.

The daytime twilight sky was just beginning to darken when I finally pushed myself through the palace doors. I stopped the first servant I could find and asked if they had seen Roxas. They nodded and quickly directed me to a corridor of the castle I had yet to explore. It wasn't hard to find, but doors littered the hall on either side so I had no idea which to enter. It didn't take long for me to get my hint, though.

One of the doors opened and I heard a laugh that sounded like Roxas'. Not thinking, I ducked behind the nearest column I could find and peeked out to see where he had been. I had to bite on my fist to keep from gasping when a tall redhead (_'Axel!_') came out of the room with him.

"You promise you'll come back and see me?" the redhead said with a pout.

Roxas laughed and stood on his tiptoes to peck Axel gently on the lips, but the other took control and made the kiss deeper. Roxas was panting when they finally pulled apart, and I could see the blush on his face.

"I'll come back if you promise not to do that again," Roxas said breathlessly.

Axel laughed and shrugged. "Sorry, Roxie. I can't make any promises there. Besides…" He nudged Roxas playfully in the side. "…you know you liked it."

Roxas rolled his eyes and placed a hand against the redhead's chest before smiling and turning on his heel. "I'll see you tomorrow, Axel."

The redhead nodded and stood outside his door to watch Roxas walk away.

"It's not nice to eavesdrop, ya know?" he muttered when Roxas was out of earshot.

I started quickly and took a step out from behind my column. Axel smiled at me when I came into the light.

"Just a wild guess, but you're Sora, right?"

Not trusting myself to speak, I just nodded. He laughed.

"Does it upset you to see Roxas with a man?"

I shook my head quickly. I wanted to say that it was only because I wasn't used to seeing the two of them so intimately, but I knew that it probably would have weirded him out if I did. Besides, it wasn't like my mouth was listening my brain, anyway.

"N-no. I'm just not used to seeing Roxas in such an intimate way. He's usually just so locked away that the only reason I know what he's feeling is because we're linked. If it wasn't for that, I'd be at a loss."

Axel laughed and crossed the hall so he was standing in front of me. "Roxas is a good kid."

"I know that!" I said indignantly, frowning in annoyance. "I know that he's good. I just wish he would be more open with me."

Axel smiled sadly and ruffled my hair. "He will. Just give him some time." He smiled again and turned away from me. "I have a meeting to attend. Do you know how to get back to the entrance?" I nodded. "Roxas is waiting for you there. Said you would be getting back from shopping soon." I nodded again, and he winked at me. Then, he was gone.

I sighed heavily and was overcome with dizziness. I turned around and started to head back in the direction that I came, but I couldn't tell if I was heading in the right direction or not. Everything was blurred together and it made me want to vomit. I closed my eyes and reached out blindly, resting my head against the nearest wall I could get to.

Before I knew the difference, I was whisked off into darkness once again.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"…"

**o-o-o-o-o**

I was surrounded by a wonderful scent when I came back to the waking world. The water that moved against my skin was magnificent. Instead of forcing me into a panic like it should have, it calmed my every aching muscle and sent me into a state of serene bliss. From what I could see, there was no one around to bother me, no one around to see me sitting half naked in the swimming hole.

A cool breeze added to the darkening of the sky announced the arrival of night. If it was possible, I enjoyed the nights in Kurai more than I did the nights in Akari. And the beings of Kurai… I enjoyed them even more.

As I had wandered through the kingdom, I noticed that the people who lived in Kurai possessed a beauty of such that I had never seen before. Even those who were hideous were beautiful. In a way, I envied them. Of the beings of Akari, I was considered to be one of the fairest, but there were others who were much more beautiful than I could ever dream to be.

I let my thoughts wander away, and my eyes drifted closed as I rested my head against the bank of the swimming hole, carefully hidden behind a veil of vines and leaves that hung from a weeping willow. There was so much I had yet to see…so much I had yet to do. It was impossible for me to be able to complete it all in the short amount of time I had. I sighed and shook my head, a small smile gracing my lips. Maybe it would give Ansem reason to send me and Roxas back to Kurai sometime in the near future. I knew that I sure as hell wouldn't refuse if I was given the chance. And I knew that Roxas would jump at the opportunity to return and spend more time with Axel, so I knew that he wouldn't refuse if given the chance either.

"Didn't think I'd find you here of all places."

I jumped at the sudden voice and my eyes flew open, searching the area around me in wild fear. I sighed when I saw who it was. Standing in a small gap he'd made by pushing aside the vines and leaves was Riku. His long silver hair was tied back in a messy ponytail and he was dressed in only his undergarments, as I was, revealing his flawless pale skin and muscular upper body.

He chuckled and walked into the veiled area, letting the curtain fall closed behind him. I gulped. This wasn't good. Not good at all. Riku and I had crossed paths a few times since our first meeting, and every time I felt myself go weak. Whenever I was around Riku, especially when we were alone, I had the tendency to lose control. But I wouldn't do it this time. I would keep my composure, no matter how close he got to me.

Even as I thought it, I could feel my composure slipping. My breathing quickened and a slight sheen of sweat broke out across my brow. I closed my eyes and looked away from Riku as he made his way closer to where I sat.

"I didn't say that I wanted company," I said with a slightly strained voice.

Riku laughed and the sound was just as beautiful as the first one I had ever heard from him. With my eyes closed, I relied on the sound of the water as it moved around Riku as he moved. I successfully dodged his first attempt at trying to catch me, but I failed on the second. I groaned as I was pulled against Riku's body. It didn't help me to catch my breath any easier.

"Last I checked," Riku whispered into my ear, "this was my bathing spot."

Riku licked up the side of my neck, causing me to moan and wriggle in his grasp. He laughed and continued his ministrations upon my neck. It didn't take long until I was a submissive mess in Riku's arms, and I didn't care. Though I had tried to deny it, but I couldn't do it any longer. I wanted Riku more than anything I had ever wanted in my life.

"I want you, Sora," the silver-haired demon whispered into my ear, nibbling gently on the lobe. "Are you afraid of me?"

I slowly opened my eyes and stared deep into Riku's. _'This is where the déjà vu had come from,'_ I thought, but shook my head. "No, I'm not. Should I be?"

"It would make things much easier if you were."

Riku laughed and I caught a small flash of his fangs in the moonlight, but then they were gone and Riku was touching me again. One hand ran gently across the flesh of my chest, while the other slithered under the water and dared to explore my more secret areas.

I gasped and writhed against Riku's hold. He laughed and attacked my mouth with his own. The kiss started out innocent enough, but then I moaned and Riku gave himself entrance into my wet cavern. Hands roamed unashamed over exposed skin and, when we pulled apart to breathe, Riku returned his attention the flesh of my neck.

I shivered and whined incoherencies into the night. Riku chuckled and licked a line from the center of my collarbone to just below my right earlobe, making another violent shiver ripple through my form.

"You look like you'd taste like strawberries," Riku whispered huskily, "but I bet you taste like chocolate."

I shivered as Riku started to press open mouthed kisses along my jaw and down the side of my throat. He licked and sucked at my pulse, eliciting more moans and whimpers from my throat. Riku chuckled, and I gasped as a sharp pain that morphed into pleasure erupted around where Riku was working on my throat.

He pulled away a few seconds later and licked his lips seductively, a slight trail of blood dribbling out the side of his mouth and down his chin.

"Yeah…chocolate…" he whispered and bent down again.

The pain and pleasure came again and left me moaning and begging for more. When Riku kissed me again, it was metallic but sweet. Like chocolate…

Riku pulled away from me for the last time and cupped my face gently in his hand. I sighed, not yet daring to open my eyes, and nuzzled into his palm. It wasn't until he chuckled quietly that I let my heavy eyelids drift open so I could look into his eyes. They were raging with feeling, so much so that I couldn't even imagine picking a single emotion out of the mix.

"Ri…ku?" I muttered.

The words had barely left my mouth when he sighed and closed his eyes, turning his face away from me. I frowned and cursed at myself as I felt tears starting to well up in my eyes. I was being such a woman. It had only been a kiss. It probably meant nothing to him.

"I'm sorry, Sora. I shouldn't have…" Riku muttered, pulling me from my thoughts.

I shook my head. "No. Don't apologize." I thanked the gods for the growing darkness so he couldn't see my blush. "I'm glad you did it. But, why did you bite me?"

He smiled and turned his face back to me, his eyes flashing playfully, though something flashed just below it that made me nervous. "I just wanted to see what you tasted like. Is that bad?"

I felt my blush darken and I quickly diverted my eyes from his face to the still water that surrounded us. Somewhere in the distance, I could just barely hear a waterfall as it gurgled over rocks. Riku laughed, but aside from that, kept silent. His arms were still wrapped around my waist and I couldn't stop myself from snuggling into his hold and resting my head against his chest.

"Why do you trust me? You don't know me," he whispered.

I sighed and shrugged. "You don't know me, either."

He laughed. "But you're an angelic seraph. A pupil of the Source. An Elder in-training. I'm nothing but…"

His voice died off and left us with a stifling silence. I frowned and looked up, but I couldn't see his eyes from the angle I had. They were hidden safely behind his silver bangs.

"I know what you are, and it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that you're very kind and gentle. Do you think that it should matter to me that you're a being of Kurai?"

He snorted quietly and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "If only you knew," but I kept my mouth shut and didn't ask him to repeat it. It had been meant to be heard by him and only him, so it wasn't my right to pry.

I sighed and closed my eyes, taking in Riku's scent. Just as I was about to relax, a booming voice erupted in my head and made me grip it in pain and surprise.

"_Sora! Where are you?! You were supposed to meet me fifteen minutes ago!"_ Roxas' voice shouted.

I sighed. _"I'm bathing. Just give me a minute. I'll meet you in our room."_

"_You better hurry!" _he snapped and then his presence was gone from mind like it had never even been there in the first place.

"Are you okay, Sora?" Riku muttered.

I opened my eyes and realized that he had my face clasped gently between his hands so he could look me in the eye. I felt another blush rise to my cheeks and quickly pulled away from him, making my way toward the shore.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was just Roxas. I forgot that I was supposed to meet with him tonight."

I grabbed the towel I had left hanging from a branch of the willow tree and used it to quickly dry myself before I pulled my clothes on. I was mindful of Riku when I changed my undergarments and tried my hardest to hide behind my towel so he couldn't see anything. I turned to him with a smile when I was decent.

"I have to go, but I'll see you again before I leave, right?"

Riku nodded weakly with a sad look in his eyes. I felt my heart go out to him and I wanted to stay with him so I could make that sad look go away, but I had to be with Roxas. If I didn't meet with my friend, he would probably kill me. Akari was supposed to contact him with news on our departure sometime during the day, and we'd set up our meeting so he could inform me on what was going on.

"Ja ne Riku-kun _(3)_," I muttered sadly in the Speech, and was silently engulfed in a black silence.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"_Come on, Sora. Don't make me wake your ass up like I do for school. Leon's getting pissed, so I'm _really_ starting to think about it." A sigh followed by an almost silent sob. "Come on, Sora. I miss you... _We _miss you..."_

**o-o-o-o-o**

Our return to Akari was sudden and all together too fast. Roxas spent our last night in the kingdom with Axel. I spent my last night alone. I hadn't seen Riku since what I now called "the infamous swimming hole incident." I had been hoping that I would be able to see him at least once before we had to return, but my wishes were all for naught.

The magnificent kingdom that was my home was just as brilliant when we returned as it had been when we left. The white marble palace towered from the surrounded forestry and filled the entire kingdom with light. The always glowing ball of light that signified the Source shined brilliantly from the where it floated over the tallest tower of the palace, filling the kingdom with peace and happiness.

Unfortunately, it didn't touch me.

Though it wasn't my home, I was sick for Kurai. Though I had only been there for a little over a month, I felt like I knew more about the dark kingdom than I had ever known about Akari. Everything that I had learned in the books that lined the shelves in the palace's library was wrong. Kurai wasn't a place where demons thrived. It was a place full of beautiful and kind people. A place that had felt more like home to me than Akari had ever felt.

When our horses stopped at the palace gates, I wasn't surprised to see DiZ there waiting for us, his arms crossed over his chest with a welcoming smile on his face. Roxas and I scrambled down from our horses as quickly as we could and kowtowed in respect and courtesy. We didn't look up until DiZ laughed. Then, we stood and brushed the dirt casually from our clothes while our mentor studied us with thoughtful eyes.

"You have had an interesting journey," he stated. "I can see it shining in your eyes. I'm glad. I would like to hear what you have learned."

"That the books are wrong about the people of Kurai being vile, evil, and disgusting creatures," I said before I could stop myself. My hands immediately flew to my mouth when I realized what I said, but DiZ just laughed.

"And that is one of the more important messages I wanted you to grasp while you were there. But what else have you learned?"

Roxas sighed. "Xemnas was only able to hold counsel with us once during our trip. You didn't give us enough time. Sora was just beginning to gain the people's trust. They really took a liking to him, some more so than others."

I smiled and tried my hardest not to blush at the hidden implications of what he had said. I knew that Roxas wasn't stupid and that he had known that I was taken with Riku, but I never would have thought that he would say something like that in front of Ansem. Thankfully, the man didn't seem to find any hidden meanings behind the words and just laughed.

"Which is why you will be sent back for another visit in a couple of months," Ansem said.

"A couple of months?" I groaned, glaring at Roxas when he kicked me in the back of the leg.

Ansem nodded. "Yes. We wanted you home so you could have some time to recuperate, but Xemnas as already sent a message requesting your return. As Sora is still in training, you will need to stay for at least two months so you can continue with your studies before you return to Kurai."

"You just called us back so I could learn?" I moaned and sagged my shoulders.

Ansem laughed and gestured to a set of men behind us to care for our horses before leading the way into the palace. Just like the outside of the castle, the inside was just as I had left it. Shining. Perfect. Innocent. Just like me, or at least how I had been. I hadn't been tainted with darkness with my visit to Kurai, but I had the absolute longing to be submerged in it once again…

TBC…  
**----------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: Holy crap!!! This took me FOREVER to write!! At least a month, maybe more. Fourteen freakin' pages!!! _::sighs::_ But now it's done and I only hope that the next part won't take me near as long. Hopefully only a week…

Anyway…I hope you all enjoyed. I really liked writing this chapter because it's also my first real dive into Akari and Kurai outside of doodles and small tidbits I've jotted down in the margins of my notebook while I was supposed to be paying attention in class. Hehe… I think my favorite part was Roxas message to the comatose Sora, though. "Don't make me wake your ass up like I do for school." LoL…

Translations…  
_**(1) Kurai no Ōkoku: **Kingdom of Kurai…  
__**(2) Arigatō, Sora:** Thank you, Sora…  
__**(3)** **Ja ne Riku-kun:** See you later, Riku…_

To come…  
_more on Kurai and Akari…Organization XIII…Riku and Sora's relationship blossoms…the war…"awakening"…a lemon?…separation…NeoAkari and NeoKurai…_

Wow…lots to come…and most of it is in the next chapter, too. Hehe…

Okay…now I must go and finish watching _Weiss Kreuz_ because it's calling to me. Hehe… Hugs and cookies and lotsa good stuff to everyone who reviewed last chapter. You guys are the fuel that keeps me going along. Gosh…how many times have you heard that? It's the truth, though!! BELIEVE IT!!! Ugh…_::shivers::_…stupid Naruto…

As always, I apologize for any missed typos and whatnot. And, as always again, I _did_ print out and edit this chapter, but it's a biggun and I may have missed something. I was also editing when I was supposed to be paying attention in my class, so yeah…Hehe…

Until next chapter…adieu…


	16. Chapter Twelve: Awakening, Part Two

So it's a little late, and I'm sorry. Last night I got distracted by shopping, food, and _Domino_, and today I got distracted by the purdy snow outside and snowboarding on the back of the four-wheeler. Hehe...

Soooo...it's time for part two of Sora's memories… But first a little glimpse in Roxas' POV. It's not much, only the first part, so it jumps back to Sora pretty quickly. I just wanted to try something different…

OH! And for anyone interested, I have the OST for "Awakening" up on my mySpace (the link is in my profile). I'm missing a couple of songs 'cause the stupid website didn't have them, but at least it'll give you a chance to hear some of the songs that you haven't heard yet…

Anywho…enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language, tons of angst, lime (implied lemon), blood, death, etc…

**Disclaimer: **The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_Oh, this night is too long  
__I have no strength to go on  
__No more pain, I'm floating away  
__Through the mist I see the face  
__Of an angel who calls my name  
__I remember you're the reason I have to stay _

_Have to try to break free  
__From the thoughts in my mind  
__Use the time that I have  
__I can say goodbye  
__Have to make it right  
__Have to fight 'cause I know  
__In the end it's worthwhile  
__That the pain that I feel slowly fades away  
__It will be alright…"_

—"_Pale" Within Temptation…_

**Chapter Twelve:  
****Awakening, Part Two…**

I don't remember a time in my life where I ever felt so cold, so in the dark…so utterly terrified as I did while waiting for Sora to wake up. Even my death in my past life hadn't been so scary. Every day the doctor's said they had no news on Sora's condition was the worst day of my life.

After two weeks, I had all but moved into the hospital, staying even after Leon and Cloud had left for the night. Then, I would send a quick message to Axel and Riku before climbing into bed with Sora and resting my forehead against his with my eyes closed, just like we used. After that, I would talk to him. I would usually just update him on how Riku was doing and then told him how scared I was that I was going to lose him. He never answered me outside of quiet little whimpers and moans.

When a month passed and there was still no improvement, I could feel myself beginning to give up hope. My heart had frozen long before the late fall temperatures had managed to freeze the ground outside, but the thing that bothered me the most was that I hadn't cried, not since the we had brought him into the damned hospital with blood crusted in his hair and on his clothes.

It was the first of December when Leon finally said something to me about staying at the hospital so much. He said that he thought it was unhealthy and tried to get me to go home with him and Cloud for the night, but I politely refused. Thankfully, they left without an argument, and I waited ten minutes before I curled up in bed with Sora and wrapped my arms around him.

With a silent sigh, I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder. There were so many things I wanted to say, but only one thing managed to slip through my lips before I drifted off to sleep…

**o-o-o-o-o**

'_Just what's going on inside that crazy little head of yours, Sora?'_

**o-o-o-o-o**

"Roxas, wait up!"

My best friend giggled happily and shook his head, flapping his wings lazily so he could move even further ahead of me. I whined, but flattened my body out as best as I could before I flapped my wings fiercely and was able to gain quite a bit of ground. Roxas glanced over his shoulder, and I smiled when I noticed that his eyes widened before he dove toward the ground with another burst of speed.

"No way! I'm gonna getcha this time!" I shouted and, with one last fierce flap of my wings, tackled him.

We fell the last ten feet to the ground in a mass of tangled limbs and feathers, our wings working to cushion our fall. Roxas landed first and let out a loud burst of air as I landed on top of him.

"I win!" I giggled.

He glared at me and turned his face to the side so he wouldn't have to look at me. I smiled. Roxas was always such a sore loser.

"Would you just get off me?" he muttered. "I can barely breathe."

I shrugged and rolled sideways, putting my hands behind my head as I rested on the ground beside him. The perfect green grass seemed unnaturally soft, but it was so comfortable. It wasn't long before I heard Roxas' breath even out beside me, and my own eyelids began to feel awfully heavy. But, of course, someone had to run along and interrupt us before we could relax for too long.

"Sora! Roxas!"

I opened my eyes with a groan and reluctantly pushed myself up from the ground. Roxas was already poised by the time I found who had called for us. It was Yuffie. She was running across the vibrant field we had landed in with her arms waving in the air to catch our attention. I was amazed that she didn't need to pause for breath when she slowed to a stop before us.

"Leon wants to see the two of you," she said with a smile, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "He wants to talk to you about something. Sounds important. Actually, though, I don't think it really is that important 'cause he was smiling when he asked me to come get you, and I don't think that the would have sent me to get you if it was all that important either because he knows how sidetracked I get. I see a butterfly flying across an open field and I have to go chase it!"

I furrowed my brow and glanced to my left to see if Roxas had managed to catch onto anything she had said. He just stared at her with an open mouth and completely confused expression on his face. The look made me laugh.

"Wait," Roxas said. "Repeat that, and in our language please. Selphie is the only one who can understand 'Yuffie speak'."

Yuffie sighed and rolled her eyes. "Leon's back and wants to see the two of you for something or another."

We didn't give her time to smile before we were in the air, beating our wings fiercely so we could make it back to the palace as quickly as we could.

'_I wonder what he wants to talk to us about,' _I sent to Roxas.

He laughed mentally. _'I dunno. I didn't even know that he was back from Kōryōtaru Jimen (1). I wonder if he found anything about Cloud's disappearance.'_

'_I have no idea. I just want to see Leon. It's been forever!'_ I beat my wings as quickly as I could as the palace walls began to come into view.

I saw Leon waiting for us at the palace gates and tackled him before my feet ever touched the ground. He sputtered a few curses as we tumbled toward the ground and glared at me after the mood had calmed a bit. I just smiled at him and squeezed him tightly in a hug.

"I didn't think you were ever gonna come back!" I muttered softly.

He laughed quietly and patted the top of my head. "I wouldn't neglect my duties to the people," he said. "Besides, Kōryōtaru Jimen was starting to mess with my head."

I nodded in understanding. Though I had only seen the borders of the bleak, salt encrusted land, I had heard many tales of what it could do to a person. It was said that anyone who traveled there went insane within a month, and it was the place where all criminals were exiled. It was also the place where Shadow Seraphs usually wound up when no one could deal with their insanity.

Leon seemed to be fairing awfully well for someone who had spent so long in the monochromatic world, but something just felt off, though I couldn't quite name what it was.

"What about…?"

Leon shook his head, and I sighed. No Cloud wasn't good. He had been missing for a year now, and no one was sure where he had gone to. It was rumored that he had been kidnapped by Kurai, but most believed him to be lost in Kōryōtaru Jimen after a mission had gone astray.

"We're glad to have you back, Nii-san," Roxas said, shattering the awkward silence.

Leon smiled and nodded, finally pushing me off his chest with a single shove. I giggled and happily slid sideways so he could stand, taking his offered hand so I could get to my own feet.

"It's good to be back," Leon said, stretching his arms toward the sky. "It's been too long." He sighed heavily and gestured into the palace with a hand. "Come on. Let's go get some lunch. I know how you two like to eat after you've been rough housing."

Roxas and I smiled at each other and, after we quickly called for our wings to vanish, the three of us made our way to Leon's room. He said that he had already called for some wine and pastries to be taken to his room so we could talk in private.

I couldn't help but notice as we walked that Leon was awfully tense. Yes, it was true that he wasn't the most fun loving person who had been born into the kingdom, but he was never so standoffish as he was at the moment. His eyes constantly darted around the halls as if he was just waiting for something to jump out of the walls and attack us, and his hands stayed clenched in fists at his sides. It made me worry that maybe his wanderings through Kōryōtaru Jimen had gotten to him after all.

By the time we made it to Leon's chambers, I knew that something was up and I could sense through our link that Roxas thought that something was wrong as well. It was strange, seeing Leon so wound up and nervous. He had never shown so emotion, even when he had learned of his lover's sudden disappearance.

Leon plopped down in one of his chairs and grabbed a pastry from the plate on the table before him, taking a large bite and swallowing it with a gulp of wine before turning to us. His face was its usual mask of calm collectedness, but his eyes told another story. They were dead and tired, the eyes of someone who had just returned from a long and hard journey that had turned out to be all for naught. There had been no peace at the end, no gold at the end of the rainbow… There was just pain and confusion and the deep longing to make life make sense again.

It wasn't until Leon gestured for us to take a seat on the couch across from him that Roxas and I finally left our posts at the entryway to his sitting room. We cautiously walked into the room and gently took our seats on the couch. With the way we were walking, it was almost like we were literally walking on egg shells instead of figuratively speaking.

"Leon…" Roxas started, but our brother hushed him by raising a hand from his arm rest.

"Don't ask me if I'm okay, and please _gods_ don't ask me what happened because I can't tell you."

"So you didn't find Cloud?" I muttered before I could stop myself.

Roxas and Leon both answered me with harsh glares, but Leon quickly dropped his eyes to the ground with a heavy sigh. Roxas, however, growled quietly under his breath and refused to stop drilling holes into the side of my head.

"No," Leon said. "I didn't find him. We searched every inch of the Grey and weren't able to find him anywhere." He sighed and his eyes narrowed dangerously. "That means that he _must_ be in Kurai. That bastard Sephiroth probably kidnapped him or something. He always _did _enjoy taking away the things that I loved."

"Sephiroth…?" I muttered. The name sounded familiar for some reason, but I couldn't recall where I had heard it.

Roxas rolled his eyes and slumped down into the couch. "Yeah, Sephiroth. First prince of Kurai. You can't tell me that you didn't learn that in your studies!"

I chuckled quietly. So _that's _where I heard it from. But it wasn't my fault that the instructor had made it so insanely boring that I could hardly pay attention. And with Leon gone, I hadn't had anyone to help me study. There. That was my excuse. I was without a tutor, therefore I wasn't able to pass in my studies. Then I groaned. If that was the case, then that meant that Leon was going to be cracking down on me hard once he realized how horrible I was doing in my lessons. He was the one who had come up with the master plan for me to become an Elder in his footsteps, after all.

"Why do you think Sephiroth took him away? Well, beside what you already said."

Leon grumbled something quietly under his breath. I was about to ask what he had said when Roxas kicked me hard in the shin with the side of his foot. I glared, and was met with him shaking his head in a warning to not pry any further.

"You're going to go back out to look for him, aren't you?" Roxas asked.

The answer surprised us both. Leon shook his head and looked up at us with expressionless eyes, raising a hand to point at each of us. Roxas and I looked at each other and then back at him, pointing at ourselves in confusion. Leon only nodded.

"You're saying that you want _us_ to find Cloud and bring him back?!" Roxas shouted, leaning forward in his chair like he always did when he got excited.

Leon nodded again.

"How do you expect us to do that? If Sephiroth has him, he's probably got him locked away in his chambers somewhere in the castle or something. You can't expect us to just go in there and steal Cloud back for you, can you?"

This time Leon sighed and hung his head. My heart went out to him immediately. Even if he weren't my brother, I would have felt a tremendous amount of sympathy for him. The love of his life had gone off on a mission with twenty other troops, not returning when the other nineteen came home. At first we had thought that Cloud had just gotten lost while wandering around Kōryōtaru Jimen, but now it seemed that it was more than that. Or, at least, Leon thought that it was.

"Do you have any proof that Sephiroth has Cloud?" Leon shook his head, and Roxas laughed incredulously. "Then how to you expect us to even be allowed near his quarters? To them I'm a traitor, and Sora is only a being of Akari, the kingdom their on the verge of _war_ with, might I add. How do you expect us to do it without any proof?!"

"I don't know!" Leon shouted, and for the first time all of his pain was carried in his voice. "I don't know how you're going to do it! I just need something different. I _know_ that he's not in the Grey, or else we would have found him. He _has_ to be in Kurai. It's the only other place."

I sighed. "Maybe he made it back to Akari but got lost on his way to the castle…"

Leon shook his head. "No. I would be able to sense him if he were in Akari, but there's nothing there aside from the faint tingle that let's me know that he's still alive and breathing."

Silence filled the room and it was suffocating with its weight. I wanted to say something to make it go away, but I knew that even a cough would send all of us over the edge. I didn't want the three of us to get into a screaming match, not on the first night we'd been able to see Leon in months.

"What do you want us to do?" Roxas finally muttered after ten minutes of suffocation. "Like I said, we can't just go busting into Sephiroth's room without an invitation, and judging from his reputation, we won't be getting an invite any time soon."

Leon sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "I haven't thought of that yet."

Roxas opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off before he could upset Leon anymore than he already had.

"We still have a month before we have to worry about that, so take your time coming up with a plan, Nii-san," I said softly. "Don't worry."

Roxas glared at me out of the corner of his eye, but managed to keep his mouth shut. I was thankful for that. I knew that the three of us would wind up arguing about this later, but for now I just wanted to enjoy the time with Leon. Who knew when he was going to disappear again?

The heavy silence took its place over the room again, and I couldn't help but sigh. This really sucked. I had one brother who stood his ground no matter what, and another who enjoyed arguing just for the sake of arguing. It was frustrating sometimes. I loved them and all, but gods!

Leon sighed heavily and broke the silence. I frowned and looked at him with my head cocked to the side. He looked so tired, so broken. Most of the craziness from earlier had disappeared from his face, and had only been replaced by time. It had only been two months since he had left, but he had aged beyond that line; not only mentally, but a little physically as well. His face was haggard and gruff, and if I looked close enough, I would probably be able to spot some grey among the brown atop his head.

"Anyway…" Leon finally muttered. "How was your trip to Kurai? Anything interesting happen?"

I tried my hardest to keep my face innocent while I shrugged. Well, of course something interesting happened. I had met Riku and… Gods, there was no way to describe how he made me feel. But I just couldn't tell Leon about that. He thought his lover was somewhere in Kurai. Hearing that I had taken interest in someone from the opposite kingdom would probably only upset him.

"It was interesting enough," I said. "We only got the chance to meet with the Superior once, so not much was accomplished. But, as you know, we'll be returning soon."

Leon nodded at me, then focused his attention onto Roxas. "And how about you? How was your trip?"

Roxas shrugged, keeping his eyes on Leon the entire time. Great. Here we go. It was time for Roxas and his big mouth to finally make an appearance.

"It was nice. I got to see my home without being frowned upon, and got to spend some time with my boyfriend for the first time in two years."

I had to blink and shake my head to make sure I had heard him right, and I had. His voice had gone so soft that it was almost like he had turned into a different person. I even saw Leon's eyes soften a bit as they looked upon our brother.

"I'm sure Axel was glad to see you," Leon muttered.

Roxas snorted quietly. "We both spent the first night in tears. We never thought that we would see each other again under good circumstances." His voice quieted with every word until he just sighed and gave up. "Parting was difficult, but at least I'm going back soon."

Leon nodded. "If times were different and he weren't one of the Organization, he would be able to come here. But, unfortunately, these are times spent on the brink of war."

Roxas nodded, but didn't lift his head to look at Leon. I swear I heard him sniff, though I didn't see any tears when I looked. I sighed. Why did things have to be so difficult? I couldn't wait until I was made an Elder. Then, there would be some changes in the way things happened in Akari, and how we handled our relationship with Kurai.

"You all should probably get back to your studies," Leon said after a little more uncomfortable silence. "I've hogged you long enough."

We nodded and stood to leave.

"I'll see the two of you at dinner. Be good."

We nodded once more and left.

The walk down the hall was tense and awkward. Roxas refused to look up from the ground, and no matter how hard I tried, words fell silent on my lips when I tried to speak. We were almost to the end of the hall where our rooms were when I grabbed Roxas by the wrist and dragged him back to my room.

"What the hell, Sora?" Roxas growled when I closed the door. His eyes were cold when I looked at him, but at least he wasn't looking at the ground anymore.

"Why did you leave Kurai?"

He started and blinked at my question. The anger in his eyes was replaced by confusion, and then by emptiness.

"We have studies to go to." He started to walk pass me, but I grabbed him before he could. His eyes were angry again, but I made sure to hold his gaze.

"No! Our studies can wait!" I growled. "Why did you leave Kurai? Why did Leon know about Axel and not me? Huh?! And I wouldn't even know about him if I hadn't have found you leaving his room one night."

"I told you why I left, Sora." His voice was barely more than a whisper.

I laughed. "You honestly want me to believe that you left Axel behind just so you could find me?" I laughed again. "Sure, you were beaten and abused for every small mistake you made, but when they were done, you had someone to run to. You had someone who loved you, and you left that behind to come here."

"I was under the impression that there were people here who loved me, too. Guess I must have been mistaken."

His words were like ice as they dug into my skin and pierced my heart, making me flinch.

"I _do_ love you, Roxas, and so does Leon, but we can never love you like Axel does. We're family, not your lovers."

A small sniff brought me back to reality, and I was surprised to see that Roxas was crying. Moaning quietly, I went to him with my arms open, and he fell willingly into my embrace. By the time I had settled us both down onto my couch, I was crying as well. Add the fact that I was an emotional person to how I could feel Roxas' emotions through our link as strongly as if they were my own, and you got why I was sobbing long after Roxas' tears had stopped.

When _I_ had finally calmed enough for coherent conversation, Roxas smiled at me and wiped my tears away gently.

"What you don't understand is that I _did_ leave the Organization and Kurai and even Axel behind to find you and Leon. The Organization was the closest thing I had to a family, and as you well know, Xemnas wasn't the best father, and the others in the Organization, minus Axel, weren't the best siblings, either. When I finally realized what our link was and who you were, I jumped at the chance of having a family." He sighed quietly. "Coming here saved me from a fate worse than damnation. Axel knew that. He's the only one I told about leaving. He didn't like it, but he understood and that was all that mattered. Hell, I probably would have left even if he didn't understand. I was only fifteen at the time, so it wasn't like I actually believed that I was in love. It wasn't until I saw him this past time that I finally realized how much I love him."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, ashamed that I had been so stupid. "I'm _really_ sorry, Rox."

He shook his head. "No, don't apologize. You didn't know. It's not your fault."

"No, it _is_ my fault. I shouldn't have been so selfish. It only ended up making you hurt."

He smiled tenderly. "You could never be selfish, Sora. You're the most selfless person that I know."

"I was just worried about you!" I cried, tears beginning to well up in my eyes. "You never tell me anything unless it's absolutely necessary and it drives me crazy! I want to know what's going on in your life…in your head. I want to be the first to know, not the last! I'm your brother for gods sakes. Your Futago."

I was sobbing by the time I was finished, but Roxas just continued to smile at me. His indifference only made me cry harder. I turned away from him and buried my face in my hands to help drown out my cries. What was happening to me? What was happening to us? What was happening to _Akari_?

A gentle hand on my shoulder pulled me out of my thoughts, and I turned to see Roxas still smiling at me, though his eyes were sad. Before I could yank myself away from him, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close in a tender hug.

"I just want you to tell me things," I muttered. "I feel like I know everything and nothing about you, all at the same time."

He sighed and put some space between us so he could look at me and wipe away my tears. I sniffled weakly as his fingers brushed over my face and tucked my hair behind my ears.

"I'm sick, Sora," he muttered and looked away from me.

I blinked and furrowed my brow, not sure that I had heard him right. "What?"

"I'm…sick and I'll probably die soon." Before I could say anything else, he silenced me with a finger on my lips. "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me, and I didn't want to make you sad."

"You didn't want to make me sad?" I practically screamed. "How do you think I would have felt if you had suddenly died? You think I wouldn't have been sad? I would have been _more_ than sad. I would have been devastated! My heart would have shattered."

He sighed and looked away from me again. I was glad. As much as I loved him, I could stand to look at him at the moment. I felt betrayed in a way. I mean, he was_ dieing_ and he hadn't told me anything. How was I supposed to feel? Elated? Overjoyed?

"I'm sorry," he whispered and stood to leave, but I instinctively reached out and grabbed his wrist.

Roxas turned to me in question, but I couldn't say anything. Instead, I reached out and brushed my mind against his. He sighed and closed his eyes at the gesture.

"What's happening to us?" he whispered when he opened his eyes, echoing my previous thoughts.

I sighed. "I dunno, but we have to fix it. I'll die before I lose you."

He laughed. "You're going to have to learn how to live without me before too long."

"No!" I shook my head in defiance of his impending death. "No! I refuse to believe that you're going to die. We'll find a way to make you better, I promise."

He laughed, but I was glad when he didn't say anything. I was saying that I could save his life when I didn't even know what disease he was suffering from.

"It's Consumption†," he muttered, smiling sadly at my gasp. "And you know that there's no cure for it."

I shook my head and let go of his wrist, stepping backwards. He had Consumption? That meant that he was contagious and everyone he came in contact with could end up suffering from the disease as well.

"That's the funny thing. I was never contagious. It's different in me somehow, and makes me even more incurable."

"Would you stop reading my mind?!" I shouted.

His eyes widened briefly at the venom in my voice, and he took a step back. "Sora…"

"Why didn't you tell me before? I could cure you! You know I have the ability to heal!"

He sighed. "The doctor's tried that already, Sora. It's useless."

I shook my head, cursing at the tears that were welling in my eyes again and my inability to speak. Why did I have to be so weak? I was supposed to be strong, and here I was crying my eyes out when I should have been taking action.

I turned my back on Roxas and curled up in my bed. I didn't bother to pull the blankets over me. I didn't care. I deeply doubted they would have taken away the coldness in me anyway. It was useless. I didn't try to stop the sobs when they took me over. I buried my face into my pillow and screamed into it, letting out all of my pent up frustrations that had gathered in my chest since we had met with Leon.

I didn't feel my bed sink as Roxas lay in the bed behind me and I didn't fight him when he turned me over to face him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I buried my face into his shoulder while I let out the rest of my tears. When I was finished crying, I didn't speak. There was nothing I could say that would fix what had happened.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Sora. I was stupid. It was a mistake. I'm sorry."

I sighed. "I just…why don't you tell me anything? Besides the fact that you 'don't want me to be sad' or whatever the hell your reasoning is? Did you ever think for one second that your twin brother might deserve to know that you were dying? Does Leon know?"

He shook his head. "No. Besides Axel, the doctor, and myself, you're the only one that knows."

"Are you planning on telling Leon?"

He shook his head again. "No. He has enough to deal with as it is. I don't want to burden him with my problems."

I sighed, holding back my urge to yell at him. Our shouting match was over. It was no use for me to bring the argument up again.

"Let's take a nap before dinner," Roxas suggested. "I know you're tired just by looking at you."

I nodded, my eyes growing suddenly heavy with his words, as if I had been tired all along but had been too fired up to notice it. I heard Roxas laugh quietly when my eyes drooped shut. His arms tightened around me and he pressed his forehead against my own, and he was the last thing I knew before I drifted off to sleep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

DiZ stood behind his desk. His eyes—cold and calculating—were settled on Roxas and me as we waited for him to begin the meeting. We figured that it had something to do with our next journey to Kurai, but we weren't sure. The silence in the room was killing me.

"Tensions between Akari and Kurai have reached their highest point yet," the Elder finally said after what felt like an eternity of silence. "I'm not so sure that it's safe for the two of you to return."

"What?!" Roxas and I both jumped up from our chairs and stared at Ansem as if he were crazy.

"We can't give up on peace," I said. "If Roxas and I don't go, then it will be showing them that we don't want to put forth any effort in restoring the peace."

Roxas nodded. "And there are still things that we haven't done. Sora has yet to meet with the rest of the Organization." Thankfully, he had left out the fact that we also had to return so we could save Cloud.

"There's nothing that I can do about that," Ansem said, his cold gaze drilling into us. "The two of you have been under my command since your mother passed. I'm only thinking of what's best for you."

"What's best for us is that we return to Kurai," Roxas argued. "We still have so much to do!"

"You'll be taken hostage and used as grounds to restart the war if I let you return there! Xemnas has no sense of shame or guilt, you should know that better than any of us, Roxas. How can you say that it's best for the two of you if you return to Kurai?"

"Whether you give us the order or not, we'll be returning." I surprised the three of us with my uttered words. Never once had I dared to go against something that Ansem said, knowing that it would have only resulted in punishment, but this time I knew that it was different.

"You go without my permission and you will not be allowed into this kingdom again," Ansem growled.

"You think I care about that anymore?" I nearly shouted. "As corrupt as Kurai's government is, you can't tell me that ours is any better. Everyone there is so happy and carefree, like they don't even know that they're on the brink of war, while everyone here is warn down and tired because it's all you people talk about. What happened to our celebrations and holidays?"

"You think that there is still the call to celebrate in such desperate times?" Ansem muttered.

"We're alive, aren't we? Everyday we're alive is a reason to celebrate because we're all going to be dead soon if things keep going the ways that they are."

DiZ sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his temples fiercely like he always did when he got frustrated by Roxas or me. His silence annoyed me, but I knew that it was needed if things were going to work out in me and Roxas' favor. Any interruptions and Ansem would snap and dismiss us from his office with little more than glare.

"I'll give you a month, and no longer. You have a month to go in there and get done whatever you think you need to get done before I bring you back home. If Xemnas takes you as prisoners before then, you're on your own because there's nothing I can do to help. Hopefully you would have made some decent allies by then." He kept his eyes on Roxas mostly as he talked, but they jumped briefly onto me every now and then. "You shall not tell Xemnas of the date of your departure from his kingdom or else he will take you captive before then for sure."

We nodded, our thanks practically radiating from our bodies as we bowed to him.

"Thank you, Sir. You don't know how great this is," Roxas said. I could only nod.

Ansem smiled. "Make sure you don't lose sight of your duties while you are there," he said, looking at Roxas before turning his attention onto me. "The same goes for you, Sora. There are many things in Kurai that are meant to distract you. You can't let them divert you from your tasks."

I nodded, and with a wave of his hand, he dismissed us.

"Pack your things and meet me in the square by noon," he said. "I'll have sent news of your departure to Kurai by then."

We nodded and bowed and left his office in silence. We took off down the hallway and ran to my room before the doors to Ansem's office even closed. There, we jumped up and down like school girls and squeed. Yes…we squeed.

"Can you believe it?" Roxas asked as we twirled around in circles. "We're actually going back. He actually gave in."

I nodded happily. "Yeah, but we have to be careful or else it'll be less of a joy than we want it too."

Roxas immediately stopped spinning. "You're right. And Xemnas isn't stupid. We're going to have to be careful."

"Of course we will!"

And then all doubts and worries were gone and we started to dance again. After what felt like years of absence, we were finally going to be returning to Kurai. And Leon had come up with a brilliant plan on how we could save Cloud, all we had to do was put it into action.

After an hour of dancing and celebrating, Roxas ran off to his room so he could pack his things, and I took the time to do the same for myself. I didn't pack much, just enough for the five day journey across Kōryōtaru Jimen. Most of what we needed when we got to Kurai was supplied by the palace, even clothing, so it was no use to pack more than we could carry.

The two hours until noon seemed to take years to pass. Roxas and I sat together in my room in a heavy silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts of what we would do when we got there. He would probably run off to see Axel. I could only hope that I would be able to see Riku while we were there. I missed him so much, more than anything I had ever missed in my life.

When noon finally came around, Roxas and I left my bedroom with our packs thrown over our shoulders. We didn't share any words as we made our way to the square for departure. Words weren't needed. In the two hours of silence we had shared, the weight of this journey to Kurai seemed to have sunk in. We were excited to go and see Riku and Axel, of course, but there was more hanging on this trip than there had been the last time.

We were surprised to see Leon and Ansem waiting for us in the square so they could see us off. Ansem stood to the side while Leon helped us up onto our horses in silence. Just before we left, I turned to him to say goodbye, but he silenced me with a smile.

"My mind will be open all times of the day and night if you need anything," was all that he said before he patted the hindquarters of our horses and we started off on our journey, led by two guards. I was exhausted, and didn't even make it to the border of Akari and the Grey before I was asleep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

The first week in Kurai was a lonely one. Unless we were visiting with Xemnas (which happened only once) or eating together, Roxas was off with Axel, which left me alone any other time. I had yet to see even a flash of Riku's brilliant silver hair in the twilight sun while I wandered around the market, and it was starting to depress me. Everyone in Kurai had been told of our return to the kingdom, so I thought that he would have at least tried to meet with me.

After spending a lonely Saturday wandering around the market, I returned to my chambers so I could spend some more time by myself. A couple minutes after I had closed myself away, there was a knock on my door and Roxas peeked his head into the room.

"Oh, you're here?" he said and walked inside, Axel following him closely behind. The redhead smiled at me and waved briefly. I returned the gesture with a small, barely there smile.

I had taken quite a liking to Axel in the time I had spent with him and Roxas. Roxas cared for him deeply, and he was just a fun person to be around. He was carefree and wild. Sometimes he would jump up in the middle of the hall while we were eating and just start singing a random song. One time while the three of us were walking about the market, he "tripped" into the fountain just so I would stop brooding. I had to give him an A for his effort, but the effects of the comedic act hadn't lasted for long.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked.

Roxas smiled and looked at Axel. The redhead laughed and held a white card out to me. I looked at the two of them in question, but they both gestured for me to take the card and read it. So I did. It was an invitation to me from the "second prince of Kurai" for me to join him for dinner tonight.

"Does he expect me to go?" I muttered.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Well, of course he does. He did invite you, didn't he? It would be nice for you to just say yes and get out a bit, instead of holing yourself up in here for the rest of the day."

"I haven't been holing myself up! I just haven't wanted to do anything…" I let my eyes drift away from the card and to the beautiful red, orange, and violet sky outside my window.

Axel laughed. "Come on, Sora. The prince is a good guy, and he's _very _good looking. I have a feeling you'll be genuinely surprised if you just took a night out to meet him."

Roxas nodded happily. "Yeah…you'll definitely be that."

"And why would I be surprised? It's not Sephiroth, is it? No…he's too old." I paused for a moment to think, but nothing came to mind. "If it's not Sephiroth, then who is it?"

They shrugged in unison and quickly left the room. I ran after them, but they were already most of the way down the corridor.

"I'll make sure to tell him that you'll be there!" Axel shouted just before they turned the corner and disappeared.

I sighed and went back into my room. Great. Just wonderful. Dinner with a prude prince. Axel said that he was a "good guy," but I bet he was as big of a prick as his older brother was, maybe even bigger. No…that was pretty much impossible. Sephiroth was a bastard with a capital B and he didn't care who knew it.

I opened the invitation and read over it again. _'I would be honored to have your presence for a dinner at seven o'clock this evening. –The second prince of Kurai.'_ I checked the sun outside the window one more time. If this stupid dinner was at seven, then I had an hour to get ready before I had to meet him. I could ditch, but I was supposed to be making a good impression of Akari. I had the feeling that skipping out on a dinner invite straight from one of the princes would be making a very bad impression, a very bad one indeed.

To waste time, I went to the bath inside the castle and soaked for half an hour before I returned to my room and pulled on some clothes. I didn't know whether to dress casually or formally so I combined the two. I wore a pair of black cotton trousers and a beautiful pale blue tunic made of fine silk that felt great against my skin. To finish off, I pulled on my boots and attempted to tame my wild hair with my fingers to no avail. I pouted at my reflection, but didn't have long to sulk before there was a knock on my door.

"Yes?"

I turned to look at who it was and almost died when I saw Riku standing in the doorway. He looked amazing. His outfit was a mirror of my own, except his shirt was green, and his long hair was tied back in a messy, yet elegant ponytail, leaving a few stray strands out to frame his face. But my fascination with him quickly vanished and was replaced by anger.

"Where the hell have you been?" I muttered, tearing my eyes away from him. "I looked for you, but couldn't find you anywhere."

He chuckled and made my eyes go back to him. "I was here and there. I'm sorry that I didn't get the time to see you. I tried, but it didn't work out."

I snorted. "Well, what are doing here anyway? I have a dinner to attend to."

He nodded. "And I'm your escort," he said with a smile.

I groaned and rolled my eyes. The gods just didn't want to be my friends today, did they? My anger with Riku had already faded to a minor aggravation, and I wanted more than to say screw it to the dinner with the prince and spend the rest of the night with Riku, but I knew that I couldn't. This dinner, as annoying as I knew it would be, was necessary.

"Well, are you just going to stand there, or are you going to follow me?"

Riku's voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I turned to him with a frown on my face. Suddenly, something seemed off about what was going on, but I wasn't sure what it was. Now I wanted to go to this dinner, if only out of sheer curiosity.

I nodded at Riku and he led me out of the room and down the hall. I only spared a few glances at Riku while we walked, choosing instead to keep myself locked in my thoughts. Something was definitely up. I could tell by the way Riku was carrying himself, and how he had yet to lay a finger on me since he saw me. I still didn't know what it was, but I had the feeling that I was going to find out before the night was over. Knowing that cast a veil of dread over my head.

"Here we are," Riku said when he stopped outside a pair of oversized doors.

I gulped loudly and he laughed.

"Don't worry. You'll be surprised by the kind of person the prince is," Riku said reassuringly. "He won't hurt you, I promise."

"How do you know?" I moaned, noticing for the first time that my knees were shaking.

Riku laughed and pushed the door open, holding out a hand so he could lead me into the room. "The prince and I are close friends," he said. "I know him better than anyone in the kingdom."

I nodded and let Riku pull me into the room, trying my hardest to ignore the electric shock that surged through my body when our fingers touched and intertwined. The room we entered was magnificent. A pair of French doors was open, letting the cool nighttime breeze filter into the room, along with the fresh scent of flowers from a nearby garden. A low table was set up in the center of the room, adorned with golds and creams. It looked like we were going to have to sit on the ground to eat, but I didn't mind. A change would be nice.

I looked around the room in awe for a moment before I realized that the prince wasn't in the room yet. I turned to Riku with my brows furrowed in question, and that was when it all sunk in. _Riku_ was the prince. I let my jaw drop and my eyes widen, and he just laughed at me.

"You…you're the prince, aren't you?" I stuttered.

He smiled and shrugged. "Hadn't that come up in one of our conversations?"

"No, it hadn't, you moron. Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged again. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well, congratulations. You got exactly what you wanted. I'm surprised. Can I go now?" I hid my face and tried to walk past him, but he grabbed me around the wrist before I could get to the door.

"Don't leave, Sora. I'm sorry, okay? I should have told you earlier."

I turned to him with my mouth gaping open. "Yeah? And why didn't you?"

He sighed, and his face seemed to grow older. "I didn't want you to be fake around me. I knew that you would have put on an act if you knew that I was a prince, and I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to know the real you, not some idiotic fake you created to 'impress' me."

I frowned and let his words sink in. What he said _did_ make sense. I would have pulled a mask over myself if I had known that he was the prince. I would have kept myself cool, calm, and collected while I was around him and not exposed my weaknesses. I wouldn't have let myself get as close to him as I had allowed myself before, but it seemed that it was too late to go and take everything back.

"It still would have been nice to have a hint…" I muttered dourly.

He laughed and lifted my face with gentle fingers. I looked up and found myself drowning in twin oceans of aquamarine. His eyes were so beautiful. I had never seen anything like them before in my life.

"I said that I was sorry," he smiled.

I pouted and shrugged, making him laugh again. His laugh was like magic. It took away all of my anger toward him and regrouped all of the tenderness I felt for him in my heart. It chased away all of my fears and made me feel like nothing would ever be able to hurt me as long as I was with him.

When Riku's lips met mine, all thought ceased to exist. I moaned loudly, and my hands found his upper arms and gripped them tightly. Riku cupped my face in his hands, and the feel of his thumbs brushing up and down the side of my neck made a shiver ripple through my body.

The kiss ended much sooner than I anticipated; judging by how far our last few kisses had gone. He smiled at my look of confusion and kissed my forehead tenderly.

"I want to start over," he muttered when he pulled away. "I want you to know me for who I really am, and I want to get to know you for who you are. I made the mistake of moving too fast last time. This time I want to take the time to savor you before I have to let you go again."

His words sent a blush to my cheeks, and I nodded weakly. He smiled and kissed my forehead again.

"I love you, Sora," he whispered.

I looked at him and blinked to make sure that I had heard him correctly, but he just continued smiling at me. I reached out and cupped his face in my palm, stroking his cheek gently with my thumb.

"I love you, too," I whispered as I slipped into unconsciousness.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Our time in Kurai after Riku's revelation was hectic, to say the least. Roxas and I spent a lot of time trying to get on Sephiroth's good side so we could go through with Leon's plan, but the silver-haired prince seemed to distrust us about as much as we did him. Xemnas grew increasingly colder towards us, as well. He refused to share plans with us that he had once shared openly.

Surprisingly, though, the people in the Organization weren't half bad. Demyx, the ninth member of the Organization, was just as crazy and obnoxious as Axel was, and the pair made for quite a show. Demyx's lover, Zexion, was quiet and mostly stayed to the sidelines, only laughing at his boyfriend's and Axel's antics when he didn't think that anyone was looking. They were the only ones who were close to our age, so it was fun to hang out with them. Well…fun as far as hanging out with your enemies could go.

The others in the Organization were older, though a few weren't much more mature. It was still fun to hang around with them. Sometimes Demyx and Axel would tell us the plans that Xemnas was creating, though Axel always told them to Roxas, who would inform me sometime later when we were in a private place.

Unfortunately, though, our meetings with the whole of Organization XIII slowly faded until the only times we saw them were in passing. Only Demyx, dragging Zexion along with him, put forth some time to spend with Roxas, Axel, and I. We usually just sat in Roxas' room and joked around. Sometimes Demyx would bring his sitar and play while Zexion sang along with a beautiful voice.

When Roxas' illness finally began to show, it grew harder for us to complete our mission. Gentle coughing turned to fierce hacking, and soon he was coughing up blood and could hardly get out of bed. Axel stayed by his side at all hours of the day or night. I felt guilty that I couldn't do the same, but I had to proceed with our tasks and I knew that I wouldn't be able to go without spending some time with Riku at least once a day.

And Riku and I spent quite a bit of time together. Whenever he wasn't busy with "important affairs" and I was free from whatever I had had to do for the day, I went immediately to Riku's chambers. He came to see me sometimes, but even I preferred to spend time in his room. The French doors that had been opened on the night of our dinner led to a beautiful garden that was filled with flowers that only blossomed at night. We spent a lot of time wandering around that garden. We also spent a lot of time in his bed…

The week before Roxas and I were going to have to return to Akari, Riku and I had our "first time" together. It was wonderful. He had been so gentle and patient with me, even though I could see in his eyes that it was taking everything he had to keep from slamming me down into the bed and having his way with me. If there was ever a time I was thankful for his willpower, it was then. That night he let me sleep in his bed with him for the first time. It was such a wonderful feeling to wake up in his arms the next morning.

Unfortunately, our time was short lived. The week went by so fast that it seemed to happen in a flash, and before I knew it, I was sobbing in Riku's arms as we said our goodbyes. He kissed me so much that I could hardly stand it. It didn't want to go back to Akari! I knew that Kurai was where I belonged, but Roxas' illness was growing steadily worse, and if we didn't get him to the doctor soon, I was afraid that I was going to lose him sooner than I was ready to.

And so we returned to Akari. Like before, Ansem was waiting for us outside the palace gates when we slowed our horses to a stop and dismounted. Leon was waiting with Ansem with a small smile on his face. I couldn't help but notice how their faces paled when they got their first good glimpse of Roxas after I helped him down from his horse. He could hardly even walk on his own, so I stabilized him with a hand around his waist and one of his arms hefted over my shoulder.

Roxas collapsed in a faint brought on by fever on our way to the door. Leon rushed forward and gathered him into his arms, while Ansem rushed forward to gather me as I slowly made my way toward the ground in exhaustion.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Cloud's sudden disappearance from Kurai and reappearance in Akari had been reason enough for Kurai to launch their first attack against us. Thankfully, Leon had been anticipating the attack and had sent enough soldiers out into the Grey to stave off Kurai's forces and save the walls of Akari for another day.

After that, it was hell. Xemnas was relentless, and Organization XIII was powerful beyond all belief. They each had separate abilities, but when they combined together in an attack, there was no way for our troops to survive.

Roxas was too ill to be sent off onto the battlefield, but I wasn't. Ansem didn't put me on the front lines and Leon didn't want me on the field at all, but I stood my ground and made them know that I wanted to be there…that I _needed_ to be there. I needed to prove to the people of Akari that I wasn't just the spoiled brother of an Elder. I needed to show them that I could hold my ground in a fight if I had to.

Holding my ground meant attacking people, and attacking people meant that I had to take lives of perfectly innocent, if not misled, soldiers. Whenever I wasn't fighting in the battles, I was in the fields using my healing abilities to care for fallen soldiers who had been wounded. Unfortunately, by powers couldn't defy death.

Soon, Kurai had gained enough ground in the battle to push us from the Grey and back into Akari. They didn't stop in their pursuit, though. They continued into the borders of our kingdom—burning our homes, killing our livestock…murdering the innocent families in the homes just because they were beings of Akari. It was horrible and disgusting, and I could be found crying myself to sleep every night.

The day I met Riku on the battlefield was both a godsend and a curse. Our eyes met and widened in surprise. We were both covered in dirt and had blood smeared across our clothes and faces. I somehow managed to hold back my first instinct to run straight into his arms, and stood my ground instead. I still loved him, but I wasn't sure if he would attack me or not.

"Riku, what are you doing? Kill him!" I heard Xemnas cry from somewhere in the distance.

Riku closed his eyes and shook his head before he turned on his heel and walked away from me. Even though I was in the middle of battle, I couldn't stop myself from collapsing onto the ground in tears, hugging my arms around myself for warmth.

"What the hell are you doing, Riku? I told you to kill him!" Xemnas shouted again.

I don't know if Riku shook his head or not, but the next thing I heard was: "I won't kill the one I love!"

So now it was out and everyone knew of our great forbidden love. Riku, a demon, was in love with me, an angel, and vice versa. Silence seemed to fall over the battlefield at the declaration. The war still continued around me, but it seemed to happen in slow motion. I just wanted to curl up under a rock and hide. Or, better yet, throw a rock at Riku for saying such a stupid thing in the middle of a war. There was absolutely no way that we would ever be able to be together now, no matter how much we loved each other.

When I looked up again, Riku was gone and the world around me was back to normal speed. I set a scowl on my face and lifted my sword with a new fierce determination. This war had to end and it had to end soon, before there was nothing left to fix between the two kingdoms.

**o-o-o-o-o**

After Riku's little declaration, I wasn't allowed back into Akari. Ansem refused to give me council, and Leon could hardly look at me without scowling. Without saying a word, they forced me into the life of a fugitive. I had to run away and never look back. I knew that the only way I would be allowed back into the kingdom's good graces would be to kill Riku with my own bare hands and return with his head, but I knew that that wasn't going to happen.

Figuring that he had been given the same fate as I had, I set off on a difficult road to find Riku. If we couldn't be together in freedom, then maybe we could be together on the run.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Blood was everywhere. It covered the ground, tainted the water, stained my hands and clothes. The smell was overwhelming and I collapsed on to my knees, vomiting on to the ground. Everywhere around me, people laid dead. Men, women, children. Gender or race didn't matter to the beings who had gone through and caused this destruction.

When my stomach was empty, I looked up from the ground and examined my surroundings. Buildings were burning and glassy eyes stared at me from a hundred different angles. There was movement ahead of me, but for what side that movement was from, I couldn't tell.

A new wave of nausea swept over me and I clenched my eyes closed, pushing myself up from the ground with my sword. I limped across the bloodstained earth, taking care to not step on any of fallen.

Someone was rushing toward me, but I couldn't tell who it was. My vision was blurry with exhaustion and the heat that radiated from the fires that surrounded me. I quickened my pace, using my sword as a makeshift cane so I wouldn't fall.

It had been two months since my exile from Akari, and I had yet to have any sign of Riku. I was ready to give up and die, and I knew that this person would give me just that if I only revealed myself to them.

"Sora!"

That voice. It was so familiar, so beautiful. The sound of it sent a shiver of joy rippling through my body. I had been so worried that he'd been killed in the battle. But he hadn't been. Riku was still alive, still there to hold me.

I pitched forward but was caught in the person's arms. Riku fell to the ground, cradling my head in his lap, running their fingers through my hair and against my face. Riku laughed joyfully and a pair of gentle lips was pressed against my forehead.

I opened my eyes to see such a familiar smiling face. It was the face of an angel, it had to be. Such soft pale skin and such beautiful silver hair. Such magnificent aquamarine eyes. I soon found myself drowning in their depths.

"R…Riku?"

My angel smiled and nodded. "Yes, it's me. I found you!" Riku ran his knuckles against my cheek and sighed. "I was so afraid that they had captured you already. I thought I was too late."

I smiled and shook my head, reaching up to brush a hand across Riku's cheek, to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. "I wouldn't have let them get me. I would have died before my chance to see you again was taken away from me."

Riku laughed sadly, tears starting to drip from his eyes. "Sora, I lo—" The words stuck in Riku's throat as his eyes suddenly widened.

I looked up at him in alarm as he started to gag. Blood oozed from between his lips.

"Riku!"

I pushed myself up from the ground and stared at Riku in horror. The tip of a sword was protruding from his stomach. The hooded sword wielder stood behind him, a smirk the only visible feature on their shadowed face. They ripped the sword from Riku with a jerk, making him gag and sputter. With one last victorious smirk, they turned on their heel and walked off in the opposite direction.

Riku was shivering uncontrollably, his every breath difficult in his chest. In a panic, I laid him back on the ground and tore open his clothing until I was faced with his flesh. The wound oozed blood. So much blood. He'd already lost too much. There was no way that he was going to be able to survive.

I pressed my hands against the wound and whispered words in a tongue even older than the Speech, willing the power to course through my veins and heal the gaping lesion in my lover's abdomen. The power came, but there was no healing. The wound stayed open and Riku stared up at me blankly.

Tears blinded my vision. I threw my head back and cursed at the gods above me, the very people I served, for being so cruel. I would find the agent who had killed my love and get my revenge, even if it meant turning my back on everything I believed in.

"Dō…dōshite. _(2)_"

I moaned quietly. "I don't know. I love you, Riku," I whispered and pressed a gentle kiss against Riku's lips. "I'll be with you soon, I promise."

A sigh as quiet as the breeze slipped past Riku's lips and then there were no more. No more breaths, no more smiles. The light in his eyes was gone forever.

The world around me started to shake as I stared at Riku's body, a loud ripping sound filling the deafening silence that echoed in my ears. Someone was screaming, but I didn't know who. Was it Axel? Or Roxas? No, Axel was trying to get Roxas out of the hospital that was killing him. And Riku. He was…

A strong pair of arms wrapped around me and pulled me backwards as I started to move toward Riku's lifeless body. It was then that I realized that it was me who was screaming, and the world wasn't shaking. That was me too. The person who held me ran fingers back through my hair and whispered consoling words in my ear as I buried my face into their chest, sobbing my ripping sobs into their chest while my fingers held a death grip on the fabric of their black robe.

Black robe? It had to be Axel. He was the only one who had known where I had been headed. At least, that's what I had thought. Had he betrayed me? No. That had been a being from Akari. Axel wouldn't have turned me into them, not before he gave his life.

"Sora-kun shizuka ni naru. Onegai! Kare-wa shindeiru desu! _(3)_"

I shook my head and buried my face deeper into their chest. "No! He's dead! How can you expect me to calm down?!" I shouted, foregoing the Old Language. "Riku!"

"Shhh…"

I felt a gentle brush of someone else's mind against mind and I knew that it was Axel who held me. He rocked me back and forth gently and whispered calming words into my ear. Sooner than I would have imagined, my tears calmed, but my heart had completely disappeared. I couldn't keep my eyes from returning to Riku's fallen body. Even in death, he looked like an angel.

"Come on," Axel whispered and helped me get to my feet. "We need to get you out of here. I'll take care of Riku, and Roxas will take you back to Akari. You can't stay out here."

I shook my head. "No…I can't go back. I was exiled. And…Roxas? What's Roxas doing out here? He's sick!"

Axel "sh"ed me again and led me away from Riku's body and into one of the homes that wasn't burning. Roxas was sitting at the table with his head in his hands. I could tell that his breathing was ragged and difficult, but he tried to hide it when he looked up at me.

"What are you doing out here?" I shouted, scowling at him. "You're still sick! You have no business being out of bed!"

He shook his head. "I'm fine. I came to get you. Leon wants you home and he was too busy to come and get you himself."

I blinked wildly and furrowed my brow. Everything seemed so surreal. Roxas' skin seemed to have an ethereal glow to it and all the light around him dimmed and flickered away so that he was the only light. Axel seemed to glow as well as he moved to Roxas and put a soft hand on his shoulder.

"I'm going to take care of Riku. Make sure you get Sora back safely."

Roxas nodded, and then Axel was gone. I watched in a sort of crazy daze as Roxas stood from his chair and came to me with his arms held out. Without even thinking, I collapsed into his arms and sobbed…and sobbed…and sobbed myself to sleep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

I was alone. I didn't know why or what had possessed me to fly to such a high point on the mountain, but I was cold and that was all that mattered. I was cold and I was crying and I didn't know how to make it stop.

Why was I so cold? The Source was supposed to seep into my heart and make me feel warm, not dead and numb. Was it because I had willingly welcomed darkness into my heart when I had found Riku? Had I been…forsaken? No! The Source didn't do such things. It was the center of eternal love and happiness, spreading Its peace and joy to whoever opened their heart to It. It didn't matter what side they were on. It had forgiven Roxas, after all, and he had been part of Organization XIII itself.

Tears continued to roll down my face as I took a step closer to the edge. No…it didn't matter anymore. Even if I had the love of the Source, Riku was gone. Without Riku, my life was meaningless. I couldn't bear to live without my silver-haired love with me. I felt like I was betraying Riku in some way for breathing so long without him already.

And Roxas was gone, as well…had been gone for several weeks now. According to Ansem, there was no possible way that I could have seen him on the night of Riku's death because he had already been dead for a week. Had I seen his ghost? I didn't know, but I just wanted him to come back to me again. Even if I couldn't have Riku, Roxas made me feel a little less alone. Without Roxas, life was completely meaningless.

Closing my eyes, I spread my arms out at my sides and took a deep breath. My silent goodbye was carried away on the breeze as I jumped from the edge and soared to the ground with the wind blowing wildly through my hair.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"_Sora, I need you to wake up."_

I yawned and opened my eyes, only to be met by darkness. I groaned quietly and rubbed at my eyes, hoping that it would take the darkness away, but it still stayed.

"Who's there?" I muttered.

"_It's me, Love. I need you to wake up."_

"Ri…ku?"

Riku's form suddenly appeared out of the darkness and he came toward me. He held his arms out to me and I happily fell into his embrace. His fingers ran gently through my hair.

"_You've been sleeping for too long, Sora. I need you to wake up. We're all worried about you." _His voice echoed eerily through the darkness.

I furrowed my brow. "Sleeping? I've been sleeping?"

He nodded. _"It's almost the end of January. It's been three months since you attempted suicide."_

I opened my mouth to argue, but a strange itching at my wrists brought my eyes to them. Bandages wound all around my wrists. My right arm was covered with white all the way up to my elbow. I looked up at Riku from my arms with a lost look on my face, tears welling in my eyes as everything started to come back to me.

"I'm so sorry, Riku! I should have stayed and waited for you to explain! I should have noticed that it was only Axel. I'm sorry!"

He shook his head and smiled sadly. _"It doesn't matter anymore, Love. All that matters is that you wake up. We all miss you. Leon won't let Axel or me into your hospital room. I can't stand not being able to touch you."_

"Leon did what?" I shouted, anger at my brother flaring in my chest.

"_Don't be angry with him, Sora. I understand where he's coming from."_

I shook my head. "No. It's not acceptable. He knows how much I love you. He shouldn't have done that."

Riku laughed and tightened his arms around me. _"It's the first time you've ever said that."_

I sighed and snuggled into his chest. "Well, it's true. I _do_ love you."

"_Then wake up for me. Please. I can't stand living without you anymore,"_ he moaned, and then he was gone.

In a sudden rush of sight and sound, my body jumped into the upright position in the hospital bed and my eyes opened. It was all followed with a loud gasp. I gulped down breath after breath of air and let my eyes wander wildly around the room. I didn't have long to look before I was tackled back down onto the bed by a sobbing mass of blonde hair.

"You're awake!" Roxas shouted and hugged me tightly.

I smiled and pried him away from me so I could breathe, and then pulled the oxygen tubes away from me so I could talk.

"And I remember," I said with a smile.

Roxas blinked away his tears and let a large smile take over his face before he tackled me in a hug again. "It's about damned time!" he laughed. "I thought you were never going to come back to us."

I laughed. "But where's Leon?"

Roxas pulled away and bit his lip. "Why?"

"'Cause I'm going to kill him for keeping Riku away from me!" I growled.

Roxas sighed and ran a hand back through his hair. "He and Cloud went home for the night. It's only me here until morning."

"Then you can get me to Riku?" I asked.

He bit his lip again and looked around the room. "I could, but…"

"But what? Don't tell me you're on the same side as Leon now."

He shook his head, his eyes wide. "No, no! I've been in contact with Riku and Axel this whole time, so don't take it the wrong way. I just don't know what to do, you know? I think you should rest for a little bit before you do anything too drastic. You've been in bed for the past three months so you're not going to be able to walk for at least a couple of days."

I sighed and fell back into the bed. I knew that he was right. I could hardly move my feet as it was. I just wanted to see Riku so badly. I needed to hold him and thank him for being the one to finally pull me from my memories and back into the waking world. If it wasn't for him, who knew how much longer I would have spent wandering around that dismal place.

"Fine," I muttered, and was suddenly overcome with exhaustion. "I'm tired."

Roxas laughed. "You're _tired_?"

I nodded and let my heavy eyelids droop closed as he laughed again. When the bed sunk beside me, I moved over and rolled onto my side so Roxas would have more room. His rooms wrapped around me and mine wrapped around him and together we fell asleep.

TBC…  
**-----------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: Holy bajesus, this was sooooooooooo hard to write. I spent tonight (Tuesday) in a writing spree and now I'm done and it's 18 freakin' pages long and now I'm just ready to cry and go to sleep…_::sighs::_…

I know I made some changes to Riku's story WAY back in chapter four, but I liked this better. And I'm sorry if the ending seems rushed (jumping from peace, to war, to Sora's exile, etc…), but I wanted to write it like that. I told you all that there would still be holes. And I'm sorry if the ending was too quick. I know that Sora's awakening wasn't that realistic. I mean, who wakes from a coma like that? Hehe… But his was different, so yeah… I'm sorry if you hate it!!…

_Translations…  
__**(1) Kōryōtaru Jimen:** means "desolate land," but it's the name of the barren land that lies between Akari and Kurai…is also referred to as the Grey because of its monochromatic color…  
__**(2) Dōshite: **Why?…  
**(3) S**__**ora-kun shizuka ni naru. Onegai! Kare-wa shindeiru desu!: **Sora, calm down! Please! He's dead!…_

†: For those of you who don't know, Consumption was the name for tuberculosis in the "olden days." As sick as it may be, TB is my favorite disease. _::sighs::_ I've spent a lot of time researching it, but I won't be going into much detail with it in here. I just wanted to let you guys know what I was talking about so you wouldn't be lost…

Anywhozits…tell me what you guys thought, if you would. It would mean the world to me. I'll do my best to answer any questions that you have!!…_::hugs::_ to everyone who reviewed last chapter… I know that I probably haven't replied to many of you and I'm sorry for that. I've just been busy…_::hugs again::_…

Sorry for any typos and all that good stuff. This was a big'un to edit, so I know that I probably missed a few things…

Until next chapter, adieu…


	17. AS, AS: Unwell

Because I updated a little late last week, I'm updating a little early today...Hehe...And I know that Sora just woke up and stuff, but I wanna show how Riku felt during the whole time. Soooo…here's another peek into Riku's mind. Yay!!... 

Also…the last two chapters were so long because they were Sora's memories. From now on, the chapters are gonna be back to normal length (8-11 pages each)…

OH!! And things that are written in _italics_ are dreams…

WARNINGS: bad language, borderline insanity, blood…lotsa fun stuff…

**Disclaimer:** The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_I'm not crazy  
I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell  
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy  
I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be…"_

—"_Unwell" Matchbox Twenty…_

**((Another Side, Another Story))  
Unwell …**

My life seemed to lose all possible meaning the night that Sora went into the hospital. Things would have been fine if it wasn't for Leon; stupid Leon and his stupid morals. Even though Sora was in a coma, I would have been perfectly fine if I could have just stayed with him. But, of course, I couldn't. The gods had to prove me to once more just how much they hated me.

I wanted to break down and cry, but my tears wouldn't give my pain justice. Unfortunately, I wasn't devoid of feeling like the last time he had attempted suicide. The difference was probably that he had succeeded then, but this time… Now we was unresponsive in a bed with a hundred different machines hooked up to him and a 50/50 chance of pulling through or dying.

After the first month, I isolated myself away from everyone, even Axel. The only one I talked to was Roxas, but even then, I didn't really talk. He gave me updated information on Sora and I told him thank you. That was about as close to a conversation as I got for quite a while.

Axel tried his hardest to get me to go back to school, but I refused. What was the point if I wasn't going to see Sora there? Returning to school would have only caused me even greater pain. I would have to walk past Sora's locker everyday, sit beside his empty seat in chemistry class…stare longingly at the bathroom by the cafeteria where we had shared our first kiss. It was too painful to even think about those things. I could only imagine what it would be like to actually have to see them five days a week.

Time seemed to pass infinitely slow while I was locked away in my head, and it gave me time to think, which wasn't good. It hardly took a day before I was blaming myself for everything that had happened, even Sora's cutting which had started long before we had met in this life.

I went back in time to that night at the party every night and thought about everything I could have—should have—done differently. I shouldn't have gotten so intimate with Sora because I knew that it would have only made my thirst for his blood stronger, which it had. The thirst had been almost unbearable by the time I had dragged Axel off to the alleyway so I could have something to tide me over until my horomones were able to calm.

Instead of taking Axel into the alleyway, I should have run off to someplace safer. We really should have gone home and then back to the club. That idea was so much _smarter_, yet I never even thought about it in my thirst. All I had wanted was blood of some kind, and I had wanted it right then.

With thoughts of blood thirst, I started to wonder what I really was. Father had denied the fact that we were vampires when I had asked him about it years ago. He had laughed at me and shook his say, saying "We are only demons, my son." But, now that I thought about it, weren't they the same thing? In religion, vampires were seen as Satan's puppets and considered to be demons.

Is that what we really were?

Satan's puppets?

No, I didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. To me, they are just fictional places that were created to satisfy the human race's desire to have something to aim for in death. If they were good little boys and girls who loved thy neighbor and praised the Lord above, they were given a one-way ticket into Heaven. If they did one thing wrong and didn't repent for it in some way, it was straight to Hell with them. It was just a way to scare people into being good; a way that had died out overtime.

The only divine beings I knew of in this world or the next were the Source and the gods and goddesses that helped It with Its decision making. The closest thing to Satan was my own father, as much as it pained me to admit it, and my brother wasn't very far behind.

But saying that I didn't believe in Heaven or Hell didn't mean that I didn't believe in angels or demons. Both walked the earth and either helped or tormented people in their daily lives. Angels helped and protected the people, while demons tried their hardest to break the people down until they were nothing. Sora was an angel and so was Roxas, minus his Kuraian upbringing. Axel and I were demons and would so always be. There was no way to change our pasts.

Karma was a bitch, and I had a feeling that it was going to kick our asses.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"Riku, open your gods damned door!" Axel shouted while his fists pounded into the barrier that separated us.

I gave him the reply I had grown famous for over the past two months or so. Silence. I curled into a tighter ball beneath my blankets and closed my eyes.

He sighed heavily and stopped his pounding, but didn't walk away.

"I'll give you ten seconds to break whatever voodoo you put on the door before I find a way to break it myself!" I swear I heard the clock of him closing his lighter, and with a heavy sigh, I lifted the block I had put on the door.

Axel pushed my door open and leaned against the frame with a frown on his face. I could only guess how horrible I looked. I hadn't slept properly in weeks, and if it weren't for the bathroom that was connected to my room, I wouldn't have bathed. Even so, I only showered about once a week and never tried to brush my hair.

Axel sighed and took a step into the room. With his movement, I pulled my blankets up over my head and refused to look at him. Unfortunately, it didn't stop his progression toward me, and the bed inevitably sunk beside me a few seconds later.

"You can't keep hiding from this, Riku. Things will only get worse until you can accept the reality of it."

I sighed and pulled the blankets back from over my head so I could glare at him. It was my "go away" glare, but the effects seemed to be lost on him, as usual.

"Riku…" He kept his voice soft and gentle. "I need you to get out of bed. You're never like this, and it's starting to scare me."

I turned my face away from him and kept my silence. Before I knew what was happening, Axel was lying on top of me with my hands pinned to the bed beside my head.

"Stop ignoring me!" he growled. "I know that you hear me, so give me some kind of answer!"

I sighed and it was answered by a sharp slap across the face. I winced, but that was it. Axel hovered above me, his breath coming in sharp hisses between his teeth. Tears had gathered in the corners of his eyes, but I knew that he wouldn't let them fall. He was too strong of a person to give into sadness. He was the only of us to survive the whole ordeal in our past lives, after all. I'd only seen him give in twice. The first time was when I was ready to jump from the cliff, but, unfortunately, it was just a little too late. I had still jumped, and his scream had followed me into the darkness. The second was in the hospital while he was retelling the story to Leon.

"Dammit, Riku!!" he shouted, and I blinked when I felt a drop of water hit my turned cheek.

I turned back so I could look Axel in the face, and had to bite my tongue to keep from gasping when I saw that he was crying. So maybe he was vulnerable to strong emotions like everyone else was. Oh, well… I couldn't be right every time, could I?

"Talk to me! You can't keep making me do this on my own! I can't keep doing it! It's tearing me apart! Can't you see that?"

"I…I…" My mouth opened and closed slowly. "I'm…sorry?"

He laughed angrily and turned to the side, rolling over to the open space on the bed beside me. "Is that all you're going to say? You're _sorry_?"

I scowled and turned my face away from him again. "What else do you want me to say?" I couldn't help but cringe at the sound of my voice. It sounded like I had a sore throat from hell.

"Something other than a simple 'sorry' would be nice."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I didn't feel like arguing with Axel right now. Hell, I didn't even feel like talking to him, but he had forced me to open my mouth and I knew that he wouldn't be satisfied if I lapsed into another bout of silence.

"Life fucking sucks," I croaked.

He laughed sadly. "And you're just figuring this out now?"

I sighed again and rolled onto my side so I was facing him. He looked down at me gently and brushed a hand across my cheek to swipe my hair out of my eyes.

"No one in the world deserves to go through the hell that you and Sora have already gone through and are going to have to face," Axel said quietly. "But the two you won't be alone this time. You have me and Roxas here to back you up, and we'll never leave you guys."

"History is bound to repeat itself, Axel," I muttered weakly. "Karma's a bitch, remember?"

He scowled down upon me, his eyes fierce. "Fuck karma!" he growled. "We're in control of our own destinies now."

I laughed softly and closed my eyes. Axel was always so damned optimistic about things…and cliché. I wish that I could have been half as optimistic about life as he was because maybe then I could be half as strong as he was. I sighed. There was a reason why Axel was my best friend.

"So what's next?" I muttered, opening my eyes in time to see him shrug.

"I dunno. We really can't do anything until Sora wakes with his memories."

My eyes widened, and I shot up on the bed. "You're sure that's what's gonna happen?"

He shrugged again. "We'll know when he wakes up, won't we? But by the way he keeps uttering things, I would say that he's having dreams of some sort."

I sighed and lay back down with a hand over my eyes. "This sucks."

Axel laughed and laid down beside me. "Let's take a power nap, shall we? We can think about all this."

I sighed, but let myself be gathered into his arms. It wasn't long before I drifted off to sleep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

_Sora and I were dancing at the party. His body was pressed flush against mine, and my lips were attached to his throat. I could hear his loud moans over the pounding music, feeding my lust and further drowning me in my hunger. I wanted so badly to just sink my teeth into the peachy flesh of his neck, but I knew that I couldn't without terrifying him._

_I hit a particularly sensitive part of Sora's neck with my teeth, and he moaned loudly, pressing himself back against my groin. I gasped and tightened my hands on his hips as a new, faster song started to play over the speakers._

_Sora turned in my arms so he was facing me and smiled innocently, moving his body frantically to the music in a beautiful dance. I don't think he knew what that look was doing to me. I crushed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss, drinking his moans and whimpers, and my hands moved dangerously low on his body. My tongue dove into his mouth, and he fought desperately with me for dominance but gave in soon after he started._

"_R-Riku…" he moaned as he pulled away from our kiss. "I want you to do it."_

_I furrowed my brow and cocked my head to the side in question. He just kept his innocent smile on his face and cupped my face in his hand._

"_Take my blood," he whispered and pulled his hand away from my face. He held his wrists out in front of him, and I saw that they were bleeding profusely. "Do it."_

_I gagged and turned my face away from the sight, tears welling in my eyes. The sweet scent of his blood lingered heavily in the air. I wanted so badly to do what he asked, but I couldn't. He didn't know what he was asking. And when had he cut himself? He had been fine only moments beforehand._

"_Do it, Riku. I want you to. And I know that you want to, so why not?"_

_I shook my head and tore myself away from him. I didn't want, but I had to run away. It was the only way out unless I wanted to give into my urges and scare him away from me. I heard him holler my name, but it was lost and replaced by my own scream as I burst through the doors to the club._

_The kitchen of Leon and Cloud's apartment stood in front of me. With a hand over my mouth I stumbled in and walked toward the motionless form in the center of the floor. Sora seemed to glow slightly as he lay on the floor. Blood covered everything, and I almost slipped and fell as I slowly crossed the room._

"_Sora," I moaned pitifully as I dropped to my knees beside his body._

_I nudged him gently in an attempt to wake him up, but he didn't move. I set a finger against his throat to check for a pulse and had to choke back a sob when I felt that there wasn't one. I had been too late this time. He was gone._

_A sharp and sudden pain erupted in my abdomen. I gasped and pressed my hands to my stomach, surprised to feel the tip of something sharp pressing against my hands. When I pulled them away, they were covered in blood. I looked down and screamed at the sight of the lance tip that was protruding from my stomach._

_A cold laugh sounded from behind me, and I turned, only to collapse on the floor in helplessness. It was Sora again. He was holding the lance that had almost taken my life in the past and a cold smile was on his face. But it couldn't be Sora. I looked to the side and saw that he was still lying lifeless on the floor._

"_I'll make sure you die with me this time, bastard!" the Sora with the lance growled._

_I turned my attention back onto him. His eyes were wide and blood was running down his cheeks as if it were tears. He was still smiling, though it was more crazed than anything. He raised the lance and drove it through my front before I had time to react._

"_Die!" he screamed and twisted the lance in my stomach before he pulled it out and let it clatter to the ground._

I screamed bloody murder as I woke up. My eyes snapped open and wildly searched the room around me in terror. My hands immediately went to my stomach and searched for any open wounds that might be there. I pushed myself up in bed and looked around the room for any signs of Sora with the lance, but there were none. Unfortunately, it didn't help to calm me any.

I was getting ready to climb out of bed when a hand grabbed my arm and pushed me back down onto the mattress. I screamed and pulled away quickly, falling back into my wall with a loud thud, before I realized that it was only Axel.

"What the fuck, man?" he muttered, his voice slightly slurred with sleep.

I sighed and ran a shaking hand through my hair to push it out of my face. I wasn't surprised to find that I was crying when my fingers drifted across my cheeks. My vision was horribly blurry, and the only way I was able to distinguish Axel from the rest of my room was his mess of vibrant red hair.

"Are you okay, Riku?"

Axel put a hand over one of my own and pulled my attention onto him. I did the first thing I could think of as a response to his question. I laughed. But it wasn't one of those sad laughs that everyone had given so much these past few days. No. It was one of those crazy laughs that can only come from a person who is losing their mind. And I _was_ losing my mind. I had to be losing my mind because there was no other reason as to why I would be acting like I was.

"Ri…ku?"

I fell sideways onto the bed and buried my face in the blankets as I started to laugh even harder. I was soon gasping for air and tears were rolling down my cheeks. I didn't even try to resist when Axel roughly grabbed my shoulders and shoved me so I was sitting up again. I didn't blink when he smacked me across the face. If anything, it only made me laugh harder.

When he punched me, though… That was a different story. My laughing halted immediately and a hand went up to hold the cheek he had hit. I stared at Axel with a furrowed brow and my head cocked to the side.

"Much better," he growled. "Are you going to listen to me now, or are you gonna lapse into another ridiculous laughing attack?"

I shook my head, and he smiled coldly.

"Good. Now what the _hell_ is your problem?!"

"I had a dream that Sora killed me."

Now it was his turn to look confused as he furrowed his brow and looked up at the ceiling. "Oookay. I can understand why you would wake up screaming from that, but what the hell was so funny? It was a nightmare."

I shrugged. "I thought it was funny."

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "I always knew you were fucked up."

I frowned and closed my eyes, not in the mood to argue with Axel over my mental state. We both knew that I was fucked up at the moment and we knew precisely why I was fucked up, as well. I just hoped that Sora would wake up soon, before my sanity managed to slip away from me completely.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

I opened my eyes and looked at Axel, shaking my head. "No. I don't want to have that dream again. There was so much…"

Axel pressed a finger against my lips to silence me. "You don't have to tell me what happened," he said with a soft smile. "Wanna go for a walk instead? It's been a while since you've gotten some fresh air."

I sighed. I really didn't want to go for a walk, but I really didn't want to say cooped up in my room anymore either. He was right, anyway. It had been almost three months since I had gotten any fresh air, and I could feel how stiff my limbs were from just lying in bed all the time.

"Whatever," I muttered.

Axel smiled brightly and bounced up from the bed. He had to help me get to my feet, but I was able to walk on my own, albeit slowly. We walked out of my room and downstairs as quietly as we could. It wouldn't have mattered, though, as we discovered when we went into the kitchen.

Sephiroth was sitting at the kitchen table with the smirk of the century on his face. I narrowed my eyes and an immediate sense of anger flared within my gut. He had been nothing but a bastard to me since Sora had landed in the hospital. And this smirk had no good intentions behind it. Sephiroth was about to lay something hard down on top of us, I could sense it.

"You're awfully chipper for three A.M.," Axel muttered. Apparently he could sense it too.

Sephiroth laughed and stood from his chair, the smirk never leaving his lips. "How can I not be in a good mood when there is such good news?" he said in a smartass tone.

He walked across the kitchen and stopped a few feet across from us with his arms crossed over his chest. He kept his eyes locked on me, and I had to use everything I had to keep from looking away. The light shining in his eyes was pure evil.

"Good news for you means bad news for us, and we were just headed out for a walk so if you'll excuse us…"

Axel grabbed my hand and dragged me past my brother. Sephiroth's gaze followed me as we moved.

"Don't get too settled. Father has decided that it's time for us to finally return to him."

Axel and I froze just before we were about to step out the door. Axel was the first to turn back, but I couldn't. I didn't want to look at Sephiroth for the fear of the look that I knew would be on his face. Instead, I balled my hands into fists at my sides and clenched my eyes closed in anger.

"What's the rush? Did he finally grow a heart and start to care for his children?" Axel spat.

Sephiroth laughed his cold, heartless laugh that always made me flinch. "Why won't you turn around, otōtō? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Shut up," I muttered under my breath. "You have no right to consider me your family, you evil bastard."

The words came out before I had the time to stop them. When I realized what I had said, my eyes snapped open and I looked up at Axel in fear. He was staring at me in disbelief. Thankfully, though, Sephiroth took the insult in a different way than I had expected. Instead of lashing out at me in anger, he just laughed again.

"Evil bastard or no, I am still your older brother and you will still listen to me. And you will listen to Father. We are leaving the first weekend of February. Have your precious items packed by then or else you'll take nothing with you. I'm not going to let you stay here and drown with your little lover boy. You're coming with me whether you like it or not. You too, Axel."

I knew that it would have been a lost cause to argue with him, so I just grabbed Axel by the hand and left the house. Sephiroth's laughter followed us until we got to the sidewalk.

We were halfway to the park when Axel opened his mouth to say something, but I silenced him by lifting a hand. I looked at him sadly in response to his questioning glance.

"I have a week and a half to figure out how to wake Sora. I don't have time to talk about what just happened."

He nodded in understanding and walked alongside me when we got to the park. We wandered around until well after the sun had risen, sharing plans with one another. Unfortunately, each idea seemed less likely to work than the last.

The sky was darkening by the time we made it back to the house with the mindset that maybe we might discover the way to wake him in our dreams. I never would have thought that that was the one idea that would work.

**o-o-o-o-o**

_I had gone to sleep long ago, but now I didn't feel like I was dreaming. It was too lucid. Though everything else was black, the color of his hair and the shade of his skin were all too real to just be a dream. Sora stood before me, his eyes closed and his face relaxed. I just wanted to reach out and touch him, but was too afraid that he would disappear if I did._

_I stood and watched him for a while. There was no reaction from him, no change in how he just stood there as if he had fallen asleep standing up. I needed to think of a way to wake him up before it was too late. I could almost watch him fading away from me as I stood there. Helpless, I did the first thing that came to mind._

"_Sora, I need you to wake up."_

_I almost fell over when it actually got a reaction out of him. He yawned and opened his eyes. He blinked a couple of times before he rubbed at his eyes in a cute little gesture that made me want to hug him. But he didn't show any reaction when he looked straight at me._

"_Who's there?" he muttered._

_I sighed quietly. "It's me, Love. I need you to wake up."_

_He blinked a couple of times in surprise. "Ri…ku?"_

_I took a step forward, and he suddenly seemed able to see me. I smiled and held my arms out toward him and he fell into my embrace willingly. I buried my face in his hair and ran my fingers through it gently._

"_You've been sleeping for too long, Sora. I need you to wake up. We're all worried about you," I whispered._

_He pulled away from me a bit and looked up at me with a furrowed brow. "Sleeping? I've been sleeping?"_

_I nodded. "It's almost the end of January. It's been three months since you attempted suicide."_

_He opened his mouth as if was going to argue with me, but he looked down at his wrists and all his questions were answered. He looked up at me and, even though the look was lost, it was as if everything had clicked in his mind and now it made sense._

"_I'm so sorry, Riku! I should have stayed and waited for you to explain! I should have noticed that it was only Axel. I'm sorry!"_

_I shook my head and smiled sadly. "It doesn't matter anymore, Love. All that matters is that you wake up. We all miss you. Leon won't let Axel or me into your hospital room. I can't stand not being able to touch you."_

"_Leon did what?" he shouted, his voice echoing away in the distance._

_I couldn't resist a smile. The reaction was so Sora of him. "Don't be angry with him, Sora. I understand where he's coming from."_

_He shook his head. "No. It's not acceptable. He knows how much I love you. He shouldn't have done that."_

_I laughed and tightened my arms around him, a feeling of unbelievable joy exploding in the pit of my stomach. "It's the first time you've ever said that."_

_He sighed and snuggled into my chest. "Well, it's true. I _do_ love you."_

"_Then wake up for me. Please. I can't stand living without you anymore," I moaned…_

And then I was opening my eyes and I was in my own bedroom with Sora nowhere to be found. Axel was curled up in a ball on the bed beside me. I don't know why, but I reached out and shook him awake excitedly, smiling at the annoyed frown he flashed at me.

"This better be good…" he muttered.

"Sora's awake!" I exclaimed. I don't know how, but I just _knew_ that Sora had woken from his coma. That dream was too much of a sign to just ignore.

All signs of sleep seemed to disappear from Axel's face as he jumped up with a smile. "You're serious? How do you know?"

"I dreamt it!" I said with a laugh.

He looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds before he just rolled his eyes and lay back down on the bed. "Tell me when Roxas calls with news."

"No!" I growled and grabbed onto him. "I'm not talking crazy. I had this…_thing_ where I talked to Sora. It really wasn't a dream because it was too real to be a dream, but I saw him and told him that I need him to wake up. Now I just have this feeling in my gut that tells me that he's awake."

As if to back me up, Roxas' voice came through our heads. _"He's awake!" _he shouted. _"Well…he went back to sleep because he was tired, but he's awake and he remembers. Guys, he _remembers_!"_

Roxas' happiness was easily transported through the mental link and only added to our own.

"_When can I see him?"_ I asked.

Roxas was silent for a moment, and I could just picture the thoughtful look on his face as he went over his options. _"He wanted to see you immediately, but I told him to wait a few days." _Before I could bitch at him, he cut in with his excuse. _"He's been in bed for three months and can hardly walk. Give him at least a day to get back on his feet and we'll think of something, okay?"_

"_That's all we have to spare,"_ Axel muttered.

Roxas paused for a moment. _"What do you mean?"_

"_Father suddenly called for us to return home,"_ he explained. I tried to say it myself, but nothing came out. _"We only have until the first weekend of February before we have to be home."_

Roxas sighed. _"Yeah…we'll definitely thing of something then. Just give Sora a day to see Leon and to recuperate. I'll let you guys know when I come up with something."_

"_I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me over the past three months, Roxas,"_ I muttered. _"You're great. Thank you."_

He was quiet for a moment. _"Riku…"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Shut up. You know that I know that you and Sora belong together. The four of us belong together, and even though you're going back, I know that we'll see you again."_

I nodded before I remembered that he couldn't see me. _"Yeah…thanks."_

He laughed, and I could feel his exhaustion through the link. _"I'm going to sleep now. It's been an exhausting past few months."_

Axel and I laughed quietly.

"_Yeah. Sleep well and keep me up-to-date."_

"_I will."_

"_Sleep well, Love," _Axel said.

Roxas laughed quietly and severed the link, leaving us with an echoing silence in our minds. I tackled Axel before he could react, and we laughed like mad as we lay in a pile of limbs on my bed.

I couldn't believe it. Sora was awake and he was okay! I was going to see him again. I was going to be able to hold him in my arms again! I couldn't wait. And I believed every word that Roxas had said. I knew that he would come up with some sort of plan to get Sora and me together within the next couple of days, and he would do it without Leon knowing.

I untangled myself from Axel and lay down next to him on the bed, closing my eyes for sleep without a heavy heart for the first time since that fateful night back in October. When I drifted to sleep that night, I wasn't haunted by nightmares, but was visited my memories of a time that history had long since forgotten.

TBC…

**----------------------------------------------------------**

A/N: Yay! I actually managed to finish it. Hehe… This chapter wasn't as difficult to write as the last, but I kept getting distracted by little things tonight, so yeah… LoL…

Anyway…there aren't any translations for this chapter (unless you need otōtō, which means "younger brother"), but I do want to clarify something. When Roxas says that he knows that the four of them belong together, I don't mean in a romantic way. He knows that Sora belongs with Riku, he belongs with Axel, and the four of them belong together as a _family_… I just wanted to make sure to explain that before I got any questions like "What the WTF did you mean by that?!" Hehe…

A MESSAGE ON PART TWO OF LOST HEAVEN!! It pains me to say this, but I've decided that I'm going to take a break before I post the sequel. It won't be too long (hopefully only a month at most), but I just need the time. Though I have started planning it in my mind, I haven't had the time to really sit down and write out my ideas and stuff. I usually don't do that, but it worked miracles while working on this part, so I'm gonna try it again. Plus, I just need a little breather for a bit. My brain gnomes need a break before they die from overexertion or something. LoL…_::hides under bed::_…Please don't hate me too much!!…

And I was wondering if anyone caught the kinda sorta reference to the movie _Constantine_ in Riku's thoughts about Heaven and Hell, and angels and demons. It wasn't much of a reference, but that's kinda where I got the idea from…

Anywho…thank you soooooooo much to everyone for your fantabulous reviews for the last chapter. You know that I love you all more than words can explain, though I always try whenever I respond to you. And I think I responded to everyone, but I'm sorry if I did miss someone. _::hugs::_ You guys are great!!…

Sorry for any typos and whatnot. I tried!!…

Alrighty…I think that's it, so ja ne until the next chapter!!…


	18. Chapter Thirteen: Need You Here Tonight

I'm a week late…_::sighs::_…I know. I got the ickys from the kids at work and felt like shit all last week, so yeah… I _did_ attempt to work on this, but after I went back and read what I had I realized that sucked all different kinds of ass so I started over. Bleh… Anyway, I apologize soooooo much for being late on this. _::sighs::_ I just wasn't able to concentrate on my writing as well I needed to while I was doped up on NyQuil and antibiotics. Good times…

_::bows down to my ku::_ You were my saviour on this chapter and the beginning of the next…and everyone else should bow down to **kuriqa** as well 'cause she's the only reason I was able to finally get this chapter out…the only reason I was finally able to get the ending right…the only reason I'm still freakin' sane right now. LoL. You are amazing!! Just another reminder as to why I keep you around. _::glomps::_ Just kidding… Aishiteru, ku…

And we're back to Sora's POV now, so be prepared for some anger… He has a right to be angry with Leon, as you all well know…

Anyway…enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language and mom jokes…lol…

**Disclaimer:** The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_You come over unannounced  
Silence broken by  
Your voice in the dark  
I need you here, tonight  
Just like the ocean  
Needs the waves  
Fall around me now, like  
Stars that shine  
And brighten the way  
I need you here, tonight  
Just like this night  
Needs the rain…"_

—"_The Ocean" Mae…_

**Chapter Thirteen:  
****Need You Here Tonight…**

"Sora, stop pouting and get your ass over here?"

I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest in what I knew was a childish act of defiance, but I really didn't care. Leon sighed and glared at me, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor though he kept his arms out for me to hug him. He was standing in front of the door to my hospital room and I had trapped myself in a corner. Roxas and Cloud just sat on my bed and tried their hardest not to laugh at Leon's steadily growing anger.

"Dammit, Sora," Leon grumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What the hell is your problem?"

I narrowed my eyes and laughed coldly. "You're my problem, you asshole!" I shouted.

It seemed that Leon wasn't expecting the answer I gave him. He furrowed his brow and his arms dropped limp to his sides. I think I saw Roxas and Cloud give each other small fives out of the corner of my eye, but then Leon was walking toward me and Cloud had jumped up from the bed to hold his lover back.

"Calm down, Leon," he whispered.

"Why am _I_ your problem, Sora?" Leon shouted as he struggled in Cloud's grasp. "What did I do?!"

I laughed coldly again and rolled my eyes. "Well, for one you blamed Riku for my attempt at suicide, and then you kicked him out of my room. And, just to top it all off, you forbade him to see me. How could you do that to him? To _me_?"

Leon sighed and closed his eyes. After a couple of deep breaths he opened his eyes again and looked like he was going to say something, but then he turned on his heel and headed for the door.

"You know what?" he muttered. "I don't have time for this. Take care of our idiot brother for me, Roxas. The nurse should be here in a few minutes to check on his wounds and change the bandages."

And then he was gone. Cloud hung back as if he was going to stay, but with a small, apologetic goodbye he ran out of the room to catch up with Leon.

"Asshole," I grumbled and plopped down onto the bed beside Roxas.

He snorted quietly and shook his head. "You shouldn't be so harsh on him. He only did what he thought…"

"…was best for me?" I interrupted. "Yeah, I know. You've told me that a hundred times already. I still can't forgive him for doing that to Riku, though. It wasn't fair."

"Life isn't fair."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't start that again, either."

Roxas laughed and punched me playfully in the arm. I couldn't help but laugh, though my grumpy mood still lingered slightly below the surface. It was so weird now that I knew that Roxas was really my brother. Knowing didn't change anything between us, though. If anything, it only made our bond stronger. It was nice to finally realize why we had had such a strong bond aside from the fact that we were Futago. Or Twin Souls. Or whatever…

Sighing, I laid back on the bed with my hands under my head. "Have you talked to at all Riku today?"

"Yeah," Roxas answered with a laugh. "He can't wait to see you. Axel says that he's practically had to hold the guy's shirt tails all day to keep him from coming here to see you."

I laughed quietly. "I can't wait to see him. There are just…there's just so many things I want to ask him now that I remember. It's driving me insane."

I sighed and closed my eyes as Roxas settled down into the bed beside me. "Don't worry, Sora. You'll get to see him soon."

I shrugged and sighed, letting my thoughts wander. It felt like it had been an eternity since I had last been held in Riku's arms. I really missed the feeling, but I couldn't help but wonder if things were going to change between us since I woke up. I hoped not. I had enjoyed the sense of innocence that was in our relationship before I went into the coma. I didn't want to lose that.

A poke in my stomach brought me back to reality. "Whatcha thinkin' about?" Roxas muttered.

"Your mom," I groaned and rolled over so I was facing away from him. "Now leave me alone."

Roxas laughed and poked me again. "D-d-don't you eva talk about m-m-my momma like dat again," he said in a high pitched voice.

"I'll say whatever I want about your momma, whenever I want to," I said in a voice that mocked his.

He started to fake crying. "I'm gonna tell my momma on you and…and she'll never wanna see you again."

I smirked and shrugged. The opening was too perfect to ignore. "Oh, well. Tell her she was a good fuck, and I'll miss her dearly, but I've had better. Oh, and…" I reached over to the bedside table and handed Roxas the penny that I was on it. "…tell her that's for last night."

I patted his hand playfully and rolled back onto my side. It was silent for a moment or two, but then Roxas exploded in laughter. He laughed and laughed, and wouldn't stop. I groaned and beat my head against the metal bar attached to the side of my bed.

"Dude, you're sick. I'll tell Maho that you appreciate her business, though."

I grumbled a curse under my breath and rolled over so I could glare at him. "You say anything and I'll have to kick your ass."

He rolled his eyes and dropped the penny on my nose. "Yeah, whatever. We both know who would win that fight."

He laughed and stretched out on the bed. I growled, and was about to pounce on him when the door to my room opened and a nurse entered with her arms laden with bandages and antiseptic. Roxas jumped up from the bed and moved to the chair beside it instead.

The nurse kicked the door closed and dropped the things she had carried with her on metal tray with wheels. She pulled the tray over to the bed and took a seat.

"Time to check my wounds?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It won't take long. I just have to make sure that you didn't pull any of the stitches when you woke or anything like that. Then I'll change the bandages and be done."

I nodded and held my left arm out to her. She smiled and peeled the medical tape away from my skin. I had to bite my tongue to keep from whining. Some of the hair on my arm stuck to the tape and was pulled out while she peeled the tape away from my skin. It hurt like a bitch and made tears of pain well up in the corners of my eyes.

The nurse stared at my arm for a couple of seconds after she finally pulled the bandage away from my wrist. It kind of made me worry. Her brow was furrowed and she had a confused look in her eyes.

"Is…everything okay?" I muttered.

She held up a finger and haphazardly put the bandage back over my wrist before beckoning for my right arm. I held it out to her in confusion and tried my hardest to keep my patience while she pulled the large bandage from my wounds.

Once again, she stared at my arm in confusion, but this time she looked up at me with something akin to extreme shock in her eyes.

I opened my mouth to ask what the problem was, but she answered me before I could anything out.

"Your wounds have completely healed, and only your worst ones have left scars behind." She tentatively pressed on the scarred flesh of my wrist. "This…this is…"

"Impossible?" I sighed. Great. Though I had no idea how my wounds had "magically" healed, I had a feeling that it had something to do with my awakening. And now I was probably going to become a lab rat or sideshow or something. I could just see the tabloid headlines. "Sora, the fastest healing person in the world!"

"Well, no, not impossible. Your wounds were already mostly healed and sometimes people get lucky with scars." I sighed and she laughed. "Don't worry. You're not some kind of medical miracle or anything, if that's what you were worried about. It's just…surprising."

I sighed and tried my hardest to act normal, though I knew that my relief was probably written on my face. The nurse laughed and removed the bandages, and I was able to see my wounds for the first time.

The stitches had been removed sometime while I was still asleep, so the damage didn't look as bad as it could have. Though most of the marks from my suicide attempt were gone, I had vertical scars that ran from the middle of my forearm to my wrist. They weren't too wide—only about a centimeter or so across—but to me they were the ugliest things I had ever seen.

I was relieved to see that my scars from cutting hadn't disappeared with everything else. Call me sick or twisted, but I wanted to keep those scars as a reminder of the places I had been and never wanted to return to. Now that I understood things more clearly, my depression was starting to clear away, and I never wanted to have to look it straight in the eye again.

The nurse grabbed a piece of gauze and dabbed it in some kind of cream before she smeared it across my arm. I hissed when it touched my skin. It was cold as ice, but felt surprisingly good. When she was done, she dropped the gauze in the wastebasket and peeled the gloves from her hands.

"Well, Sora. You're all set," she said with a smile. "Doctor Akiko regrets that she couldn't be here to see you off, but she's busy in surgery at the moment."

I nodded and smiled brightly. That meant that I was finally going home! I could have danced for joy, though I didn't. I really didn't feel like getting out of bed.

The nurse left the room for a couple of minutes and returned with a small box for me to pack my things into and a wheelchair. Roxas and I quickly gathered the things Leon had brought for me, and I argued back and forth with the nurse about riding in the wheelchair until Roxas just shoved me into it and dropped my box in my lap.

"I can walk, dammit!" I grumbled.

"It's just standard procedure," the nurse said. "You can walk when we get to the doors."

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest as I pouted, though the frown disappeared when I saw the sunlight shining beyond the hospital doors. It had been so long since I had been able to get a mouthful of fresh air without someone breathing down my neck. I couldn't wait to get home, to a place I knew with people I knew.

The nurse pushed a button with her foot and the automatic doors opened so she could push me outside. She stopped the wheelchair by the sidewalk so I could get up and smiled at me when I turned to thank her.

"Take care!" she chirruped and waved jovially as Roxas and I made our way to the car.

It was beautiful outside. True, it was cold, but snow dusted the ground and decorated the trees. A gentle breeze was blowing and it turned our noses red while it played with our bangs. It was almost a shame when we climbed into the warm car. I would have loved to walk home, but I didn't want to get sick right after I had just gotten out of the hospital. That would have really sucked.

"Where are we going?" I asked after Roxas had driven for a few minutes.

He shrugged. "To Leon's. I would take you to my house, but Maho will probably go psycho on you, so yeah… Maybe we'll do that later."

I laughed and nodded. "Thank you. I'd rather not deal with your hyperactive mom right now."

"You'd rather deal with a pissy Leon?"

I shrugged. "He's quiet when he's pissed off so at least he'll leave me alone. I hope he does, at least. He'll just piss me off even more if he tries to explain himself on the whole Riku situation."

Roxas snorted and shook his head, but kept silent after that. I reached forward and clicked on the radio so the quiet wouldn't be quite so deafening. With a sigh, I rested my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes, letting the music wash over me.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Unfortunately, Leon never learned to shut his mouth whenever someone was pissed off at him. "Fuck you" waves were radiating from my body when Roxas and I got home from the hospital, but Leon still followed me around like he thought I was perfectly fine. He tried to ask me those little questions like "How are you feeling?" or "Are you hungry?" or "What's the matter?" and kept trying to ask, even though I was trying my hardest to avoid him like the plague.

Finally, when I had enough of my fill for one day, I turned around to face him and broke. "No, Leon, I'm not fucking okay! I just woke up from a three month coma yesterday to realize that my brother was an asshole who wouldn't even let my boyfriend stay with me while I was sleeping. Just add the fact that I've suddenly remembered an entire past life, and I think even a moron would understand that _I'm not okay_!"

Leon froze and frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "Are you calling me an idiot?" he muttered.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't even try to be cute with me. I'm so pissed at you that I can't even describe how much I hate you right now."

He sighed and dropped his head. "I'm sorry. I was just doing what I thought would be best for you."

I snorted. "If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that today," I grumbled.

"I just don't want him to drag you down like he did last time, Sora," he shouted. "You actually succeeded in killing yourself in the past, and I don't want to risk that again."

"I committed suicide in the past because I was led to believe by a certain _someone_…" I aimed my meanest glare at him. "…that Riku was dead when he wasn't. I killed myself because I didn't want to be alone anymore. Roxas was dead, Riku was 'dead,' and you had me under such hard watch that I would have never seen Axel again. I was tired of being alone, Leon."

He stopped following me for a moment and blinked. "You weren't alone, Sora. Cloud and I were still there for you."

I laughed coldly. "You mean Cloud was still there for me? You were so busy with your stupid Elder work that you barely spared me a second glance. You can't tell me that you didn't hate me just a little bit for falling in love with a demon. You _are _one of the ones who agreed to have me exiled, aren't you?"

He shook his head and furrowed his brow. "No, Sora. That wasn't my decision. It was the Source's decision to see you exiled. The other Elders and I had nothing to do with it."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever," I muttered and stomped into my room, slamming and locking the door behind me.

Roxas sighed at me from his spot on the bed. "You enjoy pissing him off too much."

I rolled my eyes and plopped down onto the bed beside him. "No, he's just an asshole and needs to give it up. I refuse to forgive him."

He snorted and pushed himself up so he could sit cross-legged. "And now you're just acting childish. What happened to the emo, yet still kinda happy Sora I remember? I don't like this angry one."

I tried my hardest to glare at him, but fell short. Instead, I dropped my head into my hands and sighed heavily. "I can't help it," I muttered.

Roxas laughed and put a soft hand on my shoulder. "I know that you're confused, but you can't take everything out on Leon. It was a little bit of everyone's fault."

I shrugged. "It's not my fault that he makes it so easy to blame him for everything. It's his fault for always looking like the guilty one. And if he would just stop trying to apologize for every little thing then I wouldn't get so pissed at him."

Silence fell between the two of us for a while after that. I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Roxas' hand stayed on my shoulder as a constant reminder that he was there for me no matter what happened. In the short time since I had been released home, I don't think Roxas had left me alone. Even when I had been out in the living room arguing with Leon, I had felt the gentle caress of Roxas' mind against mine…always there. And he _was_ always there. Though we were sitting close enough to feel the heat radiating off each other's bodies, I could still feel his mind against mine.

'_I'm sorry that this had to happen, Sora. It was so freakin' avoidable. I should have seen the warning signs. I shouldn't have been so…so…damn stupid that night. All the stupid shit I had done in the past was just thrown in your face before I had the chance to actually tell you about it. And Riku and Axel… Stupid. That's all we are. We're idiots who almost killed you.'_

I shook my head and tipped my head sideways so my cheek was against his hand. I heard him sigh, and he rested the side of his head against mine.

'_You guys didn't do anything wrong, Rox. I'm the one who jumped to conclusions. If anyone has to be stupid, it would be me. I should have given you more credit than I did. I should have stopped and let Riku explain when he'd called for me. It's my fault that all this happened, not yours.'_

He laughed. _'And why can't you use that forgiving attitude on our brother? I know that you're angry with him, but can't you see where he was coming from? He'd already lost you once and thought that it was going to happen again.'_

'_Like I said…I'm stupid…And hey. What happened to that costume anyway? And…those pants?'_ I visibly flinched at the thought of those stupid pants.

He laughed again and nudged my head playfully with his own. "You _are_ an idiot," he muttered. "But it's why we all love you so much."

I chuckled. "Plus, I'm cute, so the idiocy just goes along with my innocent and naïve demeanor."

Roxas pulled away from me and rolled his eyes. "Innocent and naïve, my ass!" he laughed. "You lost your innocence more than a thousand years ago."

I smiled and shrugged. "It's amazing, the things that will stick with you through time."

Roxas put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close in a small hug. "That it is," he said. "But you gotta stop being so mopy. I've gotta surprise for you."

"A surprise?" I frowned.

He nodded excitedly and smiled. "Yeah, now come on."

He climbed off the bed and went to the window. As quietly as he could, he unlatched the panes and slid up the bottom one. Last but not least, he popped out the screen and set it on the floor behind the desk. When he was finished, he turned to me with a smile and beckoned impatiently.

"Come on! We have to leave before Leon comes storming in here to make sure you're doing alright, or something like that."

I furrowed my brow, but didn't move. Roxas sighed heavily and grabbed onto my hand, pulling me up from the bed and toward the window. He grabbed a jacket and shoved it into my hands on the way across.

"You go first," he said. "I don't want you to close the window and lock me out once I get out there."

I rolled my eyes as I shrugged on the jacket, but did as he said. I stuck my head out first and measured the distance between the window and the ground. It wasn't much, but it wasn't a small fall, either. I could easily break my ankle if I landed the wrong way. I shook my head to expel those thoughts and closed my eyes.

"Go!"

With a heavy sigh, I hefted a leg out the window and boosted my hands on the window sill to help me get up so I was straddling the ledge. Then, with a little luck and patience, I pulled my other leg though the window until I was sitting on the ledge and carefully jumped down to the ground.

Roxas dropped the screen outside on the grass and followed after me. I swear he made the job look a hell of a lot easier than it really was, but that was just how he was. When he was out, he used a cinderblock for leverage to pull the window closed again and used a little mind magic to close the lock inside. Within seconds the screen was back in place, and he was dragging me behind him as he ran away from the apartment complex.

After five minutes or so of running, my legs grew tired and I slowed to a stop. Roxas turned to look at me with a frown on his face. I answered him with a glare.

"Where are we going?" The words came out a little harsher than I had intended. I couldn't help it. My legs hurt and I was confused, so I had the right to be angry at least a little bit.

He smiled and shrugged. "Just somewhere."

I made my glare a bit more threatening. "Where are we going?"

He laughed and patted my head as if he were petting an angry dog. "You'll find out when we get there. It's a surprise remember?"

He started to run again, but I yanked him back. He turned to me with an angry frown.

"We could have already been there by now if it wasn't for you and your pissyness," he grumbled.

"I'm not in the mood for a surprise, Roxas. Just tell me where we're going and I'll happily follow you."

He sighed. "I'm taking you home," he muttered.

I furrowed my brow. "You just dragged me away from home, stupid."

"No!" He shook his head and a new smile lit up his face. "I'm talking about the house where you lived with your mom."

"Do what?!" I yanked my hand out of his and took a few steps back. "Why are you taking me there? Are you stupid? She'll kill me!"

He shook his head again and reached out for my hand, but I pulled away before he could grab me. "She's not there anymore, Sora. No one knows where she is, but she turned the house over to you."

I laughed. "You expect me to believe that she gave me an entire house? The only time she ever gave me anything was when she wanted me to stay quiet about her beatings, and that's pretty much out in the open now." I laughed again. "What in your right mind makes you think that she would give me a _house_?"

He shrugged. "I dunno," he said sheepishly. "I just heard Leon talking about it with Cloud one day while they were visiting you in the hospital. I wanted to tell you before Leon because… Well, just because I wanted to."

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't believe you."

He sighed and slumped his shoulders forward. "Then I don't know what to say. Will you at least just come with me? You're acting like I'm going to kill you or something."

"How do I know that you're not?" I asked coolly.

Roxas' eyes widened slightly and he stumbled backwards as if he had been shot. The way that he groped at his chest just added to the effect. "Do you honestly think I would kill you?"

A weird sort of déjà vu floated over me at his words. This argument wasn't the same as the one we had had before, but it was still just as eerie. This was the second time in three months that I had been edgy around Roxas because I didn't know what he was going to do next. Would he really kill me? I couldn't be too sure.

"You do, don't you?" Roxas whispered, tears in his voice. "How could you think that? I would never hurt you, Sora! You're my brother. I would be lost without you."

I sighed and closed my eyes, taking a few seconds to calm myself. "I know, Roxas. It's just… I don't know what to do anymore. Ever since I woke, I feel like I don't know myself. I always thought that it would be the other way around; that I would feel completed when I regained all of my memories, but… That's not how it feels. I only feel like I've lost myself."

"Oh, Sora…" Roxas wrapped his arms around me and sighed. "I know that it's nothing like you expected, but it's a very good thing that you remember."

He let go of me and took a step back, and I couldn't help but smile. He was right. It was _nothing _like I had expected, but I would much rather live with all of these confusing memories than to go back in time to my life without them.

Out of nowhere, a slight drizzle of rain started to fall and shrouded the world around us in a mist. Roxas laughed at my angry frown and grabbed onto my hand.

"Come on. It's not much further and then we'll be inside."

I nodded and followed behind him reluctantly. As happy as I was that I was going to have a place to live that was away from Leon, I wasn't so sure that I wanted to go back to the place that had given birth to so many painful memories. Even though my mom and I had been living in the house, it had always been an empty shell of the home it had been before Dad had died. I could only imagine what it looked like now.

A shiver rippled through my body as Roxas and I turned onto the familiar street, and I kept my eyes trained on the road until Roxas stopped at the end of my driveway. I slowly lifted my eyes and let them drift over the empty house. It actually didn't look as horrible as I had imagined. The grass had already started to die when I had left, but now it was covered in a thin sheet of snow. The dull off-white paint had a few more chips in it than I last remembered, but it the house still looked like someone lived in it. Even so, I could feel that the air around the house had changed. It was lighter. It almost felt as if the house had gotten rid of an evil demon. It felt like it was…free.

"We're gonna be soaked if we stand out here any longer," Roxas said, nudging my elbow gently. "Let's go inside and start a fire. I bet the house is freezing."

I nodded weakly. I had completely forgotten about the rain in my surprise at the seeing the house, but now it poured down and chilled my body as it ran down the back of my neck. Thankfully, the warm winter jacket that I wore kept out most of the icy water.

I followed Roxas up onto the porch, hesitating to enter the house after he unlocked the door with his mind and stepped inside. It looked so forlorn and empty. It wasn't hard to see that it had been a long time since any kind of love had been shown inside this house.

"It's okay, Sora. I promise."

Roxas held his hand out to me, and I took it gratefully. He helped me get the courage to go into the house and face the place I had avoided since the last time I had been beat by my mom.

A deep chill filled the house, so deep that it even managed to penetrate the layers of my jacket. It didn't surprise me. The heater hadn't been run in the house for more than four months, and a fire hadn't been lit in the hearth for even longer.

Roxas weaved his way into the living room and toward the fireplace. I followed him slowly. Why hadn't someone removed the furniture from the house? Mom had disappeared without a trace long ago, so why hadn't the police taken everything away? It didn't make any sense, but when Roxas managed to finally get a fire started in the hearth, it didn't seem to matter anymore. The light glow of the fire gave the house life, and I already felt warmth flooding over me, even though I knew that there was no way that I could feel it.

Sighing, I unzipped the jacket and pulled it from my shoulders, throwing it over the back of the couch on my way to Roxas' side. He smiled at me and moved so he was resting with his back against the couch.

"Did you ever expect to see this place again?" he muttered.

I shook my head. "No. I really didn't. I actually wish that they had burned it to the ground. There are no more happy memories in this place. Only pain. I wish that it would all just disappear."

I let my eyes skim over the living room, lingering on the photographs that stood in elegant frames on the mantle…on the beautiful dishes that had been a wedding gift to my mother and father in the China cabinet …on the pots of fake flowers that decorated the tables…

Everything seemed like it was taken from a former life of mine, and it really had been. The life I had lived with my mother wasn't the life I lived now. I was a different person since regaining my memories. I couldn't help but entertain the thoughts that maybe I would be able to go back to that life, though. I would give anything to go back the life I had before Dad died…back when everything was still perfect.

I sighed heavily and pulled my knees up to my chest, staring deep into the flames. They were so beautiful. I wondered if I could do some mental magic to make the fire larger so it would engulf the entire house, but leave Roxas and I protected for long enough to get out. I deeply doubted it, and didn't dare to try.

"I have to see Maho," Roxas said, his voice cutting through the silence like a knife as he stood. "I only went home once while you were in the hospital, and you know how she is. She's probably beside herself with worry."

I nodded and moved to stand as well, but he shook his head and smiled sadly.

"This is something that I need to do. There's a lot that I need to say to Maho. Why don't you stay here? I'll be back soon, I promise."

"But…" Did he honestly expect me to want to stay in this house by myself? If there was no reason for me to be here, then I really didn't want to be here. I didn't care that I was going to get the house handed over to me. Hell, I didn't even know if that was the truth. I just didn't want to stay there _period_.

Roxas shook his head again. "I'll be back," he said with a little more force, and I watched helplessly as he left me behind, only blinking when the sound of the door clicking shut announced his departure.

I wanted to get up and follow him, but I knew that he would only be pissed if I did. Sighing, I turned my eyes back onto the fire and listened to the rain as it misted against the window. There really wasn't much to think about, so I can't say that I lost myself in my thoughts. I just stared and lost myself in the dancing flames in the hearth until my tailbone started to hurt and I stood up to stretch.

It was dark outside when I finally let my legs slowly lead me around the house. I went into the dining room and kitchen, running my fingers delicately over the countertop as I moved. Everything was covered in a thin layer of dust, and my fingers left trails. I looked down at the floor and noticed that I was leaving footprints on the hardwood.

I avoided the staircase. I didn't want to go up to my bedroom unless it was absolutely necessary, mostly because I was afraid of the state it would be in. Last I knew, the carpet was covered in dried blood. Some sick part of me wanted to go up and see if it was in the same neglected state, but the stronger part of me kept me downstairs. My destroyed room wasn't something that I really needed to see.

I don't know why, but the next place my feet carried me to was outside. I didn't have my jacket, so the cold pierced my skin, but I didn't turn and go back inside. Instead, I crossed my porch and slowly walked down the stairs. The mist of rain that had left a shimmering of water on my skin increased with every step that I took, but I ignored it. I walked until I was standing in the center of my front yard and turned my face up to the sky.

The moon was shining bright and full and I could see the stars sparkling, even with the rain. I briefly wondered why it wasn't snowing, but shoved the thought away as quickly as it had come. It sometimes rained in the winter so it didn't really matter.

I dropped to my knees on the ground, hissing quietly as the snow seeped into my jeans and melted against my skin. Why was I still outside? It was freezing and I would definitely get sick if I didn't go in soon, but something with a strong pull kept me outside.

The rain started to fall even harder as I sat on the frozen ground, and it soaked through my shirt and jeans. I still didn't mind. There really were no thoughts running through my head as I sat there. There really wasn't anything for me to think about. The shock of the day hadn't set in yet. Everything still felt so strange to me.

Footsteps crunched in the snow behind me, but I didn't bother to turn and see who was coming up on me. I closed my eyes and turned my face up to the rain, letting it slide down my face.

"S-Sora?"

An immediate shiver rippled through my body at the sound of my name in that oh-so-familiar voice. It was a voice I had been dreaming about, but it had to only be my imagination.

"Sora?"

A hand landed on my shoulder and pulled me out of whatever world I had managed to lose myself in. My eyes snapped open and I was suddenly painfully aware of the rain that was freezing in my hair and on my clothes. I blinked rapidly and shook my head before I turned and looked at the person who stood beside me. I sighed at that beautiful face.

"Riku…"

He smiled and I sighed. He looked even more like an angel than I had ever seen him. He was dressed for the cold and the icy rain dripped from his hair delicately. The way the streetlight behind him glared off his sliver hair gave the image of a halo.

He smiled again and held a hand out to me to help me stand. I took it and, in a flash, my arms were wrapped around him and our lips were locked in a passionate yet chaste kiss.

Riku laughed when we pulled apart. "Oh, I've missed you," he whispered, burying his face in my hair. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," I muttered and nuzzled my face into his chest.

He laughed again and pulled me tight against him. "You're soaked. Let's get you inside before you get sick or something."

I nodded and let myself be lead back into the house by Riku, half-in and half-out of everything that was going on. Where was Roxas? Hadn't he said that he would be back soon? I didn't know how long it had been since he had left, but I could have sworn that "soon" had already come and gone. And did it really matter? I mean, Riku was here with me now. Now that I wasn't alone, Roxas could take as much time as he needed to talk with Maho.

Riku stopped in the doorway and held me away from him at arms length. He tutted quietly and shook his head.

"Sora, Sora…," he sighed. "Look at you. You're soaked to the bone. You need to change into some different clothes."

He grabbed my hand and started to lead me toward the stairs, but I pulled back, shaking my head when he looked at me in question.

"I don't want to go up there," I explained, pleading with him in my gaze.

He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair. "But you need to change your clothes."

I nodded, but didn't move. Riku sighed and gently tugged on my hand until I followed him into the living room. A violent shiver rippled through my body as the chill finally managed to eat through to my bones.

"You're a mess, Love."

I sighed, but kept my mouth shut. Riku sighed in response and brushed his hands lightly against my body, stopping at my waistline. When his fingers toyed with the button of my jeans, I jumped backwards and looked at him in shock. He laughed out loud and put a hand to his forehead.

"Fine, do it yourself. Either way, you need to change."

I blushed a deep crimson and grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch, stalking out of the living room and into the entryway so I could undress in privacy. I peeled my shirt and jeans from my body, but kept my boxers on. I wasn't ready to be completely nude in front of Riku yet. When I was finished, I wrapped my body in the blanket and left my soaked clothes in a pile on the floor beside the door. With a sigh, I pulled the blanket tight around my shoulders and went back into the living room.

Riku was sitting on the floor in front of the fire, prodding it gently with the poker to get a few flames going. I settled down on the floor next to him, not too close but not too far away. I don't know why, but things felt weird between the two of us now that I remembered everything. It wasn't a bad kind of weird, but the air felt heavy. It was almost suffocating.

I shivered and Riku closed the distance between us, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to pull me close against him. I sighed and rested my head on the crook of his shoulder.

"There's a lot that we need to talk about," he finally muttered.

I nodded. "Yeah, but can't we stay like this for just a little while longer?"

He sighed, laughing quietly, almost sadly. "Yeah," he muttered, and I snuggled into his arms. I was happy just to be there with Riku as we watched the burning embers in the hearth and the dancing waves that were cast on the walls from the rain against the window. Even if it was only for a moment, everything in the outside world could wait.

TBC…  
**--------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: _::sighs::_ I love this ending!! It's so freakin' cliché. In a way, I wish that this was the end of this part of the series… I dunno why. It's not, though, so don't go freaking out on me!! Hehe… There are still three chapters left before the end…

A note on the mom jokes… Sorry for anyone who's not into the whole mom joke thing, but it was sooo hard for me to not throw it in there. It's like a contest between my friends and I to see who can pull the best mom joke, so yeah… You're lucky it wasn't one of our patented "Josh's mom" jokes. LoL… That could have been interesting...

I think that was being stupid again, so I apologize to **catwomen47, DaggerForFate, bloodredthunderstorm, **and **lostlovedeath** because I wasn't able to reply before posting this. To everyone who reviewed: you all are great, and I love you! Thanks so much for your support…

Once again, I give my unending thanks to **kuriqa** for that late night phone conversation on Monday. _::glomps::_ You know I love you, babe. 40 days!! Hehe… Yes, I'm already counting down. I can't wait!!…

As always, I apologize for any typos. I had the fun job of editing this chapter at work… But, aside from that, I think that's all I have to say for this chapter…

_::glomps everyone::_ Until next chapter, adieu…


	19. Chapter Fourteen: In Your Arms

Okay…this chapter was going to feature a lemon, but I decided against it. Mainly because I just couldn't bring myself to write it for some reason, but also because I didn't feel like cutting out the graphic part just so this wouldn't be deleted like "ILaH" was about a year ago. I may end up writing a lemon for it before after I finish the story, but I'm not sure yet. I should have a decision by the time I'm done, though…

This chapter is shorter than usual because, like with the chapter with Sora's suicide attempt, I can only go on for so long before things start becoming redundant and stuff, so yeah…

A warning outside the other warnings…this chapter really hasn't been edited yet. I skimmed through it and stuff, but that's about it. You maybe be wondering why. Well…I just finished this chapter 15 minutes ago because I have developed the worst freaking case of writer's block, that's why. I've also been working on some of my other KH fanfics that I want to get posted, so yeah…. Just figured I would warn you that there will probably be plenty of typos and all that jazz in here…_::sighs::_…

**Happy St. Patrick's Day!!**

WARNINGS: language, lime that borders on lemon…

**Disclaimer: **The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_Cause our lips,  
__Can touch.  
__And our cheeks,  
__Can brush.  
__Our lips can touch,  
__Here. _

_Where you are the one, the one,  
__That lies close to me.  
__Whispers, "Hello,  
__I miss you quite terribly."  
__I fell in love, in love,  
__With you suddenly.  
__Now there's no place else,  
__I could be, but,  
__Here in your arms…"_

—"_Here (In Your Arms)" Hellogoodbye…_

**Chapter Fourteen:  
****In Your Arms…**

I don't know how long Riku and I sat there in our companionable silence. The harsh rain that beat against the window combined with the growing darkness cast by the dying fire lulled me into a near state of unconsciousness. The only thing that kept me awake was Riku's constant shifting. I tried to get up and move away more than once, thinking that I was the cause of his fidgeting, but he would just tighten his arm around my shoulders and hold me closer to him.

Finally, when the silence became too suffocating, I sighed and turned my face so I could look up at him. The way the glowing embers in the fire place danced across his face made him look eerily like the demon that he really was. The sight sent a shiver rippling down my spine. The motion seemed to get his attention, though, as he turned his eyes from the glow in the heart onto my face.

"Riku…," I muttered.

He smiled sadly and dipped his head ever slightly so he could kiss my forehead. I closed my eyes at the gentle gesture, sighing as I opened them and saw that he had turned his attention back onto the heart.

"_Riku_…," I said a little more persistently this time.

He turned to me with a frown on his face. Though it wasn't an angry frown, it still made me flinch and turn my attention elsewhere, namely the moon outside the window.

"We can't stay like this forever," I whispered.

He uttered a small laugh and turned my face back to his with gentle fingers on my chin. "I thought you said that you wanted to stay like this."

I sighed and dropped my eyes in defeat. "I know, but I didn't say forever. I said just for a little while. Hasn't it been a little while yet?"

Another quiet laugh made me move my eyes back up to his face. His eyes widened noticeably and a frown formed on his lips when he looked at my face. He reached forward and wiped my cheeks with his thumbs, but soon replaced his fingers with his lips, kissing away tears I hadn't even realized I had been crying.

"What's going to come of us now that I remember?" I muttered once we had settled back down into our previous positions.

He tightened his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. "I'm not sure, but we're going to make the best of it while we can, okay?"

I nodded, but furrowed my brow. What did he mean by "while we can"? It was almost like he was throwing some dark and dreary foreshadowing onto our relationship. Did he know something that I didn't? I desperately wanted to ask, but I didn't want to make things anymore awkward between us than they already were.

"You're shaking," he stated.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself, pulling the throw blanket around my body closer to me in the process. "I'm just cold. Don't worry."

He laughed, and I had enough time to let out a rather undignified yelp as he gathered me in his arms before I was sitting in his lap. Riku wrapped both of his arms around my waist and held me to his chest protectively. I sighed into his embrace and buried my face in his shirt, inhaling his scent.

"I'm not meaning to stall, Sora. I just don't know where to start, you know?" he muttered.

I nodded as I started to draw little circles on his forearm, chuckling as he shivered. "I know. I just want to get it over with. I don't like this…this…awkwardness."

"I know."

And then silence fell again. I sighed quietly. This was beginning to get frustrating. As much as I wanted to avoid the looming conversation, I knew that we were going to be forced to have it sooner or later. Why not get it over with now? It would make things a little easier when it came down to the wire. It wasn't going to be long before Roxas and I were ordered to return to Akari and Riku and Axel to Kurai.

"Do you remember everything?" Riku muttered suddenly, making me jump.

I nodded when I composed myself. "Pretty much. Don't get me wrong, there are still a bunch of black, empty spots lingering around in my mind, but they're very few. Why?"

He shrugged. "I was just wondering," he muttered. "You know that they're going to want you back, right? Especially now that you remember."

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah. I know. And Kurai is going to want you back, as well."

Riku's arms tensed slightly. The action should have been over with too quickly for me to notice that he had even done anything, but I _did_ notice and it made me frown.

"What's wrong?" I asked, lifting my head so I could look up at him.

He shook his head and smiled softly. I glared.

"Don't lie to me! I know that something's wrong. Now spill!"

Riku sighed and closed his eyes, burying his face in my hair so he could kiss my temple quickly. "We've already been summoned to return by Father."

I started and pulled away from him a bit. "You what? You mean you're going to have to leave? Already?"

He nodded. "Yeah. We don't want to, but there's no way out of it. If Axel and I tried to run, we would be caught for sure. Then, they would most likely torture us both as punishment for trying to escape."

"How long do you have?" I closed my eyes, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Now we only have a week."

I gasped and closed my eyes in an attempt to stem the immediate flow of tears. Unfortunately, it didn't help. My tears welled up behind my eyelids and spilled over, even though I was mentally shouting at them to stop. I felt Riku reaching out to hold me, but I batted his hands away. I wasn't able to keep him away a second time, though, and I shouted against his hold as he pulled me into his lap.

"You can't leave me!" I shouted painfully. "I _need_ you. You can't leave me just because Xemnas wants you back!"

Riku cooed in my ear and ran a gentle hand back through my hair. My sobs were terrible. The sheer force of them made my throat and head ache painfully and my whole body was convulsing in Riku's arms. I clung desperately to the sleeves of Riku's jacket, as if my hold would make it so he could stay with me forever.

When my sobs finally stopped, Riku pressed a kiss to my temple and I situated myself so I was straddling his lap, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck. He shivered slightly when I kissed the skin just below his ear. I chuckled.

"Don't do that, Sora…," he warned.

I chuckled again, but did as he had requested. I knew what would happen if I continued my work on that spot, and I don't think that either of us was ready for it right now. Maybe later, but not now.

"Will you do one thing for me when you and Roxas are summoned?" Riku muttered.

I nodded, frowning slightly in question. "I'll do anything."

He smiled and brushed my hair back out of my face, cupping my cheek in his hand when he was finished. "You're far too compliable. Don't you even what to know what it first?"

I shrugged and nuzzled into his hand. "It doesn't matter. I know that you wouldn't ask me to do something that you knew would hurt me."

Riku laughed quietly and dropped his hand from my face. "Even after everything, you're so damned trusting," he muttered.

I frowned. "And why shouldn't I be? You're not going to send me off on some kind of death mission, are you?" He sighed, and I furrowed my brow, gripping his shoulders. "Are you?!"

He gently pried my fingers away from his arms and twined them with his own, shaking his head. "I want you to run," he muttered. "If Ansem and his lackeys try to get you to return to them, I want you to run away with Roxas and don't look back."

I laughed. "You honestly think that they won't find us? They probably have some sort of tracking device on us or something so they'll know our every move. There's no way in hell that we'll be able to get away from that."

"Okay, fine…" he muttered with a heavy sigh. "If you think that running will be all for naught, then stay here where they most definitely know where you are."

I narrowed my eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?" I tried to pull my hands out of his, but he only tightened his grip.

"I don't want to fight with you, Sora," he moaned. "I just don't want you to be caught. Axel and I don't have a choice. We have to go back or else suffer the consequences when Father finally catches up to us. You and Roxas actually have a chance of getting away if you run. You don't want to go back there, do you?"

I shook my head and closed my eyes. Returning to Akari was the last thing that I wanted to do, but how were Roxas and I supposed to run and be expected to get away? Leon had a link with us because he was family, and I was willing to bet that he would tell Ansem where we were if it was ordered by the Source. Why? Maybe he would do it just to piss me off, but I had a feeling that he would do it just so he could save his own skin. It wouldn't be surprising if Leon was threatened with torture or something if he didn't spill.

A gentle kiss to my temple pulled he out of my thoughts. I sighed and leaned against Riku's chest. His heartbeat echoed through my head and matched the pace of my own. Riku untwined our fingers and slipped his arms under the blanket, wrapping them around my waist.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered.

"I just don't know what to do. I mean, I just woke up yesterday, and now everything is so messed up and…" I sighed. "I just don't know what to do."

He laughed quietly. "Do whatever feels right to you. I should have never asked you to run. It's your decision to make. I can't tell you what to do."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck. Riku moved his arms from my waist and ran his fingers lightly up and down my bare spine. A shiver rippled through my body at the sensation. I tried to whisper his name—to tell him to stop because I knew where this was going to go but I wasn't sure if we were ready for it—but all that came out was a strangled half-moan, half-grumble, so I gave up.

Instead, I tilted my head back so I could look him in the eye and gasped quietly. It wasn't the way that his eyes had darkened in lust that had surprised me. No, it was the way his pupils had changed from circles to slits. His eyes had gone from human to the eyes of the creature he really was in less time than I had had to react. He smiled and the small hint of fang that flashed made me whine quietly.

I reached up and held the side of Riku's face gently in my hand. He growled quietly and jerked away from my hand for a second before he relaxed and closed his eyes.

"Riku…," I whispered. "We shouldn't do this."

He opened his eyes, and I was glad to see that they were back to normal. He dipped his face down until his lips were just a breath away from mine. "I know. Do you want to stop?"

I didn't need the time to think about it. I shook my head and gasped at the electric shockwave that coursed through my body when his lips connected with mine. It was like nothing I had ever felt. Even the passionate kisses we had shared before couldn't compare to this. Not even our first time together over a thousand years before could compare.

While our tongues battled for dominance, Riku slid the blanket from my shoulders and I dipped my hands beneath the hem of his shirt so I could pull it away. We broke away long enough for me to pull his shirt over his head. Before the cloth hit the floor, Riku lips were attacking my neck, nipping and sucking along the flesh, gently easing the pain of every bite with his tongue.

"Ri…" I gasped, clamping my hands on his shoulders. "Riku."

He chuckled and stopped his job so he could look up at me. Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw how soft and gentle his gaze was.

"I love you," I whispered.

His eyes widened briefly before a bright and beautiful smile blossomed across his face. Instead of kissing me like I thought he would have, he pulled me to him and held me in a crushing hug. I laughed out loud and let my tears fall when it was too hard to hold them back any longer.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that to me," he said with a sigh and kissed my temple over and over again. "So long. You don't understand. Gods, Sora. I love you too. I love you so much."

I laughed again when he pulled away from me. "I told you when you came to me while I was in my coma."

He smiled and flicked my nose. "That's not the same as being able to hear you say it in the flesh. I was staring to go crazy while you were in the coma, so it could have been anything."

I smiled and ran a hand back through his hair. "You're the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I don't what I ever did to deserve you, but I'm glad that I did it."

Riku laughed and rolled his eyes, batting my hand away. He kissed me gently on the lips, smiling when he pulled away. "You stole my line."

I smiled innocently and shrugged. "Oops. I guess I never thought that you would say something so cliché."

He laughed heartily, throwing his head back. "You are pretty cliché, aren't you?"

"Am not!" I shouted and pushed him over so he fell onto the ground before I sat victoriously on his chest. Yeah, so much for "the mood."

"Fine, fine! You're not cliché. You're…" He paused for a moment before he smiled. "You're just Sora."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "And you dared to call me cliché?" I tutted. "You've got a lot of nerve."

He shrugged and pushed me off his chest with one easy shove. I let out a small yelp as I toppled to the ground. A warm blush ran up the length of my body when he straddled me. The moon shining through the window made his hair look like it was glowing as it hung down around our faces in a curtain. His eyes were small pinpricks of light that bored into mine.

I sighed quietly and cupped his face in a hand, bringing it down to mine so I could kiss him softly. He took over almost instantly and deepened the kiss. One of his hands cupped my face while the other found my free hand and held it above my head.

A quiet whine snuck from my throat when Riku pulled away. He just smiled and slowly rid me of my boxers. I squirmed uncomfortably when he just sat there and stared at me, but then he moved and started to pull off the rest of his clothing and everything was okay again.

Soon after he came back and recaptured my lips, we lost ourselves in the world of passion that comes when two people make love. He was so gentle with me that it made me cry. I was afraid that he was going to forget that I was still a virgin in life, but he seemed to keep that fact at the front of his mind the entire time.

I came to my release, screaming his name, and fell slack. Riku threw his head back soon after and reached his own release with a loud groan before he collapsed on top of me.

We laid in silence for a while afterwards, basking in the afterglow of our second time together. It was hard to believe that in more than a thousand years we had only been able to be together in such a passionate way, but it was the truth and it was beautiful.

When Riku rolled to the side, he pulled me with him and held me tight in his arms, ignoring the sweaty and sticky mess that covered out bodies. He kissed the top of my head gently and ran a hand through my hair my hair through my hair in long, even strokes. I mewled quietly and snuggled into the warmth of his chest.

"I love you, Riku," I muttered quietly, my voice slurred with exhaustion. "And I can't thank you enough. You have no idea how much you've done for me. It's just so…"

His laugh interrupted me and he kissed my head again. "Go to sleep, Sora," he whispered. "We can talk more in the morning."

He didn't have to tell me twice.

TBC…  
-----------------------------------------------------  
A/N: This is much shorter than I anticipated…_::sighs::_… Oh, well. I dunno if I like the ending or not. Either way, it works and it's something, right? _::sighs::_ I hope you all enjoyed it at least a smidge…

Only two more chapters left!! _::cries::_ It makes me sad, but I'm really looking forward to that break. It may end up lasting longer than a month, seeing that when it'll come time for me to post again is when finals are, so yeah… Plus I'm gonna be spending a week away from writing with my ku, though I'm gonna have to guard my computer good so she can sneak any peeks. Hehe… _::glomps ku::_…

Anyway…I apologize for any typos and stuff in this chapter. This was _just _finished and I wanted to get it posted on time, even though it's technically a little bit late, but whatever…

Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter!! _::hugs::_ You all are great and I love you bunches!! Thanks so much for you support!!…


	20. AS, AS: Angels Cry

I'M LATE!! Gah!! I'm sooo sorry. I have many reasons, though they're all not very good. The weather here has been BEAUTIFUL, so I've been itching to spend time outside... I took my lap top outside and was distracted by my neighbors' chickens (I ended up chasing them with a friend)...then came the magickal thing called DDR...then came food...then came Digimon (DON'T JUDGE ME!! lolz) fanfics...then came sleep... Then I woke up this morning and wrote a bit...then went outside and took a walk...watched the race 'cause it was at Bristol...watched a bunch of KH parodies on youtube...watched Imogen Heap vids on youtube...took a spontaneous trip to Blockbuster and got sidetracked by the summit on the way home, which was followed by a bunch of effing around and throwing rocks off the side of a mountain...then...after _all _that...I came home and decided that I should _finally _finish this chapter... So...I wrote about three pages of this chapter today while the other five were written over the course of the week... Good times...

So yeah...there's my excuses... Lame? Yesh...but whatver. This is the first year I've actually wanted to be outside instead of stuck behind a computer screen, so sue me...

Anywho...ready for one more peek into Riku's mind before we wrap this baby up? _::looks around::_ Well…I hope so 'cause that's what y'all are gonna get. Hehe…

Enjoy!…

WARNINGS: language...and I think that's really the only thing...

**Disclaimer: **the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"_Well, it's hard to explain  
But I'll try if you let me  
Well, it's hard to sustain  
I'll cry if you let me. _

_This doesn't change the way I feel  
About you or your place in my life (please don't cry)  
__Can't you see I'm dying here?  
A shot of broken heart that is chased with fear? _

_Angels cry  
When stars collide  
I can't eat  
And I can't breathe  
I wouldn't want it any other way…"_

—"_Angels Cry" The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus…_

**((Another Side, Another Story))  
Angels Cry…**

It didn't take long for Sora to fall asleep after we were finished. I held him tight in my arms until I heard his breath even out. When he started to snore cutely, I smiled and gently pried myself away from him so I could stand and assess the situation.

The first thing I needed to do was clean us up. With a small glance back at the still slumbering Sora, I went to the kitchen and dug around in the drawers until I found a wash cloth. I wetted the towel with water from the tap and cleaned the mess from my stomach. Then I retreated to the living room and cleaned Sora up as best as I could without waking him.

Next came clothing. I let my eyes search the living room for my boxers and jeans and quickly tugged them on. Sora moaned quietly and I froze in the action of stuffing a leg into my pants in case it was my movement that was waking him. I sighed when he settled down again and finished pulling on my pants.

I stopped for a minute to think about what to do with Sora. I couldn't just leave him lying on the ground. I would have liked to take him up to his bedroom, but he had shown such a fear of going up there when he had had to change clothes that I didn't want to risk him freaking out if he woke up in there.

Sighing, I decided that the couch would be good enough. I gathered Sora carefully in my arms, pausing only briefly when he wiggled around a bit, and settled him down on the couch. I grabbed a different throw blanket than the one he had hid from me under earlier from the back of the couch and laid it over his body.

Only when I saw Sora safely tucked beneath the warm blanket did I realize how cold it had gotten in the house since I had first arrived. I cast a glance toward the fire place and realized why. The glowing embers had completely died away, which meant that I would have to start a new fire. Wonderful. I had never been good with making fire. After all, it wasn't me who was the pyromaniac in the family. That obsession had unfortunately been granted to someone else.

I found some newspapers and a box of matches on top of a small stack of wood next to the hearth. I grabbed a few sheets of the paper and balled them up as quietly as I could, stealing glances at Sora every once in a while to make sure I didn't wake him. When I had about six rolled up, I dropped them into the hearth and added a couple small pieces of wood. With the flick of my wrist, I lit a match and dropped it into the center of the mess of paper and wood. After that, all I could do was pray that it would light and I wouldn't have to fight with it anymore.

When there were at few promising flames dancing in the hearth, I stood and plopped down in the comfortable armchair beside the couch. As much as I wanted to look at something else, my eyes kept drifting back to Sora's face. I just couldn't understand how someone who was so wracked with pain and insecurities could look so peaceful while he was sleeping. It was almost unbelievable, and I knew that when he woke, those small little worry lines would reappear between his eyes and his jaw would be set in a small frown instead of that sleepy little smile.

I couldn't help but let my own smile float across my face. I was going to miss him. Gods, I was to miss him so much. I didn't know how I was going to survive when there was no reassurance that it wasn't going to be another thousand years before I was going to be able to see him again. It was hard enough when he was locked away in the coma. I didn't even want to think about how hard it was going to be when I was in back in NeoKurai and he was…wherever he ended up.

As against it as he had been, I was praying inside that Roxas would talk some sense into Sora and the two of them would run away together. I knew that he was right. Ansem and his lackeys would probably end up finding them sooner or later, but they wouldn't receive even half the amount of punishment as Axel and I would if we were to try and run. Being the brother of an Elder, Sora would get off easy because they wouldn't want to arise any suspicions with the people of NeoAkari. I wasn't so sure about what would happen to Roxas, but I had a feeling that Sora would step up and do something about it when the time came.

A sudden vibrating in my front pocket made me jump. It took me a minute to realize that it was only my cell phone and I thanked the gods that I always kept it on silent as I quickly but quietly made my way out of the living room. I flipped the phone open as I took a seat on the bottom stair. Axel's name flashed above a goofy picture of his face. I debated on ignoring it, but answered anyway.

"Yeah?" I muttered.

"Where the hell are you, Riku?" he hissed. "You just disappeared on me. Did something happen?"

I laughed quietly and rolled my eyes. "You're overreacting, Axel. I'm at Sora's. It's okay."

"You're where? Leon actually let you see him?"

"We're not at Leon's. We're at Sora's house. Apparently it was handed over to him by his mother."

There was silence for a moment on the other end before: "Did that bitch honestly think that handing Sora a house was going to make everything better?"

I shrugged, then remembered he couldn't see it. "I don't know. She's not here."

"Really now?" he muttered, then fell into silence before he exclaimed. "Ah, no you didn't, did you?" I smiled and he laughed at my silence. "You made sweet, passionate love to Sora and didn't even let me watch. How dare you! I thought I actually meant something to you."

I tutted and rolled my eyes at the inappropriate comment, but let it slide. It _was_ Axel, after all. What more could I expect from him and his spastic perverted mind?

"When are you going to come home?" he muttered after a small bout of silence.

"Whenever I decide to come home. I'm not going to leave Sora right now. He needs me and I need him. Once we take care of our woes, then I can go home and get ready to leave. Until then, I can't."

"Is he really taking it that hard?"

I sighed. "He really hasn't shown much emotion on the topic. I mean, he cried when I first told him, but fell asleep right after we…you know…so he hasn't said much. We'll talk about it when he wakes. It's inevitable."

"Be careful with your words, Riku. I know how you work and I don't want you to do something horrible that will make him hate you. That will only make matters worse."

I sighed again and reclined with my back on the stair behind me. "I don't know what to do, Axel. I don't want him to cry because of me anymore."

"And you think that I want Roxas to cry because of me? At least you've had the chance to see Sora before you have to leave. Because Roxas feels like he has to make some amends with his mom, I probably won't even be able to see him, and that hurts more than anything in the world."

"At least we're all alive," I muttered.

He sighed and I pictured him running a hand back through his hair. "Yeah, at least we're that."

Silence fell between us for a few minutes, neither of us willing to speak in case we wouldn't say the right thing. I didn't matter that Sora and I were in love or that Axel was my best friend and Roxas was quickly growing on me… We were all walking on egg shells around each other and there was nothing we could do about it. We could try to say something to make it easier, but there was a thin line between what was right and what was wrong and it was impossible to straddle it.

"You'll get your chance to see him again, Axel," I finally said when the silence was too much to handle. "Just like I got mine."

He laughed quietly and the sound was like a candy wrapper being scraped across the receiver. "I know…" He sighed. "But, hey…I'm gonna go. I know that you need to talk to Sora and I need to do some packing, so yeah… I guess I'll talk to you later."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Yeah. I'll be home sometime tomorrow."

"Right. Oh, and remember what I said, Riku."

He hung up immediately, leaving me no time to reply. I sighed and dropped my hand to my side, closing my phone with a quiet snap on the way.

Remember what he said, huh? He had said a lot, yet I knew exactly what he was talking about. He was afraid that my defense mechanisms would kick in and I would say a million and one hurtful things to Sora to make him hate me. Why? Well…if he hated me that meant that his pain would be less. It would be doubled for me, but I guess I would just have to deal with that.

No matter what I did, though, I knew that I couldn't make Sora hate me. Sure, I wouldn't be his most favorite person for a couple of days, but after the anger and confusion disappeared, pain would set in and Roxas would be left with a broken Sora to try and piece back together. But, I guess that it was a good thing that Roxas was there. Last time he had been left to his own devices and fell in love with a high place. We had to make sure that that didn't happen again.

Sighing again, I pushed myself up from the staircase and haphazardly shoved my cell phone into the front pocket of my jeans before walking back into the living room. I smiled softly when my eyes landed on the couch.

Sora was still sleeping, but he wasn't in the same position I had left him in. He was curled up on his side, with one leg thrown over the edge of the couch and one arm tucked under his pillow. The blanket had ridden up on his leg to show a tantalizing amount of his thigh, and I had to force myself to look away, biting my lip. He was so freaking beautiful. I couldn't believe that I was being forced to break the spirit that he had just been reunited with. It just wasn't fair. A being as perfect as him should never have to feel as much pain in a mortal life time as he had already experienced.

"Riku…?"

I blinked and turned my eyes back onto Sora. His eyes were opened just a crack and he had lifted himself up so his elbow was holding all of his weight. His hair was even more disheveled than it usually was. He yawned and rubbed childishly as his eyes with a fist. He was so innocently sexy that it should have been illegal.

"Go back to sleep, Sora," I sighed.

"Riku!" His eyes widened quickly and he cocked his head to the side. "You're crying."

I touched a quick finger to my cheeks and was surprised to see a single tear clinging to the end of my fingertip. I tried not to let the surprise show, though. Instead, I turned away from him and quickly wiped my face dry with my palms.

"No, I'm not."

I heard him sigh and start to stand, but I turned back to him before he could complete the gesture and he fell back onto the couch in surprise.

"You_ are _crying," he moaned, holding his arms out to me. "Why?"

I shook my head and went to him, falling gratefully into his waiting arms. We didn't say anything as we situated ourselves so we could comfortably lie curled up beside each other. One of his hands ran slowly through my hair and lulled me into a state of near unconsciousness.

Finally, when my tears had stopped flowing and I was able to gain more control over myself, our roles changed and I was the one holding him in my arms, though his eyes were surprisingly dry. Slowly but surely, with no words shared, we fell asleep in one another's arms for the last time.

**o-o-o-o-o**

I woke late the next morning to the neighbor kids' screams as they skated across the frozen street. I groaned and clenched my eyes closed, moving to tighten my arms around Sora just briefly, but he wasn't there. My eyes flew open and I was only met with the soft chenille of the throw blanket and comfortable softness of the pillow that had taken Sora's place in my arms.

Groaning again, I rolled onto my back and rubbed at the sleep from my eyes in annoyance, yawning loudly. I stretched nimbly before I swung my legs over the side of the couch and looked around the living room for any signs of Sora. Unfortunately, there were none. I sighed. Wonderful. I knew that he hadn't left the house because the feel of his aura was still very strong, but I didn't like the fact that he hadn't woken me when he had come to.

I shook my head and ran a hand back through my hair, hissing as my fingers caught some tangles. I stood and closed my eyes so I could send my mind out to meet Sora's and find out where he was. Lazy? Maybe, seeing that he was in the same house and all, but I really didn't feel like searching for him. I was still exhausted.

'_Where are you, Love?'_

There was only silence for a while and I thought he wasn't going to answer me, but then: _'I'm up in my bedroom.'_ Even though the words were mental, I could still tell that he was crying.

I sighed and lessened the link, though I didn't sever it completely. I could imagine the scene that he had been met with when he had opened his bedroom door. It had been almost four months since he had seen that room, since the last time he had seen his mother. If it was even moderately in the same shape it had been in back then, I could only imagine the shock that had jolted through his body at the sight.

I made my way to the stairs, grabbing my T-shirt on the way. I was pulling the shirt over my head when I walked into his room and had to freeze in shock when my head popped out of the collar. It wasn't anything like I had been expecting.

The room was clean. If Sora had almost died while lying on the dull tan carpet, no one would ever be able to tell. The carpets had been cleaned and the mirrored closet doors had been replaced. There were no traces of dried blood, no traces of broken glass, no traces of pain, no traces of hatred, no traces of…anything. It looked like a room that would belong to a normal seventeen-year-old not a boy but not yet a man.

Sora was sitting in the middle of the floor, dressed in a clean pair of light blue jeans and a black thermal. His eyes were slightly glazed over as he stared at his reflection in his closet doors. His head was cocked slightly to the side as if he were trying to grasp onto some thought that had fled his memory. He seemed to be completely unaware of the steady flow of tears that was dripping down his face.

I took another step into the room and was about to move and shake him when he lifted a limp hand and ran a finger slowly down the side of his face. Over the barely there scar on his cheek.

"What did I do to her to make her hate me so much?" The words were so quiet that I had to strain my ears to hear them. "Did she hate me because I loved her? Did she really blame me for Dad's death, or was it because of some other bullshit reason?"

I groaned and fell to my knees on the floor beside him, gathering him into my arms even though he didn't return the gesture. He just continued to stare at his reflection, so I rested my cheek atop his head and stared back at him through the mirror.

"I don't know, Sora, but she's gone now," I buried a hand in his hair. "Forget about her."

He laughed quietly. Coldly. "Forget about her?" He laughed again. "She's not gone. She's only biding her time until it's safe for her again. She'll be back. Just wait and see."

I shook my head. I didn't want to hear him talking like this. The Sora that he was now was too close to the Sora he had been before he had tried to kill himself. I didn't like this at all, but I didn't know how to get him to snap out of it.

He sighed heavily and finally returned some of my embrace by leaning into my arms. "She got everything cleaned. She even repaired the closet doors. Why would she do that if she wasn't planning on coming back?"

"I wish I could answer your questions, Sora, but I can't." I kissed the top of his head. "Do you want her to come back?"

He shrugged. "I really dunno. The small part of me that still thinks she's not a monster wants her to come back more than anything, but the bigger part of me that knows that she'll only hurt me again if shedoes never wants to see her again."

I sighed and tightened my arms around him just a bit to let him know that I was there for him. He was still staring at his reflection with that far-off look in his eyes. It was scary. I didn't like that look. I wanted him to come back and be normal Sora again.

"You know that we'll all probably kill her if she comes near you again, right?"

He laughed quietly and nodded, finally taking a moment to blink and look away from his reflection. He sighed and reclined into my arms with his eyes closed. I buried my face in his hair and inhaled deeply, letting his scent fill my lungs to the point of a natural high. Did I already mention that I was going to miss him?

"What are we going to do?" Sora whispered suddenly, pulling me out of my own silent reverie.

I sighed heavily and shrugged. "I don't know. You need to make your decision with Roxas. Axel and I have to return."

"So you're not even going to try to stay away?" he muttered with a small snort.

I furrowed my brow in response to the tone of his voice. "If Sephiroth doesn't force us back, then Father will find us a few days later and we'll be punished."

"Fuck, Xemnas," he spat, his voice pure venom. "So what if he's your Father. You're eighteen, so he can't tell you what you can and can't do."

I snorted. "Legal age in Kurai is twenty-one, remember? Until then, he can force me to do whatever he wishes without getting in trouble. Hell, I'll be surprised if he doesn't try to expand the age limit by the time I get close to my twenty-first birthday."

"What about me?" he whined. "What about _us_?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. I should have seen that coming. Damn, Sora. Way to lay it on. I sighed again. There was no way out of this without making myself look like a complete and utter asshole. And wasn't the whole plan to _not_ make myself look like a complete and utter asshole. Beautiful.

"How ever far away, I will always love you, Sora." I bit my lip and mentally berated myself. It was the truth, yeah, but why did it have to be so cliché…and a song quote, at that? "No matter what happens, I'm sure that we'll see each other again. I can't promise that it'll be in the greatest of circumstances, but we will see each other. We _have_ to. Our story can't just end here."

He snorted, but didn't say anything else. I wanted to scream. Not at him, but at whatever bastards resided above us that seemed to think it was funny to make us suffer so much.

The idea of love as a sin was a completely new thing for me. I had always believed that love was the only thing that could keep the world together, but I must have been wrong. It shouldn't have e'He'He'd mattered that I was technically a demon and he was technically an angel, or that we were both male. The only thing the gods and goddesses or whatever should have cared about was that we were in love.

"I'm thinking about giving the house to Maho and Roxas," he muttered, then laughed.

I laughed too, noting the subject change. "And what spawned that idea?"

He shrugged. "I'm not planning on living here by myself, and that apartment's almost too small for the two of them. And maybe they can help me replace the bad memories from this house with good ones."

I smiled and squeezed his shoulders tenderly. "That's good, then. You'll never be able to forget what happened until you can face the house. I think Maho and Roxas being with you will help a lot."

He sighed and turned around in my arms so he was facing me, wrapping his arms around my neck. "I would be much happier if I could stay here with you," he whispered into my ear.

I moaned quietly and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling Sora flush against my body. He was crying again when he pulled away to look me in the eye, but our faces never hesitated on the way into our kiss. Our lips met in a fierce show of emotion. The heated kiss was full of pain, despair and, last but not least, our infinite amount of love for one another. We were breathless when we pulled apart, and it was all that I could do to keep from capturing Sora's deliciously swollen lips once again.

"I love you, Riku," he whispered. The words made my heart flutter.

I smiled tenderly and gently brushed the few stray locks of his hair away from his face. "I love you too, Sora. More than anything in this world, or the next."

He laughed quietly and sighed, dropping his eyes to the hands in his lap. I frowned and cocked my head to the side, grasping his fidgeting hands and twining our fingers together. He sighed again and looked up at me slowly. I could almost feel my heart breaking in two at the sight of all that pain in his beautiful blue orbs.

"Sora…" I moaned.

He smiled sadly and cupped the side of my face in his palm, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "We should probably get back. Axel and Roxas are probably getting worried about us by now."

I sighed and nuzzled into his arm, closing my eyes. He chuckled and pulled his hand away. I whined quietly and opened my eyes to see that he was already on his way to standing. I sighed and followed his lead, even though all I really wanted to do was pull him back down to the ground and into my arms.

Sora led the way out of his room and back downstairs in silence, and as much as it bothered me, I didn't try to say anything to break it. I knew that he was probably lost in his own little world and it was where he needed to be. He had a lot of things to think about and it wasn't my place to interrupt him.

When we made it downstairs, Sora disappeared into the living room and reappeared with our jackets. He handed me mine in silence and shrugged his over his shoulders carefully. I slid my arms into my jacket as we slipped into our shoes in silence. Sora opened the door in silence, waited for me to exit in silence, locked the door in silence… It was starting to drive me mad!

By the time we got to the end of Sora's road, he still hadn't said anything, and I decided that I was sick of it. I reached out and grasped his hand tenderly, twining our fingers together and smiling at him when he looked at me in question.

"What?" I muttered. "Can I not hold you hand?"

He smiled sheepishly and moved closer to me. Smiling, I unlaced our hands and wrapped my arm around his waist instead, pulling his as close to me as I could without have to sacrifice our ability to walk. The silence still reigned over us like a sheet, but it was easier to bear now that I was able to hold him.

Almost too soon, we arrived at the entrance to Leon's apartment complex. When Sora kept walking, I pulled him to a stop and looked at him in question.

"I want to see Roxas. He's not here. He's at his apartment."

I nodded, but frowned. "What about Leon?"

He sighed and my frown only deepened when I saw tears beginning to well in his eyes. "He's gone. So is Cloud…"

I shook my head in disbelief, pulling myself away from Sora and heading down the sidewalk toward Leon's apartment. Sora grabbed onto my hand to try and get me to stop, but I shook it off and kept walking. If Leon was really gone, then there was going to be some hell to pay. He hadn't even taken the time to fucking say goodbye to his brother.

I was surprised to find that the door was unlocked when I got there. I pushed it open gently and was even more surprised to see that everything was perfect. The living room was in the perfect state of organized mess that Leon liked it to be in, with books from he and Cloud's classes scattered here and there across the tables. One was even lying open a couch cushion. It looked like math.

Furrowing my brow, I went further into the house, ignoring Sora, who was standing in the doorway with a rather frightened look on his face. The kitchen was normal, the bedrooms were normal, the bathroom was normal… Everything was freaking normal.

I grumbled quietly under my breath and stormed into Leon and Cloud's room. When I pulled open the dresser drawers, I finally found something that more definitely wasn't normal. All their clothes were gone. Furrowing my brow, I went to the closet doors and pulled them open, only to find that it too was empty. I left their room and went into Sora's. His room held the same fate. All of Leon's clothes that had still been in there were gone.

I left the room and went back out into the living room, where Sora was sitting patiently on the couch. He had closed the book that had been lying next to where he was and set it on the coffee table. I had been wrong. It wasn't about math. It was chemistry, but I guess that really doesn't have anything to do with anything at the moment, does it?

"They're really gone," I muttered.

Sora snorted and reclined back into the couch. "Just like I said."

I sighed quietly, a little peeved at myself for not believing Sora to being with and a little peeved with him for being so standoffish with me. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I just couldn't believe that they just up and left without saying anything first."

Sora laughed again and pushed himself up from the couch, watching me with calculated eyes and his arms crossed. "That's what I was going to explain before you just huffed away from me. Leon stopped by the house this morning while you were sleeping to tell me goodbye." He rubbed his hands up and down his arms as if he were trying to warm himself while looking away from me. "He said that he want us to run."

I sighed and rolled my head back so I was looking up the ceiling, cringing when my neck popped a couple of times. "At least the two of us agree on _something_."

"Yeah…I guess."

I dropped my gaze from the ceiling and went to Sora's side. He didn't try to move away when I grabbed his hand, but he didn't seem too happy about it either. I didn't care.

"I'm sorry that I didn't believe you, okay?" I muttered. "But now I know that I'm an asshole and I feel like an asshole so can't we just move on?"

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips and my heart did a jump for joy. "I guess…"

I rolled my eyes and tugged gently on his hand. "Come on, let's head to Roxas'. You have key to lock this place up, right? I don't feel comfortable leaving it open like that."

He nodded and followed behind me as I led the way out of the apartment. I waited patiently for him while he locked the door, but immediately grabbed onto his hand when he was finished with the job. He snorted quietly and pushed himself closer to me.

"You afraid to let me go or something?" he mumbled.

I chuckled. "…Or something."

He laughed, but didn't say another word and the rest of our walk to Roxas' was filled with companionable silence. It was a much better walk than the one to Leon's.

Roxas was waiting for us just inside the gates to the apartment complex. He smiled sadly at Sora and I and held his arms out for Sora to go to him. I let him go, albeit reluctantly, and Sora slowly went to Roxas to let himself be engulfed in a hug.

"You're okay?" he whispered in Sora's ear.

My little brunet nodded and pulled away from his brother with a sigh. He glanced me owlishly from beneath his bangs before he kissed me tenderly on the lips. It was a quick kiss and a surprise, so I didn't have anytime to react before it was over and he was pulling away from me with a small blush on his cheeks.

"You'll come see me before you leave?" he muttered. I could hear his voice shaking with fear that I wouldn't.

I nodded. "Of course I will, Love. I would never leave you without saying goodbye first."

He smiled sadly, and I felt my heart break at the tears that were falling down his face. "Promise me that you'll come see me," he said, choking on a sob at the end.

I moaned quietly and gathered Sora into my arms, letting him sob into my chest. He was so afraid…so insecure. Gods, how I wanted to stay with him.

"Shhh…," I cooed. "You have to understand that my returning to Kurai doesn't affect how I feel about you in anyway. I told you that I'll love you no matter what, and I meant it."

He nodded and pulled away from me, stray tears dripping down his cheeks. I kissed them away and brushed his hair out of his face gently before I kissed his lips.

"Go with Roxas for now. I promise that I'll come see you before I leave."

He nodded again and left me slowly, not letting go of my hand until the last possible moment. I smiled at him sadly as I watched him walk away with Roxas. I didn't leave until they disappeared up the steps. Then, I turned on my heel and started back toward my house.

I could only pray that I would be able keep my promise because I had the feeling that our relationship was riding on it.

TBC…  
**------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: It's done!!! _::sighs::_ It's 11 o'clock on Sunday, but it's done and I guess it's all that matters. Bleh… Damned distractions. I'll have more time to write the next chapter, tho, since I'm on spring break and stuff…I hope, so yeah… Hopefully things'll come better for that. All the beautiful weather just has me itching to be outside instead of stuck behind a computer screen. Yeah…I _could_ take my lap top outside, but I'd rather be on the 4wheeler or out for a walk in the woods than writing… Strange…last year I was the complete opposite…Hehe…

Anyway…anyone know the song Riku quoted? "How ever far away, I will always love you, Sora." Hehe… You'll get a cookie if you do, not that it's too hard. Hint…it was originally done by The Cure, but 311 and Anberlin have done covers of it. _::smiles::_…

Thanks a bunch to everyone who reviewed!! I love you all!! You're fantastic and it's only because of you that I made myself finally sit down and finish this bastard when I got home from throwing rocks and shit off the summit today. Hehe… Thanks for all your love and support. You're all truly amazing…_::hugs to everyone::_…

**...ON THE SEQUEL!!!...**  
Well…I still don't have a title, but I've written the prologue and have started the first chapter. That's a good thing, right? _::sighs::_ I hope so. My break will mostly likely end up going for longer than a month, tho, seeing that it'll be finals time and kuriqa will be here around then, so yeah… After finals week I'll be out of school for the better part of 3 months, so yeah… That's promising…I hope…

Alrighty…I think that's all I have for this aside from the usual apology for typos. I did a quick editing job, seeing that I just finished this about 15 mintes ago, so I probably missed some things. Sorry!! I hope it's not too bad…

Soooo…until next chapter, adieu…


	21. Chapter Fifteen: Goodnight

I'm late…I know…and I'm sorry. I had writer's block like a freaking _bitch_ while writing this and then, when I finally got going, I had my first large emotional breakdown of the year…_::marks calendar::_… So yeah… Plus, I wanted to make this perfect. I mean, it's the last chapter and I wanted to make sure I got it right. I would have kicked my own ass if I had just given you a shitty ending and left it at that…

And I just noticed something. A week or so before I posted the last chapter for "In Love and Hate" (my _Gravitation_ fan fiction) I went the Godsmack/Breaking Ben concert… Now, exactly a week before I posted the last chapter for this, I went an Evanescence concert. Hehe… What a coinqidink… Too bad Godsmack wasn't able to hold a flame to Evanescence. _::dies::_ Amy was sooooo pretty!!…

Okay…enough rambling about my love for Eva and all that… Onto the good stuff!!!…

Once again I owe whatever miniscule tendrils of sanity I have left to my glorious **kuriqa**. I dunno how, but she always understands my writer's block problems without me having to blow anything for her. _::huggles::_ She's the one who suggested that I add Naminé into this chapter, and boy am I glad that I did… I LOVE YOU, KU!!…

Enjoy…

WARNINGS: the usual…language and stuff…

**Disclaimer:** The characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong Square Enix and Disney… "I'll Be" belongs to Edwin McCain (not the Goo Goo Dolls as I had originally thought _::sighs::_)…

"_Goodnight, sleep tight  
__No more tears  
__In the morning  
__I'll be here  
__And when we say goodnight  
__Dry your eyes  
__Because we said goodnight  
__And not goodbye  
__We said goodnight  
__And not goodbye."_

—"_Goodnight" Evanescence…_

**Chapter Fifteen:  
****Goodnight…**

The days leading up to Riku and Axel's departure were tense beyond belief. Roxas and I spent most of our time cooped up in the apartment with no one but Maho for our company. She was surprisingly understanding of our sudden withdrawal from society and made sure to keep a safe distance away from us unless it was necessary.

To keep ourselves occupied during the day when Maho was at work, me and Roxas spent time packing up boxes for the big move out of the apartment and into the house. Maho had been reluctant to agree to my request at first, but once I found the papers to the house while searching through Leon's apartment she finally agreed.

I wasn't sure what I felt about moving back into that house. Part of me was terrified, afraid that some demon that had been living in the house had possessed my mom and just might possess Maho too. The more sensible part of me was looking forward to being back in my home and replacing all the bad memories I had there with good ones. Hell, that night with Riku was just the beginning. If I was sharing a house with Maho, I could only imagine what memories would ensue.

Whenever night fell, Roxas and I could be found sleeping together. It was the only comfort we had, and while we started out in separate beds, sometime during the night one of us would get up and crawl into bed with the other. I was the one to start it, but as the days progressed, it was Roxas who would come to me because he heard my tears, quietly whispering a lullaby under his breath to calm me down while he ran his fingers through my hair.

And so, as time slowly ticked down, I withdrew into myself more and more, terrified that Riku wasn't going to keep his promise to me and that Roxas wasn't going to have the chance to see Axel again. Seven days slowly turned to five and then to three, and I could feel the pit of worry grow in my stomach.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"What're we gonna do with you?" Roxas muttered as he poked my side meekly. "You're gonna have to get out of bed sometime today."

I grumbled a small curse under my breath and rolled onto my side, burrowing deeper into my cocoon of blankets. I heard Roxas sigh and the metal futon creaked quietly when he stood. I didn't, however, hear him grab a pillow from his bed and advance on me until he pummeled my body multiple times.

"Gods dammit!" I shouted and glared at him from over the top of the blankets. "Just leave me alone, Roxas. Please."

He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. "No. I don't like the old Sora. I want the new Sora back. This Sora's a selfish asshole."

I narrowed my eyes and scowled, though he couldn't see anything of my face below my nose. "How am I selfish? You once told me that I was the most selfless person that you knew."

He snorted quietly. "That's because you are when you're not acting all mopy and think that the world's against you. It's not the world that's against you, Sora. It's the stupid bastards that think they know what's best for us. It's Ansem and Xemnas. It's the stupid gods damned war." He stomped his foot in anger, his fists tightened at his side. "And you're not the only one who's missing the love of your life. Just in case you've forgotten, I haven't had a chance to see Axel in three fucking months."

Tears were rolling down Roxas' face by the time he was done, and instead of saying anything like I should have, I could only gape, my mouth opening and closing like a fish's under the blankets. At a lost for words and fear of looking like an idiot, I closed my eyes and curled up into a tight ball, letting my own tears well up in my eyes.

Silence filled the room for a while after that. We were each too lost in our own misery to think of words worth saying to lighten the mood. But soon the silence became too suffocating and I had to break it before I drowned.

"I'm sorry, Rox," I muttered, cursing inwardly at myself.

He sighed quietly and I felt the futon sink next to me as he sat down. I opened my eyes and looked up at him sadly.

"We're a mess, aren't we?" he whispered.

I nodded and wiggled around in the blankets until my head was completely free. "We are. And I really am sorry. I had no right to say that. I was just angry and upset and you know that I'm…—"

Roxas put a finger to my lips to silence me, smiling at me when I looked at him in question. "You talk to damned much," he explained, "and you don't need to worry about apologizing. I know… You're walking on eggshells right now. We all are."

I nodded and was about to ask him a question when the door bell echoed through the house. I jumped up, shoving Roxas off the futon in the process, and tried to stand but stumbled down to the ground when the blankets wrapped around my legs. I cursed loudly and Roxas laughed, holding out a hand to help me get to my feet. I thanked him with a quiet grunt and raced off to the door to see who it could possibly be.

I pulled the door open with a large smile on my face, but my entire body slumped when I saw who it was. Kairi and Naminé. Not that I didn't want to see them. Hell, I hadn't seen Naminé since before her break-up with Roxas, but I was hoping that it was Riku or Axel or something. Stupid girls and their stupid bad timing.

It seemed that Kairi realized how bummed I was that it was her at the door and not someone else. She frowned slightly and dropped her eyes to the ground. She held her arms behind her back and tapped her toe on the ground awkwardly. Naminé just stood there with a mask on her face, looking cold and complacent.

"Mind if we come in?" Kairi muttered, glancing up at me briefly from beneath her bangs before her eyes returned to the ground.

Instead of answering her, I just stared. Thankfully, Roxas was in the room by that time and he pushed me out of the way so the girls could come inside. Naminé came in immediately. Kairi followed, albeit reluctantly, and went into the living room. She moved to sit down on the couch beside her Other, but hesitated for a second and kept standing instead. Roxas and I stood at our places in front of the doorway and looked at her with caution. She was acting strange. Something was up.

"You okay, Kai?" Roxas muttered warily.

She looked up at us for a fleeting second before she collapsed on the couch in a mess of tears and muttered incoherencies. Roxas was at her side in a flash, throwing a gentle arm around her shoulder and cooing into her ear. I honestly didn't know how to react. I had been so out of touch with myself since waking from the coma that I had no idea how to deal with someone else's emotions.

Roxas whispered a soft "It's okay" into Kairi's ear before he glared at me, motioning with his eyes for me to sit on the couch to the other side of her. I nodded and did as I was told, squeezing between her and Naminé. The moment I touched the couch, Kairi threw herself on me and sobbed into my chest. I stared at Roxas with wide and pleading eyes, but he just stared back coolly.

"I'm so sorry, Sora! I could have prevented all of this but I didn't do anything!" Kairi sobbed. "It's my fault. I'm so sorry!"

That finally got a reaction out of me. I started and turned my attention to the mass of red hair that was sobbing into my T-shirt. "Wha… What do you mean it's your fault? You didn't do anything…did you?"

She shook her head and finally looked up at me, tears staining her cheeks. "That's exactly it. I didn't do anything at all when I should have."

I furrowed my brow and looked away from Kairi's bloodshot eyes to Roxas' own confused ones. He just shook his head and shrugged to let me know that he had no idea what she was talking about either. I sighed and looked back down at Kairi, who had reburied her face in my abdomen, and patted her head softly.

"What are you talking about, Kairi?" I muttered. "You're not making any sense."

She looked up at me for a second and sniffed before she pulled away and slumped down into the couch. She kept her eyes trained on her lap while her fingers toyed restlessly with the frayed holes in her jeans. Roxas had to reach out and put a hand on top of hers to get her to stop.

"What do you mean, Kai?" he said slowly. He sounded like he was talking to a child.

Kairi sighed and closed her eyes, drying her face and eyes with the sleeves of her hoodie. "I had a bunch of visions before they came here," she whispered. "I knew what was going to happen when they got here, but I couldn't do anything about it."

"You…you _knew_?" I said, stuttering in disbelief. She nodded, clenching her eyes closed. "And you didn't do anything…?"

"I wanted to, Sora," she whispered, her eyes still closed as tightly as she could close them, "but I just couldn't. You were finally happy whenever you were around Riku and I didn't want to ruin it. I _couldn't_."

"What do you mean you couldn't?" I said through clenched teeth.

Roxas looked up at me briefly and hissed a small warning, but I ignored him. I didn't care.

"Do you know how much easier this could have been on all of us if you had given us fair warning?" My voice was surprisingly calm, especially with how fiercely my emotions were raging inside my head. "But you kept it to yourself? You knew I was going to attempt suicide?"

Kairi nodded, choking on a sob. I growled under my breath and jumped up from the couch, angered even more by the fact that she collapsed on top of Roxas and he tried to comfort her. I watched him whisper into Kairi's ear with cold eyes, never once flinching when he looked up at me with his own harsh glare.

'_You're bastard,'_ Roxas mouthed and sent to me through our mental link.

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. _'She knew, Roxas. She fucking _knew_ and didn't say anything to us about it!'_

Roxas furrowed his brow. _'It's because she cares about you and didn't want to hurt you. Friendship is stupid like that sometimes. Just like love.'_

'_You should listen to Roxas more often.'_

I started at the sudden new voice in my head, breaking eye contact with Roxas to look over at Naminé. She was watching me with the same cool and calculated look she'd had on her face while standing outside with Kairi. It was a strange expression to see on the blonde girl's face. She always seemed so happy, with a smile on her face and a small twinkle in her eye. Now she just looked…angry? Sad? I couldn't make up my mind.

"Roxas is right, you know? Kairi didn't do anything wrong. She did what she did because she cares for you. She had the vision almost two years ago now. She had no idea when Riku and Axel were going to show up, or how things were going to turn out. The last vision she had was of your suicide attempt."

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest, hanging my head. "Yeah, but still…"

"Would your knowing what was going to happen have changed anything? Would you have never attempted suicide? Your depression on top of what your mother was doing to you would have led you to do it sometime." She took a deep breath and tucked a few stray stands of hair behind her ear. "You almost killed yourself on accident, Sora. But was it really an accident? You knew full well what you were doing when you did it, didn't you?"

I blinked and my head shot up so I could look at her. I knew that my eyes must have been wide with disbelief, but Naminé just sat there, slouched on the couch with her eyes locked on mine.

"There must have been so much blood," she whispered, "but you kept doing it because now you finally had a reason. You called it an accident. Said that you were just trying to prove your point to your mother. But you knew. You really knew what you were doing. You wanted to die…"

"Shut up," I muttered through gritted teeth, my hands clenched in fists at my sides.

"And Kairi never saw any of that, you know? She didn't know that you were cutting yourself or that your mother was beating you… But even if she had known, you wouldn't be angry with her for not telling anyone because that's how you wanted it. Deep down inside, you wanted your mom's beatings because they took the pain away. It wasn't cutting… No, nothing could beat the feel of that blade piercing your skin, but it worked and that's all that mattered."

"Stop it!" I squeezed my eyes closed to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. My fists were clenched so hard that I could feel my fingernails biting into the skin of my palms.

"No, Sora! I won't stop it! Not until you come to terms with reality. You can't blame anyone for what happened, not even yourself. You want anyone you can get to throw the blame on, just so you can have someone to be angry with…to hate, but that's not you. You don't _hate_, Sora. You're incapable of hating. You're incapable of hurting other people."

I opened my eyes and glanced at the blonde. She was standing now, with her arms crossed over her chest. Tears were streaming down her face, though I never would have guess that she was crying just by hearing her speak.

"Believe that Riku and Roxas aren't the only ones that care about you," Naminé whispered. "Axel cares about you. Kairi and I care about you. Leon and Cloud care about you. And everyone else back home cares about you, as well."

"No they don't," I whispered. "Not Ansem."

She laughed sadly. "You're right. Not Ansem. But he's just _one_ person, Sora. One single, measly, little person..."

"…who could put out an order for my head on a silver platter with a fucking smile on his face," I finished before she could add anything else. "If you're trying to get us to go back to NeoAkari when we're ordered, it's not going to work."

Naminé's eyes widened briefly and Kairi gasped. I looked at Roxas and saw something akin to thanks shining in his eyes.

"You're going to run?" Kairi whispered, her voice scratchy from all her tears. "You _can't_ run. He'll know where to find you. He'll use Leon. He'll…"

"I refuse to be a pawn in Ansem's selfish game of chess. Riku and Axel have to return home or risk being killed. Roxas and I are willing to take the risk if it means that we have at least a small chance of saving both of our worlds. We'll only fall into ruin if we surrender ourselves without trying a different option first."

Naminé listened to me talk in silence, her eyes never leaving my own. When I was finished, she nodded and a small smile graced her face. I was confused, but couldn't stop my own smile from spreading across my face. When I looked to the right, I saw that Roxas was frowning a bit. Kairi was just staring at me with wide eyes.

"You're stronger than I gave you credit for."

The sound of Naminé's voice pulled my attention back to her. I frowned at the words and crossed my arms over my chest indignantly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I pouted.

She laughed. "I never thought that you would be able to make the decision to run on your own. I figured that Roxas would have to convince you. No, more like I figured he would have to drag you kicking and screaming out the door with him when the time came." She smiled. "But I'm glad."

I nodded and let my arms fall back to my sides with a sigh. Naminé chuckled and ran a hand back through her long hair, tugging slightly at the strands as she did.

"Well…this sure was an emotional visit," she muttered awkwardly.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "You're lucky. If you were a guy, I would have hit you."

She threw back her head and laughed. "You're lucky, too. If you would have hit me, I would have kicked your ass."

I rolled my eyes, but chose to keep my mouth shut. I didn't feel like finding out the hard way if what she was saying was the true. If there was anything I didn't want at the moment, it was having my ass handed to be by Naminé…again.

"Have you all been summoned?" Roxas muttered after a few moments of silence.

Naminé sighed and Kairi nodded.

"Today's our last full day here," Kairi explained. "It's one of the reasons I wanted to come and see you guys. I wanted the chance to tell you everything and to…say goodbye."

Roxas and I nodded in understanding and sadness. Just two more people who we cared about that we being forced to leave us behind. It only made me wonder how much longer we had all the more.

"How long will you be here tomorrow?" Roxas muttered.

"Our plane leaves for London at noon," Naminé said. "When are Riku and Axel leaving?"

I felt something within my chest tighten at the question, and couldn't help but notice how Roxas' voice shook just a bit when he spoke.

"They're leaving in three days. Well…two and a half now."

"They haven't come to see you yet?" Kairi whispered.

I guess our silence must have been answer enough because Kairi stood from her spot on the couch and enveloped me in a tight hug. The sudden gesture scared me a little bit, but I returned it after only a moment's hesitation, smiling at her quiet little sigh. But something wouldn't stop lingering in the back of my mind.

I furrowed my brow and looked at Naminé when Kairi moved from me to Roxas. "London? Why are you going there?"

She shrugged. "Ansem is opening the London gate for us. There's one in New York City, but he wouldn't tell us why he won't open that one." She sighed. "It's gonna be a long plane trip."

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Is that… Are Riku and Axel going to London too?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. It all depends on the gate Xemnas decides to use. But if I had to guess I would say yeah, they're probably going to be going to London as well."

I sighed. "London's a long way's away."

She nodded. "NeoAkari and NeoKurai are even further."

I sighed again and hung my head in agreement. It didn't matter where Riku went. Even when he was at his house, which was only a ten minute walk from Roxas', he was still too far away. I didn't know how I was going to survive with him so far from me. True, we would have the mental link, but he hadn't spoken to me through it the entire week. I hadn't received so much as a "Don't worry, Love, we're fine" from him since he had dropped me off at Roxas'. It was frustrating.

The four of us stood in the middle of the living room awkwardly, the silence that surrounded us threatening to suffocate at any moment. Thankfully, Naminé broke it with a small cough before it was too much to handle.

"We should probably go," she muttered. "We still have a lot of packing to do."

Kairi sighed, but nodded.

Five minutes of teary hugs and good wishes later, Kairi and Naminé were headed for the door, Roxas and I standing in the living room. Just before the door closed, I took a step forward and held out my hand. Naminé froze and pushed it open enough to stick her head back in.

"You won't tell Ansem that we're going to run?" I pleaded.

She smiled softly and shook her head, her eyes sad. "Come on, Sora. Give us some more credit than that."

I smiled and nodded, waiting for the door to close behind the two girls before I collapsed onto the couch and buried my face in my hands. Uncontrollable tears poured down my face and blurred my thoughts until they were nothing but jumbled incoherencies. Roxas was by my side in an instant, pulling me against his chest. I took the offer all too willingly and clung to him as if he were my lifeline.

"Shhh…" Roxas cooed. "It's okay, Sora. Everything's going to be alright."

I shook my head. "No…" I managed to choke through my sobs. "It's not…okay. Nothing's okay. Leon and Cloud are gone. Kairi and Nam are gonna be gone tomorrow. Riku and Axel are leaving. Everyone we love is disappearing while we have to sit here and wait. And even then, we won't see them again because we have to run away like dogs with our tails between our legs."

He sighed and hugged me loosely, resting his cheek atop my head. "I know, So. It's hard, but we have to make the best of things. We have to stop being such pessimists."

I snorted and pulled away from him, wiping away my stray tears with the sleeves of my jacket. Roxas watched me with emotionless eyes that softened a bit when I smiled.

"Maho'll be home soon, huh?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Wanna make dinner?"

"Yeah."

He smiled and stood from the couch, leading the way into the kitchen. It was the best change of subject either of us could muster and we grabbed at it greedily. It wouldn't help think about what was going to happen.

**o-o-o-o-o**

The two and a half days slowly morphed into one and a half…and then one… I was slowly loosing hope that I would ever be able to see Riku again. I couldn't help but think the worst of everything, no matter how badly Roxas seemed to think that we needed to be optimists if we were going to pull through this.

I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation with Naminé. Her words and their implications ate away at the inside of my skull until I could hardly stand it. And I couldn't help but agree with what she had said. I had known what I was doing while I was "proving my point to my mom." I knew that I was cutting too much and that I was losing too much blood, but I hadn't stop. I had kept going until she had had the guts to smash the snow globe I'd gotten from Dad.

But, when I had woken up in the hospital in Riku's arms and with Roxas and Axel waiting for me, I had been glad that I hadn't died. It was then that I had realized that I had people who actually cared about me. Sure, I knew that Roxas cared. Why else would he have been around for so many years? But I hadn't known the depth of my feelings for Riku or my friendship with Axel until I had woken to them with me in the hospital.

And then I had seen Riku with Axel that night at the club and didn't take the time to really think about what I had seen before I ran away and tried to kill myself…for real that time. I had been an idiot and there was nothing I could to make up for my stupidity, but thankfully, everyone seemed able to forgive me. I still wasn't sure if I had deserved their forgiveness.

A sharp kick to the shin made me hiss and pull out of my thoughts. Roxas was grinning at me devilishly from across the dining room table, a spoonful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch ready to shove into his mouth.

"What are you so mopy about?" he mumbled.

"You know why."

He shrugged, shoving the cereal into his mouth and propping his face in his palm while he chewed. "Humor me," he said after he swallowed.

I sighed. "I want to see Riku. I've tried to talk to him through the link, but he won't answer. It kind of scares me. What if they've already left and didn't say goodbye?" I sniffed quietly and cursed at myself for crying so easily.

"They'll come. They have to come."

I furrowed my brow at the statement. "And how, pray tell, do you know this?"

He shrugged again. "Just a feeling. They care about us too much to just leave without putting up a fight. Besides, even if they couldn't tell us goodbye in a physical sense, they would send us some kind of goodbye message mentally."

I sighed and frowned, stirring my mushy cereal around in my bowl just to watch the cinnamon swirl around in the milk. "Unless Xemnas did something so they can't talk to us…" I mumbled dejectedly.

Roxas sighed and rolled his eyes. "You're too emo today."

He stood from the table and carried his bowl to the sink. I glared at his back the entire time. I was about to open my mouth and throw a retort at him when he turned around and smiled.

"Remember that comet?"

I started for a moment and cocked my head to the side, thinking back. Comet? Oh…that comet. The one that I saw and no one else claimed to see, leading me to believe once and for all that I was insane like I had really thought myself to be.

I nodded, chewing on my lip thoughtfully. "Yeah, why?"

"You're gonna hate me for this, but you're not the only one who saw it," he said, that same smile on his face.

I sighed. Like I hadn't seen that coming. "Why did you hide it from me for so long? Do you know how crazy I thought I was back then?"

He shrugged. "It just… I dunno actually. It was only a sign that warned of Axel and Riku coming here, so I didn't think that it was _that_ important. Well…would have been a warning if you had known what it meant. Didn't you notice that it disappeared the night after they started at the school?"

I frowned. Once I really thought about it, he was right. I was surprised I hadn't made the connection myself. I mean, that comet had been such a constant in my life for that entire month. I felt kind of stupid for not being able to make my own conclusions about it.

"Yeah," I said after a minute or two, "you're right. But you still could have said something about it. It would have been nice to know that I wasn't crazy."

He shrugged. "Sorry."

"You better be," I said with a smile.

He rolled his eyes and returned to the table to grab my bowl and drop it in the sink before he plopped back down into the chair across from me, a thoughtful look on his face. I kicked him in the shin this time to grab his attention. I laughed at the glare I got. It was probably a mirror image of what my own had been.

"What?" he grumbled.

"You're too emo today," I said with a smirk.

The glare I was expecting never came. Instead, he laughed heartily, throwing his head back, and soon I was laughing with him. It felt nice to laugh and almost made me forget about the heavy cloud of worry that was hanging over my shoulders. _Almost_. I probably would have forgotten about it completely if it wasn't for the sharp knock at the front door and the startled glance Roxas shot toward it.

"Just a second," he called and pushed away from the table, motioning with a tip of his head for me to follow him.

I nodded and did as he bid silently. I could have died when he pulled the door open. Standing there, in all of their smug glory, were Axel and Riku. They smiled at us tenderly. Axel laughed a bit at what I guessed were the surprised looks on our faces.

"Sorry it took so long," he said.

"And why the _hell_ did you take so long?" Roxas said with a glare, though I could hear the humor and relief in his voice.

Axel smiled and shrugged, enveloping the blonde in his arms for an answer instead of using words. Roxas giggled quietly and happily obliged when Axel pressed their lips together furiously.

I tore my eyes away from them with a smile on my face and lost myself in Riku's eyes. They were so sad. I smiled tenderly and went to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside so I could close the door, before I pressed my lips against his tenderly. He sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist loosely before he returned the kiss, running his tongue against my bottom lip gently. I happily gave him entry and we indulged ourselves in a healthy game of tonsil hockey before pulling away from each other breathlessly.

Riku smiled and rested his forehead against mine, kissing me between the eyes softly.

"I was starting to get scared," I whispered.

He nodded. "I was too. I'm sorry it took us so long. My father and brother are bastards."

I laughed and shook my head. "No worries. What matters is that you were able to come before you left. I probably would have never been able to move on if you have just left."

He sighed. "Me either. I would have hated myself."

Smiling, I kissed him softly. "I love you," I whispered.

He returned the kiss and smiled when we pulled apart. "And I you."

My smile grew and I kissed him one last time before pulling away, though I locked my hand in his. I didn't care what anyone said, there was no way that I was going to be denied contact with Riku today. Who knew when I would have the chance to touch him again?

It seemed that Roxas and Axel had the same idea. They were already sitting on the couch, but Roxas was snuggled up against Axel's side, eyes closed, with one of Axel's arms across his shoulders. Their hands were lying intertwined in front of them.

I tugged on Riku's hand gently and pulled him to the chair. He sat down first and I crawled into his lap, resting my head against his shoulder while his arms around my waist held me tightly to him.

The silence that filled the room after that was nice. It wasn't awkward or suffocating, but full of relief and love. I never wanted it to end, even though I was aware of the painful truth that it had to.

"Where is Xemnas opening the gate for you?" Roxas was the first to break the silence, though he never opened his eyes.

"London," was all Axel said.

Roxas "ah"ed and opened his eyes. "That's where Ansem opened the gate for Kairi and Naminé, as well. What happened to the New York gate?"

Axel shrugged. "No idea, but I guess something happened if they're only going to use the London one. It kinda sucks. London is such a long way away. My ass is gonna hurt so bad by the time we land."

The four of us laughed. We couldn't help it. It was so Axel to put a sarcastic spin on something that was so damned serious. But it was a good thing. If we could laugh about the fact that they were going to be leaving, maybe it would make it a little easier to say goodbye when the time finally came.

"I just hope the gate is easier to cross through this time than it was last time," Riku muttered.

I frowned and tipped my head back to look at him. He smiled, brushing my bangs away from my eyes gently.

"What was so difficult about it last time?" I muttered.

He and Axel laughed, and Riku shook his head. "It felt like we were being torn apart from the inside. It hurt so bad."

Axel nodded. "Yeah. I think I threw up for like half an hour after we got out. It wasn't a pretty sight."

Riku laughed and sighed. "But that was a long time ago. We were only kids then, so we should be able to take it this time around…"

"…we hope." Axel finished Riku's sentence with a broad smile and pulled Roxas closer to him so he could kiss the top of his head. "It's not like it lasts forever, though. Only about thirty seconds. But it's pretty close to the worst thirty seconds of your life. You all will find out when it's your turn to go through."

Roxas snorted and I tensed a little bit in Riku's arms. He sense it and looked at me in question, but wasn't able to say anything before Axel spoke up.

"You guys _are_ going back, aren't you?"

I sighed and Roxas shook his head. Axel looked back and forth between the two of us incredulously before his eyes settled on the silent Riku. I glanced up and saw that he had locked eyes with Axel, just daring the redhead to say something. And, of course, Axel had never learned to shut up.

"What shit story did you feed them, Riku? What were you thinking? You honestly think they can run and get away?"

Riku shrugged and chose not to say anything. I looked to Roxas and saw that he wasn't planning on opening his mouth anytime soon either. Sighing, I knew that it was me who was going to have to explain.

"It's not Riku's fault, Axel. Well…okay, so yeah he's the one that first gave me the idea to try and run, but he didn't tell us any story to get us to go with him. Roxas was never planning on returning in the first place. He just wanted to make sure he had my consent before he dragged me off with him."

Axel watched me quietly for a couple of seconds before he turned his eyes to his boyfriend and whapped him hard across the back of the head.

"Ah, what the _fuck_, Axel?"

"You were planning on running all this time and you didn't tell me?"

Roxas glared at him and shrugged. "What's it matter? I knew you weren't going to agree with it, and I'm going to run anyway, so what would have been the use of starting the argument?"

Axel continued the harsh glaring match for a whole of five minutes before he sighed heavily and hung his head. "You're right. Sorry."

Roxas' glare turned soft and he ran a gentle hand back through Axel's wild mane of hair. He started briefly then sighed into the gesture, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Roxas' head.

I couldn't help but smile at the two of them, sighing when Riku tightened his arms around my waist and buried his face in my hair. I smiled and closed my eyes while snuggling into his chest. The silence that fell was comfortable and, once again, I wanted to stay that way forever, even though I knew that we couldn't.

"I can't believe that they want to break this up," I muttered, voicing my thoughts.

Riku chuckled quietly and kissed my temple. "Well, I don't think either of us are going to be winning the 'everyone's favorite couple' award anytime soon, Love."

I sighed and shrugged. "What's it matter? We love each other. Why can't they accept that? Is it really so disgusting?"

Roxas snorted. "Not only are we Angelic and Dark Seraphs, but we're males. Even if we could reproduce, we'd give birth to Shadow Seraphs who would be damned to wander around Kōryōtaru Jimen for the rest of their lives. Not a very good outlook."

I frowned and glared at Roxas, though he wasn't looking at me. Finally, when I realized that he wasn't paying attention to me, I sighed and leaned my head back against Riku.

Silence fell again and we were each lost in our own thoughts. I couldn't help but wonder what they were thinking about. Did they have the same childish wishes that I had? Or had they already come to terms with what was going to happen? It wouldn't surprise me if they had. I _was_ the weakest out of the group after all.

Axel coughed and Riku jumped and I was pulled out of my thoughts. I looked at the redhead in question and saw that Roxas was looking up at him with sadness in his eyes. Axel had locked eyes with Riku.

"It's time, isn't it?" I whispered.

Axel sighed and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms securely around Roxas.

I frowned and turned around Riku's lap so I was straddling him. I held his face tenderly in my hands while tears formed in my eyes. "You have to leave now, don't you?"

He nodded and I roughly pulled our mouths together. He resisted at first, but gave in after a couple of seconds and took control. I was happy to oblige and moved my hands into his hair while his roamed ceaselessly over my body. Our tongues rubbed against each other and our moans twined together in the air. When we pulled apart to breathe, we dared not look away from each other.

"I love you, Sora, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise," he whispered.

I nodded. "I love you too."

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he pulled me to him in a compassionate hug. He held me tight around the waist, and when he sighed, his breath tickled my ear.

"…I'll be you're crying shoulder, and I'll be love suicide. And I'll be better when I'm older. I'll be the greatest fan of your life…"

An almost silent sob slipped past my lips at the lyrics that were whispered in my ear, and I buried my face in the crook of Riku's shoulder. He sighed and pulled me away so he could kiss away my tears before he picked me up. He stood and set me back down in the chair with a sad smile on his face.

"We still have the link. I'll make sure to let you know how things are going, okay?"

I nodded, too afraid to trust my mouth and speak. That sad smile touched his lips again and he leaned down to press his lips to mine in a chaste kiss before he made his way to the door. Axel was waiting for him patiently. Roxas was standing next to the couch with wide, tearful eyes. I went to him and twined our fingers together for some kind of support. He didn't even flinch.

"Don't worry," Axel said with a wink. "We'll be seeing ya. It won't be another thousand years this time, trust us."

Riku nodded behind him. "Yeah. No worries."

Roxas and I nodded curtly…and then they were gone. A nonexistent breeze played with our bangs briefly before it disappeared, and we were alone.

I did the first thing that I could think to do. I pulled my hand out of Roxas' and returned to our bedroom, where I unceremoniously collapsed onto my futon and screamed my fucking lungs out into the pillow. Every scream got louder and louder until my voice was cracking and tears were pouring down my face. I didn't even realize that Roxas had entered the room and was holding me until I took the time for a deep breath.

"Stop it, Sora. You're only making it worse!" he shouted. I could hear the tears in his voice.

I shook my head. "Don't tell me to stop. They're gone, Roxas," I shouted. "_Gone_. We're never going to see them again."

I saw him reel back but didn't have time to react before his palm connected with my cheek and sharp pain ran up my face. My sobs and fighting ceased immediately. A surprised hand went up to my face instead, cradling my injured cheek while I watched Roxas seethe above me.

"You can't break down on me, Sora. Not now. Because if we're not strong now, there's no way that we're going to be able to make it out in there when we run. We have to prove that we can do it."

I only continued to stare at him, at a loss for words though my tears had started to pick up again. He smiled and settled down with me on the futon, an arm thrown across my waist.

"_Goodnight, sleep tight  
__No more tears  
__In the morning  
__I'll be here…"_

He sang the lullaby that he had been singing to me for the entire week, but only then did its words finally hit me. I blinked out of my stupor and sighed, letting Roxas' voice take me over as he finished it out.

"…_And when we say goodnight  
__Dry your eyes  
__Because we said goodnight  
__And not goodbye  
__We said goodnight  
__And not goodbye."_

When Maho got home from work and went into our room to check on us, she found us asleep together on the futon, holding each other tenderly with our foreheads pressed together.

**-OWARI-**

**-----------------------------------------------------------**

A/N: Tada!! And so here ends part one of _Lost Heaven_. _::cries::_ I'm beyond sad to see it end, but I have to finish one thing before I can move onto the next, I guess…

Anyone remember the comet?? Hehe…did ya think I forgot about it? I actually did for a bit, then I was like "Whoa, whoa, whoa…I need to resolve that…." So I did… And how was Namine? I'm sooo glad that I added her…_::glomps ku::_… She was "blunt, and not very sensitive"… LoL… I loved that quote from **"Dig"**…

I had a lot of fun writing this part of the series. I swore that this would be the last thing I wrote that had any ties to cutting besides _Rayne_, mainly because _Rayne_ was started before this fic was even a twinkle in my eye. I think the hardest thing for me to write for me to write was Sora's mom…the psycho bitch from hell. The little sadistic person in me liked writing her character, though, because I've never written anyone like her before. Aside from that, I think the "lemon" was the hardest part because…well…it was just hard for me to set the mood and get it right, but I'm glad that you all seemed to like how it flowed…

**10 Things I Plan to Do Over Break...  
****1)** meet **kuriqa **for the first time…who I once again want to thank for all of her help. I'm glad that we seem to work on the same brain wave…15 more days, ku!!…  
**2) **have fun at Thunder over Louisville. Act like an idiot…like usual...  
**3)** work on planning and writing part two, which still doesn't have a title…_::sighs::_…Any ideas for a title would be gratefully appreciated, even though you don't know the plot. You _do_ know, however, that they're going to be running…_::winks::_…  
**4)** finish my website, where I'm posting _all_ of my writing…original and fan fics…OSTs for the fics and other useful tidbits…  
**5)** attempt to finish writing **"Solitude"** and **"Lips of an Angel" **and get a bit further on **"Summer Nights"** (my next big project)…all are KH fics…  
**6) **work on my fan art of Sora and Roxas in their Halloween costumes and of the Organization XIII band...  
**7)** attempt to finish the next chapter of that fantabulous _Gravitation_ vampire fic, **"Unbeating Heartache"**…  
**8)** work on **_Pulse_** so I can start posting it to fictionpress…attempt to work on **_Rayne_**…  
**9) **study for finals?? LoL…  
**10)** procrastinate my ass off…

Soooo..there are my plans. Only the first four are really set in stone, though I'm hoping to at least touch the other ones briefly. And, as I've said before, the break may be longer than a month because of finals and the visit from my ku. Once I start posting, I'm hoping to have it finished before I have to head back to school in the fall, which will give me about four months to get it done. I think I can do it…

Gianormous, mucho, mucho thanks goes to…  
**bloodredthunderstorm **and** Black Juju** for being my first reviewers and sticking in with me through the end…  
**prophetofdoomy  
AbnormallyWeirdPerson** for being totally awesome. Your reviews always kick my ass…_::glomps::_…  
**kuriqa**, of course, for being you and nipping me in the ass whenever I needed to get to work in these last few chapters. You really saved me…  
**TorringMay  
Lirici**, though I wish you hadn't stopped reading…_::hugs::_…Hope you're well, Li-chan…  
**SoraSakura  
Vaed  
Tysonkaiexperiment  
catwomen47** because your reviews always made me smile…  
**OtakuLady**  
**Vedevria  
Marimo** for cracking me up. Your reviews were always great. Thanks for making me constantly smile…_::hugs::_…  
**lostlovedeath  
Li Michal** because your review was AWESOME!! Hehe… I hope you followed to the end…  
**AJ Can't Hackit  
PagenGoddessOfTime  
Lady Karai** for honoring me by reading my fic. _::squees:: _I really still am honored that you chose to read…hehe…_::hugs::_…Thank you…  
**DaggerForFate** for your goofiness. Hehe…_::hugs::_…I hope all's well, Nyx…  
**sora's lil cute lover  
TwilightMystery  
CrazedPanda93**

Thank you guys so much for your continued love and support. Of course, you're the ones who kept me going. I hope to hear from you all again next time…and possibly even from those of you who have been following but not reviewing. _::winks::_ Hehe…

Sooo…because I want to, here are a few KH fics/authors I recommend for anyone who wants something new to read…

**"When the Circus Came to Town" **by **Mad-TopHat-Ter **(in-progress)**  
"Artifice" **and **"Caller Number Nine" **by **Katraa **(complete)  
"**Vagabonds" **by **Kesiala **(in-progress)**  
"I'm Still Here"** by **AsaHane **(complete)**  
"Dance With Me" **by **Lady Karai **(complete)**  
"Another Vampire Story With Slash And All That Jazz"** by **AbnormallyWeirdPerson **(in-progress)**  
"Boring System" **by **comeandgetmebabe **(in-progress)  
anything by **Dualism  
**anything by **painthesilence  
**anything by **XO'MagickMoon'OX**

I hope you all enjoy them as much as I did. They're great. Sorry to those of you who have already read them all…

I apologize for any typos and stuff in this chapter. I actually _did_ edit this chapter, but I may have missed something, seeing that I edited it while eating breakfast...Hehe...

And with that, I say thank you one more time and goodbye…for now…_::glomps everyone::_…

Kolie  
Page 12  
1:17 AM  
Tuesday, April 3, 2007


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